Ask Seed

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 4 + FIN Commentary

2007-12-01T15:40:00.000-08:00

My memoir will be published soon.
It is also on the verge of being optioned and turned into a movie.
Both the book and movie will become rousing successes!

A stroke of my…

Before I dive head first into the bushy hallow life of Mr. & Madame X --- a pause was required to drink in a bit of praise for the Ask Seed factory. FIN, thanks for the appreciation, it’s what glazes my soul.

…ego!

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 4 + FIN Commentary

Hello my Brother, Guru of Relationships, Man of Knowledge and just plain my best Friend.

How was that for a greeting?

I loved it. Great analysis and advice. And the photo at the end: beyond words......

Mr. X's "problem" is so symptomatic of relationships today. He is the problem. It is the first woman he ever slept with and he married her. He can't let go and that is exactly what will cause it to never work out. He refuses to give her time and the chance to work out her shit and get her life together.

He is trying (although he claims he isn't) to force a decision in his favor. I think you're right: how manipulative.

And I must correct myself in saying that he has no self esteem. That only applies to relationships. He is indeed arrogant, because he thinks that talking himself into "saving his marriage" and "thinking things out, the way they are supposed to be" is a substitute for a loving relationship with a partner (in this case his wife, who apparently can't decide between him and Doc India).

Sounds like he should date himself.

Take care, my Brother - once again, excellent work!!

Later

FIN

It’s been awhile since I’ve ventured down the salty toxic love path of the Xs. I suggest if you’re not up to speed with this train wreck of a relationship --- visit the table of contents on the left, read the previous X q & a chapters, sit back, enjoy. You may even stumble across a picture of my ~~penis~~ kitty if you look hard enough.

Now where was I?

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 5

Here is an update on the continuing saga of Mr. X.

Was talking to him the other day.

Told me he was going out with some friends to have a few drinks and hang out. I thought "great, a chance to live a bit and get his mind off Mrs. X".

If it were only that easy. While out with his friends, he received a text message from Mrs. X. She "wanted to speak to him" and was out in a nearby bar.

Mr. X replied: "Let's talk tomorrow" (thinking "I am having a good time for once...")

Mrs. X said: "It is really important, I must see you. Let's meet in 10 minutes in front of Bar X."

Mr. X: "OK."

Ten minutes later...

Mrs. X: "I really miss you."

Mr. X: "OK." (Thinking: "That is information I could have been able to use five months ago if you hadn't decided to cheat on me with Doc. fucking India.). "I am going home now."

In any case, he no longer was in the mood to hang out with friends. He went home, she went back to the bar she had been in and hung with her friends. I can only hope for him that he doesn't fall for the "I miss you" line. If he does, then he can "miss her" too, when she heads off to Harvard and Doc. India....

The next day at work he received a call from her. She was totally pissed off and asked in the manner and tone of an inquisitor: "Who have you told about us? Did you tell my sister? Your parents? How could you?!" His otherwise normal day was ruined and he could only think about the situation.

The thing is, Mr. and Mrs. X have a number of common friends, her sister is together with a good friend of his. This situation has its advantages when things are rosy. Yet, when someone decides to fuck everything up by cheating and disrespecting their partner, the situation can become uncomfortable.

In any case, Mr. X answered: "I talked to people because I needed to. I didn't tell them the details but I have every right to talk about the situation."

Wow, I can understand that Mrs. X may not feel good amongst friends and acquaintances who have been filled in on the situation. However, she caused the situation in the first place and shouldn't wonder that it could become "uncomfortable".

Why are people so fucking selfish?

FIN

Dear FIN

Welcome back friend. Did you miss me? Well, did you? Tell me, tell me, tell me!

Of course you did. Sometimes when I get really lubricated on a combination of Absinthe, Orange Whips and Cheetos, I fall into a maze-like labyrinth of confusion, being swallowed by 1000s of velvety furry arms which are reaching out and caressing my emotional state where bliss meets sexuality, culminating in a cornucopia of pleasure and guilt. At first while still clothed the gentle whips of the fur covered arms scare me --- as layers of clothes are ripped from my taught body, shit I forgot to wear underwear, and the Absinthe begins to quash reason, the strokes turn from fear to something much more euphoric, I heave, my breathing becomes sallow. Lights of color flash before me. Red, green, blue, red again. Heat engulfs me, my pulse races and my being becomes vascular until I can take no more. Another stroke, that’s the spot, and release! Sweat beads on my forehead and I gasp for air as I try to regain composure. Ewe… the Cheeto dust clumps.

Sobriety returns, I too missed me. Welcome back me!

Why are people so selfish?

Before I get to the question I need to shower. Just a sec… come with me. Turn, turn, turn… about midway on the dial. Nice, warm, toasty warm, a little lather and…

“She came from Providence. One in Rhode Island. Where the old world shadows hang heavy in the air. She packed her hopes and dreams like a refugee. Just as her father came across the sea. She heard about a place people were smiling. They spoke about…

…I don‘t know why. You call someplace paradise, kiss it good bye.”

Hop out dripping wet, grab a towel, gentle on the balls, back, neck, some more ball time, and refreshed.

Selfish?

Cause is the answer. Selfishness is only removed, for the most part, when life knocks you down and when you get up and pry your eyes open, in my case, eye open, and you see things for what they are. Complete with all of the glorious dysfunction. Mr. & Mrs. X are just doing what people do --- fucking each other up emotionally. I hate judgment, however, it’s very apparent they were never meant to be together. Mr. X can try to debate that if he thinks it will sway the opinions of…I don’t even know who. Most people don’t care. “FIN” you’re a good friend to him as you are willing to be subjected to his insanity. Unfortunately, the Xs are like most, we live in a brilliant world and an astonishing universe, both of which are indefinable expanses of opportunity and excitement. Man however, seems to have this predisposition to destroy themselves.

time for some deep seed rigmarole...

Everyone begins life’s journey selfish. It’s ingrained in us starting at birth and it continues during childhood, for most. We walk down these paths where if we are raised in a loving environment we are showered with praise, protection and love, and if the shower is excessive, we become entitled. This deposits us in a place where reference to the pain of others is removed and compassion usually falls into writing a cheque to some worthy cause, which we think gives us the right to continue down the road of marginal. Beholden to no one. But only on the surface.

The longer one goes without experiencing trauma, the less they understand, a positive product of selfish, these people usually get what they want. They expect it. Whether that is, financial success, sex, ‘pretend’ love, and basically, everything. In fact, the longer one goes unscathed, selfish is all they can be as they’ve lived in a reality that is unsustainable. When trauma finally visits these people they’re often lacking depth and struggle with recovery. Instead of becoming less selfish, they act out. They become belligerent, and they demand the smooth ride to continue.

When their friends face trauma, they usually can’t handle it, don’t want to hear about it, and offer shallow words, “a lot of people.” Which hurts deeply and leaves the one suffering in more pain. Fair-weather comes to mind.

As for those who aren’t raised in a loving environment. Selfish is often the only way. It’s their way to fight for survival. These individuals are deeply damaged and finding self is likely to be a life long struggle. Along their journey there are shouts for attention. To be noticed. They try to suppress the pain by covering it in a heavy cloak and avoiding confronting it. It festers, and never heals. It can’t. Closure isn’t an option because no answer to the betrayal they’ve experienced can soothe their soul. So, they resist evolving and have a tendency to sabotage everything good that comes their way. Again, ingrained, they’ve been conditioned to believe they’re not good enough, never will be, and ultimately don’t deserve to be.

The pain they experience often manifests itself in: brilliance, substance abuse, alcohol abuse, sexual promiscuity, more brilliance, and bursts of success followed by crashing falls from grace. People are drawn to them, but can’t understand or define them so they periodically lash out at these broken individuals. “You’re not like the rest of us.” Hurtful words that in essence brings hope. Not like the rest… Is that the birthplace of genius?

There is hope, some of the neglected learn to cope, they develop a keen sense for dysfunction, they don’t judge, they just see things for what they think they are! And, they express those thoughts. The neglected are the best friends to have when the inevitable trauma hits home for others because instead of, “a lot of people were.” They offer silence and comfort. They have reference, therefore, they understand calming actions are far greater than subjective words.

Regardless of where one comes from if an individual pulls off their tinted glasses and drinks in both the beauty and the tragic fucking mess the world has to offer, then, and only then, can they cast aside selfishness and have a positive impact on life.

In fact: it’s the responsibility of those who “are not like the rest” to steer the world into the next phase in the evolution of mankind!

FIN (who represents good), a transformation in thought is taking place for me. I still think there is a lot of crap out there. God, here comes the bolt, is ~~f#@king~~ messing up. Don’t take that too seriously, God. If you’re listening, I’m sure you’ve got a plan for the betterment of life. You do, don’t you? All this killing, war, racism, hatred and shit, there is a point to all the suffering, right? Sorry for distracting you, I’ll let you get back to it. If you’d like some of my suggestions: fire me an e-mail. The addy is… I don’t need to tell you, you know it! *SMILE*

As for my transformation: The world and the universe are brilliant places and it is our responsibility to focus on the good and to suppress the bad. Be aware, but let it die off in the background. Just imagine if everyone on this rock stopped buying into the divisive hatred our hearts are filled with by our politicians and corporate juggernauts, what incredible shifts in the quality and meaning of life would instantly take place.

We all bleed red. And fuck the powers that be for trying to divide us, keep us down, indebted, and looking over our shoulders. Most people, although selfish, just want to find a way to be happy. We’re collectively being corrupted by manufactured needs that lead to greed, selfishness, and hatred. We’re precariously close to blowing this whole thing up due to these elements. Must keep others out… we’re protecting our ways of life. Buying stuff! Can’t let others buy stuff! It’s ours. Newsflash: the stuff is overpriced and it’s for the most part, crap. I’m a capitalist --- but at the same time I see things for what they are. I could be wrong. NAH!

Anyway, last blast of seriousness. It’s time to rewrite some of the fundamental rules for the world. These are my suggestions and they carry no religious or political agenda with them. It’s time to rid the shall not and bring everything current. Shall not is laced with guilt and what do you do when someone challenges you?.. that’s right, rebel.

seed’s eight laws of life

Let others die of natural causes.
If it’s not yours, leave it alone unless you ask politely to borrow it.
Let others live their own lives. Translation: As long as they’re not hurting you, leave them be. They may be fucked up. But they are going to let you die of natural causes and they’re not messing with your stuff, so leave them alone. Check your ego at the door and understand we can’t save others. There is no merit badge for it… so quit it. All you can do for someone in trouble is listen, offer comfort and a smile.
Don’t fuck up the Children. Don’t you get it dumb-ass the world belongs to them, not you.
Clean up a little bit before you leave.
Smile and be kind to others.
Only get married if your relationship is not work!
Friends are just that, friends. They’re not gay, straight, black, white, burgundy, covered with furry tentacles, or anything else. As said, just friends. With one exception: when you are referring to me you can say, “My deceptively hot friend who has a brilliantly sized explosive package.” Okay!

Penalty for noncompliance, it’s simple, you don’t get to play anymore. Harsh! Sure, but just think seed’s eight laws could replace the gazillion that we’re faced with everyday. We wouldn’t need the others. No more $150 fines for idling your vehicle for more than 3 minutes. And damn it! No more cleaning schedules on the fucking fridge! I live alone and even mine isn’t working.

No more bazillion % divorce rate as people would finally stop following the flawed formula of love. If it takes a lot of work, you’re either not ready for marriage, or you’re not with the right one. Argue till your head explodes. Look at the Xs, what’s their chance for happily ever after if they get back together?

…end of deep seed rigmarole

As for the Xs: they're both selfish. They don’t know any other way. Hopefully they evolve and realize selfish is greed and it is filled with hurt. And until the world changes, with a little nurturing from each of us who’ve evolved, selfish is just the way it’s going to be. However, one-by-one as the pain intensifies, people will begin to realize the way to a better future is wrapped in an embrace and a smile!

Hey, I was just wondering: Why don’t the Xs just drink at their own bar?

remember you asked

the seed

postscript 1

Where’d I put my towel. Mmm… Cheeto dust. Yummy!

postscript 2

Go buy our first book at http://www.seedenterprises.com/

postscript 3

I’m not nuts!

postscript 4

Don‘t forget to subscribe to ask seed for your regular fix!

question 30: ewooo

2007-10-27T09:32:00.000-07:00

question 30: ewooooo

Dear Seed

Hi, what an interesting life you have led...

i thought mine was a little bit different not the usual 2.4 children married for 20 yrs plus.. but would trade mine for yours any day...Wow i do envy you...

the people the places you have visited and known...can you tell me one thing though please...how do you afford to live...what pays your rent??.

..ok maybe your books now but in the beginning how did you do it??..

what came first ...the books or the travailing?...

Sorry for hassling you...

Lov Rx

Dear Lov Rx

Quit hassling me… I’m trying to relax here. I’ve got a plane to catch. I’m training to become a midwife. Baseballs on the tube. Locusts… I tripped. Aliens have invaded. I can’t find a clean towel. Just leave me alone… how dare you interrupt my Saturday morning --- more than a year after you’ve asked the question?

“Seed?”

“Yes.”

“Just because you’re answering the query now doesn’t mean what you’re doing now is relevant, fool.”

“But…”

“No buts. No buts.”

Okay, where was I, illustrating, that’s where, I was illustrating the fact that I’ve put myself out there, and since I’ve done this unprovoked, “Inquisitor”, you’re not bugging (hassling) me at all. I’m more than happy to ramble for you.

Do you want to know what is bugging me?

TALK RADIO! That’s right, talk radio, more precisely, any talk radio that has to do with sports. Scotty Rintoul, do you actually listen to how self-absorbed and ridiculous you sound?

I’ll wait for your answer.

A word to the wise… who cares if he plays harder, skates faster, blah, blah, fucking blah… it’s just sports, and at the end of the day, life goes on. Shouldn’t we be more worried about the perils of the planet and the rate of extinction that we’re all facing today… "no," you don’t think so, "Scotty," you think we’re better served by being distracted by you, and million dollar --- highly overpaid athletes. I know, I know… they're only earning what the market will bear. Well, I say, “Sheep of the World,” it is time for us all to pull our heads out of the sand and collapse the fucking market.

I suggest: biting your tongue as I rant a little more: Sports, celebrity, and unchecked capitalism, although natural to man, isn’t to mother nature, and unfortunately, we’re too dumb to see what is coming down the pike. I’m not apocalyptic, however, headline: EXPERTS SAY THE NUMBERS OF GEESE ARE A PROBLEM AND IT IS NECESSARY TO DO A CULL.

Mother Nature says: A GLOBAL POPULATION OF 7... 8... 9 BILLION IS FAR TOO TAXING ON ME, THEREFORE, CULL, CULL, CULL, FUCKING CULL.

But we’re humans, we’re not part of nature.

We’re above all other creatures… we think, we’re logical…

True, true… but we’re logically working towards extinction and we’re even using catch phrases to make it sexy: CARBON FOOTPRINT, SHOCK & AWE… it’s easier to sell us, The Sheep, if we… sex it up a bit.

In the end… naturally, we’ll destroy ourselves… cause, collectively, we’re all trainable lemmings who’ve bought into crap. We dump millions and millions of gallons of water on fires trying to save million dollar homes in places that we had no business over-building, while at the same time, Atlanta, runs dry, and will soon become uninhabitable?

Apparently, without water ---- living gets tougher.

We’ve placed homes above people, why?

Cause the fires are far sexier than a drought --- and sexier sells advertising. And, because action shots of a drought are initially far less spectacular, with the emphasis on initially.

And another thing, further off topic I might add, Joe Leary (talk radio host), yes, Joe Leary, when you are claiming to be as smart as fifth graders, I’d think a little bit about the wording of your statements: “I think I’m smarter than most fifth graders, I consider myself very well appraised* of things…”

“Rx,” sweetie, if you’re a girl, hell, even if you’re a man, anyway, my life isn’t for trade, it’s mine and you can’t have it… what’s so challenging, boring, undervalued, unappeasable in your life that you would even consider dumping if for mine?

Mine is not all glamour. It seems like I’m a jetsetter --- all an illusion created by over-consuming spicy foods and malt liquor.

Embrace your life, it’s yours, the crap, the gems, the tenderness and the additional crap. Survive it. Kiss it. Hug it. And most important, laugh at it. You may ask where am I going with this?

A query shrouded in vagueness, receives a reply that is also vague.

As for envy… STOP THAT… envy is a large portion of the fuck the world equation of mankind. We envy, which creates: wants, which creates: artificial need, which creates: competition, over the stupidest things I might add, ask Mr. Rintoul, which in-turn creates: the number one element of our destruction: ~~unchecked radical religious factions~~ greed, resulting in a widening gap between the haves and the have-nots. The Hiltons and the Rx’s. The Spears and me. The pro athlete and the fan. And we eat it up cause we’ve been conditioned. We’ve all become extensions of greed and our out-of-control pursuit of wealth. We’ve all become walking talking conduits of the marketing campaigns.

Don’t believe me?

Go for a walk. Listen carefully to conversations… do you hear it?

“I love your shirt, where’d you get it?” “You must go to… it’s fabulous.” “Grab me a coke.” “How much did you get that for?” “This restaurant is fantastic, you must go.” “Must buy.” “Got a good deal.” Blah, blah, fucking blah…

Past how are you, I estimate at least eighty-percent of conversation pertains to what’s really important, stuff… you’ve just been served a dash of sarcasm.

My challenge to you: stop the envy parade and try to focus on: I love you, I care about… just for one day… bet you can’t!

“Rx,” get your ass on the dance floor…

Sorry about that, Eve is playing in the background and I was distracted.

If you’ve read this far, you’re probably not too envious anymore.

“You’re nuts, Seed.”

“How’d you get your fingers on my keyboard? I prefer, burdened.”

Finally, a stab at answering your question: The people, the places?.. How do I afford it?

I haven’t traveled that much, and the traveling I’ve done has been over the course of my life. It’s not as extreme as you make it out to be and as a matter of fact, I haven’t been anywhere in the last four years, unless the store counts. Please tell me it counts… I’m going stir crazy here.

Afford it?

I can’t afford not to. I’m sticking with the one life to live formula, so in that spirit, if traveling leaves me in an impecunious state, so be it. If I can't afford food --- I’ll chow down on our heavily flavored polluted air, breathing must have a caloric value, don’t you think?

Maybe that is why a starving Globe is becoming deliciously obese… irony lives.

The people?

I’m just open to conversation, both absurd, abstract, wacky, occasionally deep, all finished off with a slice of cantaloupe. People are here to be talked to, if not… what good are we?.. oh yeah, worker bees and well conditioned consumers.

How do I afford to live --- and ~~what~~ who pays your rent?

Living, well the other option is dying, therefore, whether I’m in the gutter or a flame engulfed home of the rich and famous, I afford what I can because I’m not ready to die yet.

As for paying my rent: Harry Potter, I wrote the Harry Potter books.

“No you didn’t.”

Okay, I need you to go out and buy, I don’t know, a billion copies of my our first book… go… now. I pay my rent, not through the sale of my books, although one day I hope that is the case. I do whatever I have to do to stay indoors, and at times it has been a struggle, to say the least.

“Rx,” life is about living and embracing it, we’ve all been ushered, in my opinion, down the wrong paths for a long time now, that’s why so many people have tons of stuff, but aren’t happy and think they want something else. A different life. More stuff. Whatever. I feel we’ve all been distracted by crap and we’ve for the most part bought into the distraction, causing us all to spiral upward in the quest for wealth and spiral downward in the destruction of our souls.

Translation: we’re just doing what man has naturally been conditioned to do. In a sense: fuck each other over, most of the time with a ~~smile~~ smirk on our face. I’ve reached the point where I don’t want to buy anymore, and I definitely don’t want to do what the others do. It may not save the world, but it will certainly make my journey on this rock more pleasurable.

By the way, where’d did you get your shoes, I love them?

One last thought: embrace life, live it, and be good to others. All others, cause if Atlanta is out of water… others may be migrating to your neighborhood soon, on a global scale.… Joe Leary has just been appraised of that.

remember you asked

the seed

*Appraised --- I’ve changed my mind… Joe, it’s far too easy and I’ve been, for many years, undervalued.

Up next: Another installment in the deliciously, salaciously, intoxicating world of Mr. X.

Cranking it up again!

2007-10-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

Here we go again...

...after a lengthy hiatus, Ask Seed, is about to get its motor running again and tackle your life dilemmas. We apologize profusely for our absence and promise not to ever disappear again. We also promise to answer each and everyone of your questions in the order we’ve received them.

So, tag along with us and prepare yourself to be riveted and inspired by our insipid ramblings.

If you’ve been wondering: Where’ve you been Seed’s?
.

Well, we’ve been:

Cleaning.
Doing the laundry.
Choking the chicken.
Loping the mule.
One of us had some sex.
The dishes had piled up and it was time to do something about it.
Evicting thieving flat mates.
Mastur…
Cooking turkeys.
Counseling ninjas.
Euro Seed believed he could fly…
And, last, but not least, napping.

But none of that matters, cause, we’re back. To slowly bring you back up to speed, won’t you join us on a photo journey (below, scroll way down, keep going, to the bottom of the page)?

Well, won’t you?

It’s good to be back! :)

Cool Slideshows

the question queue

2007-10-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

the question queue

think

During our rest and our corresponding search for a towel, the questions kept coming. And to be honest: we dropped the ball. We’ve managed to pick up the said ball and we’ll blasting our way carefully through the list of questions below. We’ll be doing this in the order they come in. This will allow you, the questioner, to know when you’re on deck. It will also allow you to peruse the life dilemmas of other wearied souls and to see if your heartache may be addressed before we reach your query.

Read, enjoy, ponder, or fire a question our way at askseed@hotmail.com and we promise to eventually fire back our thoughts.

Note: the questions have not been edited in any way: Grammar, spelling or punctuation. We’ve decided to leave them true to form.

Note #2. The sequel: We’re working on a table of contents. Once done, it will allow you to follow quick links to all of the questions and answers.

skewed

question: 31 a & b

Hi Seed,

i'm (42) together with my girlfried (38) with her 9 year old son for exactly one year now.

We really had a great time together so far. Regarding our age and the fact that we do not live together until now i've talked to her about making plans for our future together (including living togehter and have a child together - which she wants by herself too btw). She lives together with her sister and their little son as well with her parents in a semidetached house and even thinking of moving from there (even a few miles) and move together causes her "panic attacks".

laser eyes of death set on target: check.

After beeing skiing together last weekend she told me that she needs to be alone this evening.

The next day i wrote her an SMS and she mailed me that she doesn't feel good and finally on monday she mailed me that "she doesn't know what's going on and she feels comfortable to be alone with her son this time". And yesterday the last mail i've got said "i can't have a relationship with you for the moment, i enjoy being alone with my son for the moment".

So what can i do or how shall i behave respectively to win her back - cause she really means a lot to me!

Thx in advance

Regards,

Being pushed away

Hello Seed,

Hello, my name is Fr___ and i'm 42 years old.

Since 1 year i've a girl friend who is 38 and has a nine year old son from a former relationship which lasted for 10 years but which has not been the real deal.

She runs a business by her own often until late in the night and therefoe has only few time left for me and her son (which she feels quite guilty of - and who is therefore spoilt sometimes).

She lives by her own in a semi-detached house with her sister (and their little son) and her parents - everyone in a separate flat but all together in one place. We had a really good realtionship so far and she told me from time to time that she loves me and needs me and is happy to have me.

At the beginning of our relationship it lasted about 3 months that we finally got together cause i've not been sure about my feelings towards her at that time. And she had been after me like the hell :-) But in between she really means a lot to me (which i've told her also sometimes) and therefore i've put some plans on the table concerning our future (moving together and maybe have a child in 1 to 2 years which has also been a proposal by herself too). But somehow she gets really scared by the thought of eventually leaving her home and move together with me (although it would only be a few kilometres from her home). She says that she's never been away and therefore is really scared of that.

In the public and in her business she really plays the cool woman but i know that in reality she is quit different from that (which i prefer btw). In the meantime i'm the one how visits her at home (to not leave her child alone - which i really understand) or i visit her in her business (a resaturant btw). It's only me right now who runs after her otherwise we wouldn't meet at all.

Last saturday she wanted to go skiing - which she did sometimes so far - and i went with her and her girlfriend and her and her sister's son although i haven't been skiing for over 10 years just to accompany her (but it was quit funny for met too).

When we got home i thought we could spend the evening together but she told me she needs to be alone with her son. The next day i asked her to bring her son and come with me for a sleig ride - but she won't. Now she told me that she's not able to have a realtionship with me right now and want's to stay alone with her son and she feels sorry about that.

So please: What wnt wrong and what can i do to get her back on track because she really means a lot to me?

Thx in advance

Being pushed away

Question 32 family loved served up deep dish

Hey Seed,

I would like to ask your opinion on something.

I have some serious family problems (background info needs to be added).

The newest is that "they" are going to fly my brother to Germany and leave him on my doorstep.

The funny thing about that is that a "judge" called my Dad on the same day and threatened to "ship him to Labrador" if my Dad didn't send money "for food". Maybe they will clone my brother and send one to each place. That would be the best solution.

I guess I'll be getting a new roommate soon. First, they were gong to throw him onto the street. Then pick him up, shower him, "give him new shoes" (apparently, they have hungry dogs in Manitoba) and then pay for his flight to Germany. Sounds logical.

pretty

In any case, I tried talking to my Mom. But there is absolutely no point. She appears to believe everything these fuckheads tell her. Now she explains that "she is to blame" because she wasn't "in court" when the "judge asked everyone in the room, whether they had something to say in David's defense". I think she really believes that. I find that scary.

She gave me a name of a "doctor" who is "treating" D and who is "looking out for him". I sent an e-mail to the Manitoba College of Physicians and they had no record of him. Surprise, surprise. I checked their database for doctors and there is no record of his name or similarly-spelled names. Once again, quelle surprise.

I have been thinking about writing an e-mail to the fraud department/detectives of the RCMP. At least, I checked out their website but didn't send the mail yet. Finally, my question:

Do you think I should pursue this or should I just let it go?

I find it absolutely appalling what my brother and his "colleagues" have done to my parents and the fact that they've cheated them out of thousands of dollars.

On the other hand, my Mother is "absolutely convinced" that my brother "has nothing to do with this". I see that differently. The conviction on the stamp thing was also, of course, not D's fault. My Mom is to blame, because "she got him the wrong lawyer". They are so fucking mentally ill. And another funny thing is that my Dad, in the words of my Mother senile ("he's losing it"), makes the most sane impression from the both of them.

I am convinced he is part of the scam. If I pursue it, chances are my mother will hate me for it and my brother will end up in more shit. But I think he deserves that.

I would appreciate your opinion because I don't know what I should do.

Thanks

EQS

Question 33 cup size dilemma

Dear Seed -

Please explain:

I went out with someone for two years. When we first got together he was still getting over his ex, I only found out that later on.

From the start it was about my appearance ie: not sexy enough not wearing short skirt.

endowed

Then boob s not big enough Etc…

Money issue. My ex ‘s company not doing well so was helping him financially a lot.

A month ago after leaving me to go off with his mum and bro to far east for a friends wedding (was not asked to come) he returned to saw for one night whereby he brought back a pearl necklace which I have returned.

He dumps me on phone next day cause I was not making him happy, not sexy enough no boob job not staying much at his so he can see what it is like to live with me before he asks me to marry him .

I get an email a few days later asking me to confirm if I want to stay friends?

Which I declined,

Please help me understand what to do?

Lost in the east.

Ps. he is still in touch with his ex whom he dated for about 6-month. I am his longest relationship.

Thank you

Question 34 my husband wanted a innie…

Dear Seed

I am a single parent in turmoil. I have been on my own now for 10 years I have had the occasional short term relationships, but the past always comes back to haunt me.

prettier

I was married for 5 years, 4 years into my marriage I found out my husband was a transsexual (he wanted to be a woman). He told me whenever we had sex he imagined that he was the woman and what he was doing was being done to him. By the time we had separated I was left feeling worthless infeminate failure plus a whole load of other emotions.

As a consequence of the way he left me feeling, as soon as someone showed me the slightest bit of attention I went for it no matter how inappropriate it was. I ended up having an affair with my sister’s boyfriend.

I really want to get back into dating again and have a good relationship but I worry that this will make them run a mile plus when should I tell them. Too soon and they will head for the hills to late and they will think I have deceived them. I could go on but I think this should give you an idea of my problem.

Can u please help?

Not equipped properly for hubby’s desires.

Question 16 Bosom blues continuing banter…

Hey CSD

Just wanted to ask you a couple of questions:

How did you hear about Ask Seed?

Where in the World are you?

Seed

Hello seed,

I heard about Ask Seed from Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories. He mentioned the website a couple of times. ;)

I live in Edmonton, Alberta. Canadian girl through and through.

I sent a little pic of myself in the hopes to see what the fuck the seed looks like.

I’ve read your whole book; I think I have the right.

“I'm individually optimistic, yet, globally pessimistic.”

– that’s so good, it’s my new favourite quote.

Take care

CSD

Hello

I haven't forgotten about you. I will have a riveting answer for you shortly. Life has been hectic. TV appearance - newspaper articles (mine) - etc, etc.

I promise I will get back with an answer soon.

Seed

Hey seed,

Well, well, aren’t you the busy beaver? That’s great – keep selling yourself, your a great product. I’ve already booked a date for surgery. (Jan. 17) but I still pine for this promised riveting answer. Get back to me whenever you can.

I wish you a very merry non-denominational type holiday.

Fuck that- MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

CSD

ps. which paper do you right for?

Question 35 questioning faith

Hello Seed,

Did u ever believes or thinks of faiths at all? do u think the person gives too much to the person they loved to deserved to be abandon at all?.

decisions

I had asked u these questions because I had experienced in an bad break-up situation with my ex-boyfriend around last month ago I was upset emotionally also cannot believed he changed his heart to me so fast he gives me happiness and hopes for one year then he had change his heart in loving me I did my best to him but, he never appreciates me of what I had given to him he haven't admired of who I am too I feel disappointed to him before I dunno what to do but, now I know what to do in my life now I had recently your read your book called "Seed's Sketchy Relationships Theories A Guide To The Perils of Dating" I agree some of the saying in this book and I do really start liking of this book too.

Anyway, that's about it do hope u can answer my questions and can give me some good advices that I haven't know about take care.

Bye!!

Heart huts bad

Question 36 stray dog

Dear Seed ,

My husband and I married for 20 years and has a very nice 16 years daughter whom we both love very much. 2 years ago, he started to form a very close friendship (just short of sleeping together) with a lady friend whom he shared artistic creativity in the same work environment. I found out 12 months after their relationship through his e-mail and confronted him straight away.

prison art

He was very honest about it and said both of them have already talked about not getting any closer to each other because they both want to stay with their marriage. I panicked and changed my routine, spending more time with him, arranging camping and fishing trips which we both like.

However, I felt he was getting a little more distance all the time. I started to feel anxious and worry about what is in his mind, also worry about this lady friend is still working in the same locations and that they still had frequent contact and sharing professionally as they clearly wanted to stay that way. All he could tell me was he felt disconnected with me and that we should give each other time and there was absolutely nothing going on between him and her.

He came home every day after work as usual but we were getting more and more silence to each other especially when I wanted to talk about us I burst into tears and he could not talk to me.

Another 6 months gone, there were more tears and silence but I still did not know what was exactly going on. He mentioned a few times that he wanted to stay on his own for a while, I asked him not to, I was so scare to lose him, and I moved to another room instead, thinking giving each other some space might help. Eventually he went to counseling, I though this might cast a little light to our situation - but he was doing it sort his own mind out and had no intention to mend our relationship. Counseling has helped him to tell me the truth that he has always felt strongly for her and her for him and that they did try to pull away from each other but failed, and that the physical side is very little but mentally they are so connected that he could not get her out of his mind.

really?

I just couldn't believe and accept that he can just leave me after being together for 26 years, and I've never stopped loving him - I thought I was a lucky woman, has my career, lovely daughter and a husband that I love. Asked what was wrong with our relationship, he said " we are very different people you know ", " you relate to the environment very different to me", " you're not interested in language and make the same mistake all the time and it start to annoy me " etc.

To be honest, after 20 years of marriage although love him very much, we had probably got a bit slack in making an effort to make our life more exciting - however, I thought if there is problem, you work on it and build stronger relationship - our marriage has never had that chance because he choose to a more stimulating connection. He couldn't tell me for a long time because he knew it would hurt me very much, but once he decided to leave me he got quite cold.
He finally moved out to his work space 3 weeks ago - my life has just collapsed in front of me. I'm struggling at work and have no desire for anything. I'm 46 years old and am so scare to join all the woman I know that are still alone after their marriage break up. I have always hope that he may come back home, that hope has been shattered when he told me he does not love me any more, although he care a lot about me (great!).

He has been keeping very close contact with our daughter and spend time with her and take her to after school activities . I went to see my daughter's concert with him last week and I was glad we did that for her. I still love him and miss him very much but I'm resisting seeing him alone - we are just doing the family thing.

Tomorrow he will come to have a meal with us and my daughter is baking a cake for his birthday.

I know he is going away next weekend, 99% sure going with her (forgot to mention she has just broke up with her husband of 16 years, so she is totally available now that my husband is separated).

To try not to think about that is the hardest thing in the world. I've enrolled art course and doing some physical activities to try to kill time, but the pain is not going away, the hole in my heart seems getting bigger.

Please help me get out of it.

Ling Ling

Question 37 just plain drunk

Dear Seed

welcome to hell

I have come up with the exception to your but. I love him but he has an alcohol problem which he keeps going back to. It makes him incredibly selfish and despite changing myself to the point that i might be an alien it does not make any difference.

what would you advise?

fed up

Question 38 a bit of an odd question

Dear Ask Seed,

I am a teenager from England in desperate need of some advice. This is a SERIOUS question Can you help me???

It's just.....about 4 years ago now my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. I still am finding it difficult to come to terms with ....and I have a few questions that I really need help with.

sip

It's just I feel like I need to say goodbye out loud or write a poem or a letter and read it out to her...but I feel like I need to be at her grave (she was cremated...do cremated people have graves) or just where she was cremated. But if i say goodbye to her at the crematorium people will stare at me won't they?? What can I do? How can I say goodbye to her? My mum wouldn't let me go to her funeral....I really wish I had been allowed to go as I needed to say goobye. Do you have any ideas obout how I could say goodbye to her??

Also this might sound like a bit of an odd question but: I missed practiacally all of my secondary education due to circumstances in my life...therefore I don't really understand about religion.

My question is: What does The Bible/Christianity say Heaven is like? Also (you may think this is a stupid question but...) do they give a good all-round general education in Religion in school (sorry if this is an obvious question...i just needed to be sure of how much I have missed).

Please help!!!!!!!! Also are the ashes of the cremated buried at a crematorium or scattered...if scattered then where e.g. a friend told me rose bushes :( ????

Also (this is probably going to sound like a VERY strange question) but when Grandma was around she used to buy me lots of videos (especially Disney type ones) and I just wondered (i know i'm too old for them really but.....) would it have been insulting to her memory if I'd continued to watch this type of film after her death. Also....she bought me a lot of model horses/toys. What is the right thing to do with these? should I keep them or throw them away? After her death I stopped playing with them ...would it have been insulting to her memory to have continued playing with them after her death??? i just needed to ask. Please could you offer me any advice as I still REALLY miss her and feel like I can't move on. just i just don't know what to do anymore.

Also:

we had made so many plans of stuff we'd do together and i had made so many dreams of things i'd do in the future (with her by my side). but now she's dead i just don't know what to do.

Should I carry on with these dreams/plans/ambitions i'd made when she was alive and had planned to do together, .......or should i give up on them now she's dead and find some new dreams instead. Do you t hink it would be insulting to her memory to just carry on with these dreams.......only now without her? Do you think she'd be offended?

What should I do? i just don't know what the right thing to do is. Is the right thing to do to give up on all these dreams/plans that we had planned to do TOGETHER now that she's dead????

can you offer me any advice please? Pleas could you reply

From Lost in the Queens England

PLEASE HELP!!!!

Question 39 slippery slope

Dear Seed,

I am very confused at the moment- I love my boyfriend but two years ago he was convicted of a sex offense. Even writing these words hurts me. I never believed he would go to prison for it but he did.

He told me he was innocent. He was caught with under age porn only five but it was enough to get six months prison sentence and 7 years on the register and three years probation, I was totally in love with him and stood by him against everybody advice.

nature fights back

It hurt me a lot, when he went to prison he left me with all his debts and problems and I felt so isolated and alone I had no 'one to turn too. Everyone judged me including myself. Work found out and I had to leave my job. I was 24 years old with over 60000 pound worth of debts to contend with and expensive rent and then trying to visit miles away from my home. I kept this going and stood by him.

Then he came home and I fell apart. I couldn't cope any more and went into a massive depression, I had been raped when I was 15 and had just had an abortion when I met my partner and all this came back, I couldn't cope with his crime people kept telling me I couldn't trust this man, once a sex offender always a sex offender. Who could I trust. We started arguing every day. He promised he would fight for a mis-carriage of justice but he didn't I felt cheated.

I can't get over what has happened I feel let down by him and the police and every body. I feel I can't trust any one he promised to get this re assessed at court. He was convicted for being reckless while down loading images. So why not fight this. He says has wants to forget about this, but I can't.

We can't just have children now social services will guarantee to get involve wand have there say, he has lost countless jobs over this and I can't get close to anyone else incase they find out. I feel dirty and alone an outcast. I feel shame and get stressed out every month when he has to go to probation. For some reason I am convinced they might try and take him away again. I am scared of the kind of depression I have felt in the past and what it might make me do.

I feel dependent on him and don't think I could cope alone, I have tried counselling and she gave up on me in the end, she wanted me to leave him, but I can't do that, no 'one understands.

I love him more than he loves me I know this for a fact, he is more educated than me and earns more money, so he has more confidence.

But he is the kindest person I have ever met. Its a nightmare situation because if it wasn't for this we would be so happy, yes skint but I don't care about that so much, I care about this conviction and our chance to have children.

I am scared for the future I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall some times I just want to scream.

I am 25 and I have high blood pressure for two years now. what should I do how can I make him listen to me?

Please don't reveal my name?

messed up girl.

Question 40 uprooting

Hi seed team,

So, I have a question for you all. I don't know how controversial it is, but it's something I'd value an outside opinion on.

My fiancee and I have known each other for about 2 years, and have been dating for 1 year. 6 months of that have been long distance, she moved here from the east coast (of the USA) to be together. So naturally, there is a lot of adjusting, settling in, and becoming comfortable to be done, and for both of us.

back at you

Fortunately we talk a lot, and we talk about everything together. She's very shy, and very quiet by nature. We love each other to bits, and I can't imagine not being together; she feels the same. I do worry sometimes, though, about her getting used to living here and not really knowing people and having friends of her own. It's been a stressful time, especially in the beginning. Naturally, being from the states, she is unable to work until we're married and have completed our paperwork, and I know this affects how she feels about really feeling settled and rooted here.

I'm a bit of a worrier, and I think I'm worrying now. Whenever we've discussed her feelings about living here and settling in, and making her own friends and social network she is less worried than I. She gets on well with my friends, and my parents, but they have commented that they are not sure how she feels about them - if she's comfortable and enjoys being around them. I know she does, and she says so, but it's true that she is pretty quiet around them, just as she's pretty quiet with my friends too. I don't like to bering it up too much, or make too big a deal of it - the last thing I want to do is make her feel awkward or somehow guilty, but I would not mind a fresh opinion, I think!

Thanks!

taking you home

Remember: If you’d like us to take a shot at your life dilemmas, send your queries to askseed@hotmail.com. Bye for now. Say no to global warming. And, racism. And, while you’re at it: be good to each other.

many hugs

seed enterprises

Question 29: Just an observation!

2007-09-30T09:18:00.000-07:00

Question 29: Just an observation!

Hi Seed

You hang out here, leaving us with your articles, yes, it is intriguing, but it's odd, because you seem to have your life so together and don't need support from us...

Just curious why you are here?

You don't seem like a broken man with a broken heart.

Regards,

Skeptical Suzy

Dear Skeptical

I actually wrote the reply to this question about a year ago, however, since I was so far behind in the question queue I never got around to posting it. Which happened to be a good thing.

Why?

Cause my original reply was crap. I was wallowing too much and my sentiment, though sincere, was nothing more than a load of sentimental rubbish, drivel so to speak. My angst and personality did not shine through. And frankly, with tarnished angst, what good am I to anyone, including myself?

Exactly… I’m glad you agree.

First off, bear with me as I skew the first part of your question, hang out here --- intriguing --- odd --- life together --- don’t need support… are you not being a tad presumptuous? Well, aren’t you?

I’m so angry with you right now… I … I … I could rant, but I won’t, for the most part I’m not wired that way. I do rant, but for the most part (again), I keep it together, I collect my misery and put it in a big misery jar, poke one hole in the top of the jar, so it can breath, and every now and then I pull it out of the cupboard to remind myself that life can, pardon me, fucking suck… Next, I reach for the peanut butter, I go to spread some on a cracker, luckily I realize, it’s expired. A lesson for us all: Peanut Butter has an expiry date and it’s a bitch to expel rancid peanut butter… now spit… Damn it! It won’t come out… pass me the tequila…

Does the following paragraph sound like someone “who’s got their life together?” Well, does it?

Why am I here?

So me and Euro Seed can get rich off of your misery?

Nah… that’s a lie?

The short answer:

To share crap. Followed by blunt opinions on why it is a waste of time to wallow in pain when you still have a life to live… including me… I’ve still got some living to do… and if I’m too busy spinning in the past, what a waste, which will turn into a sour and sad story, eventually leading to… solitude.

Solitude sucks! It’s kind of selfish. Don’t you think?

You see, my crap, your crap, everybody here’s (been dumped and the world) crap, isn’t worth the time to beat you down… I know when I say that a whole bunch of readers immediately get defensive and their undies bunch up and their ire rises… what’s ire? Strong anger (literally).

Thanks.

Their blood begins to curdle, they may claim: I’m self righteous, have no business sharing my views, and I just don’t understand, my situation is different!

Stir it up with a dash of sarcasm: PLEASE!

Here, the website you refer to me hanging out in, is a great place for people to realize that they are not alone… That others are experiencing pain and suffering, too. To share stories and experiences, and then, to move on a bit stronger.

Those are the upsides. Another upside I almost scathed past… those who come to the site and share their experiences and hurt --- most of them grow and learn from the heartache. The ones who inflicted the pain --- usually, just perpetuate the cycle, making the world a touch more intolerable. There are of course, exceptions. Bitter people have a tendency of trying to highlight the exceptions, instead of focusing on the road to better. Misery becomes their moniker.

Harsh?

The downside to visiting, Here, the website, if the stay is for too long you risk being guilty of enjoying the heartache or looking for someone to agree with why you deserve to be in pain. The longer the visit, the greater risk of becoming terminal and flawed.

Harsh (again)?

But my experiences are different. You just don’t understand?

Although experiences are uniquely individual, and sole property of the rightful owner of the pain pony, not to be diminished by dear friends or counselors, on a grander scale, they’ve likely been experienced by someone else before. Of course (again), their may be the odd exception… if you happen to be one: SHUT UP!

Am I heading far off tangent?

Don’t know, I’m writing this on the fly, the only way I know how, therefore, like me, you’ll have to wait and see where this journey takes us…

The journey:

Time to share experience.

There once was this cute little boy, no more than five years old. He’d was lost for his first five years of life --- roaming solo trying to find his place in this big scary world.

His birth --- a secret. His Mother was whisked away to a dark room on a bright sunny July day… and when he finally came out into the light of the never ending darkness, the doctor in a remorseful tone stated, “He’s alive… what do you want to do with the evidence?”

The doctor turned to this boys mother, asking, “Would you like to hold your son?”

She turned away and the boy was removed from her sight. She was twenty-three at the time, had planned a vacation in a couple of weeks, and couldn’t be bothered, burdened.

Where did the boy go?

Wandering in confusion. Lucky for him… he didn’t know what was happening… and he hadn’t bought into the bond between mother and son propaganda. Or the formative years --- form the future, bullshit.

After his first five years on Planet Earth and being passed around like a hot potato (translation: his whereabouts were unknown), obligation deposited him in a home, a large home, six others, three girls, three boys. He’d play the role of the seventh. As for his Mother, she hung in the shadows, reminding him constantly of the hurt he brought her by being born.

Oblivious to meaning, this young man started playing for attention. “Look at me” he’d shout. Nobody was looking. “I’m over here” he’d bellow. The room was empty… he didn’t know better.
.

A voice echoed above him… “You’ll never amount to much. Your brothers are better than you.” The voice was on a continuous loop. He was still only five. The boy knew no better… he just took it all in and tried to remain unaffected. He failed… just like his mother told him he would.

The boy sauntered, strolled, and then strutted through life, confused, but not knowing better. He developed personality and wit. Scored a helping of popularity. Walked head held high, directionless.

As his journey continued he experienced stints of success with everything he touched, sports, school, friendship, he’d shout out…“LOOK OVER HERE. LOOK AT ME. I’M doing good, aren’t I?” His family had left the room. His voice echoed, silently.

“Dad please quit smoking. Mom you, too. Why did you have me at your ages? Hold me. Come to my games.”

They quit… but they didn’t hold him or go to his games, they were too tired.

Sickness visited… first Dad. On and off for ten years. Cancer paid a visit. Over five years of hospital visits were on his agenda, everyday, as the youngest of seven, the hospital became his second home, his responsibility as the rest of the family had long moved away. He was still only a teenager at the time.

Up and down the roller coaster went. The hospital visits were excruciating. His twenty-fifth birthday came, he remembered the doctor, “He’s alive” and celebrated anyway. The following day he took is Mother and one of his older Brothers to the hospital… his father was fading.

Upon arrival they were escorted to his Fathers room and the moment his Mothers hand touched his Fathers, his Dads eyes went vacant --- and life left his fathers body. A memory he captured. He wanted to collapse, his role was to fake strong.

Less than a year later the shadows cast by his Mother became darker. Cancer again. Another year of hospital visits and forced talk. It destroyed him. Two weeks before Christmas, a bright patch, Mom was sent home… things were looking up. They weren’t.

On the steps of his home, on the way back to the hospital, she looked at him with painful eyes, and said, “I’m never going be home again, am I?” He lied.

Four days later he watched her die. He wanted to crumble. The shadow didn’t lift. He went out that night with friends. His family rolled into town.

When he returned home the next morning, his oldest sister who had just arrived, hugged him, and said, “Mom’s gone.” Next, she broke the embrace, removed the emotion, and asked him to stay elsewhere as they needed his room for the relatives… she had just come in from out of town, she didn’t live in the house, he did. He obliged, anyway.

Years past, eighteen to be precise. He’d gone through life with moments of success, garnered some popularity, developed a rapier like wit, with good, yet subjective looks, he had the odd love dalliance, all without direction. Although obligation was removed --- something was missing.

Then he found love. True?

It was questionable, however, he was swallowed by content.

The love was fleeting, “We’re done…” was uttered. “… you’re a great guy, I want to continue living with you.”

Blindly, he allowed it.

The end of love put into motion a series of events. Over a period of two months: a friend uttered: “My life sucks.” He hugged is friend. His friend repeated those words, walked away, and hung himself.

Another friend was paid a visit by Cancer.

His closest relative, Aunt Priscilla, called, and told him: “I may be dying.”

Less than a month later, she died. He asked for hugs from his ex, he was met with, “I’m moving on.”

He needed to open the door and kick… he needed hugs. Friends said, “You don’t seem to be as fun as you used to be, you’ve changed.”

Relatives turned away, because he wouldn’t come watch his Aunt die.

Three days after his Aunts death, his sisters called, his last remaining Uncle passed away, unexpectedly, the night before. He cried. He’d been crying everyday… He could literally cry on a dime, so to speak.

Misery, misery, misery…relentless.

It was time for him to escape. Europe?

Yes.

As he walked to the Passport Office the shadow had expanded and even on the brightest day the shadow was exterminating hope. “You need a new Birth Certificate before we can issue you a passport.” He was told.

“How long?”

“It’ll only take a couple of days.”

Two weeks later and a call to vital stats. “I need my Birth Certificate… What do you mean my records don’t match yours? What do you need?”

Without emotion, blank, a plain white sheet, the civil servant queried: “Could you phone your parents and ask them who your real parents are?”

Tears blasting. “What?”

When he told his Brothers/Sisters that he knew the truth and was beginning to understand things about his... the phone was hung up and they haven't spoken to him since... it's been over three years and counting.

Fast-forward, shadow still lingering, Mom and Dad came back to life. Dad --- a stranger. Mom --- devastating.

Reality revealed: The man, still a boy in many ways, had become an outsider in his life and as for family, he was no longer a card carrying member. He’d been left on his own to sort it all out, assign meaning, and learn to cope.

Fast-forward some more, flip charts now being used to understand who’s what? Brothers --- now Uncles. Sisters ---- now Aunts… and flip, flip, flip… Anyway, a Niece --- now a Cousin, recently informed him his mother, still in the shadows, is dying. She still won’t admit to being his Mother. Scars run deep.

As for his father: he spoke to him for the first time two years ago. Can you imagine saying, “Hi” to your Father for the first time eighteen years after you watched him take his last breath?
.

I can’t.

Present day: He’s going to be meeting his now seventy-two year old father for the first time in the near future… and he still has to come to terms with his Mother’s pending (second) death.

The boy, has to remain strong, if not, it’ll be nothing more than a tragic sad story immersed in misery. If that’s the case, what a waste…

The boy… his story above only scratches the surface. It’s time to press play!

Side bar: during the journey, in his adult life, he’s had thirteen surgeries which all required a general anesthetic and hospital stays. And amazingly, the surgeries are only a side bar to his life. So is his blind eye, a side bar, that is.

end of experience sharing.

Why share?

Although not a competition, life has been unrelenting, therefore, I share because I’ve developed a tremendous understanding of, exception. Everybody has a unique journey and I know that the broken hearted want to scream out: I’m different. Look at me. Understand. He did this. She did that. I need the pain. I have children. My life has lost… and on and on and on, forever more.

My having life together is nothing more than an illusion created by need. I have to keep up the façade if I want to help others, if not, we can just focus on the crap and never move toward happy. We all risk being trapped and defined by one traumatic event. I am. I don’t want to be. So, I resist. I don’t want it to be the last story I tell, on a continuous loop. Futile?

I hope not.

As for support from?

My support from “us”: Comes in sharing, and trying to bring the odd smile to… it’s sincere. I don’t understand a lot of individual situations entirely, I can’t, I have no reference. Such as: I’m not a woman, I don’t have children, my husband never left me, etcetera, etcetera…

But I do posses and ample amount of experience, life and otherwise, actually, just life, I’m not so sure what otherwise would entail?

And from life I’ve come to one conclusion: Regardless of whatever garbage is dished your way, it will do you absolutely no good to wallow… you may linger for a bit, but that’s it… if you can’t get unstuck by yourself, seek out the help of a professional. And most important, realize, whatever trauma has come your way, it likely wasn’t your fault, and if by chance it was, quit trying to erase your guilt by a vein attempt at winning back what you cast to the side.

Wallowing in misery is a trap, if you wallow a day, a week, a year or forever more, the end result at the end will be the same --- you can never return to where you’ve come from so ultimately: there is no point in wallowing for too long.

“But you don’t understand…”

If your sticking to that: GOOD LUCK! I hope you prove to be the exception.

Skeptical, I’m here because, as corny as this sounds, “Here” came to me.

Lastly, my heart has been broken on numerous occasions, I just choose to patch it, cope with the pain and store it somewhere in the cupboard, next to the Peanut Butter, as a reminder of life, and then I venture out into the world, smile, and try to share my smile with others.

At the end of the day the only one who can truly help me is: ME.

Others can share the warmth of an embrace and the brightness of hope emanating from their eyes.

Embrace life and try to be happy.

Heartache has a place --- just don’t let it linger. Never ending pain, ridiculous, like Peanut Butter, pain needs to expire.

Remember you asked

the seed

P.S. Skeptical, the answer is not directed to your experiences… I’m just incapable of not rambling. I hope you enjoyed!

Question 28 The Sixth Sense

2007-09-23T15:21:00.000-07:00

Question 28 The Sixth Sense

Hi Seed

Good morning,

Do you believe in the sixth sense? I do. You know, when you get a feeling and you know it is more than fact.

scary monster
artistic credit: Christian, 4 years old, who was at the next table in a restaurant.

Here is what I want to ask you.

There is someone that I have had a relationship with since July. Only through the internet. We have both agreed that we more than like each other and love is part of our vocabulary now. He has left on holiday for a week. We said our goodbyes on Wednesday evening and he told me sweet nothings and that we would be together and chat on December 3rd when he returns.

Thursday (Thanksgiving) afternoon I go to friends and have dinner. I return home at around 6pm. So I get my comfies on and go to my office to check email. Of course I know there will not be any from "HIM" but you know......wishful thinking. Just as I get ready to turn off my computer I decide to come here @ been dumped. My heart dropped................"HE" was here. He was here one half hour after he arrived to an international country where he is on holiday.

Seed..........remember I told you about the sixth sense?

What I am feeling right now makes me sick to my stomach. What is your take on this?

This is where I met him. We no longer chat here. We chat in AOL.

Regards,

I see many, many things. No, really, I do. Everywhere. They’re following me.

Dear I see things. Many things.

Good morning to you, too. Or shall I say: good late afternoon many months later. Sorry about that --- life has been relentless, I’d like to say consistent, but that would be a lie.

Do I believe in the Sixth Sense?

Before I share my views on having an extra ability to observe on a different plane, level of awareness, a land of funky movie music, let’s back step for a moment: what are the first Five Senses?

“Kitties, extra terrestrials, eye lasers, stronger orgasms and extendable penises.”

No. Who the hell are you? And, what’ve you been smoking?

.
The first Five: touch (petting kitties), sight (the ability to recognize creepy aliens, and shoot lasers out of your eyes), hearing (what?), smell, and taste. The Sixth, is something more, something that allows us to perceive the unperceivable without the aid of the original Six.

Extrapolating a bit more:

From the ~~pages~~ screen of ~~Wickepedia~~ my computer!

Extra-Sensory Perception (ESP) is defined as ability to acquire information by paranormal means independent of any known physical senses or deduction from previous experience. The term was coined by Duke University researcher J. B. Rhine to denote psychic abilities such as telepathy, precognition and clairvoyance. ESP is also sometimes casually referred to as a sixth sense. The term implies sources of information currently unexplained by science.

Types of ESP

Many different, or seemingly different, types of ESP have been described:

Clairvoyance and remote viewing, the Paranormal perception of people, places or events by means other than the normal senses.
Precognition, or retrocognition, the perception of other times via. This is usually considered to be the same as clairvoyance, except that the perception travels through time.
Abilities such as Aura reading and medical intuition, the perception of aspects of others which most people cannot perceive.
psychometry, clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience, clairalience and clairgustance, the perception of aspects of things which most people cannot perceive, by means other than the normal senses.
Telepathy, the ability to sense communications from and/or communicate with people by means other than the normal senses.
Out-of-body experiences (also called spirit walking and astral projection), when used to perceive environments by means other than the normal senses.
Mediumship, the ability to communicate with the spirits of persons or animals who have died. Mediumship may also include other paranormal abilities.
The scientific study of paranormal phenomena such as ESP is called parapsychology, and includes other phenomena such as and reincarnation, near-death experiences, and psychokinesis. It is highly controversial whether ESP abilities exists, and if so which abilities are real.

--- the above education has been brought to you courtesy of Wickepedia.
.

Thanks Wickepedia!

Normally I would’ve come up with my own original ramble, however, I was feeling a bit off, you see, recently, moments ago, online, while doing some research on chat rooms, I was called… a slut, actually… you look like a slut was the exact statement. I don’t. Do I?

Can men look like sluts?

Yes you say… well, then, I must defend myself to the utmost, my Sixth, Seventh, all the way to my Twelfth, yet to be discovered sense, are all indicating without impunity, that, no, I just dress well, and sometimes my… personality shines through. I have a pretty sizeable personality… if the right strength reading or magnifying glasses are used.

As for Sixth Sense --- hell yes. Grab a seat and a gin… as I was educating (see above) and rambling (see above)… you know, my chat line research, you see (again), I hadn’t read your question, yet, except for the first couple of lines, and somehow, magically, I started a diatribe on chatting online. And, then, more magic added, I read the rest of your question and came to your experiences on online romance… hence, my Sixth Sense was kicking into gear at a heightened level, so high that falling could be fatal. Hence (again), I think without impunity, this proves the existence of extra neato’ cool stuff going on, at least, in my overstuffed head…and personality filled pants if the right angle is used.

Hold on… oh my… I think I’m having an out-of-body experience… no, false alarm, I just stood up too fast.

Composure collected, it’s time for me to use some of my clairgustance to tackle your dilemma. I understand that since your dilemma was on the dilemma table last year, not this, you might have already come to a conclusion on what this bastards actions, actually meant.

Mmm… your situation seems to taste a little of chicken.

Okay, maybe clairgustance is not the right sense to use… I’ll just wing my opinion, instead, with some help from a little clairaudience --- those wonderful ‘little voices’ in my… I’m now getting comfy in my ‘channeling’ chair with my ‘channeling’ tonics… give me a second…putting on my ‘channeling’ undies… grabbed the remote… okay, here I go.

Forewarning:

Be forewarned that the following are the opinions of me, when I’m in my comfy chair, wearing my comfy undies, and the opinions of: select entities, realms, deities, spirit guides, and Oprah. The opinions do not, or are not to be confused with the opinions of mere mortals who are not in touch with themselves, or Skippy (an expelled spirit guide who periodically likes to fuck with people). No illicit or illegal substances were used in getting in touch with my personality or other realms.

end of forewarning.

As an at times lost and intrepid soul, I often use myself as a case study to gain reference to how the world is operating. After some painstaking stroking, key, that is, it has become time to be blunt, if not brutally honest, a relationship since July --- only online --- love is now part of the vocabulary --- sweet nothings, I’m sorry to say this guy is likely an ass, perhaps even worse, I can’t judge that. If I had to --- I’d have to say I see borderline predator. I assure you it doesn’t give me pleasure typing that opinion.

Why do I think that way, you may ask?

My spirit guides have told me that, and:

He dropped a line and was phishing for ____ on a website (been dumped) where lost souls go to heal, share heartbreak, and hopefully be extended an olive branch. This fucker knows you’re vulnerable and plays upon that with his sweet nothings, therefore, I can’t emphasize lowlife fucker enough.
And, this may sting a little. I suggest getting some ointment. Sweetie, you had nothing --- for five months. The virtual world doesn’t really exist. Like said, you were vulnerable and this man was aware of that and played you. Virtual is easy. Virtual is dangerous. Probably more so than the flesh world. Your new flame can hide behind his keyboard and pretend to be anyone he likes. If he happens to have a proficiency with words he can even pull off charming. Virtual is full of promises --- that are never kept, and that is likely a good thing. You disagree… let me explain: If we meet in person in a matter of minutes we can determine, use all Sixth Senses to determine whether or not we have a future and potential for intimacy. That doesn’t mean we’ll act on that potential, it just means we can see the possibilities. Maybe friendship is the best path for us to take --- to be decided over, coffee, dinner, and maybe drinks if we feel safe and comfortable enough. Translation: have determined that each of us are not some sort of deranged… The virtual world, well, that is a whole other ballgame. I do research by chatting in space, like many. Most I’ve encountered are trolling for sex, however, as they troll, they lie repeatedly about who they are and what they have to offer, and about, basically anything they can to make them seem desirable. The blessing of virtual: it usually fizzles out at the potential meeting point as all of the lies come to the stage and therefore, meeting is usually the last desire of those who linger there looking for pray and validation. As said, a good thing. Where it can get tricky: If the phisher is so delusional that, “It’s not a lie if you believe it yourself, Jerry” --- and still chooses to meet, hoping for desperation and a romp in the hay, nothing more. And frankly, if someone is so delusional to still meet when he’s five foot three, Chinese, portly, and missing a limb, when he told you that he’s a six foot tall, firefighter, and a strapping footballer… he’s dangerous. (the above scenario happened to a friend).
Extending on the limitations of virtual: Virtual can be a great tool for an initial contact, a hello, perhaps, a place to drum up some commonality. Again, nothing more. The longer virtual remains fleshless, the likelihood of it being nothing more than a fantasy increases exponentially. Translation: If I meet someone online and the sparks begin to fly, we’ve got to meet sooner than later, as later will only result in a let down. It’s easier to share information online and the longer the parties involved hide behind insecurity, past heartache, and keystrokes, the more likelihood that one of them will share too much and the other will be fuelled with information to play a mean game with one quest in mind, sex.
I want you to sit down and hold your hands, that’s right, your own hands, it’s nearly impossible to lie to yourself when your holding your own hands. At least that’s what my father who’s come back to life has told me (long story). Get into your comfy clothes if you wish. Good! There is a one-in-a-billion chance that Prince Virtual Charming, is a good man. More than likely he hasn’t evolved much past pubescence, and needs to stroke his fragile ego by pretending to be something he’s not. Sweetie, you got lucky that his true colors shown through. A product of virtual is the game --- nothing more. It doesn’t matter whether it is a dating site or a friendship site, the goal for most is conquests, how many friends/lovers one can amass is some sort of sign of superiority. It’s been created by the Facebook/Myspace phenomena, and we’ve all bought in and are turning into obedient little “bah” sheep. Love and friendship used to go through a process over a period of time where rejection, though it hurt, was often a product of growing in different directions. Now, click --- friendship, click --- romance. Click, click --- rejection, rejection… and again the pieces of broken hearts are scattered around for all to see. In my opinion: virtual serves a purpose, barely, and in reality is a by product of a broken society where love and friendship has lost value with each stroke.

And now for the Olive Branch!

Warning: The first part of the branch may be a bit prickly.

As long as you’re spending time sharing your hurt with others you’re not really ready to extend your heart, you may still be too needy, with some things to work through, put in a tolerable place to only be visited on the rare occasion when they’re manageable. Or get some counseling --- if the struggle to happy again is too arduous to handle on your own.

Pricks removed, Senses firing on all cylinders, and, in summation, and, in my humble opinion of course:

Sixth Sense --- I believe.
Your Relationship --- nothing more than keystrokes, idle chatter, with the odd touch of tenderness thrown in, by him, as a game. I’m sorry to say, Sweetie, his intentions lacked purity.
Wishful Thinking --- you’re better than that level of neediness, and, you deserve more.
Virtual Prince Charming --- nothing more than an ephemeral illusion. Take the kind words he shared as a reflection of your character, but understand his lack thereof, character that is, and erase him from your mind. The Virtual World is nothing more than a playground for the insecure and predators, that is if the relationship is based upon keystrokes. Argue if you must --- I guarantee that most sites are (been dumped excluded) are sites that pray on the human condition and the more people who buy in --- the richer the entrepreneurs who start them get… Virtual will certainly be diagnosed as another addiction soon, if it hasn’t already been.
Meeting --- IF! It won’t be for intimacy or romance, for the guy, it will be solely for sex. If we’re honest, that’s the end goal of all of our romantic dalliances, and, that’s okay. Sex is good. However, there are only a handful of guys, globally, who are using chat rooms or dating sites for anything else. If they tell you differently --- they’re lying. Think about it for a moment: for guys, it’s a candy shop, a war of attrition, without the investment of the flesh world. No dinners. No coffees. No desserts. Virtual is a place for lowlifes to hone the skill of manipulation with the goal of reaching fornication. And, any long-term virtual relationship, again, for the guy, is effortless. String along as many targets as possible and each one who falls for their deceptive charms… poof… you’re gone. After a quick romp of course --- and your heartache continues. Ask yourself: why wouldn’t the first meeting be about sex? You’ve just shared your whole life in six months with someone you “DON’T KNOW” what are you going to do on the first “flesh” date, tell your story again. Virtual risks ending relationships before they even start as it is much easier to type ones life than it is to speak it. And who wants to know the whole story of anyone else, anyway? Not before the relationship starts at least. Virtual is not the start unless your setting up a coffee date. If that doesn’t happen in the first few chats, run… and don’t look back!
Last Word --- share what you’ve learned with others. However, don’t linger too long where most are wallowing in misery… a short visit is okay, too long will only delay the coping. Step out, grab a coffee, and open your heart to the real world again.

The road to friendship, the coffee shop, and human interaction has taken a dramatic turn. It may be smoother --- no need to change a flat. Unless your hard drive crashes and you’re forced to go to the store.

At least the boys/girls at GM and Ford, used elbow grease to create yesterdays, Impalas, and Gremlins. And sure, huge profits eventually came their way. But not without a ton of sweat.

Today’s road to friendship starts with a few keystrokes and is paved with instant gold.

Ask yourself: How many friends do you need to neglect at once?

It used to take months, even years, to build friendships and then discard those who didn’t fit. It’s now, in the virtual world, instantaneous, with old friends reappearing --- only to be discarded for a second time. Perhaps, there was a reason they were called “old” friends?

As for romance: it makes me ill also that people prey on the heartbroken, only to perpetuate the hurt.

I see many, many things. No, really, I do. Everywhere. They’re following me: Take solace, you have a strong, real, beating heart, and you deserve much better than virtual. You may not agree with all that I’ve shared, that’s okay, my intentions are pure. Just remember one last thing.

Be Happy!

You deserve to be.

Remember you asked

the seed

Question 27 when life issues a relentless barrage of crap

2007-05-26T22:11:00.000-07:00

Hi Seed

I have just read the first chapter of your book and it had indeed made me want to read more.

You have had a very difficult time of it. How do you keep positive if bad things continually keep happening to you though?

I really struggle with this. The last two years I have lost all my family because my mother didn’t like my ex (and I mean all of them turned against me, so haven’t spoken to mother or siblings for over a year - no going back now, they were incredibly nasty) and husband then buggers off and loads of other shitty stuff in between.

So on my own now with two kids, trying my best to build up friendships so we are not totally alone. It’s like believing in god and loosing faith when so much bad happens. I’ve lost faith in human nature cause thought all these people actually loved me.

How did you move from all your adversity to being healthy in mind and soul again?

I just don’t know myself anymore and escape along day to day.

lost & alone

Dear l & l

Warning!

The following answer has some poop references and is not for the squeamish.

Thanks for the kind words on EuroSeed's and my first book: Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (how not to become a bar regular). We really appreciate it. We’ve got a simple suggestion for you if you’d like to chow down on more of the book. We’ll simplify it for you:

Go to your computer.
If it is not on --- turn it on.
Visit www.seedenterprises.com
Select one of the many book vendor links.
Click.
Buy the book.
Enjoy.

Oh yeah, once fully satiated with our wisdom and comedy --- tell others. Thank you!

Freshly plugged, now it’s time for your query.

How do I stay positive?

I don’t.

Life can be friggen tough… change that, life is friggen tough. It can, at times, knock the crap right out of you. It can beat you down and leave you broken. Fortunately, most of the time when it knocks the crap out of me I’ve been stocked up with toilet paper. Usually the one with the little white kitties on the packaging. I find that particular pooh paper to sooth my burning ass and I can wipe away most of the unwanted garbage and try to move forward with life. At times I get up and some more excrement has decided to make its appearance. Poke its little head out. When that happens, another couple of wipes, a pause to make sure I’m done, and then I get on with my day. As I walk away from the waste depository I pray that there is no lingering burning sensation.

At times I retreat to the bathroom with no need to sit down and have long drawn out discussions with my mirror.

“Why me? Why did they do this to me? What is wrong with me? I don’t want to live anymore. I’m a useless human being.”

I cry a little. Sometimes, a lot. The mirror mimics me. And I continue:

“Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?” I insert a whole shit load of negative dialogue persecuting myself. I consider the options: teaching them by hurting myself or ripping my esteem apart with negative dialogue. When I’m exhausted and beaten down --- I smack myself and wear the baggage on my sleeves for a bit.

But suddenly, a light goes on: "Don’t want to burden others." So I suppress my emotions and retreat to a very bad mental place. Once I’m firmly cemented in misery --- I’ve achieved my ultimate goal: I’m now useless to everyone and have deemed myself to be a tragic sad story and I’m now unlovable.

Then the “Academy” comes to my house and gives me an award for the saddest most tragic story ever. Armed with “The Award” the clouds of misery lift and I move into a million dollar killer pad, beautiful people surround me, my posse showers me with constant love and affection and I forget the crap that knocked me down to begin with.

I’m nearing my self imposed word limit… screw it… I’m gonna go over the limit.

Cool, I’ve got a big screen TV in every room. Wicked, David Hasselhoff is on and watching his misery will certainly make me feel better about myself. Fuck, it didn’t. I’m more sad now. What the hell is wrong with us people? We feed off of the train wrecks of others. Shame on us all. That’s okay, I’ll numb myself with Facebook/Myspace, I’ve now got hundreds of friends, they all love me.

Slow down Seed, where are you taking us?

Nowhere really. Just sharing some social commentary on how messed up the world really is. Did you know you can make the Facebook fuckers rich by sending virtual “Balloon Animals” to all of your new pretend Facebook friends?

“Wow! Someone sent me a Virtual Balloon Animal: they really love me!”

And as quickly as your new “friend” loved you, they’re gone, they’ve found more interesting friends and it’s now time to go to the virtual mirror and berate and destroy esteem some more.

I ramble more: in today’s world we’re all so busy, it is vitally important to play out full friendships and relationships as fast as we can… three days max, wouldn’t want to miss a better opportunity, we’re all entitled, after all. In the meantime: let’s extinguish the life of as many creatures as possible. Go humans go… the race is on, shit, do we want to make it to the finish line?

Let’s flip channels and see which celebrity is crashing and burning now!

Back to the two of us. The point: I don’t really have a choice. Misery sucks. Surrounding myself with misery sucks. Crying for too long sucks. I’ve taken my challenges and put them, not forgotten, but put them in a place where I can cope. I’ve for the most part: I have tried to just smile. I lie a lot. I tell people I’m doing fine --- even when I’m not. Eventually the lies stop being lies and I feel better. I try to confide in only a few close friends and even when I do that, I try to be cognizant that they have their trials and tribulations and I don’t want to dump too much on them.

If it gets too heavy to handle: I cover my mirror and go talk to my doctor or someone qualified and removed from my misery and dump all of it on them. Not all --- cause they’re trying to be happy, too.

“L & a,” I’m confused by your question, “your ex” wasn’t liked so your family disowned you. Confusion intensifies: after they dumped you, your hubby left as well. This begs me to ask a couple of questions:

What the fuck was your ex still doing in your life if you’ve got a husband and kids?

The second question escapes me. As for your family, I don’t know all the details of the demise, so, assuming that you’re a good person, I hate to tell you, families can suck and let us all down.

Now before you enter Martyr Royalty and discard all of those who are supposed to love you unconditionally, ask yourself if their dislike for your ex was because they truly loved you and didn’t want to see a festering bad character in your life?

Bluntly, it’s your ex, he didn’t want you anymore, if he issued the pink slip, what the fuck is he hanging around for now? To make you feel worse? I know: “we’ve been through so much together and we really love each other.”

At what expense?

Seems to be the expense of your family and maybe even your marriage.

Yes, your family sucks. But look in the mirror and be truthful with yourself. And before you flush them down the toilet --- it’s your family, sit down with them, ask them why? I’m certain the answers may surprise you and they likely didn’t want to see you get hurt. They just sucked in the delivery of their message.

As for your ex, sorry to say, unless he had a brain aneurysm, and all emotional attachments, on both parts, including sexual, are gone, and you’ve determined that life is more important than petty emotions: He’s got no business hanging around in your life. Your responsibility was to your family first, husband and kids, after that, your extended families. After that, just be a kind person and don’t be too hard on yourself. And, smile.

Winding it all down. Call your mother and just listen. Don’t get defensive. Don’t tell her how much she hurt you, but do tell her you love her. Evolve yourself --- realize your family may have a ways to go. Don’t condemn them for that, unless you want to really be a martyr and keep screaming: “Poor Me.”

If by chance your family is a tragic unsalvageable mess: I’m sorry for you. That’s a tough place to find yourself and maybe it’s best if you uncover your mirror, add a few more mirrors, get extensive counseling and cry every now and then. I’m guessing they’re not.

As for your husband: of course I don’t know the details, but you must discard your ex and let your husband know that you’ve done so. Maybe he was tired of playing second fiddle. He was supposed to be number one.

Now the real tough love: The longer you go “Poor Me,” the more alone you’ll become. People, especially, new people, aren’t interested in the crap. Not initially at least. People like smiling and laughing and happiness. Misery will make them turn the other way. Do you want to be alone?

Hence, a little lie to yourself until your so bored with your misery may be the ticket.

And, pardon the expletive, fuck, you’ve got two kids, you're not alone, they are your priority. As for their friends, they’re kids, they’ll make their own. Just hug them and let them know you love them. Hell, two kids should be enough to fill your time with happiness, it has to be, if it’s not, you’re just being selfish. You’ve already got two exes do you want to up the count? Cause while you're needy, that is the only possibility. All you need to be thinking about is their happiness, your happiness in the future and you have no business even considering dating until your kids are at least into their mid to late teens.

Disagree if you’d like, but unless you’re an exception to the drama of mixing families, good luck.

Now go smile and hug your kids and tell them you love them. Maybe even tell them that you’re sorry.
>
And, be happy.

remember you asked…

the seed

P.S. Turn off the TV.

Reply to Question 27 when life issues a relentless barrage of crap

2007-05-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

To the Seed

I actually think your advice is a load of rubbish.

This is on a number of counts.

My husband and ex were one and the same person, I havent been messing behind my husbands back with an ex at all. He went off with another woman and left me with a one year old baby and 9 year old son to care for alone, because he told me later, he felt that he needed to feel attractive for someone else again. Was a middle aged man thing!!
As for my family, I made many approaches to them but to be rebuffed. My mother eventually did apologise after about two years. Sad thing she died just months later. Sometimes there is just nothing you can do unless the other parties concerned change their stance. Until then you can not do right for wrong. So all parties knew my circumstances but for their selfish reasons took the decision to just leave me alone with my kids.
I live for my kids and they have got me through this difficult period. I have absolutely nothing to apologise to them for, so dont know what you mean here. I have made them a comfortable home, got them into good schools and they are happy. They have regular contact with their father whom I am now on good terms with. I have only just turned 40 however, and i disagree that until im in my fifites when my youngest will be in her late teens that I must live like a nun and have no life of my own, no dating or anything. My mother devoted all her life to her kids, after my father died when she was in her 50s she never had another relationship. Her kids grew up, moved away, and in the end she said shed made a mistake. Her last couple of decades were lonely ones and she wished she had a life with someone else. She had had the opportunity to date again on a few occassions.
I think that you may not have children yourself, because to say this comment is so ignorant of real life. Mixed families may be difficult, but do actually work sometimes! Also what about my children's father. He has now finished with the woman he went off with. Should he also abstain from dating again until our children are in there late teens? He may not have custody, but he does have the children every alternate weekend and in the holidays.
I think your style of 'hard hitting' advice is a bit naff to be honest, and I originally wrote to you well over a year ago, and now just recieved your reply today. It is now totally irrelavent to me now. I have always been a cheerful easy going type of person, and yes that does help when making friends of which now I have many without the hindrance of a sometimes boorish husband. I dont think the photographs have helped either. I just think your reply has been a load of pretentious, showy bullshit and why you bothered emailing it to me today I will never know!!

Somehow I doubt my reply will get onto your blog.

From a very dissatisfied customer.

Stay tuned for the reply!

Coming soon… maybe even today.

If so: that’ll cut over a year off our reply time.

Don’t get too excited if we haven’t gotten to your question yet… life is kind of happening all around me/us and we do the best we can. As always, if you're in any serious emotional trouble, seek professional help. All we can do is offer opinion and comedy based on our own experiences and the experiences of those we know.

And come on, no matter what, the children come first. Life sucks at times and even if it crumbles around you, YES, regardless of what anyone else says, and it may be unfortunate, your life must be put on hold until such time that they are old enough and developed enough to understand. If people start chasing romance when they have small children, they are SELFISH, period.

Statistics prove this. Life proves this. 51% of first marriages end in divorce. It is nearing 80% for second marriages, guess who pays the price?

The kids first. Secondly, society. Just have a look around.

The previous few paragraphs are just opinion. They are general statements and not directed only at the reply. If they spark continued dialogue: great! If they make people give it some thought: great!

If you don't agree: good luck for your children.

Reply the reply to Question 27 just keep reading… i hope it’s good!

2007-05-26T10:59:00.000-07:00

Dear very dissatisfied nonpaying customer

51% of first marriages end in divorce. It is nearing 80% for second marriages, guess who pays the price?

But you know what, you come first, not the kids, not the world, you.

I’m going to end my bout of sarcasm now.

First up: based on your original question “VDNC,” what other answer could I possibly have given?

Secondly, I’m going to try not to stray too far into defensive mode.

Third, why the hell are you defensive?

Fourth, read the Ask Seed disclaimer.

And, I prefer “Hogwash” to “Rubbish.”

I’m sorry that it took so long to get back to you, you do know that we do this for no charge and sincerely do want to help people. In that spirit let’s review the advice we gave.

Hmm… flashback to yesterday, I thought based on your question you had an ex hanging around and your life came crashing down in flames. Probably a fair assumption based on the wording of your question. Therefore let’s see, based on those parameters it was suggested:

That life can be tough, unfair and cruel at times. Some very deep personal information was shared. With a hint of comedy, I might add. I know some may not find it to be comedy, that’s okay. Comedy happens to be part of the coping mechanism and since there are around seven billion of us on this rock, we may find different things to be funny.

To continue: it was conveyed that hopefully we all can find a place where the pain doesn’t destroy us. It’s part of life and that there are sad stories and the odd uplifting one where we survive and learn to come to terms with the pain and keep living. Hopefully, not broken and more so, able to function and smile from time to time.

There was some advice to seek help if you can’t cope. To not to dump all of your heartache on those who care about you. To realize that they also have challenges. Over and over it was suggested to try, try, try… to do the best you can and be happy.

There was some commentary on how tragic the world is at times and how we devour the tragedies of others (David Hasselhoff).

And, based on your ex and husband being two entirely different people, it was suggested: you’re family may have your best interests at heart and to not give up on them, yet.

And lastly, put your children first and try to be happy.

And this was all suggested: based on the wording of the question and with a sincere attempt to offer sage advice, while sharing very personal information.

Read your question again. What advice would you have given?

So how were the suggestions greeted?

“Your advice is rubbish.”

Wow… “VDNC,” why are you being so aggressive and bitter?

Now to address each of your points. It really is hard not to be sarcastic --- so bear with me if I show the odd weak moment.

My husband and ex were the same person, I haven’t been messing….

I’m going to only say these two things once, it is to be implied from this point forward for the rest of this reply. “Based on your original question” and “In my opinion.” Which by the way is taken from life experience.

Having said that, the answer would have taken on a slightly different tone with the knowledge of two becoming one. Something along these lines, your ex husband is a “bastard” for leaving you and your kids in such a horrible situation. Of course I don’t know the full details of your relationship and what had transpired before it all fell apart.

And without question, that sucks for you, and unfortunately, for the kids. Once kids enter the equation it all becomes complicated. If he left you based on mid-life crisis and totally out of the blue, I up the “bastard” quotient. Guys can be, pardon me, selfish pricks. Unfortunately, that is a product of a fast moving society that missed the boat on love, in my estimation, for the most part.

Remember when I answer it may be your question, however, the answer is directed to all readers. It is no longer just about you. If you take something positive away from it: great. If not: we tried to help and the effort is sincere. Meaning: some of the answer isn’t exactly your situation. Like the following:

Most people marry at twenty-seven for guys and twenty-three for woman. I think due to inflation it is around thirty and twenty-five now. Then we all follow the path of the past, kids, picket fence, a move to suburbia for economic reasons and we live happily ever after.

Until life happens. Death, job change, age, divorce, etc… And, it gets messy. Woman are traditionally in charge of raising the kids, often with little appreciation. Guys are in charge of bringing home the bacon, often with little appreciation. Or due to the new economic world, both work and leave the kids at home, all with little appreciation. And the kids begin to pay the price. Society as well.

And, life gets messier. Here is where “bastard” comes in. After life happens… guys start to make more money. Their wife puts on a few pounds and is exhausted all the time. Special moments start slipping away. The office becomes a comfortable place and, bang, they fuck up their families and the lives of others, including their own by thinking the grass is greener.

Who ultimately pays?

The kids of course. And, society. And all those left behind to pick up the pieces.

If your first thought was: “me”. Go to your mirror now and have a heart to heart.

As for the wording of your reply: he seems to have followed the flawed plan to perfection.

And, “bastard” really kicks in when he tells you he needed to feel validated. Why the bleep did he feel he needed to hurt you by sharing that with you?

Cause he is selfish. In my… The grass is not greener and leaving two children behind… I’ll hold off on my words… way to go society… let’s keep repeating history.

Of course this is all assuming you had no role in the demise of the relationship.

As for my family, I made…

I don’t understand what you're trying to say. Made approaches?

There must be a reason they didn’t approve of your ex? Did they approve of him when he was your husband?

If the disapproval comes after the split up: your family was on your side and they wanted the best for you. After breakups I’ve always loved when my friends have done the hating for me --- it gave me time to heal.

If the disapproval came before: that is pretty marginal, they are supposed to support and love. Unless of course there is a reasonable reason for the disapproval, ie: drug addict, abusive, drunk, amongst countless other things. Then, again: it is because they love you.

Maybe their lack of support was delivered in the wrong way, but it seems that they may have had good instincts. He left you. Hurt you badly. And he left his kids.

And from my experience, “change their stance,” sounds like a load of crap. Why do people continually try to win their family and intimate relationships? It can’t be done.

Sounds like no one will listen to each other and all they want to do is force their judgment down each others throats. Everybody is too busy trying to be right. What a waste of life. And if they don’t win ---- each retreats to their respective corners crosses their arms and live miserably missing all that is important in life. Trust me: I’ve known firsthand.

Your mother was willing to miss her grandkids' life… wow! How tragic. And regrettably, not reversible. It’s a shame that she apologized and then passed away. Again, sorry to say: how tragic. If you ever read our book, or my first memoir, you’ll understand I’ve got way too much of an understanding on this topic.

“VDNC,” I’m going to venture a guess that you’re not selfishness free in this equation… If I’m wrong --- tell me I’m rubbish.

I live for my kids…

I’m going to guess you’ve picked the wrong words for part of this. “They have got me through…” You’re the adult here. You were supposed to help them get through their heartache. Sure, they give you something other than yourself to think about, that is probably what you meant, cause, if you are leaning on a one and nine year old to help you through tough times… again I’ll spare the words.

It’s great that you’re on good terms with their father. It’s for the kids. It’s great that you’ve built a solid home and got them into good schools. That’s fantastic, especially with all the crap you’ve been dealing with, but, and I know that you’ll disagree with this, YES, your kids come first. They are your life now. When I said mid to late teens, that is probably the case, but you’ll have to decide when it is okay for them to see mommy replace daddy. You’ll have to decide when they can mix with other kids from another broken marriage. Kids are fragile --- you know that. You were one and you still seem to be, fragile that is. Life sees to that. We all are.

What’s wrong with all of us?

Look, your mother and you both screwed up, for whatever reason. And she tells you she made a mistake by not dating while she raised her children. That was really nice. Up till I made a mistake devoting the life to my kids… great. After, I’m sorry for you.

Again, your kids come first. Life is sometimes not fair. It is your choice how you impact their lives. Don’t be a nun, but don’t keep the cycle going. We may be getting it wrong.

Sounds like your mother became lonely of her own choice. Cutting out her grandchildren. (Insert expletive). Sounds a little like you want to repeat the cycle.

I know, “rubbish”.

I think you may not have children…

I don’t. But I see kids from broken homes everyday. Let’s see: They do drugs. They feel entitled. They feel hopeless and lost. They stab each other. They.... Shall I go on? Sure, why not? They run around screaming for someone to love them. And, at the end of it all they repeat what mommy and daddy did, over and over and over again. Next we all load up on therapy and antidepressants and start accepting it as “just the way the world is.”

Wow, could we all fail any more miserably than that? I don’t need my own kids to see the tragedy. I do, however, have godchildren and if anything was to happen to their parents, my life would change and I’d assume my role fully. I wouldn’t subject the kids to anymore confusion than they’re already going through. Certain aspects of my life if they weren’t already in place, would be put on hold.

People who choose not to have kids for whatever reason, are the only ones who don’t screw up their nonexistent kids lives. Too abstract?

Again, kids come first. Always.

Unfortunately, it is different for guys, unfair, but different. Should your ex abstain? Yes. But isn’t his lack of abstaining the reason for the mess to begin with? The unfair comes in because he is no longer the primary caregiver, and therefore, not around the kids all of the time…

As for the mixed families, sure, a few have worked, but for every few that work, thousands and thousands fail miserably. They have this tendency to complicate things beyond all belief, and again, mess up the kids involved.

I know: “There was a lady who smoked three packs a day and lived to a hundred.”

There were also a billion people who’ve smoked, who died at fifty. We can all justify if we try hard enough.

I think your style of ‘hard hitting’… I don’t think the photographs…

The beauty of being able to write this column is because I’m removed from the situation and I am not concerned about holding back my opinions. What’s the point of that? We’ve got Dr. Phil for trying to salvage marginal relationships and coddling.

I don’t like the way a lot of the things about how we treat each other. It really sucks. And, it sucks big time to get hurt. Having said that, it’s part of life. I don’t know every detail of everyone who writes in, therefore, it is impossible to hit on every aspect of every question. And frankly, if you're on a ledge, I’m not qualified to talk you down. This column is about entertainment and it offers opinions, life experience and hopefully an olive branch.

Sorry for taking so long to reply. Like said, life has been ongoing.

As for this being irrelevant to you: from your statements, I think it likely is. It sounds like your family has this, like most, need to feel they are right, including you, or it’s off to the corner to miss each other's life. Your mother did it. You’ve done it. And when it was virtually too late, you tried to make up. How tragic.

My family has been part of the same program --- on a much more bizarre level, and guess what? I’m the kid in the equation. Long story. I’ve forgiven. They’re still in the corner. We’ve missed each other lives. It sucks.

Speaking for the kids of the world --- I get to wear the pain daily.

Sorry to say, you seem to be bitter. I hope I’m wrong. But you even took shots at the photographs. They’re just photos from a walk and now that I look at them, based upon my interpretation of the original question, sure, China Town may not have any relevance, the others on the other hand, do. And, they’re just photographs.

I leave you with this, my mantra for living:

Live everyday to the fullest. Smile. Hug each other. Nurture and treat your family and friends like gold, even if they haven’t evolved yet. Be kind to all others. Try to avoid confrontation. If you screw up don’t be too hard on yourself. And, be happy.

If that’s showy bullshit --- I guess I’m not bitter, jaded and cynical enough, yet.

no reply goes without a response

the seed

P.S.: The time and effort to answer and respond comes with no remuneration and is a product of sincerely giving a shit about people and the world. If you’re unsatisfied with our responses --- keep searching for someone to tell you what you want to hear.

P.P.S.: I’m sticking to my guns on this one, if you have kids and your marriage and life comes crumbling down, they come first. You’ll have to decide for yourself when they are old enough not to be damaged by your needs. If you don’t care and want to subject them to new potential “mothers and fathers” is there any other term than "selfish"?

The formula isn’t working let’s quit screwing up the future!

Now go hug your children and tell them you love them.

“Hogwash!”

one last postscript

Somehow I doubt my reply will get onto your blog.

Did I miss something? Did you win our conversation? Why wouldn’t I post your reply?

I was just trying to help, offer opinion, entertain… I didn’t realize that a “cheerful easy going type of person,” would be so focused on being right. I’m also not sure why’d they’d ask a question and would be upset if the answer isn’t to their liking?

Lastly, I’m not sure why a “cheerful easy going type of person,” would feel the need to state that fact.

Now for the big finish.

Be happy!

asked & answered

2007-02-06T08:53:00.000-08:00

ask seed: table of contents

See an Ask Seed question title that peeks your interest. Simply click on its link at the bottom of the left hand column and be whisked away to its home page. Questions about: boobs, the seed, shaving, and life in general. Something for everyone... even you!

As always, enjoy the unrelated photo journey we’ve posted for your visual stimulation.
.

updated frequently…

We’re baaacccckkkk!

2007-02-06T08:52:00.000-08:00

After an extended summer, fall and part of winter hiatus, Ask Seed is returning and we promise to be both: New & Improved.

We promise to provide you with the same valuable Ask Seed insight and comedy.
We promise to continue to be hard-hitting and relevant.
We promise to continue to provide you with original Ask Seed photography and art work.
And most of all, we promise to leave you wanting more.

We’ve recently posted all of the Ask Seed questions that we’ve received to date. Allowing you to see where your question is in the question & answer queue. Once you know where you are --- you’ll be able to decide if you have enough time to run to the fridge for a snack and a drink.

So friends, all we need from you: sit back, unbuckle your belt, take off your bra and pull out your life, love and relationship queries and send them to Seed Headquarters at askseed@hotmail.com and we will get to your heartache in due time.

Oh yeah, we almost forgot, tell all of your friends!

We’ll try to answer at least one question per week. More if Ask Seed turns into a viable money making venture.

As if that is not enough, if you’d like to take a stab at being a guest Seed and answer one of the questions simply do the following.

Come up with a catchy Seed moniker, ie: Female Seed, Gay Seed or even Ghoulish Seed.
Answer the question using the following steps. 1) “take the piss” out of the question. Translation: have some fun and test out your comedic chops. 2) relate your answer to personal experiences. Translation: if the question is about albino transvestites, share your albino transvestite experiences. 3) and most important, offer some sage advice. Translation: the questions are from real people, with real concerns, therefore, show some gentle loving care. Let’s make the world a better place. Remember: your gentle loving care can be in the form of: stern laughter inducing advice.
Now the tough part. In the effort to streamline Ask Seed --- we ask you to do it less than 600 words. Even The Seed is going to adhere to the new word restrictions --- we’ve promised to reduce and streamline the off tangent ramblings of the past. With new more precise ramblings in the future. Which happens to be: “in the moment.”

Doesn’t sound too difficult now, does it?

So what are you waiting for?

Ask away.

And when you do…

remember you asked

partially nude seed

P.S. Ask Seed answers have never been tested on animals or plants. We tried once to test one on my cat, but she hid under the couch. Don’t worry the cat has been sacked. If the response to Ask Seed continues to be overwhelming and we pick one of your answers for publication --- a prize will be rewarded. Prizes to be determined at a later date.

P.S.S.LMNOP. Visit our website at www.seedenterprises.com .

P…S. Put your clothes back on --- it’s cold out for Christ’s sake!

Last note: Below, yeah down there, under these words, do a little scrolling and you’ll find: Question 26... What you waiting for? --- get reading.

Question 26: looking for answers in all the wrong places

2007-02-06T08:39:00.000-08:00

Dear Seed

you still here?

here

Mind you why do people still stay on here for a long time after they've got over being dumped?

At the moment I find it a bit depressing and want to move on, but, its addictive.

Is this being sad?

The cyber world is wierd, hav just spoken to guy who is all jockey and whackey on site, but wasn't this way when actually tried to be jockey on chat site.

So nothing really is better than good old fashioned face to face relationships is it?

Dumbo x

Note: Dumbo x, is referring to the website: www.beendumped.com where the heartbroken congregate to share their stories and pain. Seed does not correct the grammar and spelling of the questioners, hell, he sometimes doesn’t edit the answers. At least not initially.

Dear Dx

Where’s here?

If you’re referring to my office in my living room, right now, as I type this, yes. Other than that, no. Unless of course, I’m there and that there is what you’re referring to as, here.

Senseless rambling? Yes.

Why do people hang out on a tragedy filled, aching heart website, which caters to the beaten down and depressed?

Simple answer: because misery begets misery. Because, unfortunately, people like to wallow. Happiness is friggen tough. Depression is easy. Happiness takes work. Depression comes from opening your eyes and looking out at the world. You don’t have to look far, or read much, to be stomped into mulch.

Listen. Listen carefully. A wise old man on a park bench once told me; after I asked the question: What matters? He stoically stated: “That’s simple, people matter, unfortunately I think we’ve lost sight of that.”

What does this have to do with your query? Everything. We’ve all been dumped at some time in our lives. Pardon the language, it fucking sucks. However, it’s a growing experience. If you allow it to be.

This website and others like it, provide an excellent service, they allow the heartbroken to share stories and realize that they’re not alone. Here’s the problem: visiting them needs to be short. Really short. If you haven’t been hit on the head a gazillion times with bricks, it really shouldn’t take too long to realize: lingering agony over being dumped by someone, isn’t worth the time. If you choose to spend your time rehashing heartache and pretending that you had the greatest relationship --- ever, and you didn’t see the end coming, leaving you reeling and spinning out of control in a tear-filled downward spiral, welcome to a pathetic life.

alive

Look, these websites serve a purpose, their intention is usually pure and if they help to pull one person off a depressive ledge, then they’ve provided a priceless olive branch. In my opinion: too long of a visit is dangerous to mental health. As much as I don’t believe the statements: get over or move on, I believe it is vitally important to avoid lingering. To quit looking for angles. By angles, I mean: someone who’ll agree with your sad story and allow your wounds to keep festering, leaving you in a depressive state. You’re right, depression is addictive, it’s much easier to stay down than to rise to the stars. Hanging out with other lost souls will eventually become a necessary fix. You’re highs will come from misery. And, heaven forbid, you meet someone on one of these sites, my god, a match made out of need. Good luck.

I’m sure the one exception to the previous statement will scream, “We met on the site and we’ve found true love.” Sorry to tell you, you’re living an illusion, and when it all comes crumbling down… you can tell another sad story.

Bold statement: not really, think about it, if you meet someone while sharing sadness, how could it possibly end in anything but more sadness? You forgot to take the time to recover. Neediness is not attractive and will eventually become weary.

Radical suggestion:

Visit these sites. Read a couple of stories. Realize that they all share the same common threads and eventually become painfully boring. Understand that most people are screwed up. Choose not to be that way, well, to at least try. Decide that, the (insert your own expletive) who dumped you, is not worth anymore time. Cope. Quit listening to sad songs. LIVE. Tell everyone you ‘meat’, “I’m doing great.” Even if you’re lying. Practice smiling. Don’t allow anyone to share sad stories with you, at least limit them, until you’re in a better head space. Rebound. Stay away from the websites after you’ve had your fill of tragedy. Do this quickly. Don’t, I repeat, don’t, date anyone from these sites, that doesn’t mean, never, don’t date anyone while they are hanging out on these sites. Maybe in the future, after they’ve been away from the sites for a long, long time. As far as dating goes, don’t date anyone, anywhere, as long as you feel the need to go to these websites. Trust me, you’re too needy, and next, will end up being a repeat of, last. Be brutally honest with yourself.

Lastly, take care of yourself. Surround yourself with ‘shiny, happy people’. Treat those you love like gold. Everyone else, with respect. Avoid confrontation. Smile. Treat the earth with kindness. Reach for the stars. Lock misery out and throw away the key. Cry. Cope. Learn. Smile again and again. And when the time is right, drop your guard, and let love in again.

Oh yeah! Yes, face-to-face, is much better. Online is full of smoke and mirrors. Emailing allows editing. Chat isn’t much better, however, it’ll strip away wit if one’s witless. And really, stay away from any clown who’s banging on you while you’re down. Needy wouldn’t be the term I’d use to describe a jester like that. He’s nothing more than a …

Bye for now.

Be happy!

remember you asked

seed

Moments of Appreciation

2006-06-03T08:38:00.000-07:00

As much as Ask Seed is a place for us to practice our comedic chops, we do really care about people, the world and life in general. In that spirit, we try to avoid mincing words and once we get through our need to spill random thoughts, we sincerely try to give the best suggestions to your problems by sharing some of our experiences. We truly hope that our words help in some way. Even if that is the odd chuckle.

Every now and then we receive a message thanking us for our efforts. The thank you messages mean the world to us. The following is a message we received from our answer to Question 23 Selfish Narcissistic Bastard ‘Mon’. To read the original tidbits of advice just follow the link below.

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006/05/question-23-selfish-narcissistic.html

We’ll even whisk you away to the tropics for a few moments in the sunshine.

Thank you Seed!!!

You are so right about the title, "Selfish narcissistic bastard" perfect description of my soon to be former husband and me.

"Rebuilding self-esteem". Excellent, and again, right on.

Thank you for understanding. Your very insightful, no wonder you write and take photos.

Guess what he did to me just last month?

Robbed my house, yes, broken in, smashed the back window, stole everything I loved. Now I am so out of here, taking my dog with cat before they end up dead, and moving far, far away from here, perhaps changing my name.

You can now add sociopath to narcissistic bastard.

If you pray, pray for me, that God keeps me safe until I am move.

Beautiful pictures of tulips, those are my favorite flowers. Perhaps I am a bulb, a tulip bulb....soon to be blossoming in the sun.

I am planning on moving to So Cal, perhaps Laguna Beach, somewhere warm near the water.

Thanks again.

Rebuilding Esteem

You’re Welcome!

Online love can be heaven or hell
by the seed

To continue on with the feel good theme, as you may or may not know Seed is a regular contributor to a Daily Commuter paper: 24 Hours Vancouver (readership 169,000). His articles have ranged from Dating to Chronic Drug Abuse to Speed Racing all the way back to Dating.

Let’s just say that he has a lot to say and somehow manages to hold it together for long enough stints to share his somewhat lucid thoughts to help ease the pain of the daily commute.

His most recent article: Online love can be heaven or hell, appeared in the June 1st edition. To read the article just follow the link below.

http://vancouver.24hrs.ca/Lifestyle/2006/06/01/1609038-sun.html

You like?

It’s good to have you back. Seed is only allowed 450 words and if you’ve been a regular reader of Ask Seed, I’m sure you understand how difficult the word restriction is on him. He has trouble saying hello in 450 words.

Hello, Bonjour, Olla, Ketchup, Poutine, Yummy…

Since this post is all about “giving the crew at seed enterprises a little sugar,” we’re happy to say we received some. The following is a reader comment that was published in the paper the day after the article. We like. Kind words make us happy.

I LAUGHED SO HARD while reading Lindsay Wincherauk’s column on the train today (24 hours, June 1). It is so right on the mark! Having experienced both the heaven and the hell of internet dating. I know exactly what Lindsay’s talking about. Thanks Lindsay!

-Kerstin Katzmann, via email.

If you’re wondering who this Lindsay guy may be - rumor has it - he may be the seed. It is however just a rumor.

Thanks Kerstin.

Now for a touch of Seed Levity

The following is an artists rendition (projection) on what Seed’s personal ad may look like if he was in the market for love.

Moniker

The Love Curator

The artist, Louis, believes this is likely the most recent picture seed would have in his collection. Louis also believes the photo is a strong indication of how the seed likely dresses today. Pretty damn snazzy.

Orientation

In the woods I like to use a compass. In the city I pretty much know my way around. When you give it some thought it’s not that tough, you’ve got A and B. If you want to get from A to B you walk in a straight line. Buildings may get in your way. If that happens, you have a couple of choices. If it’s a business, like a Shopping Mall, you can enter and continue walking in that straight line. If it is somebody’s home - I walk around it. And, if it is water, I usually use a bridge.

See, it’s not that difficult.

Profession

Fly girl, no that’s not it. Fly guy, no again. Aspiring author, entrepreneur, comic, photographer, krumper and curator.

Height/Weight

I’m a lot taller when I’m standing. I’m also taller when I’m surrounded by midgets, which is very rare. I seem to be a little taller than most people. How do I know? I cut my the top of my head shaving my head and nobody has commented on the cuts. As for weight. I’ll weight as long as it takes to find someone who I really like and want to kiss. That is: if they meet my Height/Weight and non-troll like requirements.

Dreams

Usually when I’m sleeping. Sometimes when I’m drinking - I’m not sure if those qualify as dreams. I sometimes dream when I’ve been out in the hot sun for 12 hours without water.

As for corny dreams: I actually want to make people smile and perhaps even make bit of a difference. Don’t you?

Looking for

I don’t mind nudity. Consensual of course. I’m not really a big fan of mass nudity though - that sort of creeps me out. I think people should save their naughty bits for the appropriate moments and not be so free with them. Everybody may be beautiful in some way, often though its not on the outside and if that’s the case keep it inside and show only those who love you. They’ll look once they’ve discovered your inner beauty. Before then you may blow the deal.

I’m honestly not looking. If I was, hmm, let me see, you’d have to be alive, that’s important. I’d like you to be pretty, to me. Which really has a wide range. I’d like you to be fit. I’d like you to be passionate about life. Most important, I’d like a connection that leads us to a land where our quiet moments are just as precious as all others and we reach a point where we know we’re better off together.

If I was looking: I wouldn’t be looking for someone who wants me to save them. You can save me if you’d like. Especially if I was drowning or in some other precarious situation. If you can’t swim - I suggest getting someone to help you. Actually, to help me. I’m the one in trouble.

I guess in summation. I’d want someone who points at me, laughs and then we just make things better together.

Followed by: nudity.

Important Seed Announcement

The preceding was a Mock Up of what renowned international artist Louis felt a seed personal ad may look like. In no way is any of the ad based upon reality, or, real stuff period for that matter. Seed would like to assure you that other than the odd naked stint, he can neither confirm or deny any of the subject matter that Louis subjected you to.

Seed also would like to stress that no testing was done on humans and that due to his bold rendition and the liberties he has taken with Seed's heart - Louis has been SACKED.

end isa

Now for a dash of serious

Seed (Lindsay) really is an aspiring author. His first book: Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular) has garnered media attention and has received some outstanding reviews. For more information on the book visit: http://www.seedenterprieses.com/ .

Seed and Seed Enterprises would now like to move the "aspiring" up to the next level. Currently we have a second and third book virtually completed - these two books are being prepared for future publication. Having said that, Seed is now completing a fourth book that he feels has incredible potential to have an amazing print run. He also feels that it would translate well to the Big Screen or the Boob Tube for that matter. Let’s just say the upside is unlimited.

As for the book - it is a true story - it is hilarious - it will evoke every emotion imaginable - it will blow the readers away - it truly is a story of perseverance.

In that spirit, we’d entertain discussing its potential with agents/publishers/media and you. If you are a member any of these groups we’d love to hear from you.

Send us a shout out to: theseedvan@hotmail.com

Why would you take the step to explore?

Because Seed is passionate about what he is doing and he feels he has an important message to share. He also has a snippet of talent.

Once again: Thank you for all of your kind words. We do truly appreciate them.

Question 25 DA first love bites

2006-05-27T18:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Seed,

I'm dying of a broken heart.

I met him at church. I’m the kind of girl who has a hard time trusting guys. Before I met Cody, I had never really dated, I was Seventeen. It’s not like my parents wouldn’t let me; it’s that I wouldn’t let myself. I was always scared that I would just get hurt or that I would just get used.
Well, when I met Cody, all of that changed.

I first met him when we were in the Oasis room. He and several of his friends were sitting behind my cousin and me. They were talking about the movie Faces of Death. I turned around to make a comment about the really gross part with the monkey.

Anyway, he talked to my cousin and told her to put in a good word for him. When she told me that, I got really excited because he was such a good Christian.

So later that week after we exchanged numbers threw my cousin. He called and we went out to Pizza Hut, we both had a great time. After that we went out a few more times, then he asked me out.

I don’t know why I was so stupid, but I said yes. He just made me feel so happy, loved and protected.

It was during those few dates that I found out that he was a Virgin. I was raped, so I couldn’t really say anything, I just told him no when he asked.

It was right after that, I can remember the very second I fell in love with him, this part of my heart grew.

He was the sweetest person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. He held my hand; bought me flowers said everything I wanted to hear. He told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Took me out on amazing dates. He was the first guy to ever take me out on a date, or hold my hand.

We were together for nine months. We saw each other every day. I told him everything, even that I was raped.

He bought me a ring, and told me to promise that I would love him forever. I knew I would, so I promised.

I forgot about all of my friends, and just became closer, and closer to Cody, until he was my entire world.

It made me so happy how I made him so happy. He was my best friend, and during the nine months I made a mistake. We started having sex. It meant so much to me, but we were both Christian, so I felt guilty. Sex took me away from god, but got me closer to Cody.

Cody was my everything.

Then the fights started. I hadn’t spent any time with my friends. My friends would ask me if I wanted to hang out, so I would make plans with them. When I would tell Cody that I was going to go out with my friends, he would get mad. He would say things like “you never spend time with me.”

I spent literally every day with him; I loved spending all my time with him.

But he would feel so bad that I wanted to spend time with my friends. Like on the verge of tears. I would call my friends and tell them some lie, and spend the day with Cody.

That went fine until my best friend’s 18th birthday party.

I told Cody months ahead of time that I was FOR SURE going to go to her birthday party.

He got really hurt because he wasn’t invited. I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t anything against him, It was just that Jen and I were going to do this.

Well he told me that I could go if I didn’t drink.

I drank, and on October 30th. He broke up with me. He told me that on that first drink, I broke up with him.

I didn’t think any of this would end up this way. He told me that he would love me forever.

Then he started with the stupid bull shit line; “I want to be your friend".

Ugh. No

He ignored my phone calls, never came over.

A couple of days after we broke up he asked me to come over.

I cried, he wouldn't kiss me, he wouldn’t hold me, and he didn’t even want to look at me.

I don’t know what I did to him to hurt him THAT bad, but I wish I never would have.

If I knew that going to that party meant so much to him, I would have stayed home. I feel so depressed, and all I can seem to do is cry. I wish I still had Cody, I want to spend the rest of my life with him!

Please write back with hope!

Regards,

Dismantled Lover

Dear DL

When I first read your question I couldn’t help but think: This is far too easy.

You’ve set me up to dismantle you and to rip into every aspect of your young love, rendering you a broken fool. Then, I read it again and I couldn’t help but feel for you. Not sorry for you, but instead you’ve got some serious issues to deal with and I wish you all the best trying to come to terms with who you are and what your future has in store for you. I think this may be a very important time in your life and the decisions you make now may impact all of your future relationships.

I can’t even imagine the damage being raped has caused you. It must be horrific. No wonder you have trouble trusting guys. Regardless of your fragile state I am not going to hold back on my opinions of what I think you need to do? Remember, they are just that, my opinions.

My first recommendation, if you haven’t already - go to a counselor. It is important that you find someone you feel comfortable around and that you feel that you can open up to. You need to find someone who will mostly listen to you and allow you to talk through your pain. If you go to a counselor and you don’t feel comfortable - find another counselor. I’m going to guess the last thing you need right now is someone judging you.

Secondly, what the hell are you dating for at seventeen? Let me expand: Seventeen is for fun. Seventeen is for letting your hair down and having fun with your friends. Seventeen is for having crushes on boys and puppy love. Seventeen is a time for you to change your mind a million times and like Dan one moment and Steve the next. Seventeen is a time to think you’ve figured all out only to find out at forty you really knew squat. Seventeen is a time for pillow fights.

I’m a little troubled that considering what has happened to you that your parents would allow you to date. I hope by "dating" they mean just hanging out with guys and going to the mall....

“DL”, you’ve got your whole life to be saddled down with love. You have your whole life to enter into power struggles about what you need from a boyfriend and lover. No relationship that starts at 17 has any hope in hell of surviving what life is going to dish out to you in the next fifty years. At 17, 18, 19, 20, 21... You know squat. Doesn’t mean you're not smart. Just means when it comes to life and its struggles you’re just beginning your journey (rape aside).

I know that the youth of society when they read the last paragraph are going to cite examples of relationships that started young and survived. Some may even try to shower me with their superior intelligence. All I have to say to you : PISS OFF.

Hell, how intelligent can you possibly be? You showered me with intelligence. Water is the only true cleanser.

Next, stay away from monkeys.

I also suggest staying away from guys named Cody. The name Cody doesn’t scream long term. While on the subject, neither does: Britney, Chad or Tiffany. I’m sure there are many other names that fall into this category, I’m just not seeing maturity being part of the equation when you are given youthful names. I could be wrong. Wait, Mrs. Spears (-Federline) is proving my point.

“DL”, you may be a wee bit choked at me for this: What the heck does being a good Christian have to do with anything? Wow, I said heck instead of hell. If it is imperative for you to be with a Christian that is fine, but, and this is a big but, isn’t it far more important that he is a good person?

Christians for centuries have come in all sorts: good, bad, fat, ugly, beautiful, crack heads, murders, rapists, thieves, lawyers, used car salesmen and so on and so on. I get a little frustrated with you saying that he was a good Christian. I don’t even know what that is supposed to mean.

I worked with a “good Christian” who was the most self-centered, judgmental bastard I’ve ever met. He thought that all he had to do was try to recruit others to the cause and that made him a good person. He reeked of insincerity.

“DL”, date Christians if that is what you need to do. Please don’t imply that good Christians are inherently better than “GOOD PEOPLE”. Maybe some day if you give a good person a chance you may start to view the world a little bit differently and with an open heart and mind.

Just some food for thought.

Speaking of food: avoid Pizza Hut for a while.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: No guy is the sweetest guy in the world. Except for me of course. We may do sweet things. We may genuinely be looking out for your best interests. We may want to take care of you. We may have wonderful qualities that make us keepers. However, we all have our flaws and dysfunctions.

Seventeen is a dangerous time for guys. Peer pressure: the media, erections and a whole host of other hormonal changes are taking place that drives each and every one of us - Christian or not - to want to score. I don’t care how sweet Cody is, if the hormones were firing on all cylinders he’d have told you anything to get busy with you. Doesn’t mean he didn’t mean it in “the moment” however, after “the moment” passed and his quest was complete everything about life changes. He probably was trying to figure out what just happened. And, is it rude if I shower up right away?

Look, you’re banging on yourself pretty hard for having sex. I’ll let you in on another little secret: (I apologize in advance for the profanity) Everybody has fucking sex. It is part of life. It is beautiful. It at times is naughty and at others a wee bit kinky. It runs a whole gamut of exploration. Western culture has made us so ridiculously uptight about sex. Having it doesn’t change your core. Having it to win love or manipulate, well, that is an entirely different subject. Having sex is nothing more than having sex. Cut yourself some slack. You can’t go through life persecuting yourself for things that are simply part of life.

It’s time for me to summarize.

“DL”, you’re way too young to even consider a long term relationship. It will never work. More important, it will never work until you deal with what has happened to you. You must see someone and work that out. If you don’t you will put way too much pressure on your intimate relationships. Relationships don’t usually survive massive amounts of pressure. It is unfair of you to ask for someone to save you from the big, bad, scary world. That is something that you’ll have to do yourself.

“Sweetie”, you need to forgive yourself for all the things that you're judging yourself about. You’re human. What happened to you wasn’t your fault.

Having sex with someone you care about is natural. Feeling guilty because you had sex is also natural.

As for Cody. He’s done. He doesn’t know what he wants yet. And, to give you a hard time because you had a drink - how did he become the one who gets to pass judgment? Hey what the hell are you drinking for anyway? Aren’t you under age?

You didn’t hurt him at all. You cared about him and shared an important time of your life with him. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable. Remember, Cody is young too and he is sorting through his own shit. Everything is happening so fast and the whole world is changing around you guys. He is likely trying to figure out what he wants and the drinking is a lame excuse to just cast you aside. Perhaps the current version of Cody shuns drinking and will not allow it in his life (for now).

Finally, losing your first love really sucks. We get wrapped up in how we’ll never survive or find someone so wonderful ever again. It can consume us leading to tears and despair. The hard truth, for whatever reason you and Cody are not meant to be. Not right now at least. I repeat that you and Cody are not meant to be. You need to find a way to come to terms with that. If you don’t you’ll tarnish the memory of your first love and I know you are way too smart to do that.

In time the heartache will pass. It always does. In the meantime look after yourself. Try to be happy. Lie about it if you must. Tell people you’re doing great. Eventually the lie will become reality and you will have forgotten why you pined for Cody so much in the first place.

Most important, get some help to deal with your other issues - I know that in the future you want to become a beautiful, caring, vibrant, women whose independence will become one of your greatest character traits. Like said: if someone becomes your "everything" - your relationship doesn’t stand a chance long term. You must be able to stand on your own and “DL” at the present moment you don’t seem capable of doing that.

As for hope. You’re a wicked individual. You’re young. Once you conquer your demons “true love” will find you when you least expect it. Cody wasn’t it.

Smile, have a blast with your friends and remember to:

BE HAPPY!

Remember you asked

the seed

Remember to check out our website: www.seedenterprises.com .

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 4

2006-05-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends!

Mr. X won’t go away my friends. He seems to enjoy languishing in a land of pain.

I have traveled far beyond feeling sorry for him. In fact, I’m having trouble keeping up with his ongoing saga. To date I have 8 installments. Mr. X is plain and simply just goofy.

Fun, that is the first time I used ‘goofy’ in my writings.

To bring you up to snuff here you may click on the links below. Not only will you find sagacious advice - you’ll find fun and funky artwork and photography. So sit back, relax and enjoy.

Don’t forget to check out http://www.seedenterprises.com/ and also feel free to fire your questions to the crew here at Seed Headquarters at askseed@hotmail.com . We promise to help lighten the loads of life. At least we promise to make you guffaw.

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 1

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006/03/question-18-infinite-saga-of-mr-x-part.html

My favorite picture in this post: Perfection.

This was a very tough call.

F Bomb meter: 4.

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 2

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006/03/question-18-infinite-saga-of-mr-x-part_17.html

My favorite picture in this post: Mirror.

F Bomb meter: 13.

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 3

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006/03/question-18-infinite-saga-of-mr-x-part_29.html

My favorite picture in this post: Mr. Popularity.

F Bomb meter: 5.

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 4

Talked to Mr. X quite a bit last week. Mrs. X can't decide who she wants right now. "The decision will have to wait..... "

I don't think she is capable of "making a decision", because she is unsure of what she wants. However, I believe the fact that she can't decide in favor of Mr. X and their "marriage" is a clear decision against him.

Mr. X stated: "The relationship is over, but the marriage is not. Maybe she will decide in a few months or maybe at the end of the year, so living together now is not an option."

In any case, he is looking for a new apartment.

He also told me a bit of the "advice" from other people he had received. A priest he knows advised him: "You must fight for your relationship". A friend said he should "get revenge" on Mrs. X by sleeping with other women.

If there is any piece of "advice" that I truly hate then it is this one. What a load of crap.... What or who is he supposed to fight for? A woman who cheated on him? A woman who let him fly thousands of miles to visit her and then disrespect him by sending him away and sleeping with someone else? A person who isn't sure if she wants to be with him and shows him that by entertaining a relationship with someone else? Should he fight for a relationship which has absolutely no foundation, just a history of seven years?

Mrs. X gave the following reply, when Mr. X shared this tidbit of fantastic advice with her: "Oh, thank God you didn't 'fight' for me - that would only have driven me farther away...."

As for sleeping with other women: it is no longer cheating, as sex without a relationship is just sex. I don't think it would be good to jump into a new relationship, but maybe he should just start living for himself (and if that includes rebound sex then good for him).

I conveyed the advice you have given and listened as much as I could. I emphasized that if he feels that he needs to change, then only for himself and not because his cheating wife thinks he has to become more interesting, to have more drive, to become taller, funnier or younger.

Hopefully he will seize his chance to live and figure some things out for himself and not just "wait for a decision from Mrs. X". She stopped wearing her ring at least a month and a half ago and is considering moving to Boston to be with Doc India.....

That is the last segment for a while.

Best regards,

FIN

Dear FIN

Where the hell is my greeting?

No: Dear Seed?

No: Hey Seed?

No: Hey Wise Man who provides the world with generous helpings of brilliant bordering on genius advice complete with groundbreaking snippets of insight and comedic gems?

No: Hey Fucker.

“FIN,” that hurts. It really, really hurts. Are you starting to take me for granted? Are you trying to decide between my and another help guru? If you are I won’t wait. I won’t stick around. I deserve to be treated with respect. I deserve to be Number 1.

If you can’t live up to that, then I want you to get the fuck out of my kitchen. Now. I mean it.

What the hell are you doing in my kitchen anyway?

FIN has never been in my kitchen. Nor will he ever be. Maybe one day - who knows? I’m just thinking it is very unlikely. Not that FIN wouldn’t be a good friend to have. I think he would. He listens to his dumb assed lawyer friend Mr. X. That must certainly be a difficult task. The point: if FIN ever enters my kitchen without my permission, I’ll call the cops and whoop his ass.

You got that FIN?

I thought so.

“FIN,” I’ve thrown on my sagacious thinking cap and I’ve come up with an answer for you to relay to Mr. X.
.

An official seed apology
before he makes what some might feel
is an offensive comment
that borders on tasteless
but needs to be said.

Sorry.

End of:
An official seed apology
before he makes what some might feel
is an offensive comment
that borders on tasteless
but needs to be said.

Mrs. X is nothing more than a Dish Rag Whore.

She is using Mr. X up and playing him for the willing fool that he has become. Are lawyers stupid?

“FIN,” she knows exactly what she wants and it isn’t him. Sure since she’s been mopping up counter messes for such a long time now that she’s become festering and a tad smelly I might add, that all she really wants from any man is validation. She is consumed with her own lofty sense of self worth.

As I keep reading over Mr. X perplexing bouts of logic, “the relationship is over, but the marriage isn’t”, he may be the most mentally challenged lawyer ever. The marriage not being over is nothing more than column fodder. I didn’t want to say this, but FUCK: Open your eyes fool. What the fuck is a marriage without a relationship? A fucking useless piece of paper that other lawyers can sift through and make a few bucks from.

The longer he holds onto this illusion that she is going to suffer some form of irreparable brain trauma that will have her running back to him through meadows with open arms only to run right past him into the arms of next: HE IS ROYALLY SCREWED. And not in a hot fashionable way involving a hot royal vixen. But instead, a bend over and prepare for a battering ram to…

I also must say, nice advice from the peanut gallery. What the hell is fighting for the relationship? Wow Priest, is he supposed to pull Doc India or whomever else meets the height requirements to ride Mrs. X and, and, scream:

“Mrs. X I love you I don’t care if you are being…”

“Oh, Oh, I’m going to cum.”

Does his Priest friend truly believe seeing Doc India’s money shot is going to help Mr. X build esteem. The point: you can fight all you want for something that is DONE, it won’t do you any good. Even if you fucking succeed and WIN back her heart and love, what a ridiculously tarnished and marginal marriage.

C’mon people, repeat after me:

WE DON'T NEED TO SAVE EVERY FUCKED UP RELATIONSHIP.

As for the other friend. What grade is he in? Any friend who suggests revenge needs to be inflicted with pain from the battering ram. Seriously, no wonder Mr. X is struggling with emotional issues, excluding you “FIN”, he’s hanging with morons.

I hope his moronic friend one day experiences a crab infestation. Better yet, gets to spend some intimate time with the Dish Rag.

You’re absolutely right, there is no relationship and nothing left to fight for. All he can do is retreat to whatever he can and start to repair himself. I hate banging on him so hard and I know he won’t listen. There are at least 4 more installments on their way.

“FIN,” I think part of the program needs to be you not always being available to listen to his schlep. Be his friend but take it off the menu every now and then. It is only fair to you and it may be the only way for him to figure out how fucking ridiculous he’s being.

I’ve tried desperately to save relationships with people who “didn’t know what they wanted right now”, translation, they didn’t want me and my efforts eventually lead to the land of pathetic broken loser. Fortunately it was only temporary and the L on my forehead wasn‘t permanent.

I’m going to leave you “FIN” with a new feature:

A Seed Question to Provide Relationship Clarity

In this case questions to ponder:

What is the point of trying to save broken relationships?

What is the point of saving a relationship with someone who has disrespected you and cheated on you along with dragging your heart through the ringer?

Can anything good come from giving up your confidence, pride and esteem?

Will desperation make you a better person?

Will being needy help you win back someone who doesn’t want you?

Can Doc India and others continue to “do” her?

Will you have wonderful kids who grow up in a loving environment if you get back together with DISH RAG?

Why would you even entertain the idea of getting back together with someone who is a flawed lover?

Don’t you deserve better?

end of seed question

“Fin,” Mr. X needs to ask himself some hard questions. Fortunately for him she doesn’t want to be with him.

That may be the only thing that saves this sad fucking chap from totally blowing out his fragile heart.

None of his dilemma has anything to do with love. It may have for a brief moment, but, for most of this journey all it is about is: selfishness, neediness, ego and some strange sense of entitlement.

I firmly believe that Mr. X has crossed the line and become a selfish prick. If he asks the questions above he’d realize that his relationship is long gone. I believe that he has asked himself those questions and many more.

His over inflated EGO and his competitive nature has created a situation where he is trying to WIN.

I’m just not sure what he is trying to win.

It makes absolutely no sense.

I know from experience. I’ve tried.

Victory doesn’t exist.

Remember you asked

the seed

(to be continued)

Question 24 Where do I find your &#&#! book?

2006-05-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

Seed

Where do I find your fuckin book? I've looked everywhere and my feet are sore. Resentment is growing in me at an astounding pace while questions swirl around in my tiny mind - is it Seed's fault, is he holding back the book - or is it that halfwit of a publisher who is busy with the season's latest drivel to drive the suburban meat into a pre-holiday shopping frenzy?

Answer me dammit!

Andy a frustrated reader

Dear Frustrated Reader,

My dear lost soul. You are in the Excited States (USA) right?

All you have to do to pick up a copy of the book is go to our website http://www.seedenterprises.com/ and click on one of the many links and order it on line.

We prefer you go to AuthorHouse because we make a bit higher percentage from them, however, it may cost you a bit more. If you don’t want to go to AuthorHouse you may go to the Barnes & Noble link and order it through them or go into one of their stores and have them order it for you. I don’t think it will be on store shelves for a few more months. These are the best options for the time being.

I don’t want you to “over resent” that would be bad. However, a sufficient amount of resentment is good as it will provide you with the right level of angst to increase the reading enjoyment. As for the half-wit publisher, when you combine their wit with my wit that = 1 - wit and that is a lot of damn wit. That is all for now, just go out and buy the book.

We appreciate your support.

Remember You Asked.…

the seed

BONUS MATERIAL

Question 6 Get off your lazy ass…. A rebuttal to some follow-up dialogue. In a sense a rebuttal to the rebuttals follow-up. I’m confused…

The seed question and answer factory always tries to break new ground. We try new things. We take risks. We put ourselves out there. Most important, we communicate.

The above question was misplaced in the Question Hopper, therefore, it took us a while to answer and post it. Hence, “pre-holiday frenzy“. In an effort to live up to our guarantee of answering every question we were not deterred and still took the time to reply.

There is no big holiday on the horizon. Wait, I stand corrected, seed’s birthday is in July. That must be what Dear Frustrated Reader was referring to.

The “breaking of new ground” we’re referring to, we’ve decided to share some bonus dialogue we shared with the inquisitor Concerned Pal who was so gracious to ask Question 6 Get off your lazy ass…

And, if that wasn’t enough, we have the lazy assed ones rebuttal to the scathing words of his Concerned Pal. To refresh your memory simply visit the link below.

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2005_04_01_askseed_archive.html

Enjoy the dialogue. And be sure to fire your queries to askseed@hotmail.com

If your hitting the stores for the big July holiday, seed would like….

Hello Seed,

My replies to your queries are in-lined below.

Respectfully

Concerned Pal

Hello A Concerned Pal

Did you view my answer to your question on our website?

Yes, I’ve viewed your answer to my question on your website.

Perhaps a better question would be did your answer help me any?

Was it of any value?
Did I gain anything from the entire experience?

Happily I can answer in the affirmative.

My friend has moved on to bigger and better things (after he was beaten soundly about the head with a lead pipe at his ‘hockey’ game). He has now become a ‘land baron’ and is reaping riches tenfold.

OK, OK, so maybe all he is doing is sitting by the pool reading this email – at least he’s got style!!!

He should have tried out for the Olympic hockey team with that bum knee of his since the putzes they sent couldn’t get their collective fecal matter together.

I think you need a monthly discourse added to your column where you publish an interaction with someone not peering through the same beer colored glasses buddy boy!

Also, we're having a contest where one lucky winner will win a signed copy of Seed's Sketchy Relationship Theories. For details visit our website at www.seedenterprises.com .

If I visit will I also win an all expenses trip to a vacation trailer park in Arizona? I’ve got your book dude, I need a vacation!

All we ask of you is that you tell all of your friends.

Let just use that term loosely shall we.

Ok we ask one other thing - explore the site a bit - there is tons of original photography and art on the site.

Nice updated site – keep up the good work!!

We do kindly ask you to tell all of your friends as we do want to keep offering up heaping servings of fresh comedy, controversy and perspective. To do so your help spreading the word is greatly appreciated.

Yes – With the help of a secret source I regale all my friends with stories of two shmoes that used to live by the Plaza 500 on the west side of Vancouver – trust me, word is getting around about you two!!!

A Concerned Pal

Cheers

seed

Don’t worry if some of the dialogue didn’t make sense. We struggled to attach meaning to it ourselves. The main thing is Concerned Pal is friggen funny and we appreciate his efforts to purchase and help us promote.

Did you notice. We listened more than we talked.

As corny as this sounds. We actually want to make a wee bit of a difference.

Remember, say no to Global Warming.

Question 23 Selfish Narcissistic Bastard 'Mon'

2006-05-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Seed

How did you get your name?

How did that come about?
.

It's an interesting choice, and I can think of several meanings to it; but really, what motivated you to call yourself seed?

BTW, I do like your articles. They are genuine, authentic, and speak the truth.

Nobody is immune from heartache...for me, my life feels like it is over at 48. My husband, with whom I have been with since 21 (27 years), messed with my head so badly over the past 2 years, played me and other women, strung us all along, using us...finally I found out the truth and let them know about him...divorce is coming. Everything is falling apart, my life, my job...

Don't know how I am going to make it, but life is still better than the alternative.. but I am not a young chick anymore. It's not that easy.

Take care of yourself, thank your for the articles, a man's perspective. Men aren't really that different from women, we are all human, with a need for love.

Rebuilding Esteem

R E Correspondence

Seed,

I read on your articles on the "Dumpdumped.com" website.

You write differently than most 'self-help' gurus.. you don't BS us..

Although, I hope this fellow is doing better now, it's been awhile since he posted on your blog. Your words were "tough love"...it's hard to hear the truth, but lies are worse, lies are what got us into this mess in the first place, our lies to ourselves, and their lies to us.. lies, lies, lies.......

truth is painful sometimes. truth is that I don't know how well I well come out of this at all. He hurt me very badly, very.. and I almost let him get away with it..

Yes, I let his girlfriends know what he was doing to all of us. Why shouldn't he feel some of the pain that he caused all of us?

Especially me, his loving devoted wife of 23 years...

Yes, I have my share of problems, but I am not going to take the blame of the failed relationship.. But you are right when you say there probably wasn't any love remaining on his part. That died a long time ago, because you don't hurt people you love like that.. that is not love. I am tired now, to tired to write anymore. All that there is left to do is pick myself up out of the ashes and carry on.

You never said how you came upon your name.

What do your friends call you?

Rebuilding Esteem

Dear Rebuilding Esteem

I hope you don’t mind I took the liberty to give you a catchy name to protect your privacy. Rebuilding Esteem, pretty sweet don’t you think?

Actually, its one lame assed effort on my part, which took place during a massive brain fart. Regardless of the odiferous odor emanating from my ears I’m sticking with it.

Time for a pat on the back

“Seed, you know what we should do today?”

“What Wes? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.”

“I think the three of us, should take your credit card and rent motor cycles and head out into the Jamaican back country. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“But Wes, I’m afraid of motor cycles and I’ve never rode one before? And, to top it off Greg is only 4’ 11”.”

Our annoying friend Greg was actually 4’ 11”. Take a wild stab what nickname we gave him? If you guessed Shorty, you’d be dead on. Pretty neat huh, not to mention original.

In moments of intense maturity we used to share witty banter at his expense.

“Pat do you want to go to the pub for a wee bit?”

“I’d love to but I’m a little short on cash this week.”

“Haven’t seen Greg in awhile, have you?”

“Seed he’s standing behind that chair.”

And, my personal favorite: “Jump”.

Man were we assholes. Funny ones though.

Back to Jamaica now ‘mon’.

“Ok, lets do it. Should we head back to the hotel since I’m only wearing these short shorts and flip flops.”

“Oh no Seed, that’s standard issue for motorcycle riding in Jamaica.”

“Ok”.

We hit the open road, heading south from Negril. Wind was rushing through my flowing locks. The heat and humidity of Jamaica was making my body glisten with anticipation. What the fuck glistening with anticipation actually means eludes me.

Over hills, past seascapes, dodging carnivorous pot holes, I was getting the hang of riding this hog.

Pit stop, some tasty Jerk Chicken and a couple of Ting’s. Delicious!

Satiated it was time to head back to Negril for some fun and frolic.

Wes opened throttle and blasted to the front. The "Gigantor" was closely behind him.

I was struggling to keep pace. I flashed to words of reassurance Wes had dropped on me earlier.

“Don’t worry, we’ll go at your pace and take it easy.”

Liar.

Afraid of being left behind I did my best to try and keep up. I didn’t want to be stranded when night came to be devoured by roaming packs of Spliff yielding Rastafarians.

THUD.

.
Dead center of a pothole at 40 miles per hour.

I’m about to be ejected over the handle bars. I think: Go over handle bar - very - very bad.

.
So, I pushed down and picked another option. I fell sideways and started a 50 yard slide on the asphalt - complete with bike between my legs.

It really didn’t feel very nice.

Once again - Wes lied - flip flops and shorts aren’t standard bike gear.

I quickly sprung to my feet and thru my hands in the air and shouted, “I’m ok”.

I was shouting to myself Wes and Kareem were long gone. I looked behind me and went over a quick check list. Bike - check. Sandal - check. Another sandal - check. Hat - check. Skin - check. Pack of salivating Rastafarians - check.

My hand seemed different. All of the white tape I was wearing seems to have peeled off. Wait - I wasn’t wearing white tape - better look at my palm.

Silly me - it wasn’t white tape at all - it was my skin. OUCH!

Why’s my little toe dangling?

Magically Wes and “What you talking about Willis,” returned.

“Wes the sandals didn’t protect me.”

“That’s odd.”

All he could offer was that’s odd.

I was magically transported to a small village clinic. In the waiting room Wes placed my flip flops on my toe dangled feet. The nurse put a fan in front of me and every few minutes someone would come and empty the blood from my sandals.

Finally, “Hello doc, fix me.”

“I’m Dr. Babs, I got my degree from the University of Nigeria. For $100 US I’ll fix you up good, a little cleansing and a shot or two of Demerol and maybe the odd stitch and you’ll be on your way.”

“I only have $60 Canadian on me.”

“We’ll do the best we can. Hey nurse you know that batch of purple stuff we’ve got. You want to grab it for me. And, oh yeah what’s in those vials next to the Demerol.”

“I’m not sure Babs.”

“Anyway grab a couple.”

“The ones next to your Ganga?”

Babs fixed me up real good.

Apparently the purple stuff (see picture above) hasn’t been used in North America for decades. The vials made me hallucinate. On our way home I had a couple of day pit-stop in a Seattle hospital to save my foot. Hospitals in Seattle are very expensive when your trip mate “the gnome” buys trip cancellation insurance instead of medical insurance on the day of departure. Seriously, while we were at the airport buying our tickets he bought flight cancellation insurance.

What did I learn. Being patted on the back by Jamaican pavement isn’t fun.

That and, say no to global warming.

That brings us to the reason for the pat on the back. You see I used the word odiferous for the first time in my life. It just popped into my head and I threw it into this article. I decided damn that’s one fly word and I’m going to leave it in even if I’m misusing. I looked it up. My usage was correct.

Kudos to me.

end of pat on the back

As for my nick name. A wise man once said to me:

“OUCH”.

He had just stubbed his toe.

He also said to me:

“Seed, you’re so old that in the beginning of time there was only you and dirt and since dirt can’t speak we’ll have to take your word that you’re younger than dirt.”

This wise man coined: The Seed.

If you’d like to learn more about my origins flashback to;

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006/03/question-19-origins-of-seed.html

---------------------

Thanks for your kind words on my (our) articles. I (we) truly appreciate it.

For the most part we speak from the heart and experience. I (we) once you sift through some of my at time nonsensical ramblings and the short vignettes taken from my life, I (we) do try to offer some sincere and at times blunt suggestions to help people rebuild.

We just figure no matter how “fucked up” things can get - it’s vitally important to find a way to laugh. We believe that with absolute certainty and passion.

Thanks again for your kind words.

“RE”, your situation licks. It bites the big one. I can’t imagine the pain having someone who you’ve spent 27 years with can inflict. Selfish Narcissistic Bastard. Regardless of the details he deserves to catch something festering that reduces him to a whimpering Troglodyte.

“RE”, as much as that’s what he deserves, you can’t spend a second wishing for bad things to happen to him. As hard as it is to face, now is your time. You’ve got to exile him from your mind, which will take every ounce of strength and take this time to learn to love yourself. It’s up to your friends and others who care to do the “voodoo thing” for you.

It’s also important to not worry about the other women at all. In my estimation she’s no better than your ex.

BTW, 48 isn’t old. You still are a young chick. In fact, I’ve read somewhere that 48 is the new 24. I may have made it up myself, but, that doesn’t matter, its time for you to step out and explore new things. New foods, new exercise, new………

You can do it.

Age really is nothing more than a state of mind and the odd wrinkle. We really don’t need to listen to others and what society deems as normal for certain stages of life. I’ve got a hunch that societies program may be failing and it’s time for us to individually adjust the formula.

Sweetie, it’s also very important to learn how to lie. Meaning: limit the number of people you express your heartache to. A counselor - who will just listen. At most a couple of dear friends. To everyone else “I’m doing great”. Eventually, you’ll start to believe your lie and when that happens magically it will no longer be a fib.

As for Been Dumped: it provides a great place for people to go so they can realize that they’re not alone. That others have gone through similar traumas. The only thing I’m leery of: I don’t think it is wise to spend too much time talking to people who are consumed with despair. I think it can perpetuate the misery. Sad stories suck and eventually all blend together stripping away individuality. Don’t allow that to happen to you. Don’t be defined by what this Bastard has done. It won’t do you any good.

Another wise man shared with me his views on operas of the likes of Wagner. He also shared thoughts of some of the worlds great philosophers. He expressed that they all claim that life is tragic and the world for the most part will not end on a high note. He stated these gifted individuals have carried the burden of pain with them throughout their lives.

I’m not quite so fatalistic. I have however, pulled my head out of the sand and I’m not so sure I like the current path civilization is on. Frankly, it scares me.

Hence, the importance of laughter and living life to the fullest. While talking to this individual a bright light went on: It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if the world lives on to infinity. It doesn’t matter if it blows up in a million years, a thousand years or tomorrow for that matter.

What does matter is that we take each day and embrace it. Both the good and the bad. The crap and the caviar. Maybe not caviar - instead, the Hagan Daz.

It’s important to realize that we’re responsible for our own “moments” and we must try to make them brilliant. If someone like Selfish Narcissistic Bastard hurts and disrespects you. Fuck him. You deserve better. The pain is inevitable, however, it must be kicked to the curb as quickly as possible.

“RE”, make your new moments memorable. You’re going to be fine. I’ve got a hunch and just like my hunch about odiferous was right. I’m sure this one will be as well.

My friends call me Lindsay or Seed.

Remember you asked

the seed

P.S. Don't forget to say no to global warming. Go for a walk. Burn the SUV. Eat organic.

P.P.S. Visit our website www.seedenterprises.com . If you are interested in signing The Seed Posse to a lucrative recording contract: We're listening. Now speak.

Question 22 Quarterback controversy

2006-04-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Seed,

Is it true that your brother Don was a better QB?

Regards

Hank

Dear Hank

Good question.

You’ve kind of caught me off guard with this one “Hank”. Most questions we receive here at Seed Corporate Headquarters pertain to matters of the heart, with the odd one touching on my personal experiences.

I guess my previous athletic endeavors would fall into the category of personal. I must admit that I’m a little leery of being drawn into glory day banter. Don’t want to come across like Al Bundy - if you know what I mean?

What’s that Boss:

I had a friend was a big baseball playerback in high school

He could throw that speedball by you

Make you look like a fool boy

Saw him the other night at this roadside bar

I was walking in, he was walking out

We went back inside sat down had a few drinks

but all he kept talking about was

Glory days well they'll pass you by

Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye

Glory days, glory days

I’ve been that guy before - I don’t want to be him again. We’re in the present now and I think it’s important to live more for the moment than to relive past accomplishments.

Just a second, the last sentence is now officially in the past, fuck, for that matter the word, word is now in the past. So is past and is. Meaning is, is in the past now right along with - with.

Regardless of my desire to be present and future based in my approach to life since we promise to answer each and every question that is sent our way I’ll attempt to give your query a shot “Hank”. I can’t wait to see what the future has in store and what type of informative answer I can come up with.

Was my Brother Don a better quarterback than me?

Let’s examine the facts - shall we?

Don is eight years older than me. Meaning: he wore a leather helmet.
Don played 4 years High School and held all of our city’s passing records.
I played 1 year Pop Warner - winning the City Championship.
I played 1 year High School - winning the City Championship and the Provincial Championship.
Don played several years for the Saskatoon Hilltops.
I played 1 year for the Saskatoon Hilltops - wining the National Championship.
I played 2 years for the Edmonton Wildcats.
Don played 2 years for the U of S Huskies.
I played 2 years for the U of S Huskies.

Don scored umpteen co-eds because of his athletic prowess.*
I’m a gentlemen and would never tell. One day I hope to lose my virginity.
I once slept in the same bed with sisters from Chicago.
Don dated a girl who lived in Minneapolis.
The first picture I took with my digital camera was of a flower.
The second was of my……..
I was born in July.
Don was born in November.
July is warmer than November.
Don’s built a tremendous career for himself and has a wonderful wife and son.
Some say that I’m funny. At least funny looking.
The fastest I’ve ever driven an automobile was 220 km per hour on the Autobahn.
The fastest Don ever drove my car was 225 km per hour on the road to Prince Albert.
And lastly, Don was the first player to don white cleats in Saskatoon.

Statistically speaking one might build a strong case for Don. As for me I once arrived 45 minutes late for a philosophy exam and tried to convince the Prof., “time wasn’t relative”.

Speaking of losing virginity. I’m going to put a GPS device on mine so if I do lose it I’ll be able to find it again.

The above picture is a shot of the longest touchdown pass in Canadian Junior Football History. The play started on our 2 yard line and Gord Boldstad caught the ball on the other teams 50 yard line and he high-tailed it to the end zone. The play covered 108 yards in total. Kind of makes you wonder: Why the hell didn’t the tennis players in the background turn to watch history in the making? What’s that Bruce -- yeah I know -- I kind of got caught up in the moment.

Glory days well they'll ….

Cut me some slack Mr. Springsteen. Who the hell are you to bang on me for reminiscing? All you seem to be doing is throwing one of your old hits in my face to make me feel bad. You get where I’m going, “old hits”. Now go away.

To celebrate our tremendous accomplishment Gord, myself and another teammate “Meat Puppet”, headed out on the town for a night of mature fun. What did we do you ask? We helped break a guy out of a parking garage. We went to a clerk less 7/11 and started an assembly line and loaded treats into my car. It was weird the 7/11 wasn’t staffed, it was three in the morning. I’m sure they changed there honor system of payment after that night. And, finally, everyone needs golf hole pins, so we went to a very posh golf course and borrowed a few. Translation: we were idiots.

“FORE!”

“Hank”, I think the above data should be sufficient and allow us to venture to answer your question.

I don’t have a brother Don.

Remember you asked

the seed

* In fairness to Don, he never boasted about scoring co-eds. It was just assumed - how could he not have with the white cleats and all.

Now go to our website and buy a copy of our book. Just click on http://www.seedenterprises.com/ , you wont be disappointed.

Tootles.

Come back soon.

Question 21 What’s the 411?

2006-04-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

Part 1

Dear Seed

how can i find a lost friend, i met him on the net, he is from south carolina.

Lost & Looking

Part 2

Dear Seed

i got a question can ya help me find somebody?

Lost & Looking

Dear Lost & Looking

That is one pickle you’ve gotten yourself into. I’d also like to add - what a fantastic question.

Before I offer you up some sagacious advice from the minds of the Seed’s I’d like to introduce a new feature.

Signs of the times

Volume 1 Sign 1

Pretty catchy title don’t you think?

I often embark on daunting treks around my city and the surrounding areas in search of the answers.

“Three.”

I’ve just been informed the answer is three and I know longer need to search. If only I knew what the question was it would all make sense. Hey, wait a minute, I said the answers, implying many questions, therefore, unless the answer to each and every one of the questions is three ---- well, just quit yanking my chain.

I need to keep walking, I’m sure there is more to digest before I kick it. I do have a slight dose of a “save the world” complex. I figure Mr. Iran and Mr. Bush aren’t going to do it for us. When I come to think of it, I’d like to ask the big guy upstairs a question:

“Hey big guy, I’ve been led to believe, basically I’ve been told that you have a grand scheme of how this whole earth and the ‘after life’ thing is going to play out. I guess I’m cool with that. What I’m having trouble absorbing is how does Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and G.W.B play into this whole ‘master plan.’ You and your crew are just funning us a bit right?”

“It’s ok if you pull the plug on your social sciences project, we get it, we need to change a few things and maybe get back to being a little less selfish and a little bit nicer. We’ll try. And if we promise to try can you pull the plug on these yahoos and put some more reasonable people in charge.”

Back to the “Signs of the times.” Here is: Volume 1 Sign 1. Enjoy!

For some strange reason every time I pass this sign I almost pee myself. I find it hilarious. Are there some assumed options to the pricing scale? Disturbing when you think about it. And, damn it, why do seniors get a special deal on porn? Once again the thought of seniors spewing their detritus from arousal on the chairs in front of them. Ewe gross.

I think seniors should actually have to pay more in this instance. Just think about what the excitement may do to them. “Clear.”

“Hey is that Paul Reubins in row 3?”

End of this installment of Signs of the times

“Lost & Looking,” your question is so complex that we’ve brought in some big hitters to help us decipher the cryptic code within. We figured that international rap sensation out of St. Louis, Nelly, may be able to shed some insight.

I like Nelly. I’ve sung along to many a Nelly song, not really paying much attention to what he was feeding me. Each time momentarily I’d flick a switch and disregard his deep yet simplistic message.

After all it’s Nelly, he’d never lead us astray. He’s got a gazillion pairs of sneakers. We all need a gazillion "of," not only sneakers, but of anything. He’s got a posse, how fucking cool is that? And, get this, the mayor of St. Louis gave him “the key” to the city for his outstanding humanitarian efforts.

I love his lyrics. I practiced and practiced. “Cindy talks Nelly listens. Nelly talks Cindy listens. I want to……..”

I was even getting pretty good. Every second word I’d insert what I thought I was hearing. My desire to be just like Nelly and help spread the word was growing infectiously. The rap word that is, not just Nelly’s, I decided to look up the real lyrics. Wow fantastic!

Take it away Nelly.

Hey yo, now that I'm a fly guy, and I fly high

Niggaz wanna know why, why I fly by

But yo it's all good, Range Rover all wood

Do me like you should - fuck me good, suck me good

We be no stud niggaz, wishin you was niggaz

Poppin like we drug dealers, sippin Crissy, bubb' mackin

Honey in the club, me in the Benz

Icy grip, tellin me to leave wit you and your friends

So if shorty wanna... knock, we knockin to this

And if shorty wanna... rock, we rockin to this

And if shorty wanna... pop, we poppin the Crist'

Shorty wanna see the ice, then I ice the wrist

City talk, Nelly listen; Nelly talk, city listen

When I fuck fly bitches; when I walk pay attention

See the ice and the glist'; niggaz starin or they diss

Honies lookin all they wish - come on boo, gimme kiss

-nelly (ride wit me)

Funny, he wasn’t just talking to Cindy. Do I feel like an idiot. Nelly has his pulse on what the whole city wants. Mayor St. Louie, did you realize Nelly fucks “fly bitches?”

You should’ve, he asked you to pay attention. I’m so confused - what are you supposed to be paying attention to: his walking?

Is it ok to call people “fly bitches?”

I’ve spent quite a bit of time with some Air Canada flight attendants, maybe I’ll ask them.

After some more painstaking analysis I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not supposed to get Nelly. I don’t think I’m even supposed to get rap. I think the only ones who can truly understand it are ass-less suburban kids who want to become gangsta niggaz. Whatever the hell that is.

Man it’s “hot in hear,” I hope some “fly bitches” drop by and we can take off all our clothes. That’d be fun. Problem is honey’s in the club and I’m in my Benz. Rappers what the fuck are you trying to tell us? Don’t bother answering, just skip to the bank and cash your huge bad assed mother jamming cheques, there’s a sale at the Foot Locker. One gazillion and one……….

Before you check out Nelly (rappers in general). Your plan worked. You’re bad asses and you’ve got rich off “dumb.” Now could you do us a favor and change the message?

That’s what I thought. Too bad.

Sorry “Lost & Looking,” Nelly didn’t offer up any help. I guess I’ll tackle your question solo.

First, it’s someone.

Ok now that we’ve got that minor correction out of the way, I must say that I’m glad you asked the question in two different ways as the question was so complex it really did need that second line to clarify.

Ah the internet. What a wonderful gateway to the world. I think someday it may be big.

Much as you clarified your question, I’m going to do the same with my reply. I’m also going to practice being succinct and to the point.

You’re crazy.

That was fun. Let’s break down the question a little tiny bit.

“You met him on the net.”

For all of you cyber junkies out there please take light of this: you haven’t met anyone. Online is a fantasy world where people can portray themselves anyway they like. They can lie. Just in case you didn’t listen to that. THEY CAN LIE. About everything. And, so can you.

You must understand that it is not real and I’m guessing a large portion of the time the “meeting” is never meant to be as it will reveal both parties deceptions. You must understand that by now.

Your “lost friend” could be responsible for the street art above.

“Lost & Looking,” basically all of you out in cyber land for that matter, the people you meet online aren’t really friends, they can’t be, you may think that they are and you can get wrapped up in the security of the keyboard. It can become exciting and intoxicating. It represents societies laziness and a easy way to meet people from the safety of your own home.

Online most people stretch reality. We become smarter, taller and funnier. Dicks grow, chests firm and stomachs flatten. When the truth be told and we meet, most of us become shorter, dumber, duller and our endowments shrivel. Fit becomes fat. That’s just the way it is.

“When a man tells a story, sometimes he tells it straight thru. Won’t be very complicated, but it won’t be very interesting either.”

The internet allows us all to become “Big Fish.”

Sure, there are pluses. And sure, maybe you’ll find love and your soul mate through your web searches. Just don’t let the charms of cyber land consume you at the expense of your “real” flesh and blood friends. They’re the ones that truly matter. If out of desperation or neediness or whatever else lame excuse you find yourself retreating to the screen instead of interacting in the old more personal face to face way, I suggest: You’ve got a problem brewing on your hands and that problem will eventually lead to solitude.

A Seed PSA

If you happen to get swept away in a whirlwind online romance and decide that it is time to finally meet. Always meet in a social setting. A restaurant. A crowded coffee shop. Make sure that you meet somewhere that you’re familiar with and just like hikers are supposed to report their plans and time of return, make sure a “real” friend knows your schedule and that you will be calling them later to dish the goods on your date.

Avoid meeting in a bar or anywhere that you are not familiar with.

My words may ring out like an overprotective parent, all I’m suggesting is be smart and use some common sense. Remember there are a lot of “pretenders” out there that want to “fuck fly bitches” and cyber land makes it easy for them to do their shopping.

End Seed PSA

“Lost & Looking,” to answer your question: NO.

We can’t and will not help you find someone. We don’t know who the hell you are. The fact that you’ve lost a “close” friend suggests that you may be a bit desperate and frankly, that scares us.

Is your social calendar and social circle so void of inhabitants that one day you were sitting at home and went: “Geez I wonder what Pepe is up to? We were such amazing friends that I don’t even know his last name or anything else for that matter, but I’d love to hook up with him because we’re a match made in…….”

The thing is if you truly were “close” friends I’d guess you’d know you’re friends name an you could simply call 411.

So, my suggestion to you: go outside, play and hang with your flesh friends. You do have real friends now, don’t you?

This question turned out to be about the freedom of expression and speech. How the hell did that happen?

Whether you’re a bird, porn loving self pleasuring senior, a bad assed rapper or some lunatic with a penchant for drawing pictures of bombs, our culture ensures our right to speak our minds.

I’m not sure whether or not the rappers and the bomb drawing lunatics haven’t crossed the lines of decorum and entered some dangerous locales. In fact I think they may be precariously close.

Can’t we all just get along?

“City talks, Seedy listens. Seedy talks………”

One last thought: Just say no to global warming.

Come on boo, give me a kiss.

Remember you asked

the seed

P.S. Remember to visit and explore our website http://www.seedenterprises.com/ .

Question 11 “At work, seemed, ended up falling in love, but…..” : Rebuttal

2006-04-14T11:06:00.000-07:00

The following is a rebuttal or follow up to a previous installment of Ask Seed. To read the original Q & A simply click on the link below and scroll down to Question 11. Word of warning: this Q & A borders on novel length. So grab a six pack or a box of wine.

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006_01_01_askseed_archive.html

Hi Seed,

Firstly thank you so much for taking time to read over my life story and replying back really quick. It took me forever to write so I know it must of taken you even longer to read then analyze, so thank you it means a great deal. I will be definitely recommend to my friends to check out the site and the book (they’re not as crazy as me though!)

I have read your answer like 3 times over and must say its brilliant!

The humour made it a great read and easy to understand your point of views and how you’re trying to get them across.

Novel hey?

Well I guess you would be happy to hear, that was the short version of it!

I have tried writing to a few internet columns and they always seem to reply back with “Not enough information, how can we asses the situation if you don’t tell us vital things”

So when I saw you ad I thought what they heck I’ll try it! I just wanted to go over a few things that you said:

I totally understand where your coming from, and I have come a long way since this has happened. If this was last year I would have been asking you how to win her back etc but throughout the year I have learnt to deal with certain aspects. I guess what’s happened as you superbly put it I’m split – half of me wants to move on and the other thinks I’m back in town why not rekindle the love.

You asked if I asked others for advice?

I have asked many people, friends and family BUT they usually tell me what I need to hear like she will come back when she realizes and stuff like that, other friends who say “she did that to you? I’m going to make her pay by spreading all these rumours.”

I cant be doing with stuff like that. I needed someone to drop it like its hot so to speak and you did that.

And what I meant by serious was that it started off like a little office romance, my first time and her first time. Over the months when her moving date was edging near our feelings grew very strong and we didn’t want to stop seeing each other plus her university was only 20 minutes away and we had a chance at finally being free. You mentioned insecurities and jealousy well your spot on there. But, I wasn’t always like that, it was stuff she did during our first year that made me really insecure (stuff like flirting with other guys blatantly, telling me not to make it on top when her bro and sister was around although she was all over other guys!)

It even got really, really bad with one incident (I spare you the detail but if you want to know I’ll ‘tell you.. too see if I was right) where I thought fuck it and fuck you its over, but again she pleaded and apologized. So my trust was hurt which caused me to think like this (if she is doing this in front of my face what will she do when I’m not there) the trust takes ages to build but it can very easy to break.

You see Seed where I come from Asian (and by Asian I mean Indian/Pakistani) girls are notoriously known for screwing around with guys heads, its very hard to find a decent girl. With her I thought she was decent…and the more I look at it know and how you pointed it out “she said them things about her family and marriage to keep me around” it seems she wasn’t and that pisses me off more then anything because I hate fake people…by the time I started to realize this I was deeply in love with her. I always had a feeling and I remember even telling her a few times and she would just deny it.

About me feeling aggrieved about her not showing the same love? Again I never used to feel that, for me I just tried to be the best bf I could have been and gave my love from all directions, never asked for anything. I only felt it towards the end, when I did thinking of my own and thought I’m just giving, giving, giving and not receiving much. And finally!! After about 3 months after our break up it was a wreck like I told you but I slapped myself up and enjoyed being single, and boy did I enjoy it. It was only when I stopped caring and calling that she gave a damn, like her birthday for example – now I know if I would of texted her on her birthday would I have received a call back or a text?

HELL NO which prompted her to call me and sneakily slip into the conversation that it was her birthday last week. And still I didn’t say happy birthday! I was over her and didn’t want anything to do with a girl that messed me about for 2 years. I even got a text on my birthday the month after! It was only till I moved home and seeing everything again really got to me. I think in London it was my place, new mates, new memories and back here all my memories are of her…which made me think ok lets see how she’s doing. It was an interesting theory about changing my phone number…I might just do that so I can eliminate any hope from the “drunk TWL.”

I do understand that relationships end, and you ex doesn’t owe you shit.. but if you want to continue them as mates like she did after we broke up. She can’t just call and have chit chat without hurting my feelings…imagine how I felt…my first love broke my heart left me without any answers and refused to speak then 3 months ltr she calls, the first thing I’m going to think is “oh yeah here are my answers”

All I wanted after that was for us to end in a nice way (if there is such a thing) so if we ever meet again or talk were both not thinking and bring up bad memories and as you said “You’ll come to a place where you cherish the fond memories you had and smile. “

My last question! Why do people still play relationship mind games after they broke up?

I had people telling me “oh if she calls its sign she wants you back so ask her to meet up” and people saying “if she ever calls act like your busy and hang up” and “tell her to piss off” then when the day comes that she calls you saying to your self “oh shit what should I do” you end up getting confused and mixed between all 3 and sounding like an idiot over the phone!

I’m liking your no contact policy, numbers and email address have been deleted … should stop the urge if I feel like calling!

Thanks again Seed!

Troubled With Love

P.S Thanks for the confidentiality!

I will look over the website for the changes that you mentioned

You're Welcome TWL

Let her go.

Let her go, learn from this relationship and find a way to get past it - and I hate saying this - but, move on.

Have you bought a copy of my book yet?

It’s something to recommend to all of your friends. Euro Seed and I really appreciate that. However, we like to see action. Buy it. You’ll love it. You’ll laugh. You’ll swear. You’ll do a little dance. You’ll make a little love. You’ll get down tonight. Get down tonight.

What more do you want from a book?

It’s the least you can do for us after we’ve taken the time to read your life issues and provide you with our swarthy response. Complete with a teeny weensy bit of comedy.

After you’ve gone to http://www.seedenterprises.com/ and picked up your copy of Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular), could you please head to your local watering hole and tell all of the “bar regulars” about this whack fly book you’ve just purchased.

Finally, once you’ve consumed the book, we’d love it if you visited amazon.com or Barnes & Noble and wrote a review.

Thanks.

Your Plight

-
Others have replied back with: “not enough information”.

That’s pretty lame. You wrote a 10-page question. Did you send your query to monkeys?

Half of you wants to rekindle the love. Wow! That reeks of desperation. You’re young. This girl is not the one for you. At least not now. You can’t rekindle something that is no longer there.

Think about it. You broke up and went through a whole gamut of emotions. You felt like you weren’t treated fairly. “TWL”, you got your heart trashed by a first young love. You spent a lot of the first question screaming out to me that she wasn’t living up to your expectations and you state stuff like “she didn’t have the decency to call you” and clear the air.

Maybe the monkeys that you sent the question to realized that you weren’t open to listening to their advice and avoided answering the question.

A Moment of Seed Sarcasm

If the candle's wick has burnt out, you can’t rekindle it. What you’re trying to do is impossible. Even if you were to “win” your love back it would be shortlived, as dude, this love is done.

What I suggest is that you keep pushing it, until it turns into hatred. And then push some more just to cement the fact. Once the cement has solidified, continue to cry out to your ex, just so everyone around you knows that you’ve become certifiable.

If you succeed with your efforts to reach Nutsville (because of a girl that doesn‘t want you I might add), ask other girls out and tell them over and over again about how your past love trashed your heart.

Because “TWL”, studies have shown that new love interests really, really, really dig being showered with how pathetically we love our past loves. They like to know that no matter what, no matter how much they’re into you (snicker - snicker - snicker), that they’ll never be good enough for you. Seriously, girls love projects. They love when we scream out someone else’s name during orgasmic moments. It helps to build esteem.

I do love the part of you that is so stunned and matter-of-fact: “I’m back in town why not rekindle the love.”

Go bang your head against a wall for a bit.

By the way, that’s how the USA ended up in Iraq. One of GWB’s aides asked: "George do you think we should invade Iraq?"

His response: “Why not?”

End of Seed Sarcasm

I’m going to be blunt and short with the rest of my answer.

Quit asking your friends and family.

"She’ll come back when she realizes?"

What the fuck does that even mean? Realizes what? That you’re a great guy? That she is so desperate that there is not another human in this world of seven billion that could possibly make her happy? That she likes to have sex with monkeys?

“TWL”, we’re all great guys. Especially those of us that don’t spiral down in desperation just because someone doesn’t want us anymore. In fact it is imperative that you realize this. If you spend your youth “pining” for somebody who doesn’t want you, then good luck to you. You’ll just extend your bitterness into your thirties and you’ll end up a loser at the end of a bar crying about how much you love someone who is married to someone else and has three children.

As for your friends who suggest “spreading rumours”: They’re idiots and they really suck as friends.

“I really love Suzy, but she broke my heart.”

“Don’t worry pal, I’ll show her. I’ll spread around town that she’s a Crack Whore.”

After all nothing screams love like spreading rumours.

I suggest dumping your friends who suggest shit like that. Or, drive them to pre-school.

If you allow it to happen you’re nothing more than a big, smelly asshole.

By the way, she didn’t do anything to you. We allow things to happen to us both good and bad. If you felt she was disrespecting you, you have one choice and that is get away from her.

I don’t understand why you’d want to be with someone who “does negative things to you.”

-
Answer that please?

Actually don’t, I already know that you’ll tell me how beautiful she is and how in the good moments it's……….

“TWL”, you may be wondering why I hit on this stuff after you said in your question "you can’t keep doing stuff like that."

Well, it’s because I don’t believe you. The fact that you mentioned it suggests that you’re simply asking from a whack of different angles until you receive what you want to hear.

You speak of trust and love. I don’t agree with your statement that trust takes ages to build. I think that we inherently trust others until they give us a reason not to.

If you’re going through life being wary of others welcome to the land of Paranoia. The plus side to reaching Paranoia for you is that you’ll have done it without the normal substance abuse that usually shares the cart of life with it.

Kudos to you.

You’re right though that trust can quickly be destroyed

“Jim, you said you’d pick me up in twenty minutes. Where the fuck have you been?”

“I told you that I’d be there at 6:20 and it’s only 6:21 cut me some slack.”

“Fucker, you told me on Tuesday, this is Friday……..”

Guess what, I don’t trust Jim anymore.

I’m feeling another moment of sarcasm coming on. Screw it. Going through life expecting people to build your trust.... Who the hell are you that makes it imperative for people to show that they are worthy?

Gandhi.

Actually I’m pretty sure Gandhi looked for the good in people.

Sounds like you’re looking for faults....

You’ve got some growing up to do and some issues to get past. You’re madly in love with someone who treated you badly and who you think is a fake person. Why are you so miserably insecure? Don’t you deserve happiness?

I don’t care what culture you’re from. People screw up other people all of the time. In all cultures. It’s a product of the times. We’re all becoming “Stupid Girls” and “Stupid Boys”. Marketing and rampant consumerism is a big part of this transition. You don’t have to play along. Quit looking for a “decent girl” and allow yourself to live and be happy.

You’ll know when you’ve found that girl. It may be in a year or maybe even ten. I do know this for absolute certainty, if you are needy or try to force yourself into a relationship because you feel that you can’t survive on your own or due to societal or family pressure, enjoy your marginal life with your marginal wife and your lovely children that you can teach that being marginal is the way to be. That way they can repeat the cycle with their children and their children and………

“What’s that Euro Seed?”

“Seed, that’s what most of us are doing now. If we’re lucky we can up the divorce rate to 70% soon.”

“That’d be really cool. That way we can all be self-absorbed, needy and broken lost souls.”

“Yeah, but what do most people do when they’re depressed?"

“I don’t know Seed. What?”

“Shop. We try to alleviate our despair by consuming.”

Pan to a board room on Madison Avenue where you’ll find a room full of Ad Executives, Counselors and Lawyers.

Sinister laughter fills the room.

“Our plan seems to be working to perfection.”

“Yes, yes…. If we can keep the world marginalized, numbed with anti-depressants and offer them sexy ad campaigns for: EVERYTHING. The world will be ours. Look at all of our minions shop.”

“Shall we start our ad campaign for……… in Iraq now?”

“Why not?”

Every one in the room casually saunters over to the window looking down on the hordes of frenzied shoppers. Smiles adorn each and every face.

(The following bit was brought to you by The Seed Players. The Seed Players are available for all of your special occasions. T-shirts are available for purchase. Buy. Buy. Buy. You need them……..)

Finally

Look, I’m certain you won’t listen to this advice. I hope you do. You’re young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. If you don’t put this somewhere where you can cope with it you’ll be absolutely useless to yourself and anyone else for that matter.

Why do people do shitty things to others and pay attention to them when they’re not receiving attention themselves?

Insecurities. Dysfunctions. Control. Neediness. Guilt. Remorse. More control. Selfishness. Low self-esteem. To punish themselves. They’re feeling pain and want to know that you are too. They are marginal people. And immature. And they’re plain and simple shitty people.

Did you see "They want you back" as one of the options?

They don’t. If they did they would simply take you aside and tell you how much they love you. They would ask you if you want to get back together. If someone is only paying attention to you when they don’t receive attention themselves, well they’re “Attention Whores” and you are likely just a pawn in their game.

Why the fuck would you want to be friends with someone like that?

So you can share lovely stories about who she’s getting busy with?

Do you hate yourself that much?

You can care about and even have feelings of love for lost significant others, but to try to hold on to this illusion of friendship is just simply ludicrous. I know people argue this whole "friends with ex" issue till they’re blue in the face. There may even be the occasional “EXCEPTION” to the rule.

Far more often there is no point in continuing the misery of a failed relationship. You broke up for a reason (or for a variety of reasons) and to try to build a friendship with someone who doesn’t want you and worse yet plays games with your heart afterwards is just PLAIN STUPID.

“TWL”, as much as it sucks, your relationship is done and if the information you gave me is true, love was likely never part of the equation.

My suggestion: Stop talking about her. Forgive her for "hurting you". Hell, forgive yourself for letting her hurt you.

Put away your fucking anger. Stop trying to convince people that she did you wrong. Quit hanging out with immature morons.

Don’t even consider another relationship until you get this last one off of the stage.

Twenty-one days has a nice ring to it. If you can go twenty-one days without mentioning her name, maybe then you can date someone else.

Last thing:

BE HAPPY!

Remember you asked

the seed

Question 20 You remind me of Charlton Heston

2006-03-31T11:31:00.000-08:00

Hi Seed,

I feel like saying EL SEED!!!

Sorry!

I know you aren't Charlton Heston.

I just wanted to ask if you'd ever been dumped?

How did you feel and deal with it yourself?

Thanks

Dumbo x

Dear Dumbo x

Thank you for the wonderful compliment.

Being compared to a film legend is quite an honor and I will take your compliment to be referring to my features which are “carved in stone.”

Do I really resemble Michelangelo, Ben-Hur and Moses?

(insert hysterical laughter)

The officials have decided to go upstairs on this one for a video review and have come to the conclusion that maybe your Chuck comparison isn’t necessarily a complimentary one.

Examining the facts, it has been concluded that despite Mr. Heston’s strong leading man attributes he does have a downside.

What possible downsides could you possibly be talking about, El Seed?

Interesting query Dumbo X, for instance the whole Alzheimer’s thing, I’m not sure if I’m too keen on that. Also, do we all need to be armed? I know it is a right (in the USA), but c’mon, how many stupid people do we want carrying guns? For God’s sake, look at the VP, he couldn’t distinguish the difference between a “man” and “water fowl” and he is the second in command.

The problem is who gets to define stupid?

I’m also not sure if I’m too excited about making it into several celebrity death pools.

http://www.bigsigh.com/death.cfm

“Seed you’re being a little too sensitive, just accept the damn compliment.”

I’ve just been informed by a 'big weenie' of a friend that I’m acting like a baby and need to look at the positives and in this case that being the inquisitor has compared me to one of Hollywood’s true leading men. Chuck’s career has spanned over 60 years and he has over 126 film credits under his gun-belt.

Julius Caesar, Wuthering Heights, The Private War of Major Benson, The Seeds of Hate, The Ten Commandments, Ben-Hur, Debbie Does Dallas, El Cid, Alf, Planet of The Apes, Queer as Folk and Earthquake just to name a few. What an honor to be mentioned in the same breath.

In fact, the reference to “El Cid”, magnificent!

“Although generally regarded as 'good but not great', I consider 'El Cid' to be the best film ever made.”

-egrorian - Glasgow Scotland.

Hey look, if “egrorian” from Scotland can make a statement like that, what does it say about me?

Bear with me as I take you off on a little journey. It appears as if Dumbo X is comparing me to one of the true silver screen icons. A man who has transcended time. A man who may arguably be misusing his celebrity to push antiquated rights. Nonetheless, a man who most would consider a sex symbol. A man who has with the exception of losing his mind, aged gracefully. A virginal man. A man…….

Seeing that our friend from Scotland believes that Charles acted in the “Greatest Movie” ever. If one was to extrapolate a meaning from such a statement, it may be that Charlie is one of the greatest actors of all times and if that’s the case that would make me, by default of course, potentially one of greatest actors in the world as well.

To carry it even further back to 1994 or there about, I was at my gym working out one day. On this particular day I was working my massive thighs, the day before I had worked my “guns of fading glory” to the point of redemption rendering hoisting my arms to eat as futile.

I had just finished a monster set of squats (the weight bar only) and was sitting on the bench quivering when I was approached and asked if I would like to participate in some 2-on-2 basketball.

Of course I would, I just worked legs and my arms though pumped were useless so playing basketball with complete strangers seemed to make perfect sense. Who cares if I embarrass myself on the court. A couple of the players looked a bit familiar, however, I couldn’t trip the code and come up with how I recognized them.

We hit the court and it was time for introductions.

“Dumbo X” you’d never guess who one of the players was?”

“Charlton Heston?”

“WRONG.”

“Hi, I’m David Duchovny.”

That’s right, I was going to be playing some b’ball with David Duchovny, how fucking cool!

The thing is, it was right at the start of the X-files and I really didn’t know who he was.

“Hi, I’m D. B. Sweeney. How’s it going?”

I did know who D. B. was, as I’m sure I had seen him in some stuff.

Needless to say I was stoked. I was playing with celebrities. The teams were formed D.B. and I vs. Mulder and the other guy.

Drive, shoot, pass, steal and taking it to the hole. The competition was fierce. The “guns of fading glory,” both intimidated and responded to the challenge allowing me to go downtown and hit the odd big shot.

These Hollywood pretty boys took the game seriously and no prisoners. They charged and drove through the lane with reckless abandon. A little too reckless as Mulder would find out as I bruised his ego and looks with a fierce elbow to protect my ground.

“Fox” took it in stride and the game continued and when victory was within our grasp, I stood in the corner clearing the court for my man D.B. to drive on his man “non descript actor,” and drive he did and sweet victory was ours.

By the way I was standing off on the side trying not to vomit.

"Why the story Seed? Why now?", you may be asking.

After I regained my composure and came down from my physical high and I was able to apply some significant form of sense to the victory, I went out and bought a magazine. Details.

Duchovny was on the cover. Apparently this whole X-files thing was on the verge of taking off. David was going to become a huge international star.

I read the article. Mulder grew up in NYC. Mulder was a great High School athlete. NYC is one of the biggest cities in the World. Mulder was (as mentioned in the article) one of the top basketball players in the city.

I know what you may be thinking: What the fuck does that have to do with Charlton Heston?

Hold on, if Fox Mulder was one of the best b’ball players in NYC (biggest cities in the world) and I beat him. I guess that makes me one of the greatest basketball players in the World.

That’s how it relates to Charlton Heston, not only was I compared to an actor in some Scottish guy's favorite movies, I beat another true celebrity at his game, which ultimately means: I’m one of the greatest acting basketball playing champions of our time.

Now do you see my point?

Who would dump that?

To answer your question?

I’ve been dumped 3 times and each and every time it sucked the big one.

Ultimately the reasons for the dumpings really don’t matter, it was my heart, soul and survival that quickly became paramount.

What being dumped did for me was help me to realize how fragile the matters of the heart are. You see I’m leading man handsome (snicker, snicker, snicker), ambitious, some would say funny, caring and compassionate.

When I fell in love I allowed myself to become vulnerable, I think that is the way it is supposed to be. I allowed myself to fall under the charms of another human being. I allowed myself to fight through conditions in an attempt to find truly unconditional love. I left myself open for hurt.

Dumped 1

My first time as the one dumped, I was caught totally off guard. I was told the usual “lies” that are often part of the program that are told in an attempt to protect feelings and mask the feelings of guilt the dumpster has for their actions.

I became stupid afterwards. I went into a self-help frenzy. I bought book after book. I solicited the advice of others. I expressed my need to be friends. I expressed that we had been through so much together. I gave unconditional gifts meant to indicate my undying love and friendship. Cards, flowers, rapid weight loss (thanks depression) and phone calls. I tried to “win” my love back.

“If only I could say I love you from the right angle, surely everything will be ok.”

“If we could only spend some more time together you’ll see the light and come back.”

What a load of crap and a massive waste of time. And to top it off, how manipulitave of me.

In all reality I was becoming pathetic.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m so insecure. I’m so needy. I have no business being in a relationship. If I keep going down this path of despair I’m going to become a flawed lover incapable of loving myself."

I even attempted to end it all. On one sorrow-filled night I held my head under water in my bathtub. Fortunately my logical hand was paying attention and stopped my ridiculous attempt.

I was thinking how could I possibly go on without my “love”. I had forgotten that I was happy before she came into my life.

My behavior pushed my ex further and further away. Her guilt quickly turned to: “Go away leave me alone" and "What’s wrong with you?”

In time sanity prevailed and I finally accepted that I was no longer wanted. I came to the conclusion that keeping in touch was pointless.

Being friends for that matter was pointless.

How much would I have to hate myself to subject myself to:

So you’re dating again?
I can’t believe you’re fucking………
That restaurant, song, movie or ___ used to be ours.

A lot. That’s the answer. I find that only a painfully few accept the fact that when you’re dumped it is without question best to cut all ties, get your ex out of your head and begin the long journey back to becoming desirable.

Or, you can desperately try to prove me wrong.

Better yet, change, because you’ve been told you’re not good enough the way you are. That's the ticket, try to change yourself to suit the requirements of someone who NO LONGER WANTS to be with you.

A Seed Moment of Pathetic Embarrassment

During the despair of Dumped 1, in a painfully weak moment I did a narration of the absolutely beautiful and hopelessly romantic Children’s book Off To Sea: A Romance by Richard Stine.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0941807010/qid=1143748953/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-0997645-8293614?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

I did the narration complete with the Extreme song, More Than Words playing in the background. Amazingly after viewing the tape “my love” came running back to me and we’ve been living together happily ever after. She must’ve been thinking that if Seed is so in love with me that he would take the time to throw together this amazing tape full of love and commitment, how could I ever love anyone else?

I’m just fortunate my lame attempt "to end it all” was before this incident, if it wasn’t, my logical hand may have just continued to flip channels.

Gail, I’m sincerely sorry. It’s not vitally important to me now, but, I hope you’ve forgiven me for sending you the tape.

End of ASMOPEA

INTERMISSION

- - - take this time to grab a tasty treat from one of our concessions - - -

Dumped 2

FUCKING SUCKED.

Monday Morning March 2nd

The alarm goes off:

“Honey, we’re done.”

“Why?”

“I’m just not as happy as I could be.”

“Oh.”

“It’s not you, I just need to change some things.”

“But you just moved in.”

“I’ve got to go to work now. I think we’ll be great friends.”

Four hours pass and upon return from work:

“Yeah honey, we’re still done.”

“Oh.”

“I really love you. You’re an amazing guy.”

“What should we do about living together?”

“You’re an amazing guy, I’d like to keep living with you.”

Anger, dismay, disbelief, hunger, denial, despair, hurt, anger, confusion, loss, more hurt and endless bouts of uncontrollable crying ensued. Not initially. Initially, I figured my sweetie was on 'crack' and that once the toxins dissipated reason would prevail and bliss would return to our home.

I couldn’t be more wrong. Though I never saw it coming, when the pink slip of love is issued there really is no turning back.

In this instance, everything quickly was thrown into a land of despair and I’m amazed I ever escaped from it.

Friday March 6th

After four days of hurt and frustration:

“Don’t touch me we’re not dating anymore. We’re just friends now.”

“But I love you. You’re making a mistake…… Blah, blah, fucking blah.”

I had to get out of the place so I went to Choices Market. While there I ran into a 21 year old friend. He told me his life sucked. I hugged him. He went home and hung himself. His last words to me were, "My life sucks."

I cried some more and reached out to my ex for support. She went on a date.

I knew that I had to ask her move out, unfortunately, I couldn't find the strength and I didn't want to lose anything else.

Tuesday March 10th

I didn’t come straight home after work, home was no longer home for me. I went out for a few drinks and ran into another friend, a 28 year old restaurant manager. We used to hate each other because one of his quests was to score with my ex. I hated him for that. However, I respected his honesty, he didn’t pretend to be my friend.

Strangely because of his honesty we became friends. On this night he took me aside and told me that he must tell me something:

“I’m dying of cancer.”

Fuck. What’s going on? Why was trauma lining up at my door?

I took this news home with me and cried some more. I needed a hug. I was pushed away.

“We’re no longer dating. I do love you though.”

I think I may have been lied to.

Later I found out my dying friend had succeeded in his quest.

Trying to be compassionate while hate is in your peripheral is incredibly difficult at best.

Thursday March 19th

Ring, ring, ring………

“Hello.”

My aunt was on the line. She was my closest remaning relative. I have 3 older brothers and 3 older sisters and unfortunately I watched my parents die a year and a half apart 17 years prior.

“I’m cutting your sisters out of my will.”

“Why?” Knowing full well that I was not going to enjoy the answer.

“Because they haven’t shown me respect and I feel that they’ve neglected me. I took care of them. One of them had a 'secret child' and I raised that baby for two years, without even a single thank you.”

Tears were starting to form again, “Why are you telling me this?”

With absolute confidence and a soul-scarring calmness, “Because I’m going to be leaving, I’m going to rest with my 'true love' Roy soon. I love you and wanted to talk to you before I go into the hospital. I’m going to miss you.”

Roy had passed away a couple of years ago.

By this time the tears were uncontrollable, I was weeping and I was certain the despair would never end. I wanted to be strong, I couldn’t summon the strength needed, guilt had crept in, I felt like my emotions weren’t important. I wanted to supress them and be strong for my Aunt. I felt like I was failing her in that moment. She was at ease with her mortality, unfortunately I wasn't and I couldn’t contain my tears.

“I love you too. I don’t want this to be true.”

We talked on a few occasions following this this horrific day and in reality this was our goodbye. She died just over a month later.

Three days after her death the phone rang again, this time my sisters were on the line, my last uncle died unexpectedly in his sleep the night before. I was now officially emotionally spent.

As for my ex, I needed hugs. They didn’t come. She was in the process of replacing me and that was the only thing that mattered. In hindsight, we really shouldn’t have been still living together. It was becoming an unbearable festering toxic broth, destined for eruption.

April - August

Heartache and blind stupidity continued. I was too fucking weak to throw her out. I was on a program of need. Totally acceptable considering the extreme circumstances. Despite the current crises not being my ex’s doing, compassion wasn’t a strong suit. I was supposed to be getting over things.

"If you want to be friends you have to get used to me dating others."

How stupid was I to expose myself to this?

Even our mutual friends thought: I had changed.

Great friends don't you think?

Throw together in a big pot, a breakup, 4 deaths, infidelity, friend and family alienation all within a 2-month time period, stir it all up and see what comes out the other end, let alone survives to come out the other end.

No shit I had changed.

As if this wasn’t enough trauma for a lifetime, life’s bizarreness meter wasn’t done rising and I was faced with news of more infidelity, lies, disrespect, causing absolute and total despair, resulting in sleepless, tear-filled nights. I had cried on 97 consecutive days.

To top it all off I found out by accident that my whole life was an illusion, a monumental lie. Maybe I’ll share that story with you later. I think I’ve shared enough for now.

Our living situation became out of control and ended abruptly when some strong words were exchanged, photos were destroyed and we both crossed the lines of repair.

My ex had to leave immediately. No more pretend friendship.

Despite being over for quite some time this was the conclusion of an incredibly heated and passionate relationship. A relationship in which I was sure was “the one.”

I wasn’t and it wasn’t my fault. In reality it wasn’t even in my control.

Dumped 3

After some time had passed and my esteem was intact again, I fell in love. Dumped 2 had lasted exactly 16 months. Dumped 3 was a couple of days shy of the 16 month mark when the hammer fell and it came to an abrupt end.

Once again, I went through a gamut of emotions. Once again, I was destroyed. Once again, I had left myself vulnerable. Once again, I was lost.

This had been my most fulfilling relationship thus far. My new ex had given so much to me and shown so much love and support. I was allowed to chase after my dreams. Never was there a question of my ambition. My love supported me both emotionally and financially. I likely would’ve starved without the support.

Certainly, my drive and commitment to my craft would more than repay the investment.

Once again, I didn’t see it coming. It came though - at a bad time.

A Seed Insight

There is no “good time” to be dumped or to dump. There may be times when the dumper is trying to inflict more pain on the dumped, in an attempt to stamp a selfish reminder on the act (i.e.: birthdays, Valentines Day, Christmas, August 22nd and other special occasions). However, if you are unhappy in your relationship and have soul-searched and come to the conclusion the end is near, just end it, don’t prolong the suffering. If you do "end it," just be cognizant of the calendar and the impact it may burden the person your dumping with.

If you’re not cognizant: Aren’t you a selfish……?

The no “good time” formula also applies to death. The only difference I don’t think “dying*” can be selfish.

*suicide excluded.

End of Seed insight

Of course it was a bad time, I thought my solo journey through life was finally over. Unfortunately it wasn’t. My ambition came with a price. My ex needed stability and my dreams weren’t providing it. The end wasn’t due to a lack of love, it was more a product of different needs.

In a sense this loss hurt the most.

I accepted that I was loved. Without question, my ex understood who I was and what was needed to ensure continued happiness. I wasn’t in a position to provide what was needed so instead of asking me to change, the decision was made to let me live my own life.

I respect that and it does show a tremendous love - for both of us.

I still make mistakes. I make the odd call. I know that: It’s too early for the calls, because nothing has changed and until it has there can be no possible rewind on the relationship.

I do have a fondness for each of my past loves and I will always have a place in my heart for each one of them.

Dumped Synopsis

“Dumped 3” without question hurt the most as I was loved on an “almost” unconditional level. I wish it would have survived the tests of time. I really hate waking up alone. I’d love if we reconnected, however, if that is my sole goal, it will never happen.

The key element to the broken heart is “almost” unconditional. Almost isn’t enough.

I came to terms with things by realizing almost isn't enough. Like everyone else I’m scared and scarred. I may even be a tad bit bitter and jaded. I don’t think that I am.

Thanks for your question. This stuff is incredibly personal to share and I hope you appreciate that by doing so I’m trying to help and at least offer some fresh perspective.

My experiences may mirror the experiences of others, conversely there is a uniqueness to them and collectively I couldn’t imagine three such dramatically different scenarios.

Once the clouds had cleared and the sun began to shine again on my life I came to understand that I have no control over the emotions and love decisions of others. My past loves made their decisions for reasons that made perfect sense to them and it is not my place to question those decisions. In fact, questioning to me is offensive and a sign of not respecting their wishes.

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Being dumped sucks. Being desperate and needy sucks even more. If you're too desperate and needy you have absolutely no business being in a relationship. It won’t work. Learn to love yourself first. Towel optional!

I’d like to say that it gets easier each time. It doesn’t. That’s a good thing. For me that is a sign that I'm not chasing the same relationship over and over again. Each relationship has good & bad and happy & sad moments. The process of falling in love, becoming vulnerable and allowing myself to hurt, has hopefully brought me closer to that one beautiful relationship - my last intimate one. Towels mandatory!

I’ve learned a lot from these relationships, probably the most important and difficult lesson is that if your relationship ends, break all contact*. It is vital for your future development. It may be a difficult rule to follow, however, I do guarantee that it is the only thing that makes sense and is necessary if you want to recover from the heartache. The day the love hammer falls is the day that the friendship comes to an end. Unless of course you want to fill your life with friends who either don’t want you in their lives or no longer love you.

You may kid yourself and try to hold on desperately to an ex. As long as your ex is still single you may be able to continue seeing them keeping the illusion of getting back together alive. That is as long as your ex is single. If you don't break all ties and go out and fix yourself guess what? Once your ex starts a new relationship you'll get to go over the heartache of being dumped all over again. There are only rare exceptions to this rule.

Also difficult to accept is the fact that when people break up there is always a reason for it or several reasons for that matter. Regardless of who is to blame or if monumental changes have to be made the relationship is failing and the only possible way to salvage it (which in all likelihood isn't possible), is to leave the situation, do a self inventory and change yourself if you feel change is in order. Basically change on your own schedule and of your own accord.

As always I encourage discussion and debate on this topic. Some may argue that all that is required to save the relationship is some open communication. "We must express what we need from one another."

I say: "What a load of crap."

Yes, communication in a relationship is vital. Mature loving people understand that. I'm just saying that if someone is uttering, "I'm breaking up with you" or any of its countless other versions, its way too late for communication and the decision has already been made. Even if the one who has been "dumped" delivers some compelling post break-up "communication," buying themselves a little time by upping the guilt quotient on the "dumper." The victory will likely be short lived. Communication in relationships starts early, if you and your lover are not communicating: Do you really have a relationship? Now c'mon people, quit being so friggen needy. It didn't work for me.

Do people really end relationships because the toothpaste tube is squeezed in the middle?

"Yes."

I've just been told the answer is yes so let me reword the question: Would you want to live your life with someone who was willing to throw away a relationship because you squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle?

If your answer is "yes", good luck.

Hold on a second, you're not off the hook yet. If your lover has "communicated" to you that it drives them crazy (squeezing in the middle), quit being such a baby and grow up. Your other option is to send me a question when your lover dumps your sorry ass.

Therfore, I'm sticking to my guns: If your relationship is at the point of break up, you've in all likelihood missed the communication boat. Carrying it a step futher, if you're in a relationship of any duration (more than a year), and you're having trouble finding words to share with each other or you aren't comfortable talking to one another, then maybe, just maybe, you're with the wrong person. There is a big difference between comfortable silence and awkwardness.

Once again, debate if you must. My opinion is open for change. However, I think it may be time that we collectively as a society quit trying to force ourselves on those we supposedly love. Are we all too blind to see that a 50% divorce rate represents failure and creates a plethora of other problems for future generations to try to fix?

In my estimation only about 25% of those who marry have made the right decision. The ones who've found their "true love" and over time their love has grown and shown "staying power".

Sure they have challenges, maybe even significant rough patches, but for the most part they look inward first, communicate and realize that their love for one another is always paramount. Squeezing toothpaste is never an issue.

The rest of us are making counsellors and lawyers wealthy. I'd even go as far as saying that most of us don't know what "love" is and that we continually go around and chase after unsustainable "love highs." Then once we "crash" we start to look for flaws in our lovers and for a way out. We've all done it. It's time to stop. It's also time to stop as difficult as it may be, to trying to hold onto people who no longer want to be with you.

Instead go out and date. As many people as you need to. Don't have an agenda. Communicate. Work on yourself at all times. Listen. If you find the love waning look inwards first. If you decide that you "love" but are "not in love" exit stage right and don't look back. At least not till a significant amount of time passes.

If you are the dumper

Stick to your guns and break all contact. It is imperative that you do this if you love the person you've just devastated. If you don't your really being a selfish ____?

Give it just an ounce of thought: You've just trashed someone's heart and soul and they really need to find a way to come to terms with what has just happened. If you linger around, go to movies, dinner and try to "remain" friends with them, then you're in all reality fucking with their fragile hearts and stripping away their esteem. Quit being so selfish. They love you. They can't live without you. We get it and that's why you have to let them go.

What's that? You like the attention? That's what I figured.

Even if you have a tremendous fondness for the one you just dumped get away. If you don't you are showing zero respect and you're just leading them on. Regardless of how well they seem to be taking things continued contact fills their fragile minds with hope and prolongs the healing process.

One last thing: If you really want to continue spending time with your ex because they are so wonderful, loving, caring and on and friggen on, I have a suggestion for you: Go take a good hard look at yourself in a mirror and do a a self inventory.

When you're done with that inventory ask yourself: Why am I being so damn selfish and needy?

If you come to the conclusion that you still want to see your newly dumped ex, then I suggest change yourself and get back together. If they even want you back.

If you don't want to change or get back together and if they don't want you back, hug each other, say goodbye, get back to living and chalk this relationship off as bringing you one step closer to your last intimate relationship. If that's what you're looking for to begin with.

Don't let your ego cloud your mind, you've just dumped someone it's not your place to help pick up the pieces.

If you are the one dumped

I know it's hard but quit lying to yourself:

He/she was not the love of your life.
You will be able to live without your ex.
If you can't live without your ex, may I suggest getting some serious help. You've got much bigger problems.
You don't want to be "just friends."
Quit doing things for your ex.
It wasn't a perfect relationship.
The song, restaurant, movie and whatever doesn't belong to you.
Spending more time together will do little good.
Love letters don't show love, they show manipulation and neediness. If you write too many of them welcome to the land of pathetic. If you continue to write them welcome to the land of restraining order.
They are not the most beautiful/handsome person in the world.
You may have been "through so much together," but did you ever take the time to think that "being through so much" is painfully tiring and may be the reason for the breakup.

Don't forget to give yourself some credit:

If the sex was really that good: weren't you a part of it?
You'll likely grow from the traumatic experience and in time move onto better more loving relationships.
Your ex will likely continue to pursue short lived "love highs" and they won't grow until they're one day dumped themselves.
If the "core" of you is strong, meaning: you're a well-rounded person who is ambitious, caring and loving, being dumped doesn't change that fact.
You deserve to loved unconditionally.

And:

Quit trying to hold on to something that no longer exists.
Remember you loved this person and they are likely feeling a truck load of guilt for hurting you.
Trust that they don't want to hurt.
Understand that when "love" is involved it really doesn't matter what side of the coin you fall on, breaking-up sucks bat-dung and it is going to hurt.
The dumper likely has dealt with the break up long before the dumped clues in or accepts the relationships demise.
They've likely talked to friends, family, their pets and even strangers, wrestling with their decision and whether it is the right one or not.

It's now up to both parties to limit the pain and suffering. The best way is to avoid all contact if possible. In fact it may be imperative.

If you "really did love**" each other, now is the time to show it: let them walk away. If you don't, you don't really love them and perhaps you don't even love yourself.

Fortunately he/she were not the love of your life.

Let's all quit using the word "love" so freely. It really screws people up.

**Here's the thing: if you didn't love one another and you've been dumped and you are desperately trying to hold on to your lost love, you've got much bigger problems to deal with and I suggest getting some help to sort them out before you even consider another relationship.

If you follow these suggestions, maybe, just maybe, sometime down the road a new friendship can form with and old love interest. It’s unlikely, however, the only way it can possibly happen is if you both go away and change.

*There are a few exceptions to the break contact rule:

When children are involved.

Business issues.
Financial issues.
Property issues.
All of the above, plus…….

I’ve got one question for you: Who would possibly dump a Duchovny beating, Hestonesque looking passionate and ambitious man like moi?

Sorry one more question: Why do so many of us want to be with with people who no longer want us?

The question is rhetorical.

Remember you asked……

the seed

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 3

2006-03-29T19:47:00.000-08:00

Hey Seed,

Quick follow up on Mr. X:

His "wife" is still trying to decide who she "truly" wants. She phones Doc. India and gets text messages on her cell and e-mails regularly. She has little or no contact with Mr. X (just "mail came for you..." and the like).

Mr. X told me during a long walk that he still loves her and can't just flip the switch and turn that off. He says that when you love you must not expect anything in return. And he says, although he feels disrespected and treated "as though she threw him out of the life boat and pulled Doc in" and deeply hurt, he still could forgive her (he wishes he could react aggressively and flip out about it, but he says that this just won't happen with him in this case).

He then said: "Then they could 'work on their problems' and 'solve' them together."

He says that he is a person who thinks things through and then presents his finished concept of how things should be. He says Mrs. X is the type of person who is proactive is a person who takes action and doesn't think about things so long. Mrs. X says that he lacks "drive". An important part of his love for her is that he accepts her "as she is" and he believes that she must learn to accept him "as he is".

I didn't say anything. I just listened to him. I wanted to slap him. When he was done I just asked one question: "She did know who you were before you got married?" (they were together for seven years).

That was the end of the conversation.

Do you have any advice for this situation? I am afraid there is nothing anyone can say or do to help him.

Best regards,

FIN

Dear FIN

You’ve done the best you can - now laugh. No, that’s the wrong advice. You have one responsibility here - if you’re a good friend - listen till exhaustion.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t give the odd bit of insight, from your perspective of course, on what a colossal waste of time your friends anguish is. ‘Cause it really is a waste of time.

The only thing you can really do now is be there for Mr. X. Maybe for Mrs. X too, if she is infinitely hot. But, if you are hanging for your shot, you suck as a friend. Really you do.

“Advice for this situation?”

That was your question. That illustrates to me that you don’t suck as a friend. Actually since you’ve been part and parcel to the novel on the life & times of Mr. X., I’m pretty sure that your intentions are pure. Mine aren’t. That is if she is really is as hot and insecure as the previous dialogue and banter indicates.

“Look, look, no really look over there! The sky is falling. Head’s up.”

SMASH!!!!!!

Thankfully, I was wearing a hardhat and steel toed boots or I might of expired.

The sky was really falling, for the third instance in the last 9 months a crane operator lost control of his crane. I’ve never lost control of my crane. Have you?

Sorry, I lied, there was that brief period where my crane……..

Back to the crane and the first time the rigging fell. Much like bungee jumping without the recoil, the crane operator lost his two-thousand pound rigging from twenty-three stories:

SMASH

A week later:

SMASH

The operators job ($75 per hour) came to an abrupt end. Apparently the ground dwelling members of the construction fraternity don’t take lightly to gear falling from the sky. I guess the boots and hat aren’t sufficient protection. Time to up the standards.

Back to the dilemma. Actually the second “back” in a short period of time. Actually again, when you "spank" some insight into the equation, you will realize that is the problem to begin with: Mrs. X’s love of being on her back. Her insecurities have led her to believe that she deserves to be fucking worshipped. She somehow has elevated herself to a status where when standing on her self aggrandized pedestal, very few have the combination to look up her skirt. Somehow she has developed a false sense of entitlement.

In reality, she deserves little, in fact, guy or gal, it doesn’t matter, if you are entertaining the genital drippings of several suitors at the same time, one descriptive word for you comes to mind: POPULAR.

Well maybe that’s not the right word: SLUT.

I’m not suggesting that Mrs. X is a slut.

an offensive term for a woman thought to be sexually promiscuous.
an offensive term for a woman who charges for engaging in sexual activities.
an offensive term for a woman who is regarded as not concerned about conventional standards of domestic cleanliness (dated).

I’m offended now - my research led me to a land demeaning to women. Men can be sluts too. In fact, for a short period of time, back in my University days I may have been a…….

The point is: did a guy come up with the terminology?

I don’t think SLUT is gender specific. So in that spirit, let's put brackets around the (wo) and accept responsibility for our indiscretions.

If you’re single, without obligations or commitments, go ahead, swing for the fences, fiddle in the trenches -- enjoy your sexuality. Explore - explore - explore!

Just be a (wo)man about it and don’t hurt others. For fuck's sake we’re fragile. Our upbringing has ensured that. Once we accept our shortcomings, and only when we’ve accepted them, can we possibly venture out into “love pastures”. I think that may be the fatal flaw of life.

Life screws us up. Hell - heaven - hell - heaven - hell - living hell - ah living heaven.

Much better.

We’re individuals thrust into society’s homogenized adaptation of living.

We’re being conditioned to conform to conformity. Basically: to buy shit.

And, the thing is, no "shit" can possibly be perfect.

At the end of the day, and it all, we’re individuals. In all likelihood our pooh smells.

Mrs. X is “trying” to decide who she “truly” wants -- what a bitch.

Mr. X, I feel for you, I felt for you, I’ve gushed at your heartache, but, but, but, but you’re quickly becoming a poster child for the blind.

If you continue down the path your on, the only way we’ll be able to understand you is if we touch the bumps on your tongue.

Listen to yourself: “Freeze frame” “Freeze frame”.

Out eighties. Out J. Geils.

Now let’s try again: picked up your mail lately?

Text, emails, phone calls, sounds like the page is turning and your not on next. The problem is you want to be. You fucking pine to be. You’ve convinced yourself that, that is the only thing that makes logical sense. Quit lawyering.

You think that you have “shared so much together”.

You think “we can’t throw away such a good thing”.

So your agenda has become to force, force, force………

We can "work" on things together. We’re meant to be. I believe in you baby. I really believe in you baby.

PUKE

The thing is: thinking is messy and never leads to the land of Dr. Moreau.

What I mean is the only way to find a solution is to stop thinking. Sounds nuts right?

It isn’t. If you become consumed with something, anything, the best way to salvation is to put it aside. To stop looking at it. If you don’t - you’ll obsess. You’ll risk becoming what you’ve been obsessing about. Conformity. I know it’s confusing. I drink beer.

Working for Mrs. X. is: looking hot, the second that changes she may have to evolve. The choice is not hers to make. Fortunately, probably non PC, her value will shrink as her age increases. Her sexy, saucy, seductive and sultry ways will rapidly turn from fox to cougar and the suitor holding the bag when that happens will be chewed up and spat out, likely left to raise a unwanted love child as part of the program.

I hope I’m wrong.

Spot apologizing Seed.

Sorry.

Stop apologizing Seed.

This chapter's conclusion:

Love is fucking stupid. That is when it is wrong. People who love each other make the odd mistake, but they don’t drag one another through crap. It is not supposed to be so hard.

Mrs. X. is flawed. Those who love her need to step aside and let her sort out her life. She’ll probably miss the “sort out” boat and continue to “use” until she grows claws and fangs and she joins the "I’m a bitch/cougar parade" with lipstick on her teeth.

With the sales pitch: “Love me. I used to be hot.”

She’ll probably live a life full of luxury and emptiness.

Working on the relationship for her simply means: not getting caught. That is, until she upgrades.

Face reality the current version of Mrs. X or "Trash Gold Digging Love Tramp" if you prefer: is flawed and likely not capable of love. If you continue your delusional pursuit guess what? Before you know it you’ll become a flawed lover as well. Good only to the desperate, needy and flawed. Breaking free really is your only option. Ask yourself this question:

Why are you leaving your future in the hands of a liar and a cheater? You do understand that is what your doing?

Now wake up and use your brain. You made it through law school - do you want to make it through life - happy.

A Seed Insight

Quit being stupid. Seriously, I mean it people. We all do it. It creates scintillating drama on a regular basis. We all think our situation is different. We all take the love indiscretions of our mates so damn personally internalizing our heartache with the delusion that they really didn’t mean to hurt us. How could they, we are such fantastic men and women that surely their trashy behavior must be a mistake. We over-romanticize our relationships. We have illusions of perfection. We forgive.

Though we don’t admit it, our mind tricks us into believing in some way the straying is really due to our own shortcomings. This strips away our esteem.

If we continue down this road, we’ll eventually become bitter, jaded and broken. The further down Blithering Lane we go results in our baggage handlers growing increasingly tired of our refusal to accept the crystal clear reality of the situation and one by one you’ll find them falling by the wayside. If the stupidity continues for too long the handlers will all be gone and the carry on baggage of life will exceed weight restrictions and long bouts of expensive therapy may be the only respite to the dismay.

As hard as this is to accept: cheaters while in the form of a cheater don’t deserve our love. It’s not our fault that they cheat. They cheat because they aren’t capable of loving. Argue this point till your blue in the face if you want. I know that cheaters will. Their character is at stake.

Claim it is human nature to stray. Claim it is forgivable. Claim that people make mistakes. Sometimes we have to, to protect our hearts. Sometimes being in love really sucks. Fuck - claim that it is not a big deal. Maybe I’m the delusional one. Maybe it is no big deal.

SMACK

Wake up, Seed. Wake up, World. It is. Accept it if you want. Work on your relationships if you think that you can’t live without the cheater. Forgive them. Maybe you are the exception. I hope that you are. But it is more likely that you're not and your acceptance of betrayal shouts out: I deserve to be treated like shit! Is that what you want?

Fortunately for Mr. X there are no kids involved. That would cloud issues more and make Mrs. X even a bigger selfish slut. He really needs to step aside. He needs to forgive her and realize it wasn’t his fault. He really needs to learn to find a way to cope, to cherish the good and pursue something richer and more fulfilling for his future. He needs to accept that the current version of Mrs. X doesn’t meet the criteria.

It’s time to reduce the divorce rate. It is time to reduce the number of needy children running around from broken homes.

QUIT TRYING TO STAY IN MESSED UP RELATIONSHIPS. MOST OF THE TIME IF A RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES A LOT OF WORK, IF INFIDELITY IS INVOLVED, IF YOU ARE NOT SURE, IF YOU ARE NOT SURE AND IF YOU ARE NOT SURE, TAKE A DEEP BREATH. LOOK AT YOURSELF FIRST AND IF YOU DON’T THINK THE SPARK AND MAGIC WILL RETURN - PART COMPANY. IT’S NOT WORTH IT AND YOUR LOVE INTEREST IS NOT ‘THE ONE“.

SERIOUSLY! THIS WAY COUNSELORS AND DIVORCE LAWYERS CAN HAVE A BIT OF A BREAK FROM THEIR HECTIC SCHEDULES DUE TO LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR BEST INTERESTS (tongue firmly in cheek). UNLESS OF COURSE YOU’RE THE ONE EXCEPTION AND YOUR CHEATING MATE REALLY DID MAKE A MISTAKE. AND, THEY TRIPPED AND CHEATED BY ACCIDENT. AND, THEY DO TRULY (see brackets above) LOVE YOU.

YOU’RE NOT. THE EXCEPTION THAT IS.

end insight.

The problem is our neediness makes us vulnerable and that vulnerability leads to neediness which in turn results in babies. And the world turns…….

"FIN" all you can do is listen. I suggest while wearing headphones (I-pod people you may advertise here), until Mr. X bores, becomes bitter and jaded or……….

Finally, love is great, priceless if you will, if you find it you’ll know. If you do hold on.

However, without respect there can be no love and if you’re disrespected let it go -- or, make a shirt with WELCOME on the front and lie down.

Remember you asked

the seed

(to be continued)

Her cheatin’ heart/Seed’s Rebuttal

2006-03-26T12:31:00.000-08:00

Look at this drivel:

This was one of the featured articles on the MSN homepage:.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=3187&menuid=6&TrackingID=516163&BannerID=558930

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It really is time for Ask Seed to rise to the forefront.

Seed would like to ask you, the Ask Seed readers, to help us to build awareness and a “cult” following.

We may not always be right, however, we promise to entertain and give some food for thought.

In my opinion, the advice given in the above article is marginal at best. I know that we are all entitled to our opinions, however, I’m tired of people accepting mediocrity and trying to fit square pegs into round holes.

The point: if you’re willing to stray, to hurt the ones you supposedly “love”, you really have no business being in a relationship. If you can’t keep it in your pants, and I can’t stress this loud enough:

SEED PSA

You’re not with the love of your life. If you were, you wouldn‘t be willing to throw it all away for a romp with a co-worker named Pepe.

If society followed this formula, we’d have fewer bad marriages, less divorce and not as many needy children running around searching for love. Eventually repeating the cycle for all time to come.

Cheatees, it’s time to accept the fact: CHEATER’S DON’T LOVE YOU. They can’t. They’re flawed lovers. I know it sucks to hear this and it is even harder to accept. Their selfishness (neediness) clouds their minds to the point that they only think of themselves. (There may be “exceptions” - I just haven’t met one yet).

Put your ego aside, I know it hurts and we need to believe that we’re good people. “PP,“ your girl didn’t trip, she cheated and now she wants you to buy her performance. I’m not buying it.

If you want to be a doormat - take her back and tattoo "WELCOME" across your chest.

To read more on Seed’s take on cheating click on the following link to the article:

No excuse for all that

http://seedenterprises.blogspot.com/2005/08/weve-been-published-again.html

If you are interested in reading more of Seed & Euro Seed’s views on: Love, life and relationships, pick up a copy of their book: Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular).

For details visit: www.seedenterprises.com

End PSA

Photo commentary:

If you can’t poke fun at yourself and desperately try to hold on to your fleeting youth (insert unstoppable laughter), then can I ask you an uncomplicated question: What fun is life?

The above picture is intended to do just that. It is also intended to make you think: "could it really be gig…?”

Admit it: you're wondering. You may also find yourself wondering: “Where did the light come from?”

Back to the rebuttal:

The "bitch" cheated and immediately came clean so she can (pause) "cheat" again? How noble of her.

(If it was a guy doing the cheating: “bastard.”)

Sorry takes time. You can’t be grunting in the throes of passion one moment and hours later be apologizing for those grunts.

The only way for “PP” and “Bitch” to ever have a chance is if he dumps her. That’s probably what she wants him to do. Her performance, though good, was likely a test of his backbone, and if he buys into it, sure they’ll get back together, but it is only a matter of time before he’s kicked to the curb.

I envision it now: “I apologized, why do you keep bringing it up. If you can’t accept my apology and forgive me, I can’t be with you. Goodbye.”

He’ll end up being the bad guy.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: nobody wants to be with a pushover.

I don’t know, when I’m really in love and I don’t want to lose my lover, I go out and bang a co-worker in a weak, needy moment. Sounds like another “tripping accident“. Don’t buy it. Cheating is not an accident, tripping is. Unless that tripping is on magic mushrooms or other hallucinogenic substances. In that case -- not an accident.

One of my cheating ex’s had me so concerned that they’d hurt themselves that in my neediness, I actually bought the performance.

Guess what?

“What?”

I didn’t mean that literally.

Later, I counted the notches on the bedpost.

Sure, people can change, but c’mon, she hadn’t even washed away the co-worker's DNA and she’s already pleading her case. “Bitch” may not be strong enough. She could at least shower before she “comes” clean.

It’s like Osama coming clean immediately after a terrorist strike and then asking us to forgive him.

“'Death to America!!!!' Umm, sorry….. Oops, I made a mistake. Please forgive me.”

Nice performance, he thought she might hurt herself. Why? Because he is such a stud and she loves him so much that she banged a co-worker. I did a web search, banging co-workers is just easy, meaningless sex.

How pathetic. If he buys the BS.

If he does, PP’s ego must be in the stratosphere.

And to top it off, the advice suggests the possibility of working on it 100%. Sounds like he's going to be asked to change to meet her needs. And if he does, she'll promise not to stray. Once again, how noble of her.

(Insert salivating counselors.)

Anyway, I don‘t normally get my feathers ruffled by other columnists, however, I think it is time to stop the proliferation of "telling the broken-hearted what we think they want or need to hear."

‘Cause, guess what?

“What?”

Stop taking me literally. I don’t think the broken-hearted truly want to hear: “what we think they want to hear.” If someone asks you for your opinion I believe we have a responsibility not to mince words. I believe in this case the advice does exactly that: mince words.

“Rebuild the foundation.” You can’t rebuild what doesn’t exist.

Props for telling “PP” to put your feelings first. Yet, remember this “PP“, you didn’t stray, you’ve got nothing to work on. At least not in this particular instance. Don’t allow anyone to hint that this was your fault in any way. Working on it 100% comes precariously close to suggesting that you have some responsibility in this infidelity.

Bleeding hearts may be screaming:

What if he wasn’t giving her enough attention?
What if he wasn’t caring enough?
What if he was abusive?
What if the last gift he gave her really sucked?
What if he wasn’t good enough in bed?
What if he doesn’t earn enough?
What if he……..?

All crap.

If any of these are reality in a relationship --- get out of the relationship before you drop your gear. Have the courage to walk away.

What’s that?

Oh yeah, you’re a cheater. Translation: a coward. Probably: a liar. Why would we expect more?

One last thought: Why do we encourage this abusive, mediocre behavior? She didn't make a mistake. She knew what she was doing and now she can't even handle the guilt, so she decided to really hurt the one she "supposedly" loves: by "coming clean".

North America - hell - the World: don’t accept infidelity!

There is no excuse. Feel free to argue and debate this point. I’m ripe for my opinion to be changed.

While arguing, I ask you to do one thing. Listen to those who argue that there are “exceptions” to the rule, the ones who claim that there are times when cheating may be acceptable, listen closely: could they be……..

If “PP” is stupid enough to take her back, I suggest: wear condoms.

Regards,

Seed

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Lindsay Wincherauk (aka: the seed) is co-author of the critically acclaimed book: Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular).

Though he hasn’t played with Janet Jackson or the Digable Planets -- he has with himself -- sometimes twice in the same day.

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As mentioned earlier, we’d like to solicit your help in finding a “cult” following for Ask Seed. We’d really dig any help you can with helping us to achieve that goal.

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For more information visit: http://www.seedenterprises.com/ and click on the “Ask Seed” link.

Question 19 The origins of seed…..

2006-03-21T16:57:00.000-08:00

Hello Fans!

I’m not absolutely certain if you’re fans or not, however, I just want to extend you a friendly hello.

It would be really cool if you were fans - I promise to keep my ego in check.

Hopefully you’ve enjoyed: The Infinite Saga of Mr. X: Part 1 & 2. We promise to deliver Part 3 in the near future.

In the meantime we’ve decided to field a question regarding the origins of Seed’s nickname. Complete with a riveting story of suspense and violence. Scroll down to be entertained.

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To help you along here are some clues:

It’s the countries' border crossing.
Look at a map.
Sitges and Paris.

Good luck!

Remember: you don’t have to send your address with your answer - we’ll request it if you’re the winner.

Question 19 The origins of seed…..

Why the seed?

I've only been to 3 countries. I haven't written any books, but I have written some pretty witty stuff in cards to my friends. I have been in 5 weddings, and I have 5 godchildren. I am fluent in two languages, but I know dirty words in a couple more.

Again...Why the seed?

Judi

Dear Judi

Construction Turf War

*Warning - Warning - Warning - Warning*

The following dialogue may be considered to be highly offensive. It is a profanity-laced ditty. The events detailed are 100% true with no embellishment at all. The story is not for the faint of heart and I recommend not reading it if you are offended by the F-Bomb, because it literally is in the story every couple of words.

The story is definitely NOT suitable for children.

F-bomb meter - 50.

Continue reading at your own risk. You’ve been warned.

The story was too fascinating to overlook as one simply could not write stuff this juicy.

Enjoy!

---------------

The Setting

The loading dock of a high-end furniture store on a dark, damp, overcast Thursday afternoon. Light drizzle was falling. A biting chill accompanied the constant breeze.

(this was not the day)

The loading dock had been rendered useless, as a luxury condo development was being erected behind the furniture store. The developer had closed off the road and was in the process of turning it into part of the development and a city street. Thus, no access for the delivery drivers. Creating a situation of frustration, as heavy pieces of furniture were now being hauled to the store from a block away. Which, by the way, really, really sucks.

The Cast

Me (the seed).

Devilishly handsome. Virile. Sexy in a saucy way. A combination of George Clooney, pre-nuts Tom Cruise, Mark Harmon and the Domino Pizza Noid. A true leading man. In this instance relegated to a bystander. An observer of the human condition.

Much more on Seed and his whimsy self later.

Construction Dude 1

Rugged, rough, gruff and unpolished. About 6’ 3”. 35 years of age. Packing all the tools of the trade. In the neighborhood of 200 lbs. Fit not fat. His voice was not angelic, instead, a bit like Kim Carnes with a notch or two of more edge to it. I’m positive that he’s smoked his fair share of Export A’s and when done with his fags, he likely eats the filters washing them down with scotch. He has definitely maimed before. Without question, he has been behind bars.

At one time he may have been a Momma’s boy; that is, until he buried her.

Construction Dude 2

Dude Number 1’s protégé. Silent and worshipping. 30 years old. Fantasizes about Dude 1’s tools. Around 5’ 11” when not on his knees. Fortunately he has knee pads. Would like to star in Brokeback Condo - Erecting High-rise. He just can’t quit Dude 1.

Delivery Driver 1

Stupid. Give him a chance and he’ll show you. Vocabulary limited. 6’ 2”, Persian and slight in stature, maybe 175 lbs. Confrontational to a fault. Basically doesn’t give a damn. Around 37, on his current program of angst he probably won’t make it to 40. Really annoying.

Delivery Driver 2

5’7, 160 lbs. Silent, however, he packs a verbal punch. May have an opportunity for an acting award. Despite his slight stature, he has a smooth calm convincing tone to his dialogue. Out of nowhere he becomes the star of this Off-Broadway production. Will be cast in the leading role in future productions. Brilliantly funny.

Site Superintendent - Kidder

Nuts. Very entertaining. Did I say nuts? About 5’ 7”, 220 lbs. Shaved head. Pointy Goatee. “Pointy birds, pointy birds, anoint my head anoity noity, I love those pointy birds.” Walks sort of like a penguin. Did I say very entertaining and nuts? He is of South African, Middle Eastern, Russian, Scottish, Irish, Norwegian, Thai and Egyptian descent. Or something like that. He explained it once and I found myself confused. His voice somewhat gruff with a cool Isaac Hayes quality to it only with a fresh South African professor feel to it. Starts sentences often with: “Sir, you must understand…."

A true character.

Act 1

Action….

I really just want to put this day behind me and close this chapter of my life. Moving furniture really sucks. I’ve been slugging away at it for 9 months now and constant exhaustion has become part of life’s equation for quite some time. The JOB recently entered the almost unbearable stage with the closure of the roadway and loading dock, as we were now being forced to haul oversized, overstuffed furniture from a block away. Don’t buy the propaganda, moving sofa beds really does lick rats' asses. And, not the upscale, sultry, sexy rats of Yaletown, but, instead the festering, diseased-laden rats of the Downtown Eastside.

I just want the last 4 hours of this day to end so I can bid farewell to my co-workers and hoist a few pints symbolizing the end of helping my friends move. I’ve actually been practicing: “No.”

The question: “Can you help me move?”

The rain was spitting down. I’ve got 4 chairs to saran wrap for delivery and 4 hours to kill and then: freedom. “Please no big deliveries. Please. Please. Pretty Please.”

A delivery truck has ignored the cordoned off street and started to back into the dock. “Damn it. Please don’t let the truck be for us. Please. Please. Please. Pretty Please.”

Construction Dude 1

(Ferociousness in his tone).

“Fuck! Hey you fucking idiots! You can’t park your fucking truck there! Move your fucking truck right fucking now morons!! Didn’t you see the fucking street is fucking cordoned off? You can’t fucking park there. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck………

Construction Dude 2

Attached to Dude 1’s hip pocket. Gazing into his eyes with a glimmer of love in his heart. Mystified by Dude 1’s intellectual dialogue. Thinks: “Where did I leave my knee pads?”

Delivery Driver 1

(Hands thrown in the air. Waves them around like he just don’t care).

“Fuck you! Fuck you! I’ve got to do this fucking delivery. How are we supposed to fucking deliver shit?"

Construction Dude 1.

“The fucking road is closed fuckhead. You can’t fucking be here.”

Delivery Driver 1

(Unfazed).

“We’re going to deliver this shit. You can’t fucking stop us. We need 5 fucking minutes.”

Delivery Driver 2

Silently exits truck and with Driver 1 picks up his end of a bed headboard and starts carrying it towards me.

Hello. What happened to hello? Is profanity the new way to greet people? It seems a tad aggressive.

“Hey, you can’t park there.” Or: “The road is closed off for now.”

Who am I kidding? A “fuck” tirade is way more civilized and pleasant. When you give it a little thought: “Hello” is really rude and vulgar.

So much for breezing through the end of my furniture career. So, what did I do? Nothing, I just listened. No fucking way was I going to get involved with this crew. Saran wrapping a chair had somehow become blissful and safe. I quickly deduced that taking the roll of Switzerland was the most prudent path. Could someone please bring me a soda and some popcorn, cause, if Act 2 is anything like Act 1, this stuff is gold. Reality is truly greater than fiction. All you have to do is watch and listen. Gems popping up from every direction.

Act 2

Action…….

Construction Dude 1.

(Anger intensified and somewhat more refined. How fun was that to type? REFINED):

“You lying piece of fucking shit. You said 5 fucking minutes. Fucking fuck! No really fucking fuck. Get your fucking piece of fucking shit fucking truck out of here right fucking now. Fuck."

Construction Dude 2.

Speechless, love gaze intensified, putting on his knee pads and complete with a tear forming in the corner of his eye. He drifts off into daydream land: "One day. One day we’ll cement our love. Dude 1 is a goddess. He’s so gentle. So dreamy. So latherable. One day he’ll be mine."

Construction Dude 1.

“Get your fucking truck out of here right fucking now!”

Moves closer to the delivery drivers. Invades their space, so to speak.

“I’m serious. Move your fucking truck now. Get your fucking truck and your $10 dollar an hour, pansy-assed fucking jobs out of here right the fuck now. I fucking mean it. You and your pansy assed jobs. We’ve got $150 per hour fucking machines that we need to get in here. RIGHT FUCKING NOW."

Good, it seems to be calming down. The combatants seem to have found tranquility and I’m certain they’ll be hanging out and laughing later. Really, don’t you think? I think I’ll saran wrap this chair for a wee bit longer. I love saran wrapping chairs. Where’s my popcorn?

I feel a plot twist coming. I can’t wait.

Delivery Driver 2

(Absolute confidence in his calm tone. No fear. No hesitation. Simply a beautiful delivery. Complete with Construction Dude 1 and Dude 2 glued to Dude 1’s ass. Surprise. Surprise. Dude 1 and 2 are now only a few feet from Driver 2):

“The only person I know who makes $10 an hour is your fucking cunt whore wife when she’s blowing me and other guys.”

Did I hear him correctly?

How cool is this? On my last day I’m going to witness a murder. "Fuck" just isn’t going to cut it anymore. Strangely, I’m not afraid. This certainly must be part of the play. More saran wrap for the chair. Where’s my popcorn? Somebody will be dying today. There is no other option. $10 per hour, seems cheap - I wonder if she’s hot? Hmmm. Maybe I’ll ask Dude 1 for her number when he’s being put into the police car.

Construction Dude 1

Words were eluding him now. Even "fuck" was absent. Temple veins were throbbing. Quite freaky actually. I was sure they were going to explode. The special effects crew were doing a stellar job. Seriously, pulse, pulse, pulse……PULSE. Explosion on the horizon.

He started to lunge towards Driver 2 reaching for the appropriate death-inflicting tool.

Dude 2 was also reaching for his tool. Thoughts of prison showers were dancing in his mind.

Confirming my earlier thoughts: Someone will be dying shortly.

Delivery Driver 2

(Either this guy has the biggest balls on the planet or he is the stupidest man ever born. With the same calmness in his voice. Placing his hands in his pockets. Construction Dude 1 is now only arms length away):

“What are you going to do about it: BITCH.”

The confrontation ended. Death averted. Somehow Driver 2 had found the combination for survival and his words defused the situation. Could Dude 1 really be a "bitch"? Did he suddenly realize that this 5’ 7” driver may actually be certifiable? The whole event was a thing of beauty. One can’t make shit like this up.

The participants were free to retreat back to their lives to likely boast of their fierce bravado. “I just about kicked his fucking ass. Those guys were lucky I didn’t kill them. They didn’t stand a fucking chance.”

The point: what a pathetic display of manhood. I was embarrassed for guys. Highly entertained, but embarrassed. I wonder if his wife is hot - $10 is very tempting.

The Aftermath

Enter Kidder

“Sir, you must understand that these guys are violent. Sir, most of them have done time. You see, the government encourages developers to hire criminals by giving them subsidies. The more violent the crime - the bigger the government grant. Some of these guys have murdered their wives. You don’t want to mess with them. If they sense weakness, they assume fag and they think fags have no right to live.”

Poor Dude 2.

Seed

“I must tell you, that was very entertaining, Dude 1 surprisingly didn’t fulfill his role and kill.”

“Did you script that scene? It was great.”

Kidder

“Sir, you must understand that I’ve got to keep my eyes on 500 of these hooligans. Often I’m required to mop up spilled blood and cover up violence. Criminal construction workers and the rich gay men who move into these developments are a toxic broth. Sir, you must understand, it is my job to hide the splatters of blood. We’re just lucky that sanity prevailed here today.”

Exit Kidder, penguin strides and all.

What a brilliant character he is. He always finds a way to bring a smile to my face. Not that I condone violence. I don’t. I’m just not sure that his stories hold water. They can’t: can they?

I once mentioned to Kidder that I saw him on the street at 2:30 am with a lady friend to which he replied:

“Sir, you must understand, several people on this planet would like to see me dead. If you ever see me on the street, stay clear, or you may become the victim of residual violence. Sir, you must understand, if you approach me and you are not hit by a stray bullet, I’ll likely take you out myself as my defenses are always up away from the site. Sir, you must understand, it’s nothing personal.”

Why the Seed?

To tell you the truth - I don’t really know.

Aren’t you relieved that I’ve chosen to tell you the truth as opposed to lying through my teeth.

Aren’t you even more relieved that I have teeth. I know I am. However, for some strange reason I periodically worry about them.

I’m going to assume that when you asked the question you were referring to how my nickname came to be.

I’m thrilled that you read the About the Authors information from my first book: Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories. Hopefully my life experiences have provided you with a touch of insight, laughter and snippets of where my wisdom comes from.

As for the nickname: I wasn’t the one who “coined” it. A dear friend Vern Balogh came up with it. Therefore, he is the only one who knows of its origins. All I know is that I like it and that it stuck. Since approximately 1986 I’ve been known as the Seed.

Vern on the other hand is lucky one of his nicknames didn’t stick. For awhile he was known as Vemmy J. Babah. Though catchy - it was unwanted. Regardless, of how it is said, Vemmy J. doesn’t have a sweet ring to it. The origin of his unwarranted name was the product of a typo on his Red Cross safety card. I know when being administered first-aid, if the attendant introduced himself as "Mr. Babah" I’d likely pee myself.

As for Seed - I can only speculate. I'd like it to remain a bit of a mystery. Allowing the readers to form their own opinions and conclusions. By reading little vignettes from my life and absorbing some of my hopefully sage advice and wisdom you’ll be able to speculate on my character and formulate your own verdict.

As for the speculation.

Well, perhaps it has something to do with sexual prowess and virility.

“One time at band camp……..”

Or maybe, it has a more of a horticultural feel.

“Planting the Seed.”

Wait - that may be sexual as well.

Could time and age be part of the mystery?

“Seeds of time.”

If it was, that would certainly be "way cool". Screaming of infinite wisdom and astonishing pleasure.

“Astonishing pleasure - what does that have to do with wisdom and time?”

Nothing really, I really just wanted to illustrate a point and that point is: 95% of all massages leads to sex.

“Ok - I’m having a tough time following you. Why are we talking about massage? I thought we were talking about your nickname and time. Weren’t we? And, what the hell does Construction Turf War have to do with your nickname?”

Again: nothing. It was simply a "way cool" story. Don’t you think? Well don’t you? As for the nickname: I don’t know. I do like it though.

If you really need to find out, ask Vemmy J. Babah.

Remember you asked

the seed

There you have it. Another installment of Ask Seed. We hope we’ve made you think and that we’ve brought a smile to your face.

We’d love to hear from you. Feel free to drop us a line at askseed@hotmail.com or by commenting below.

Don’t forget to enter our contest.

Most important: Treat the ones you love like gold and all others with kindness.

Let’s all do our part to make the world a better place!

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 2

2006-03-17T12:25:00.000-08:00

Additional Details

Hey Express Seed,

You rock - thank you for the insightful and quick answer!

A good friend of mine once told me that "no unsolicited advice" is one of the most important maxims regarding conversations with friends and acquaintances.

I totally agree with your conclusions (especially at the end that it is "out of his hands").

He went to India fearing the worst. Arrived. His wife denied any cheating whatsoever. Wife later breaks down, admits spending tons of time with Dr. India and "only kissing" him. Has "fallen in love" with him. Mr. X says "fuck". What can he do? He is presented with the cold, hard facts.

He loves her, she say she loves him (Mr. X), but as he (I think rightly) points out, after eight years now together, "comfort" can sometimes be mistaken for "love". They spent the first few days together. Doc India sent her "15 text messages" on her cell every day. Regardless of where Mr. and Mrs. X were, she was "somewhere else". That was enough for Mr. X. He made it clear that this could not go on....

Character points for Mr. X: He says he loves her, he wants to share his "life journey" with her BUT only if she honestly loves him, as in the case of love it must go both ways. He doesn't want to spend his life with a woman, whom he loves, yet who pines after other men and isn't happy.

He did not get angry, did not yell or swear. Mr. X said: "You must decide."

She said: "I can't decide now."

They had planned a vacation to Goa (great beaches) for rest and relaxation together.

http://www.goa-beach.com/

She said: "Go alone."

He said: "Fine."

He went to Goa on his own, got the flu and was torn by anguish. She stayed in Delhi, hung with Dr. India and fucked him.

Mr. X came back. Found out she had sex with the other guy and said: "Fuck." Once again, what can he do? Moved into a different hotel.

His wife didn't call and he had time just to sit and think. When the day came, where they were supposed to fly back together, she still didn't call. She couldn't be reached.

He went to the airport. He looked everywhere. Of course she wasn't there. He then called her on her cell. No, she wouldn't be flying back today. She is staying for a few days. She does not know if she "loves" Dr. India, she has "fallen" for him. He is an assistant at Harvard, will become Professor there in 30 years. Blah blah blah. He has "more drive" than Mr. X.

A bit of the inadequacy trip again.....

Mr. X says he will not wait in India for her and will not be "second fiddle". He says "later" and flies home.

She follows three days later. One call - she still doesn't know where she stands. If he (Mr. X) expects her to "fight for him" and their relationship, well she can't right now and does not want to. He replies it must be reciprocal.

She is going away for "2 weeks" to clear her head.

Mr. X says, even if they do get back together, this episode will always there. At least in the back of his mind.

He truly loves her. "Love must be reciprocal," he repeats.

It is indeed no longer in his hands.

Thanks Again,

A Friend in Need

P.S. He has remained very strong throughout this episode, for which he accredits his belief in God. He is not a religious nut, just someone with his beliefs. Religious or not, he has behaved remarkably well. Of course, you are right when you say he will not want to hear some things.

He is definitely scarred by the events - who wouldn't be? This is noticeable in his mantra-like sayings: "Every second marriage ends in divorce, every second couple cheats on one another. If we didn't cheat on each other and never ever thought of doing so, then we would have never lived honestly."

Fine. I would like to think that if I marry, cheating isn't normal. But maybe, sadly, he is right.
-

In any case, a fucked-up situation.

You’re Welcome Friend in Need

The flock of Seeds here at Seed Headquarters genuinely appreciate every question and rebuttal we receive. Without them, we would be spewing out opinions to a host of imaginary people created in less than lucid intervals.

Therefore, we can’t thank you enough for having faith in us and giving us a opportunity to step into your lives and to offer some perspective taken from our lives.

Why do we do this?

Because:

We care.
We want to make you laugh.
We want to make you think.
We want to make a difference.
We want to change perspective.
We want to hone our comedic and writing skills.
We want a pony.
Thinking helps to slow down Alzheimer's.
We would like to make a reasonable living for ourselves.
We care.

There you have it - it really is that straightforward.

“FIN”, as I said I really do feel for your friend. What a ghastly position to be in. Mr. X’s loving wife traveled down a marital road that can only lead to one place: Marital Purgatory. Actually, maybe two places, the other: A Marital Holding ground somewhere between purgatory and endless counseling sessions.

I imagine it going something like this (Seed's hands placed on his chin with an inquisitive look in his eyes, looking up to the heavens):

Counselor Money Bags: “Mrs. X: why did you feel the need to stray?”

Mrs. X (fake tears due to being caught): “I don’t know.”

Counselor Money Bags: “It is ok - you can open up, no judgment here.”

Mrs. X (now weeping): I was weak. I felt trapped. The excitement was missing from our marriage (assuming no responsibility for the waning excitement). Dr. India is so interesting and charismatic. I really love Mr. X but I don’t know anymore what I want. I feel trapped. I’m an Attention Wh... Life is so complicated right now. I had a flat tire. There was a flood. I’m a bitch. A plane crash. I was carjacked. I tripped. Dr. India tripped and fell on top of me. It wasn’t my fault."

Mr. X: Silence.

Mrs. X (intensifying the performance): I really love you. I don’t want to lose you. (tears flowing freely - I’m sensing an Oscar). I just don’t know anymore Snookums. I really don’t want to hurt you. I’m a bad person. Forgive me. I really love you. This is all my fault.

Counselor Money Bags: “I feel we made tremendous progress. I think additional counseling will really help you guys get in touch with your feelings and help you to communicate and let each other know what you need. Don’t you think so?”

Mrs. X (out of a feeling of guilt): “I think so too.”

Counselor Money Bags: “Great then - I think 10 more sessions will do the trick. You can make your blank cheque out to……”

Mr. X (only in his mind): "Get fucking Dr. India to pay for the counseling, cheating bitch...."

Mr. X (reality): (Silently reaches for a pen. )

I feel counseling is a lot like police work. Honorable, but often too late, the crime has already been committed and now it is time to aid the suffering by helping them pick up the broken pieces of their devastated lives.

It is a growth business - a great place to be if you can stomach all of the friggen heartache. Big money lies ahead for this industry thanks to society, divorce, a lack of morals and values and generations of children coming from broken homes.

Meaning: learn for yourself or from the TV, mom and dad are too busy.

Divorced parents = divorced children. At least, most of the time.

And, with a bunch of kids running around from broken homes the whole ball game has entered one continuous loop. If it continues long enough, welcome to a world of: “suppressed emotions - destroyed esteem - and deteriorating moral fibre.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no sexual Saint, I just came to the conclusion early that hurting others because of selfish neediness and the quest for the “money shot” isn’t worth it - that is, putting one's soul at stake.

I know I’m a foolish, hopeless romantic. And a virgin. One day, I hope I trip.

Continuing with the rant: in my opinion counseling is a sport for the individual. It is something to enter into before you commit to any relationship. Or, if you find yourself in a relationship and have the urge to stray, to smoke crack, to swim with sharks, to wear socks with sandals, to masturbate on Japanese tourists, to………

It definitely has its place. It definitely can help us all deal with the issues that have been thrust upon us by parental and societal shortcomings. In fact: I believe that it would be best if all High School and Post Secondary students were required to take counseling sessions every year to meet graduation requirements. I’m serious.

I also feel that everyone who is heading down the marriage path needs to enter into individual sessions before a marriage certificate is issued.

What I’m saying is: Get your house order. Embark on major renovations if you have to. Just don’t fuck someone else up by your neediness.

Is this at all possible? Who’d pay for it? My socks are dirty.

Probably not - dare to dream. I don’t know - dare to dream. Quit wearing sandals with your socks. I don’t understand why you hate socks so much?

Enough of the off-topic, but, strangely topical banter. Back to the meat.

Go-go music really makes us dance
Do the pony puts us in a trance
Do the Watusi just give us a chance
That's when we fall in line

We got the beat
We got the beat
We got the beat
Yeah!
We got the beat

Get out of my head Go Gos.

Depositions and Diagnosis

Mrs. X

Mrs. X cheated - the reason ultimately doesn’t matter. That makes her a cheater. To make matters worse, for whatever reason, maybe guilt - more likely selfishness, when caught - she chose to lie. That makes her a liar and a cheater. She may “have loved" Mr. X and may actually have a fondness in her heart for him, but the love in all likelihood had turned to comfort quite some time ago.

Her mistake: she entered into marriage with someone whom she no longer “truly” loved. She probably knew she had a great thing, nonetheless, the spark had been slowly flickering out and by agreeing to marriage she not only lied to herself, but, in reality she set up Mr. X for failure and heartache.

Despite her combination of beauty and intelligence it seems that she neglected evolving as a person and when the opportunity arose to up her social standing she thought only of herself. In my estimation regardless of the good times of the past, she destroyed all of it by being a calculating, manipulative, attention seeking and cowardly black widow.

In time the Karma Gods and……..

The dream police, they live inside of my head.
The dream police, they come to me in my bed.
The dream police, they're coming to arrest me, oh no.
You know that talk is cheap, and those rumors ain't nice.
And when I fall asleep I don't think I'll survive the night, the night.

'cause they're waiting for me.
They're looking for me.
Ev'ry single night they're driving me insane.
Those men inside my brain.

…….the dream police will take care of her deception.

Dr. India

Smart, ambitious and driven. In today’s consumer driven world he definitely would be considered a great catch. With Harvard in his future - WOW! How fucking impressive. I’m jealous. Hell, I think I want him. Taking him to an even more lofty pedestal - “more interesting”.
-
What a load of complete and utter bullshit. The guy is a predator. He uses his credentials to mask his shortcomings. Those being: he is the lowest of the low, praying on the vulnerable and the easy to impress. For those who by some strange belief, believe that they are entitled to “more interesting”, ambitious and rich men.

A three-month stint in his environment quickly provides him with fresh victims, screw that, Mrs. X is a willing participant and in this case a shallow, cowardly bitch (once again, remember if it was a guy doing the cheating he’d be a "shallow, cowardly bastard").

Like I said, his intellect and credentials are impressive. That means you can add conniving and premeditated to his Curriculum Vitae. This jerk understands the human psyche. It’s part of his education. He knows the words, understands body language and knows exactly what to say to pique interest. He is a slime ball and I would guess he has no intentions of throwing his ego- driven life and career by the wayside for someone he can “fuck” in less than three months - showing no regard for his target's husband.

What’s he got to lose? After all, his quests are nothing more than notches in his headboard and he understands even if he runs into one with character and morals, another one is waiting just around the bedpost.

By the way, “more interesting” really only requires the ability to listen and the occasional big word.

“Slime balls” - there are tons of men and women on this planet who are too scared to face the world alone so they enter into relationships and marriages hoping to be saved - only to find mediocrity. Then, instead of facing reality, they decide that they aren’t getting the attention that they think they deserve, so they stray and then try to convince anyone who’ll listen that: “they weren’t getting what they deserve from their relationship.”

What they truly deserve is: a big swift kick in the junk.

The problem is they probably don't have any. So, I guess we’ll have to kick them in the barren patch where their junk would be.

Mr. X

Smart, ambitious and driven. In today’s consumer driven world he definitely would be considered a great catch.

To top it off, he has remained true to his love, maybe somewhat blind and maybe a little too romantic. He may also be guilty of settling for comfort. There is no question of his love, however, he put blinders on and only regarded her enthralling beauty.

Luckily, he’ll survive. He’ll end up coming out of this stronger, wiser and unfortunately a bit jaded.

He’s likely to screw up significantly for a while. He’s likely to profess his love. He’s likely going to give her another chance. Eight years is a lot to wash down the drain. He’ll likely blame himself for not being attentive enough to her needs. When Dr. India reveals his true colors Mrs. X may come running back to him and if he is weak he’ll let her in.

She’ll beg, cry, profess her love, say she is so, so sorry and will never stray again. She’ll be convincing.

Mr. X is too smart to buy her performance. At least I hope he is.
-
I wasn’t when faced with a similar situation.

“I love you.” “I’ll never do it again.” “I’m so sorry.” “I…….” This was music to my ears.

My ex meanwhile had her fingers crossed and was thinking: “Buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it ……. Whew! all this acting has left me tired, I had better lie down. Who are you? Why are you on top of me? You’re not my boyfriend. Ohhh well. Next!”

I bought it and was cheated on again and again.

And, in the end: we still broke up.

The Jury’s Out - The Treatment.

This question brought sadness to my heart.

What has happened to our world?

Hell, cheating is not supposed to be accepted. Really it isn’t. Divorce is not supposed to be part of the equation. We’re not supposed to enter into marriage's supposedly sacred institution lightly.

Unfortunately we do. Soaring divorce rates, broken families and troubled, needy kids have become the norm not the exception. There is even talk of “Starter Marriages” in North America. Didn’t that used to be called dating?

Don’t fucking accept it people!

Date, yes. As many people as you need to figure it out. If you find the spark to be waning don’t be a selfish coward, it is ok to walk away. Don’t cheat. Don’t lie. Don’t fuck up the people you “supposedly” love. They don’t deserve it.

And, most important, don’t leave a bunch of kids to try to figure out your selfish mess.

Mr. X is incredibly smart, but unfortunately he seems to be naive and perhaps inexperienced in matters of love - it scares me that he thinks that cheating and divorce may be ok.

I’ll stick to my guns: the only reason ever to walk down the aisle is if you “truly” love someone.

In my estimation: approximately 25% of today’s marriages.

How do you know if it's true love?

That’s for you to decide.

Maybe the penalty for divorce should be sterilization. Just kidding. Or am I?

All I know is if that was the case, getting married would take on a whole different meaning.

All I know is we are getting it wrong way too often and we need to find a way to change course.

The Verdicts

Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

The people involved are supposedly some of our intellectually blessed - the higher echelons of society.

Doctors - smart. Lawyers - smart. Boxers - not so smart. Briefs - comfortable.

Mrs. X is the worst offender in this case. She cowardly entered into marriage out of comfort and convenience. She forgot to take off the “Open for business” sign. She showed zero regard for the feelings of the one she supposedly “loves.” And, she tormented him with her aggressive praises for Dr. India in an attempt to elevate her ridiculous sense of entitlement.

Her sentence. She won’t get it until her looks fail her. Just like she’s turned into a devious user - she’s being used at the same time. She is a prisoner of materialism, status and the opinions of others. Her shallowness will leave her empty and one day hopefully she’ll understand that her actions have tremendous impact on others. She won’t and that’s too bad. What a waste: beauty and intellect what an incredible combination. Too bad evolution is not part of the equation.

Dr. India. Who fucking cares. Hopefully one day he ends up in an unfulfilling arranged marriage. Actually I take that back - I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. This dickhead, though he never cheated, knew exactly what he was doing.

His sentence. It doesn’t matter: he doesn’t have balls.

Mr. X. He’s also guilty. Naivety is his misdemeanor. Maybe he wasn’t needy, however, he wasn’t totally honest with himself. Seven years and you didn’t realize the spark was gone. C’mon Mr. X, you’re smarter than that. I think you probably got caught up in the illusion of being the perfect couple and ignored the fact that the relationship may have run its course.

His sentence. Tears. Learning and picking up the pieces. You may take her back. Don’t. Maybe after time has passed. How much time. Maybe a year. Maybe two. Just not right away. If you make that mistake, realize nothing will change and you can visit this heartache again down the road. I know I did. And you know what: It really fucking sucks.

The upside. You’ll grow. She will not. You don’t have kids. You don’t have kids. You don’t have kids.

Summing it all up. Please world, don’t accept cheating and divorce. Date, have sex, break up, make-up, juggle, swim and dream. Just don’t inflict unwarranted pain on those you love. People do make mistakes and sure "true love" is not always as it seems. If you find your relationship spiraling down the drain. Stop take a deep breath, hug each other, hold each other, cry, yell and most important, soul search and allow some time to pass before you enter into a new relationship. Unless of course you want the exact same relationship again with someone new.

If you don’t look inward first: shame on you.

I’m just about done. Thanks for reading I hope you’ve found something good in our answer. I’m just really pissed at the way we treat each other and think some change is in order. Keeping marginal relationships together has become a phenomena fueled by daytime talk shows. It is big - big business. Even when infidelity is involved, counselors and talk show gurus flex their intellects and instruct people to communicate. Telling their “ratings” guinea pigs that mistakes are made and that you can work through anything.

I say fuck that. You can’t work through anything and by doing so we keep trying to force pieces together that have either run their course or have no business being together in the first place. The continuation of this process manifests itself in a bunch of marginal passionless relationships that serve a purpose of going through the motions and becoming members of the worlds consumption sheep. Welcome to Needyville.

As for Mr. & Mrs. X. people do change, however, not if they don’t have to.

Mr. X if you do make the mistake and take her back: make sure you wear a condom - hell - wear two.

As for me: I wonder if I can get the Dream Police to do the Watusi?

Remember you asked

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To read The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 1 simply explore our blog.

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(to be continued)