Question 4 Too fat to fly......

Dear Seed:

I have a real problem. Recently it has been brought to my attention that I might have a bit of a weight problem. You see, I was booking a short flight and the airline asked me to pay for 3 seats. The thing was, there is only one of me. Up till that point, me and my 4 chins were very content. I was able to spend a lot of quality time alone, just me, my action figures and comic books. I discounted the judgment of others.

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The next event brought me to the point where I could no longer pretend. You see, one day I was walking down the street and though I had not seen my feet for a long time, I was dismayed by what happened. A complete stranger came up to me and told me that I was barefoot and it was not appropriate. Apparently I forgot to wear shoes on this particular day and the sad thing is, I wasn't at the beach.

Wow!!! What a reality check for me. I don't want to die. I have decided to look into one of the radical fad diets to find a solution. I am willing to even take it a step further, if one of these radical plans can help I will move to a country that best supports it. I know Canada is famous for it's bacon, Italy for the pasta, the United States for burgers and France for its bread, but I don't know what Germany is famous for. Can you help me out? And can you suggest a country that may shrink my girth and provide me with the best chance of living?

Sincerely,

Porky Pig.

P.S. Have you seen my dick. If you have can you tell me what it looks like? Also, if I manage to drop the extra baggage do you have any suggestions for a name change?

Dear Mr. Pig

Wow!!! Subway may not even be capable of saving you. First of all, before you lose all of the weight I think a statue should be made of you to capture your wonderful accomplishment. If it wasn't for you, self abuse wouldn't likely have the opportunity to become a national hero. As for the answer. Since I don't know the food group that makes Germany famous I am going to pass the question over to German Seed, who is soon to be known as Euro Seed formerly known as German Seed............

Dear PP,

As I am Euro Seed formerly known as German Seed, I would like to share a German saying with you, which goes something like this:

“Self-awareness is the first step towards self-improvement”.

The fact that you have recognized the problem and are ready and willing to do something about it is very positive. It speaks for you. Well done and don’t let anyone stop you until you’ve reached your goal!!

That leads me to my first question:

What is your goal, anyway?

Do you want to lose a few pounds? Do you want to be somewhat fitter, so that you can take the stairs without losing your lunch? Or do you want to be svelt and become a candidate for the cover of a men’s fitness magazine?

Here is an excerpt from one of our upcoming works, a book on fitness, fashion and lifestyle with the title: Put Down the Fork:

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(working cover)

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"If we had five bucks for every diet book out there, we'd be rich. And if they were all worth their salt we would more than likely not have tens of millions of overweight people in North America today.

Well then, what is the problem with the diet books out there on the market? We suspect that a big part of the problem is a simple misconception regarding diet books in general. Most people think that by going on a diet (or sadly, by simply buying a diet book), they will lose the weight they want to get rid of and then everything will be just peachy. Unfortunately, that's just not the way it works.

If you truly want to lose the weight and keep it off, then here's the "skinny": NO diet can help you. That's right, NO DIET. The ONLY thing that will help you achieve this vital goal is a change in your lifestyle.”

Depending on your goal, you will have to take some drastic measures and make changes in your lifestyle. One thing is sure though, without setting a goal you will continue to sit “around the house”, your fork will still have racing stripes and you will remain fast without the “s”. Do you get my drift?

To get back to your question, Germany is famous for its huge beers and myriad of pork dishes. Nonetheless, obesity is less of a problem here as it is in North America. Germans and most Europeans are more active than the average North Americans. For example, many bike to work instead of driving their SUV. Even though they eat a lot of pork, they consume far less fast food than most North Americans.

However, I don’t really believe that a change in domicile is going to help you.

Being fat isn’t about where you live. It has more to do with what and how much you eat. Of course, not to forget how you feel about yourself. If you let yourself go to the point where you can no longer see your feet, then there are probably some things in your life that you are having trouble with. You seem to have some issues to deal with and before we go any further our plea:

GO TO A PSYCHOLOGIST OR TRAINED PROFESSIONAL AND GET SOME HELP.

We cannot offer professional advice. We just call it as we see it.

The answer lies with you, PP.

Lastly, when it comes to being fat, it doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re supposed to eat or what certain groups of society consider to be OK. ALL that matters is what you think. Do you enjoy looking in the mirror? Are YOU happy with what you see in the mirror? Are YOU happy with YOUR body? If not, then do something about it. You must change your eating habits and make activity and sport a part of your life. Send us an e-mail and we will notify you once our fitness book is published.

Thank-you for your question and dare to make positive change PP!

Yours,

ES

P.S. No, I haven’t seen your dick either and hope that I never have to.

Remember You Asked.…

-euro seed

(formerly known as german seed).