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Oh My God Seed:
I am not a slut. Yet I have a real problem. I am honestly a LA 10, but for some reason I lose my inhibitions with even a sniff of alcohol. If I partake I find myself lowering my standards to the point that I put myself in questionable situations. In fact the other morning I woke up and to my dismay I found myself lying next to a man. I think. Whatever it was - was an abomination - something or someone which whom I would generally berate.
This has changed my perspective on a lot of things. This particular man, I think his name was Porky turned out to be another lost soul. Do you have any suggestions for me? Am I a slut?
Help Me Please
Helen.
Dear Helen:
It seems like you have quite a dilemma on your hands. On one hand you seem as if you like to party but have some serious problems with the after effects. On the other hand it sounds like you get yourself into some precarious positions when you go down the party highway. Since I feel for your situation and I don’t want to lead you astray or fill your head with my male perspective on the situation I have decided to hand this question over to Female Seed. Take it away FS.
Helen, while it seems like you have a dilemma, lets take a moment to analyze the facts. First of all, are you sure you are an LA 10? In reality you may be an LA 2, or at least have an IQ of 2 if you keep drinking with losers. Also consider that perhaps you are not really lowering your standards, but raising them. Maybe losing your inhibitions with alcohol is just an excuse to explain why you end up in questionable situations with pudgy abominations – people who may be your LA equals! And let’s take a moment to consider what exactly is a slut anyway. A hem length? According to the dictionary a slut is “a woman adulterer”. Are you married? Or just ending up in bed with married men? Another definition of slut is a “dirty or untidy woman”. Who cares if you wear a bit of your dinner or if your LA hairdo gets a little mussed over a drink. What’s so wrong with being a slut anyway?
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On a more serious note, perhaps you are attracted to lost souls – or abominations – because deep down you have a fear of commitment. You may need to sedate yourself with alcohol to pick up an ugly man, but it is much easier to blow him off the next day. Why bother with the pretty boys – they will just hog the bathroom (a sacred space that true LA 10s don’t like to share with anybody). Since you seem to identify with LA and all it stands for, perhaps you should consider drinking Red Bull. It is after all the beverage of choice by most real and aspiring “LA 10s” and since it is not alcoholic you will retain some sense of decorum, especially when being hit on by the Porkys of this world. You may get a little hyper, but you won’t have to worry about Porky anymore because he won’t be able to keep up with you. If however you insist on imbibing alcohol, then perhaps you should heed some advice that my father once gave me: “Before you go out on the town make sure you drink a large glass of milk to coat your stomach and a big piece of bread to soak up the alcohol – that way you won’t get too drunk.” He no doubt told me this because he wanted me to be able to keep my wits about me so that horny young men could not get me drunk and take advantage of me. Little did he know I had a hollow leg and could actually drink many of my prospective suitors under the table!
My final words of advice: If you can’t handle Red Bull, are lactose intolerant, won’t eat bread cause you are watching your carbs, then I recommend that you lay off the liquid courage when getting ready, bring along a chaperone, wear a chastity belt and give Porky a chance. He may be a nice guy!
Remember You Asked.…
-female seed.
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