Question 27 when life issues a relentless barrage of crap

Hi Seed

I have just read the first chapter of your book and it had indeed made me want to read more.

You have had a very difficult time of it. How do you keep positive if bad things continually keep happening to you though?

I really struggle with this. The last two years I have lost all my family because my mother didn’t like my ex (and I mean all of them turned against me, so haven’t spoken to mother or siblings for over a year - no going back now, they were incredibly nasty) and husband then buggers off and loads of other shitty stuff in between.

So on my own now with two kids, trying my best to build up friendships so we are not totally alone. It’s like believing in god and loosing faith when so much bad happens. I’ve lost faith in human nature cause thought all these people actually loved me.

How did you move from all your adversity to being healthy in mind and soul again?

I just don’t know myself anymore and escape along day to day.

lost & alone

Dear l & l

Warning!

The following answer has some poop references and is not for the squeamish.

Thanks for the kind words on EuroSeed's and my first book: Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (how not to become a bar regular). We really appreciate it. We’ve got a simple suggestion for you if you’d like to chow down on more of the book. We’ll simplify it for you:

1. Go to your computer.
2. If it is not on --- turn it on.
3. Visit www.seedenterprises.com
4. Select one of the many book vendor links.
5. Click.
6. Buy the book.
7. Enjoy.

Oh yeah, once fully satiated with our wisdom and comedy --- tell others. Thank you!

Freshly plugged, now it’s time for your query.

How do I stay positive?

I don’t.

Life can be friggen tough… change that, life is friggen tough. It can, at times, knock the crap right out of you. It can beat you down and leave you broken. Fortunately, most of the time when it knocks the crap out of me I’ve been stocked up with toilet paper. Usually the one with the little white kitties on the packaging. I find that particular pooh paper to sooth my burning ass and I can wipe away most of the unwanted garbage and try to move forward with life. At times I get up and some more excrement has decided to make its appearance. Poke its little head out. When that happens, another couple of wipes, a pause to make sure I’m done, and then I get on with my day. As I walk away from the waste depository I pray that there is no lingering burning sensation.

At times I retreat to the bathroom with no need to sit down and have long drawn out discussions with my mirror.

“Why me? Why did they do this to me? What is wrong with me? I don’t want to live anymore. I’m a useless human being.”

I cry a little. Sometimes, a lot. The mirror mimics me. And I continue:

“Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?” I insert a whole shit load of negative dialogue persecuting myself. I consider the options: teaching them by hurting myself or ripping my esteem apart with negative dialogue. When I’m exhausted and beaten down --- I smack myself and wear the baggage on my sleeves for a bit.

But suddenly, a light goes on: "Don’t want to burden others." So I suppress my emotions and retreat to a very bad mental place. Once I’m firmly cemented in misery --- I’ve achieved my ultimate goal: I’m now useless to everyone and have deemed myself to be a tragic sad story and I’m now unlovable.

Then the “Academy” comes to my house and gives me an award for the saddest most tragic story ever. Armed with “The Award” the clouds of misery lift and I move into a million dollar killer pad, beautiful people surround me, my posse showers me with constant love and affection and I forget the crap that knocked me down to begin with.

I’m nearing my self imposed word limit… screw it… I’m gonna go over the limit.

Cool, I’ve got a big screen TV in every room. Wicked, David Hasselhoff is on and watching his misery will certainly make me feel better about myself. Fuck, it didn’t. I’m more sad now. What the hell is wrong with us people? We feed off of the train wrecks of others. Shame on us all. That’s okay, I’ll numb myself with Facebook/Myspace, I’ve now got hundreds of friends, they all love me.

Slow down Seed, where are you taking us?

Nowhere really. Just sharing some social commentary on how messed up the world really is. Did you know you can make the Facebook fuckers rich by sending virtual “Balloon Animals” to all of your new pretend Facebook friends?

“Wow! Someone sent me a Virtual Balloon Animal: they really love me!”

And as quickly as your new “friend” loved you, they’re gone, they’ve found more interesting friends and it’s now time to go to the virtual mirror and berate and destroy esteem some more.

I ramble more: in today’s world we’re all so busy, it is vitally important to play out full friendships and relationships as fast as we can… three days max, wouldn’t want to miss a better opportunity, we’re all entitled, after all. In the meantime: let’s extinguish the life of as many creatures as possible. Go humans go… the race is on, shit, do we want to make it to the finish line?

Let’s flip channels and see which celebrity is crashing and burning now!

Back to the two of us. The point: I don’t really have a choice. Misery sucks. Surrounding myself with misery sucks. Crying for too long sucks. I’ve taken my challenges and put them, not forgotten, but put them in a place where I can cope. I’ve for the most part: I have tried to just smile. I lie a lot. I tell people I’m doing fine --- even when I’m not. Eventually the lies stop being lies and I feel better. I try to confide in only a few close friends and even when I do that, I try to be cognizant that they have their trials and tribulations and I don’t want to dump too much on them.

If it gets too heavy to handle: I cover my mirror and go talk to my doctor or someone qualified and removed from my misery and dump all of it on them. Not all --- cause they’re trying to be happy, too.

“L & a,” I’m confused by your question, “your ex” wasn’t liked so your family disowned you. Confusion intensifies: after they dumped you, your hubby left as well. This begs me to ask a couple of questions:

1. What the fuck was your ex still doing in your life if you’ve got a husband and kids?
   

The second question escapes me. As for your family, I don’t know all the details of the demise, so, assuming that you’re a good person, I hate to tell you, families can suck and let us all down.

Now before you enter Martyr Royalty and discard all of those who are supposed to love you unconditionally, ask yourself if their dislike for your ex was because they truly loved you and didn’t want to see a festering bad character in your life?

Bluntly, it’s your ex, he didn’t want you anymore, if he issued the pink slip, what the fuck is he hanging around for now? To make you feel worse? I know: “we’ve been through so much together and we really love each other.”

At what expense?

Seems to be the expense of your family and maybe even your marriage.

Yes, your family sucks. But look in the mirror and be truthful with yourself. And before you flush them down the toilet --- it’s your family, sit down with them, ask them why? I’m certain the answers may surprise you and they likely didn’t want to see you get hurt. They just sucked in the delivery of their message.

As for your ex, sorry to say, unless he had a brain aneurysm, and all emotional attachments, on both parts, including sexual, are gone, and you’ve determined that life is more important than petty emotions: He’s got no business hanging around in your life. Your responsibility was to your family first, husband and kids, after that, your extended families. After that, just be a kind person and don’t be too hard on yourself. And, smile.

Winding it all down. Call your mother and just listen. Don’t get defensive. Don’t tell her how much she hurt you, but do tell her you love her. Evolve yourself --- realize your family may have a ways to go. Don’t condemn them for that, unless you want to really be a martyr and keep screaming: “Poor Me.”

If by chance your family is a tragic unsalvageable mess: I’m sorry for you. That’s a tough place to find yourself and maybe it’s best if you uncover your mirror, add a few more mirrors, get extensive counseling and cry every now and then. I’m guessing they’re not.

As for your husband: of course I don’t know the details, but you must discard your ex and let your husband know that you’ve done so. Maybe he was tired of playing second fiddle. He was supposed to be number one.

Now the real tough love: The longer you go “Poor Me,” the more alone you’ll become. People, especially, new people, aren’t interested in the crap. Not initially at least. People like smiling and laughing and happiness. Misery will make them turn the other way. Do you want to be alone?

Hence, a little lie to yourself until your so bored with your misery may be the ticket.

And, pardon the expletive, fuck, you’ve got two kids, you're not alone, they are your priority. As for their friends, they’re kids, they’ll make their own. Just hug them and let them know you love them. Hell, two kids should be enough to fill your time with happiness, it has to be, if it’s not, you’re just being selfish. You’ve already got two exes do you want to up the count? Cause while you're needy, that is the only possibility. All you need to be thinking about is their happiness, your happiness in the future and you have no business even considering dating until your kids are at least into their mid to late teens.

Disagree if you’d like, but unless you’re an exception to the drama of mixing families, good luck.

Now go smile and hug your kids and tell them you love them. Maybe even tell them that you’re sorry.
>
And, be happy.

remember you asked…

the seed

P.S. Turn off the TV.