Question 14 “I’m so in love with him….”

Dear Seed:

So I was in this 10 month relationship if you can even call it that, basically, i was dating him and only dating him and i dont know if he can say the same.

The thing is he moved away two months ago and we’re still friends and keep in touch. Every time i talk to him, i try really hard to just keep the conversation friendly and to not continue our so-called relationship. He's asked me to go see him and I've told him many times no, i've even told him i was starting to date.

I still like him a lot and this is why i cant visit him, because i cannot go through another 10 months of ambiguities with thinking to myself: "Am i his girlfriend or not?"

Basically letting him get away with: "I'm not seeing anyone else, only you, why do we have to be in a relationship."

We've always said things like, "i miss you or i care about you, " but, recently i got this email stating: "You need to see me, I'm in love with you, i cant stop thinking about you."

1. So what the hell does that mean?
2. Is he just lonely?

He has friends where he moved to, so i dont know what to do. I still like him, but, i can’t go through with him breaking my heart again.

• what does "I'm in love with you mean ?"
• is it the same as "I love you ?"

I know he cares about me and he's never used the word "love" with me, so i dont know what he means.

I want to be his friend should i try this again or leave it alone ?

I’m so in love with u

Dear I’m so in love with you

Wow!

This is my second question in a row with a fear of capital letters.

Are you the same person just trying to mess with my mind?

If you are, I want you to know that my family already has done enough messing and basically my mind is now unmessable.

*Blink* blink* *blink* - the word unmessable is brand spanking new.

Fun hey!

It may go to an early grave. Personally, I think it looks kind of stupid and that the way a word looks should determine its longevity.

Don’t you?

Of course you do. Your use of the letter “I”, damn it to hell anyway, my computer program keeps capitalizing the letter “I”. How can I make a point if my point-making pointer fails me?

The thing is, the last two questions have had a substantial number of lower case “eyes”. And I feel the use of these “eyes” may become a true shibboleth, dividing the youth of today and the grammatically correct intellectuals of the past.

Once again: Don’t you?

I’m not skirting your actual question, however, in the "Ask Seed Question Instruction Book" it suggests several paragraphs of nonsensical rambling (hopefully funny), before a serious attempt at answering the question is made. So relax and…..

Ok, I’m just about ready.

Soon my answer to your dilemma will be freeing us both, to the point that we will find closure.

Basically, my answer is about to complement your needs.

By the way I’m not a wordsmith, I just happen to know a lot of words and I like to rid them from my mind so I can fit in some fresh ones for the future. Seriously now, I have no intention of becoming maudlin eliminating your desire to retreat to the bottle eventually crying into an empty glass.

I’m not peddling a Panglossian view of the world, or denying that your problems merit a feasible answer. My views are in fact quite the opposite.

My head hurts.

Ok to your question -- you were in a 10-month relationship and somehow you aren't certain if the relationship even existed. Talk about being taken advantage of.

Can I ask you a couple of questions?

Of course I can.

I became simple for a second there as I received your question via the internet and asking your permission is about as fucking wimpy as one can be.

Fuck the questions: “You were dating him and you're not sure he could say the same.”

Again - WOW!

You’re better than that. He is simply “fucking you”.

If you are a special person, and I am sure that you are simply by virtue of the fact that you took the time and care enough to ask the opinions of others, then you must take an objective look at the hard and naked facts.

So, some guy you dig moved away after a marginal, one-sided relationship and you still pine for him on some level. And, now that he doesn’t have the “guaranteed” outlet, he is telling you that he loves you and you don’t know what to do.

Well here are the straight goods. With the exception of the lower case “eyes” you are probably hot. He is likely an immature chump who doesn’t realize how good he had it. You need to snap out of it. You weren’t in a relationship. You have to come to terms with that.

You may love him. He doesn’t love you. Not now - not likely ever. Maybe in the future. Fuck that. He’s not capable of it.

You're entirely right in thinking his message has different meanings. He is messing with your mind. You represent the bullpen to him. You're in the on-deck circle and if he can’t find a new “fuck”, you’ll do.

My gut feel is he is friggen lonely and “striking out” on a regular basis. Depending on how far he is away from you he is a big, gigantic loser. If he is claiming he is in “love” with you and he is only a short distance (by short I mean less than a 6-hour drive) away, then where the fuck is the effort? No one works 7 days a week.

He is definitely not in love with you. You would always be the first option if he was. He would wait to be rejected before he ventured out into new pastures. You haven’t rejected him.

You deserve better. That doesn’t mean you're not messed up a bit. You are. You’ve spent 10 months with someone without knowing if you're dating or not. That is pretty messed up.

In conclusion, you have to ask yourself three questions:

1. Do you love yourself?
2. Why are you so needy that you “pine” for this guy so badly?
3. Was the sex really that good?

Once you answer those questions you may actually have a workable answer.

I’m guessing that he is likely from a split-up, dysfunctional family and you may be too. I’m guessing that you guys are both young. Early twenties would be my guess. You can correct me if I’m wrong.

And finally, if the sex was great, it is time for you to turn the tables. No more talk about how much you love him. No more mushy - mushy - mushy. No more neediness. You’re hot and he needs to know that. He needs to know that you will survive without him. From now on intimacy is in your control and if he can’t handle it, too bad. He blew it.

It is very unlikely that he has ever truly loved you or for that matter even cared about you. He wouldn’t disrespect you if he did. As for love - I’m sure you loved him, he has never however, loved………..

Remember You Asked.…

the seed

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