Reply to Question 27 when life issues a relentless barrage of crap

To the Seed

I actually think your advice is a load of rubbish.

This is on a number of counts.

1. My husband and ex were one and the same person, I havent been messing behind my husbands back with an ex at all. He went off with another woman and left me with a one year old baby and 9 year old son to care for alone, because he told me later, he felt that he needed to feel attractive for someone else again. Was a middle aged man thing!!
2. As for my family, I made many approaches to them but to be rebuffed. My mother eventually did apologise after about two years. Sad thing she died just months later. Sometimes there is just nothing you can do unless the other parties concerned change their stance. Until then you can not do right for wrong. So all parties knew my circumstances but for their selfish reasons took the decision to just leave me alone with my kids.
3. I live for my kids and they have got me through this difficult period. I have absolutely nothing to apologise to them for, so dont know what you mean here. I have made them a comfortable home, got them into good schools and they are happy. They have regular contact with their father whom I am now on good terms with. I have only just turned 40 however, and i disagree that until im in my fifites when my youngest will be in her late teens that I must live like a nun and have no life of my own, no dating or anything. My mother devoted all her life to her kids, after my father died when she was in her 50s she never had another relationship. Her kids grew up, moved away, and in the end she said shed made a mistake. Her last couple of decades were lonely ones and she wished she had a life with someone else. She had had the opportunity to date again on a few occassions.
4. I think that you may not have children yourself, because to say this comment is so ignorant of real life. Mixed families may be difficult, but do actually work sometimes! Also what about my children's father. He has now finished with the woman he went off with. Should he also abstain from dating again until our children are in there late teens? He may not have custody, but he does have the children every alternate weekend and in the holidays.
5. I think your style of 'hard hitting' advice is a bit naff to be honest, and I originally wrote to you well over a year ago, and now just recieved your reply today. It is now totally irrelavent to me now. I have always been a cheerful easy going type of person, and yes that does help when making friends of which now I have many without the hindrance of a sometimes boorish husband. I dont think the photographs have helped either. I just think your reply has been a load of pretentious, showy bullshit and why you bothered emailing it to me today I will never know!!

Somehow I doubt my reply will get onto your blog.

From a very dissatisfied customer.

Stay tuned for the reply!

Coming soon… maybe even today.

If so: that’ll cut over a year off our reply time.

Don’t get too excited if we haven’t gotten to your question yet… life is kind of happening all around me/us and we do the best we can. As always, if you're in any serious emotional trouble, seek professional help. All we can do is offer opinion and comedy based on our own experiences and the experiences of those we know.

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And come on, no matter what, the children come first. Life sucks at times and even if it crumbles around you, YES, regardless of what anyone else says, and it may be unfortunate, your life must be put on hold until such time that they are old enough and developed enough to understand. If people start chasing romance when they have small children, they are SELFISH, period.

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Statistics prove this. Life proves this. 51% of first marriages end in divorce. It is nearing 80% for second marriages, guess who pays the price?

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The kids first. Secondly, society. Just have a look around.

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The previous few paragraphs are just opinion. They are general statements and not directed only at the reply. If they spark continued dialogue: great! If they make people give it some thought: great!

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If you don't agree: good luck for your children.