Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 4 + FIN Commentary

My memoir will be published soon.
It is also on the verge of being optioned and turned into a movie.
Both the book and movie will become rousing successes!

A stroke of my…

Before I dive head first into the bushy hallow life of Mr. & Madame X --- a pause was required to drink in a bit of praise for the Ask Seed factory. FIN, thanks for the appreciation, it’s what glazes my soul.

…ego!

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 4 + FIN Commentary

Hello my Brother, Guru of Relationships, Man of Knowledge and just plain my best Friend.

How was that for a greeting?

I loved it. Great analysis and advice. And the photo at the end: beyond words......

Mr. X's "problem" is so symptomatic of relationships today. He is the problem. It is the first woman he ever slept with and he married her. He can't let go and that is exactly what will cause it to never work out. He refuses to give her time and the chance to work out her shit and get her life together.

He is trying (although he claims he isn't) to force a decision in his favor. I think you're right: how manipulative.

And I must correct myself in saying that he has no self esteem. That only applies to relationships. He is indeed arrogant, because he thinks that talking himself into "saving his marriage" and "thinking things out, the way they are supposed to be" is a substitute for a loving relationship with a partner (in this case his wife, who apparently can't decide between him and Doc India).

Sounds like he should date himself.

Take care, my Brother - once again, excellent work!!

Later

FIN

It’s been awhile since I’ve ventured down the salty toxic love path of the Xs. I suggest if you’re not up to speed with this train wreck of a relationship --- visit the table of contents on the left, read the previous X q & a chapters, sit back, enjoy. You may even stumble across a picture of my penis kitty if you look hard enough.

Now where was I?

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 5

Here is an update on the continuing saga of Mr. X.

Was talking to him the other day.

Told me he was going out with some friends to have a few drinks and hang out. I thought "great, a chance to live a bit and get his mind off Mrs. X".

If it were only that easy. While out with his friends, he received a text message from Mrs. X. She "wanted to speak to him" and was out in a nearby bar.

Mr. X replied: "Let's talk tomorrow" (thinking "I am having a good time for once...")

Mrs. X said: "It is really important, I must see you. Let's meet in 10 minutes in front of Bar X."

Mr. X: "OK."

Ten minutes later...

Mrs. X: "I really miss you."

Mr. X: "OK." (Thinking: "That is information I could have been able to use five months ago if you hadn't decided to cheat on me with Doc. fucking India.). "I am going home now."

In any case, he no longer was in the mood to hang out with friends. He went home, she went back to the bar she had been in and hung with her friends. I can only hope for him that he doesn't fall for the "I miss you" line. If he does, then he can "miss her" too, when she heads off to Harvard and Doc. India....

The next day at work he received a call from her. She was totally pissed off and asked in the manner and tone of an inquisitor: "Who have you told about us? Did you tell my sister? Your parents? How could you?!" His otherwise normal day was ruined and he could only think about the situation.

The thing is, Mr. and Mrs. X have a number of common friends, her sister is together with a good friend of his. This situation has its advantages when things are rosy. Yet, when someone decides to fuck everything up by cheating and disrespecting their partner, the situation can become uncomfortable.

In any case, Mr. X answered: "I talked to people because I needed to. I didn't tell them the details but I have every right to talk about the situation."

Wow, I can understand that Mrs. X may not feel good amongst friends and acquaintances who have been filled in on the situation. However, she caused the situation in the first place and shouldn't wonder that it could become "uncomfortable".

Why are people so fucking selfish?

FIN

Dear FIN

Welcome back friend. Did you miss me? Well, did you? Tell me, tell me, tell me!

Of course you did. Sometimes when I get really lubricated on a combination of Absinthe, Orange Whips and Cheetos, I fall into a maze-like labyrinth of confusion, being swallowed by 1000s of velvety furry arms which are reaching out and caressing my emotional state where bliss meets sexuality, culminating in a cornucopia of pleasure and guilt. At first while still clothed the gentle whips of the fur covered arms scare me --- as layers of clothes are ripped from my taught body, shit I forgot to wear underwear, and the Absinthe begins to quash reason, the strokes turn from fear to something much more euphoric, I heave, my breathing becomes sallow. Lights of color flash before me. Red, green, blue, red again. Heat engulfs me, my pulse races and my being becomes vascular until I can take no more. Another stroke, that’s the spot, and release! Sweat beads on my forehead and I gasp for air as I try to regain composure. Ewe… the Cheeto dust clumps.

Sobriety returns, I too missed me. Welcome back me!

Why are people so selfish?

Before I get to the question I need to shower. Just a sec… come with me. Turn, turn, turn… about midway on the dial. Nice, warm, toasty warm, a little lather and…

“She came from Providence. One in Rhode Island. Where the old world shadows hang heavy in the air. She packed her hopes and dreams like a refugee. Just as her father came across the sea. She heard about a place people were smiling. They spoke about…

…I don‘t know why. You call someplace paradise, kiss it good bye.”

Hop out dripping wet, grab a towel, gentle on the balls, back, neck, some more ball time, and refreshed.

Selfish?

Cause is the answer. Selfishness is only removed, for the most part, when life knocks you down and when you get up and pry your eyes open, in my case, eye open, and you see things for what they are. Complete with all of the glorious dysfunction. Mr. & Mrs. X are just doing what people do --- fucking each other up emotionally. I hate judgment, however, it’s very apparent they were never meant to be together. Mr. X can try to debate that if he thinks it will sway the opinions of…I don’t even know who. Most people don’t care. “FIN” you’re a good friend to him as you are willing to be subjected to his insanity. Unfortunately, the Xs are like most, we live in a brilliant world and an astonishing universe, both of which are indefinable expanses of opportunity and excitement. Man however, seems to have this predisposition to destroy themselves.

time for some deep seed rigmarole...

Everyone begins life’s journey selfish. It’s ingrained in us starting at birth and it continues during childhood, for most. We walk down these paths where if we are raised in a loving environment we are showered with praise, protection and love, and if the shower is excessive, we become entitled. This deposits us in a place where reference to the pain of others is removed and compassion usually falls into writing a cheque to some worthy cause, which we think gives us the right to continue down the road of marginal. Beholden to no one. But only on the surface.

The longer one goes without experiencing trauma, the less they understand, a positive product of selfish, these people usually get what they want. They expect it. Whether that is, financial success, sex, ‘pretend’ love, and basically, everything. In fact, the longer one goes unscathed, selfish is all they can be as they’ve lived in a reality that is unsustainable. When trauma finally visits these people they’re often lacking depth and struggle with recovery. Instead of becoming less selfish, they act out. They become belligerent, and they demand the smooth ride to continue.

When their friends face trauma, they usually can’t handle it, don’t want to hear about it, and offer shallow words, “a lot of people.” Which hurts deeply and leaves the one suffering in more pain. Fair-weather comes to mind.

As for those who aren’t raised in a loving environment. Selfish is often the only way. It’s their way to fight for survival. These individuals are deeply damaged and finding self is likely to be a life long struggle. Along their journey there are shouts for attention. To be noticed. They try to suppress the pain by covering it in a heavy cloak and avoiding confronting it. It festers, and never heals. It can’t. Closure isn’t an option because no answer to the betrayal they’ve experienced can soothe their soul. So, they resist evolving and have a tendency to sabotage everything good that comes their way. Again, ingrained, they’ve been conditioned to believe they’re not good enough, never will be, and ultimately don’t deserve to be.

The pain they experience often manifests itself in: brilliance, substance abuse, alcohol abuse, sexual promiscuity, more brilliance, and bursts of success followed by crashing falls from grace. People are drawn to them, but can’t understand or define them so they periodically lash out at these broken individuals. “You’re not like the rest of us.” Hurtful words that in essence brings hope. Not like the rest… Is that the birthplace of genius?

There is hope, some of the neglected learn to cope, they develop a keen sense for dysfunction, they don’t judge, they just see things for what they think they are! And, they express those thoughts. The neglected are the best friends to have when the inevitable trauma hits home for others because instead of, “a lot of people were.” They offer silence and comfort. They have reference, therefore, they understand calming actions are far greater than subjective words.

Regardless of where one comes from if an individual pulls off their tinted glasses and drinks in both the beauty and the tragic fucking mess the world has to offer, then, and only then, can they cast aside selfishness and have a positive impact on life.

In fact: it’s the responsibility of those who “are not like the rest” to steer the world into the next phase in the evolution of mankind!

FIN (who represents good), a transformation in thought is taking place for me. I still think there is a lot of crap out there. God, here comes the bolt, is f#@king messing up. Don’t take that too seriously, God. If you’re listening, I’m sure you’ve got a plan for the betterment of life. You do, don’t you? All this killing, war, racism, hatred and shit, there is a point to all the suffering, right? Sorry for distracting you, I’ll let you get back to it. If you’d like some of my suggestions: fire me an e-mail. The addy is… I don’t need to tell you, you know it! *SMILE*

As for my transformation: The world and the universe are brilliant places and it is our responsibility to focus on the good and to suppress the bad. Be aware, but let it die off in the background. Just imagine if everyone on this rock stopped buying into the divisive hatred our hearts are filled with by our politicians and corporate juggernauts, what incredible shifts in the quality and meaning of life would instantly take place.

We all bleed red. And fuck the powers that be for trying to divide us, keep us down, indebted, and looking over our shoulders. Most people, although selfish, just want to find a way to be happy. We’re collectively being corrupted by manufactured needs that lead to greed, selfishness, and hatred. We’re precariously close to blowing this whole thing up due to these elements. Must keep others out… we’re protecting our ways of life. Buying stuff! Can’t let others buy stuff! It’s ours. Newsflash: the stuff is overpriced and it’s for the most part, crap. I’m a capitalist --- but at the same time I see things for what they are. I could be wrong. NAH!

Anyway, last blast of seriousness. It’s time to rewrite some of the fundamental rules for the world. These are my suggestions and they carry no religious or political agenda with them. It’s time to rid the shall not and bring everything current. Shall not is laced with guilt and what do you do when someone challenges you?.. that’s right, rebel.

seed’s eight laws of life

1. Let others die of natural causes.
2. If it’s not yours, leave it alone unless you ask politely to borrow it.
3. Let others live their own lives. Translation: As long as they’re not hurting you, leave them be. They may be fucked up. But they are going to let you die of natural causes and they’re not messing with your stuff, so leave them alone. Check your ego at the door and understand we can’t save others. There is no merit badge for it… so quit it. All you can do for someone in trouble is listen, offer comfort and a smile.
4. Don’t fuck up the Children. Don’t you get it dumb-ass the world belongs to them, not you.
5. Clean up a little bit before you leave.
6. Smile and be kind to others.
7. Only get married if your relationship is not work!
8. Friends are just that, friends. They’re not gay, straight, black, white, burgundy, covered with furry tentacles, or anything else. As said, just friends. With one exception: when you are referring to me you can say, “My deceptively hot friend who has a brilliantly sized explosive package.” Okay!

Penalty for noncompliance, it’s simple, you don’t get to play anymore. Harsh! Sure, but just think seed’s eight laws could replace the gazillion that we’re faced with everyday. We wouldn’t need the others. No more $150 fines for idling your vehicle for more than 3 minutes. And damn it! No more cleaning schedules on the fucking fridge! I live alone and even mine isn’t working.

No more bazillion % divorce rate as people would finally stop following the flawed formula of love. If it takes a lot of work, you’re either not ready for marriage, or you’re not with the right one. Argue till your head explodes. Look at the Xs, what’s their chance for happily ever after if they get back together?

…end of deep seed rigmarole

As for the Xs: they're both selfish. They don’t know any other way. Hopefully they evolve and realize selfish is greed and it is filled with hurt. And until the world changes, with a little nurturing from each of us who’ve evolved, selfish is just the way it’s going to be. However, one-by-one as the pain intensifies, people will begin to realize the way to a better future is wrapped in an embrace and a smile!

Hey, I was just wondering: Why don’t the Xs just drink at their own bar?

remember you asked

the seed

postscript 1

Where’d I put my towel. Mmm… Cheeto dust. Yummy!

postscript 2

Go buy our first book at http://www.seedenterprises.com/

postscript 3

I’m not nuts!

postscript 4

Don‘t forget to subscribe to ask seed for your regular fix!

question 30: ewooo

question 30: ewooooo

Dear Seed

Hi, what an interesting life you have led...

i thought mine was a little bit different not the usual 2.4 children married for 20 yrs plus.. but would trade mine for yours any day...Wow i do envy you...

the people the places you have visited and known...can you tell me one thing though please...how do you afford to live...what pays your rent??.

..ok maybe your books now but in the beginning how did you do it??..

what came first ...the books or the travailing?...

Sorry for hassling you...

Lov Rx

Dear Lov Rx

Quit hassling me… I’m trying to relax here. I’ve got a plane to catch. I’m training to become a midwife. Baseballs on the tube. Locusts… I tripped. Aliens have invaded. I can’t find a clean towel. Just leave me alone… how dare you interrupt my Saturday morning --- more than a year after you’ve asked the question?

“Seed?”

“Yes.”

“Just because you’re answering the query now doesn’t mean what you’re doing now is relevant, fool.”

“But…”

“No buts. No buts.”

Okay, where was I, illustrating, that’s where, I was illustrating the fact that I’ve put myself out there, and since I’ve done this unprovoked, “Inquisitor”, you’re not bugging (hassling) me at all. I’m more than happy to ramble for you.

Do you want to know what is bugging me?

TALK RADIO! That’s right, talk radio, more precisely, any talk radio that has to do with sports. Scotty Rintoul, do you actually listen to how self-absorbed and ridiculous you sound?

I’ll wait for your answer.

A word to the wise… who cares if he plays harder, skates faster, blah, blah, fucking blah… it’s just sports, and at the end of the day, life goes on. Shouldn’t we be more worried about the perils of the planet and the rate of extinction that we’re all facing today… "no," you don’t think so, "Scotty," you think we’re better served by being distracted by you, and million dollar --- highly overpaid athletes. I know, I know… they're only earning what the market will bear. Well, I say, “Sheep of the World,” it is time for us all to pull our heads out of the sand and collapse the fucking market.

I suggest: biting your tongue as I rant a little more: Sports, celebrity, and unchecked capitalism, although natural to man, isn’t to mother nature, and unfortunately, we’re too dumb to see what is coming down the pike. I’m not apocalyptic, however, headline: EXPERTS SAY THE NUMBERS OF GEESE ARE A PROBLEM AND IT IS NECESSARY TO DO A CULL.

Mother Nature says: A GLOBAL POPULATION OF 7... 8... 9 BILLION IS FAR TOO TAXING ON ME, THEREFORE, CULL, CULL, CULL, FUCKING CULL.

But we’re humans, we’re not part of nature.

We’re above all other creatures… we think, we’re logical…

True, true… but we’re logically working towards extinction and we’re even using catch phrases to make it sexy: CARBON FOOTPRINT, SHOCK & AWE… it’s easier to sell us, The Sheep, if we… sex it up a bit.

In the end… naturally, we’ll destroy ourselves… cause, collectively, we’re all trainable lemmings who’ve bought into crap. We dump millions and millions of gallons of water on fires trying to save million dollar homes in places that we had no business over-building, while at the same time, Atlanta, runs dry, and will soon become uninhabitable?

Apparently, without water ---- living gets tougher.

We’ve placed homes above people, why?

Cause the fires are far sexier than a drought --- and sexier sells advertising. And, because action shots of a drought are initially far less spectacular, with the emphasis on initially.

And another thing, further off topic I might add, Joe Leary (talk radio host), yes, Joe Leary, when you are claiming to be as smart as fifth graders, I’d think a little bit about the wording of your statements: “I think I’m smarter than most fifth graders, I consider myself very well appraised* of things…”

“Rx,” sweetie, if you’re a girl, hell, even if you’re a man, anyway, my life isn’t for trade, it’s mine and you can’t have it… what’s so challenging, boring, undervalued, unappeasable in your life that you would even consider dumping if for mine?

Mine is not all glamour. It seems like I’m a jetsetter --- all an illusion created by over-consuming spicy foods and malt liquor.

Embrace your life, it’s yours, the crap, the gems, the tenderness and the additional crap. Survive it. Kiss it. Hug it. And most important, laugh at it. You may ask where am I going with this?

A query shrouded in vagueness, receives a reply that is also vague.

As for envy… STOP THAT… envy is a large portion of the fuck the world equation of mankind. We envy, which creates: wants, which creates: artificial need, which creates: competition, over the stupidest things I might add, ask Mr. Rintoul, which in-turn creates: the number one element of our destruction: unchecked radical religious factions greed, resulting in a widening gap between the haves and the have-nots. The Hiltons and the Rx’s. The Spears and me. The pro athlete and the fan. And we eat it up cause we’ve been conditioned. We’ve all become extensions of greed and our out-of-control pursuit of wealth. We’ve all become walking talking conduits of the marketing campaigns.

Don’t believe me?

Go for a walk. Listen carefully to conversations… do you hear it?

“I love your shirt, where’d you get it?” “You must go to… it’s fabulous.” “Grab me a coke.” “How much did you get that for?” “This restaurant is fantastic, you must go.” “Must buy.” “Got a good deal.” Blah, blah, fucking blah…

Past how are you, I estimate at least eighty-percent of conversation pertains to what’s really important, stuff… you’ve just been served a dash of sarcasm.

My challenge to you: stop the envy parade and try to focus on: I love you, I care about… just for one day… bet you can’t!

“Rx,” get your ass on the dance floor…

Sorry about that, Eve is playing in the background and I was distracted.

If you’ve read this far, you’re probably not too envious anymore.

“You’re nuts, Seed.”

“How’d you get your fingers on my keyboard? I prefer, burdened.”

Finally, a stab at answering your question: The people, the places?.. How do I afford it?

I haven’t traveled that much, and the traveling I’ve done has been over the course of my life. It’s not as extreme as you make it out to be and as a matter of fact, I haven’t been anywhere in the last four years, unless the store counts. Please tell me it counts… I’m going stir crazy here.

Afford it?

I can’t afford not to. I’m sticking with the one life to live formula, so in that spirit, if traveling leaves me in an impecunious state, so be it. If I can't afford food --- I’ll chow down on our heavily flavored polluted air, breathing must have a caloric value, don’t you think?

Maybe that is why a starving Globe is becoming deliciously obese… irony lives.

The people?

I’m just open to conversation, both absurd, abstract, wacky, occasionally deep, all finished off with a slice of cantaloupe. People are here to be talked to, if not… what good are we?.. oh yeah, worker bees and well conditioned consumers.

How do I afford to live --- and what who pays your rent?

Living, well the other option is dying, therefore, whether I’m in the gutter or a flame engulfed home of the rich and famous, I afford what I can because I’m not ready to die yet.

As for paying my rent: Harry Potter, I wrote the Harry Potter books.

“No you didn’t.”

Okay, I need you to go out and buy, I don’t know, a billion copies of my our first book… go… now. I pay my rent, not through the sale of my books, although one day I hope that is the case. I do whatever I have to do to stay indoors, and at times it has been a struggle, to say the least.

“Rx,” life is about living and embracing it, we’ve all been ushered, in my opinion, down the wrong paths for a long time now, that’s why so many people have tons of stuff, but aren’t happy and think they want something else. A different life. More stuff. Whatever. I feel we’ve all been distracted by crap and we’ve for the most part bought into the distraction, causing us all to spiral upward in the quest for wealth and spiral downward in the destruction of our souls.

Translation: we’re just doing what man has naturally been conditioned to do. In a sense: fuck each other over, most of the time with a smile smirk on our face. I’ve reached the point where I don’t want to buy anymore, and I definitely don’t want to do what the others do. It may not save the world, but it will certainly make my journey on this rock more pleasurable.

By the way, where’d did you get your shoes, I love them?

One last thought: embrace life, live it, and be good to others. All others, cause if Atlanta is out of water… others may be migrating to your neighborhood soon, on a global scale.… Joe Leary has just been appraised of that.

remember you asked

the seed

*Appraised --- I’ve changed my mind… Joe, it’s far too easy and I’ve been, for many years, undervalued.

Up next: Another installment in the deliciously, salaciously, intoxicating world of Mr. X.

Cranking it up again!

Here we go again...

...after a lengthy hiatus, Ask Seed, is about to get its motor running again and tackle your life dilemmas. We apologize profusely for our absence and promise not to ever disappear again. We also promise to answer each and everyone of your questions in the order we’ve received them.

.

So, tag along with us and prepare yourself to be riveted and inspired by our insipid ramblings.

.

If you’ve been wondering: Where’ve you been Seed’s?
.

Well, we’ve been:

1. Cleaning.
2. Doing the laundry.
3. Choking the chicken.
4. Loping the mule.
5. One of us had some sex.
6. The dishes had piled up and it was time to do something about it.
7. Evicting thieving flat mates.
8. Mastur…
9. Cooking turkeys.
10. Counseling ninjas.
11. Euro Seed believed he could fly…
12. And, last, but not least, napping.

But none of that matters, cause, we’re back. To slowly bring you back up to speed, won’t you join us on a photo journey (below, scroll way down, keep going, to the bottom of the page)?

Well, won’t you?

It’s good to be back! :)

Cool Slideshows

the question queue

the question queue

think

During our rest and our corresponding search for a towel, the questions kept coming. And to be honest: we dropped the ball. We’ve managed to pick up the said ball and we’ll blasting our way carefully through the list of questions below. We’ll be doing this in the order they come in. This will allow you, the questioner, to know when you’re on deck. It will also allow you to peruse the life dilemmas of other wearied souls and to see if your heartache may be addressed before we reach your query.

Read, enjoy, ponder, or fire a question our way at askseed@hotmail.com and we promise to eventually fire back our thoughts.

Note: the questions have not been edited in any way: Grammar, spelling or punctuation. We’ve decided to leave them true to form.

Note #2. The sequel: We’re working on a table of contents. Once done, it will allow you to follow quick links to all of the questions and answers.

skewed

question: 31 a & b

A

Hi Seed,

i'm (42) together with my girlfried (38) with her 9 year old son for exactly one year now.

We really had a great time together so far. Regarding our age and the fact that we do not live together until now i've talked to her about making plans for our future together (including living togehter and have a child together - which she wants by herself too btw). She lives together with her sister and their little son as well with her parents in a semidetached house and even thinking of moving from there (even a few miles) and move together causes her "panic attacks".

laser eyes of death set on target: check.

After beeing skiing together last weekend she told me that she needs to be alone this evening.

The next day i wrote her an SMS and she mailed me that she doesn't feel good and finally on monday she mailed me that "she doesn't know what's going on and she feels comfortable to be alone with her son this time". And yesterday the last mail i've got said "i can't have a relationship with you for the moment, i enjoy being alone with my son for the moment".

So what can i do or how shall i behave respectively to win her back - cause she really means a lot to me!

Thx in advance

Regards,

Being pushed away

B

Hello Seed,

Hello, my name is Fr___ and i'm 42 years old.

Since 1 year i've a girl friend who is 38 and has a nine year old son from a former relationship which lasted for 10 years but which has not been the real deal.

She runs a business by her own often until late in the night and therefoe has only few time left for me and her son (which she feels quite guilty of - and who is therefore spoilt sometimes).

She lives by her own in a semi-detached house with her sister (and their little son) and her parents - everyone in a separate flat but all together in one place. We had a really good realtionship so far and she told me from time to time that she loves me and needs me and is happy to have me.

At the beginning of our relationship it lasted about 3 months that we finally got together cause i've not been sure about my feelings towards her at that time. And she had been after me like the hell :-) But in between she really means a lot to me (which i've told her also sometimes) and therefore i've put some plans on the table concerning our future (moving together and maybe have a child in 1 to 2 years which has also been a proposal by herself too). But somehow she gets really scared by the thought of eventually leaving her home and move together with me (although it would only be a few kilometres from her home). She says that she's never been away and therefore is really scared of that.

In the public and in her business she really plays the cool woman but i know that in reality she is quit different from that (which i prefer btw). In the meantime i'm the one how visits her at home (to not leave her child alone - which i really understand) or i visit her in her business (a resaturant btw). It's only me right now who runs after her otherwise we wouldn't meet at all.

Last saturday she wanted to go skiing - which she did sometimes so far - and i went with her and her girlfriend and her and her sister's son although i haven't been skiing for over 10 years just to accompany her (but it was quit funny for met too).

When we got home i thought we could spend the evening together but she told me she needs to be alone with her son. The next day i asked her to bring her son and come with me for a sleig ride - but she won't. Now she told me that she's not able to have a realtionship with me right now and want's to stay alone with her son and she feels sorry about that.

So please: What wnt wrong and what can i do to get her back on track because she really means a lot to me?

Thx in advance

Being pushed away

Question 32 family loved served up deep dish

Hey Seed,

I would like to ask your opinion on something.

I have some serious family problems (background info needs to be added).

The newest is that "they" are going to fly my brother to Germany and leave him on my doorstep.

The funny thing about that is that a "judge" called my Dad on the same day and threatened to "ship him to Labrador" if my Dad didn't send money "for food". Maybe they will clone my brother and send one to each place. That would be the best solution.

I guess I'll be getting a new roommate soon. First, they were gong to throw him onto the street. Then pick him up, shower him, "give him new shoes" (apparently, they have hungry dogs in Manitoba) and then pay for his flight to Germany. Sounds logical.

pretty

In any case, I tried talking to my Mom. But there is absolutely no point. She appears to believe everything these fuckheads tell her. Now she explains that "she is to blame" because she wasn't "in court" when the "judge asked everyone in the room, whether they had something to say in David's defense". I think she really believes that. I find that scary.

She gave me a name of a "doctor" who is "treating" D and who is "looking out for him". I sent an e-mail to the Manitoba College of Physicians and they had no record of him. Surprise, surprise. I checked their database for doctors and there is no record of his name or similarly-spelled names. Once again, quelle surprise.

I have been thinking about writing an e-mail to the fraud department/detectives of the RCMP. At least, I checked out their website but didn't send the mail yet. Finally, my question:

Do you think I should pursue this or should I just let it go?

I find it absolutely appalling what my brother and his "colleagues" have done to my parents and the fact that they've cheated them out of thousands of dollars.

On the other hand, my Mother is "absolutely convinced" that my brother "has nothing to do with this". I see that differently. The conviction on the stamp thing was also, of course, not D's fault. My Mom is to blame, because "she got him the wrong lawyer". They are so fucking mentally ill. And another funny thing is that my Dad, in the words of my Mother senile ("he's losing it"), makes the most sane impression from the both of them.

I am convinced he is part of the scam. If I pursue it, chances are my mother will hate me for it and my brother will end up in more shit. But I think he deserves that.

I would appreciate your opinion because I don't know what I should do.

Thanks

EQS

Question 33 cup size dilemma

Dear Seed -

.

Please explain:

I went out with someone for two years. When we first got together he was still getting over his ex, I only found out that later on.

From the start it was about my appearance ie: not sexy enough not wearing short skirt.

endowed

Then boob s not big enough Etc…

Money issue. My ex ‘s company not doing well so was helping him financially a lot.

A month ago after leaving me to go off with his mum and bro to far east for a friends wedding (was not asked to come) he returned to saw for one night whereby he brought back a pearl necklace which I have returned.

He dumps me on phone next day cause I was not making him happy, not sexy enough no boob job not staying much at his so he can see what it is like to live with me before he asks me to marry him .

I get an email a few days later asking me to confirm if I want to stay friends?

Which I declined,

Please help me understand what to do?

Lost in the east.

Ps. he is still in touch with his ex whom he dated for about 6-month. I am his longest relationship.

Thank you

Question 34 my husband wanted a innie…

Dear Seed

I am a single parent in turmoil. I have been on my own now for 10 years I have had the occasional short term relationships, but the past always comes back to haunt me.

prettier

I was married for 5 years, 4 years into my marriage I found out my husband was a transsexual (he wanted to be a woman). He told me whenever we had sex he imagined that he was the woman and what he was doing was being done to him. By the time we had separated I was left feeling worthless infeminate failure plus a whole load of other emotions.

As a consequence of the way he left me feeling, as soon as someone showed me the slightest bit of attention I went for it no matter how inappropriate it was. I ended up having an affair with my sister’s boyfriend.

I really want to get back into dating again and have a good relationship but I worry that this will make them run a mile plus when should I tell them. Too soon and they will head for the hills to late and they will think I have deceived them. I could go on but I think this should give you an idea of my problem.

Can u please help?

Not equipped properly for hubby’s desires.

Question 16 Bosom blues continuing banter…

Hey CSD

Just wanted to ask you a couple of questions:

How did you hear about Ask Seed?

Where in the World are you?

Seed

Hello seed,

I heard about Ask Seed from Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories. He mentioned the website a couple of times. ;)

I live in Edmonton, Alberta. Canadian girl through and through.

I sent a little pic of myself in the hopes to see what the fuck the seed looks like.

I’ve read your whole book; I think I have the right.

“I'm individually optimistic, yet, globally pessimistic.”

– that’s so good, it’s my new favourite quote.

Take care

CSD

Hello

I haven't forgotten about you. I will have a riveting answer for you shortly. Life has been hectic. TV appearance - newspaper articles (mine) - etc, etc.

I promise I will get back with an answer soon.

Seed

Hey seed,

Well, well, aren’t you the busy beaver? That’s great – keep selling yourself, your a great product. I’ve already booked a date for surgery. (Jan. 17) but I still pine for this promised riveting answer. Get back to me whenever you can.

I wish you a very merry non-denominational type holiday.

Fuck that- MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

CSD

ps. which paper do you right for?

Question 35 questioning faith

Hello Seed,

Did u ever believes or thinks of faiths at all? do u think the person gives too much to the person they loved to deserved to be abandon at all?.

decisions

I had asked u these questions because I had experienced in an bad break-up situation with my ex-boyfriend around last month ago I was upset emotionally also cannot believed he changed his heart to me so fast he gives me happiness and hopes for one year then he had change his heart in loving me I did my best to him but, he never appreciates me of what I had given to him he haven't admired of who I am too I feel disappointed to him before I dunno what to do but, now I know what to do in my life now I had recently your read your book called "Seed's Sketchy Relationships Theories A Guide To The Perils of Dating" I agree some of the saying in this book and I do really start liking of this book too.

Anyway, that's about it do hope u can answer my questions and can give me some good advices that I haven't know about take care.

Bye!!

Heart huts bad

Question 36 stray dog

Dear Seed ,

My husband and I married for 20 years and has a very nice 16 years daughter whom we both love very much. 2 years ago, he started to form a very close friendship (just short of sleeping together) with a lady friend whom he shared artistic creativity in the same work environment. I found out 12 months after their relationship through his e-mail and confronted him straight away.

prison art

He was very honest about it and said both of them have already talked about not getting any closer to each other because they both want to stay with their marriage. I panicked and changed my routine, spending more time with him, arranging camping and fishing trips which we both like.

However, I felt he was getting a little more distance all the time. I started to feel anxious and worry about what is in his mind, also worry about this lady friend is still working in the same locations and that they still had frequent contact and sharing professionally as they clearly wanted to stay that way. All he could tell me was he felt disconnected with me and that we should give each other time and there was absolutely nothing going on between him and her.

He came home every day after work as usual but we were getting more and more silence to each other especially when I wanted to talk about us I burst into tears and he could not talk to me.

Another 6 months gone, there were more tears and silence but I still did not know what was exactly going on. He mentioned a few times that he wanted to stay on his own for a while, I asked him not to, I was so scare to lose him, and I moved to another room instead, thinking giving each other some space might help. Eventually he went to counseling, I though this might cast a little light to our situation - but he was doing it sort his own mind out and had no intention to mend our relationship. Counseling has helped him to tell me the truth that he has always felt strongly for her and her for him and that they did try to pull away from each other but failed, and that the physical side is very little but mentally they are so connected that he could not get her out of his mind.

really?

I just couldn't believe and accept that he can just leave me after being together for 26 years, and I've never stopped loving him - I thought I was a lucky woman, has my career, lovely daughter and a husband that I love. Asked what was wrong with our relationship, he said " we are very different people you know ", " you relate to the environment very different to me", " you're not interested in language and make the same mistake all the time and it start to annoy me " etc.

To be honest, after 20 years of marriage although love him very much, we had probably got a bit slack in making an effort to make our life more exciting - however, I thought if there is problem, you work on it and build stronger relationship - our marriage has never had that chance because he choose to a more stimulating connection. He couldn't tell me for a long time because he knew it would hurt me very much, but once he decided to leave me he got quite cold.
He finally moved out to his work space 3 weeks ago - my life has just collapsed in front of me. I'm struggling at work and have no desire for anything. I'm 46 years old and am so scare to join all the woman I know that are still alone after their marriage break up. I have always hope that he may come back home, that hope has been shattered when he told me he does not love me any more, although he care a lot about me (great!).

He has been keeping very close contact with our daughter and spend time with her and take her to after school activities . I went to see my daughter's concert with him last week and I was glad we did that for her. I still love him and miss him very much but I'm resisting seeing him alone - we are just doing the family thing.

Tomorrow he will come to have a meal with us and my daughter is baking a cake for his birthday.

I know he is going away next weekend, 99% sure going with her (forgot to mention she has just broke up with her husband of 16 years, so she is totally available now that my husband is separated).

To try not to think about that is the hardest thing in the world. I've enrolled art course and doing some physical activities to try to kill time, but the pain is not going away, the hole in my heart seems getting bigger.

Please help me get out of it.

Ling Ling

Question 37 just plain drunk

Dear Seed

welcome to hell

I have come up with the exception to your but. I love him but he has an alcohol problem which he keeps going back to. It makes him incredibly selfish and despite changing myself to the point that i might be an alien it does not make any difference.

what would you advise?

fed up

Question 38 a bit of an odd question

Dear Ask Seed,

I am a teenager from England in desperate need of some advice. This is a SERIOUS question Can you help me???

It's just.....about 4 years ago now my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. I still am finding it difficult to come to terms with ....and I have a few questions that I really need help with.

sip

It's just I feel like I need to say goodbye out loud or write a poem or a letter and read it out to her...but I feel like I need to be at her grave (she was cremated...do cremated people have graves) or just where she was cremated. But if i say goodbye to her at the crematorium people will stare at me won't they?? What can I do? How can I say goodbye to her? My mum wouldn't let me go to her funeral....I really wish I had been allowed to go as I needed to say goobye. Do you have any ideas obout how I could say goodbye to her??

Also this might sound like a bit of an odd question but: I missed practiacally all of my secondary education due to circumstances in my life...therefore I don't really understand about religion.

My question is: What does The Bible/Christianity say Heaven is like? Also (you may think this is a stupid question but...) do they give a good all-round general education in Religion in school (sorry if this is an obvious question...i just needed to be sure of how much I have missed).

Please help!!!!!!!! Also are the ashes of the cremated buried at a crematorium or scattered...if scattered then where e.g. a friend told me rose bushes :( ????

Also (this is probably going to sound like a VERY strange question) but when Grandma was around she used to buy me lots of videos (especially Disney type ones) and I just wondered (i know i'm too old for them really but.....) would it have been insulting to her memory if I'd continued to watch this type of film after her death. Also....she bought me a lot of model horses/toys. What is the right thing to do with these? should I keep them or throw them away? After her death I stopped playing with them ...would it have been insulting to her memory to have continued playing with them after her death??? i just needed to ask. Please could you offer me any advice as I still REALLY miss her and feel like I can't move on. just i just don't know what to do anymore.

Also:

we had made so many plans of stuff we'd do together and i had made so many dreams of things i'd do in the future (with her by my side). but now she's dead i just don't know what to do.

Should I carry on with these dreams/plans/ambitions i'd made when she was alive and had planned to do together, .......or should i give up on them now she's dead and find some new dreams instead. Do you t hink it would be insulting to her memory to just carry on with these dreams.......only now without her? Do you think she'd be offended?

What should I do? i just don't know what the right thing to do is. Is the right thing to do to give up on all these dreams/plans that we had planned to do TOGETHER now that she's dead????

can you offer me any advice please? Pleas could you reply

From Lost in the Queens England

PLEASE HELP!!!!

Question 39 slippery slope

Dear Seed,

I am very confused at the moment- I love my boyfriend but two years ago he was convicted of a sex offense. Even writing these words hurts me. I never believed he would go to prison for it but he did.

He told me he was innocent. He was caught with under age porn only five but it was enough to get six months prison sentence and 7 years on the register and three years probation, I was totally in love with him and stood by him against everybody advice.

nature fights back

It hurt me a lot, when he went to prison he left me with all his debts and problems and I felt so isolated and alone I had no 'one to turn too. Everyone judged me including myself. Work found out and I had to leave my job. I was 24 years old with over 60000 pound worth of debts to contend with and expensive rent and then trying to visit miles away from my home. I kept this going and stood by him.

Then he came home and I fell apart. I couldn't cope any more and went into a massive depression, I had been raped when I was 15 and had just had an abortion when I met my partner and all this came back, I couldn't cope with his crime people kept telling me I couldn't trust this man, once a sex offender always a sex offender. Who could I trust. We started arguing every day. He promised he would fight for a mis-carriage of justice but he didn't I felt cheated.

I can't get over what has happened I feel let down by him and the police and every body. I feel I can't trust any one he promised to get this re assessed at court. He was convicted for being reckless while down loading images. So why not fight this. He says has wants to forget about this, but I can't.

We can't just have children now social services will guarantee to get involve wand have there say, he has lost countless jobs over this and I can't get close to anyone else incase they find out. I feel dirty and alone an outcast. I feel shame and get stressed out every month when he has to go to probation. For some reason I am convinced they might try and take him away again. I am scared of the kind of depression I have felt in the past and what it might make me do.

I feel dependent on him and don't think I could cope alone, I have tried counselling and she gave up on me in the end, she wanted me to leave him, but I can't do that, no 'one understands.

I love him more than he loves me I know this for a fact, he is more educated than me and earns more money, so he has more confidence.

But he is the kindest person I have ever met. Its a nightmare situation because if it wasn't for this we would be so happy, yes skint but I don't care about that so much, I care about this conviction and our chance to have children.

I am scared for the future I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall some times I just want to scream.

I am 25 and I have high blood pressure for two years now. what should I do how can I make him listen to me?

Please don't reveal my name?

messed up girl.

Question 40 uprooting

Hi seed team,

So, I have a question for you all. I don't know how controversial it is, but it's something I'd value an outside opinion on.

My fiancee and I have known each other for about 2 years, and have been dating for 1 year. 6 months of that have been long distance, she moved here from the east coast (of the USA) to be together. So naturally, there is a lot of adjusting, settling in, and becoming comfortable to be done, and for both of us.

back at you

Fortunately we talk a lot, and we talk about everything together. She's very shy, and very quiet by nature. We love each other to bits, and I can't imagine not being together; she feels the same. I do worry sometimes, though, about her getting used to living here and not really knowing people and having friends of her own. It's been a stressful time, especially in the beginning. Naturally, being from the states, she is unable to work until we're married and have completed our paperwork, and I know this affects how she feels about really feeling settled and rooted here.

I'm a bit of a worrier, and I think I'm worrying now. Whenever we've discussed her feelings about living here and settling in, and making her own friends and social network she is less worried than I. She gets on well with my friends, and my parents, but they have commented that they are not sure how she feels about them - if she's comfortable and enjoys being around them. I know she does, and she says so, but it's true that she is pretty quiet around them, just as she's pretty quiet with my friends too. I don't like to bering it up too much, or make too big a deal of it - the last thing I want to do is make her feel awkward or somehow guilty, but I would not mind a fresh opinion, I think!

Thanks!

J.

taking you home

Remember: If you’d like us to take a shot at your life dilemmas, send your queries to askseed@hotmail.com. Bye for now. Say no to global warming. And, racism. And, while you’re at it: be good to each other.

many hugs

seed enterprises

Question 29: Just an observation!

Question 29: Just an observation!

Hi Seed

You hang out here, leaving us with your articles, yes, it is intriguing, but it's odd, because you seem to have your life so together and don't need support from us...

Just curious why you are here?

You don't seem like a broken man with a broken heart.

Regards,

Skeptical Suzy

Dear Skeptical

I actually wrote the reply to this question about a year ago, however, since I was so far behind in the question queue I never got around to posting it. Which happened to be a good thing.

Why?

Cause my original reply was crap. I was wallowing too much and my sentiment, though sincere, was nothing more than a load of sentimental rubbish, drivel so to speak. My angst and personality did not shine through. And frankly, with tarnished angst, what good am I to anyone, including myself?

Exactly… I’m glad you agree.

First off, bear with me as I skew the first part of your question, hang out here --- intriguing --- odd --- life together --- don’t need support… are you not being a tad presumptuous? Well, aren’t you?

.

I’m so angry with you right now… I … I … I could rant, but I won’t, for the most part I’m not wired that way. I do rant, but for the most part (again), I keep it together, I collect my misery and put it in a big misery jar, poke one hole in the top of the jar, so it can breath, and every now and then I pull it out of the cupboard to remind myself that life can, pardon me, fucking suck… Next, I reach for the peanut butter, I go to spread some on a cracker, luckily I realize, it’s expired. A lesson for us all: Peanut Butter has an expiry date and it’s a bitch to expel rancid peanut butter… now spit… Damn it! It won’t come out… pass me the tequila…

Does the following paragraph sound like someone “who’s got their life together?” Well, does it?

Why am I here?

So me and Euro Seed can get rich off of your misery?

Nah… that’s a lie?

The short answer:

To share crap. Followed by blunt opinions on why it is a waste of time to wallow in pain when you still have a life to live… including me… I’ve still got some living to do… and if I’m too busy spinning in the past, what a waste, which will turn into a sour and sad story, eventually leading to… solitude.

Solitude sucks! It’s kind of selfish. Don’t you think?

You see, my crap, your crap, everybody here’s (been dumped and the world) crap, isn’t worth the time to beat you down… I know when I say that a whole bunch of readers immediately get defensive and their undies bunch up and their ire rises… what’s ire? Strong anger (literally).

.

Thanks.

Their blood begins to curdle, they may claim: I’m self righteous, have no business sharing my views, and I just don’t understand, my situation is different!

Stir it up with a dash of sarcasm: PLEASE!

Here, the website you refer to me hanging out in, is a great place for people to realize that they are not alone… That others are experiencing pain and suffering, too. To share stories and experiences, and then, to move on a bit stronger.

Those are the upsides. Another upside I almost scathed past… those who come to the site and share their experiences and hurt --- most of them grow and learn from the heartache. The ones who inflicted the pain --- usually, just perpetuate the cycle, making the world a touch more intolerable. There are of course, exceptions. Bitter people have a tendency of trying to highlight the exceptions, instead of focusing on the road to better. Misery becomes their moniker.

Harsh?

The downside to visiting, Here, the website, if the stay is for too long you risk being guilty of enjoying the heartache or looking for someone to agree with why you deserve to be in pain. The longer the visit, the greater risk of becoming terminal and flawed.

Harsh (again)?

But my experiences are different. You just don’t understand?

Although experiences are uniquely individual, and sole property of the rightful owner of the pain pony, not to be diminished by dear friends or counselors, on a grander scale, they’ve likely been experienced by someone else before. Of course (again), their may be the odd exception… if you happen to be one: SHUT UP!

Am I heading far off tangent?

Don’t know, I’m writing this on the fly, the only way I know how, therefore, like me, you’ll have to wait and see where this journey takes us…

The journey:

Time to share experience.

There once was this cute little boy, no more than five years old. He’d was lost for his first five years of life --- roaming solo trying to find his place in this big scary world.

His birth --- a secret. His Mother was whisked away to a dark room on a bright sunny July day… and when he finally came out into the light of the never ending darkness, the doctor in a remorseful tone stated, “He’s alive… what do you want to do with the evidence?”

The doctor turned to this boys mother, asking, “Would you like to hold your son?”

She turned away and the boy was removed from her sight. She was twenty-three at the time, had planned a vacation in a couple of weeks, and couldn’t be bothered, burdened.

Where did the boy go?

Wandering in confusion. Lucky for him… he didn’t know what was happening… and he hadn’t bought into the bond between mother and son propaganda. Or the formative years --- form the future, bullshit.

After his first five years on Planet Earth and being passed around like a hot potato (translation: his whereabouts were unknown), obligation deposited him in a home, a large home, six others, three girls, three boys. He’d play the role of the seventh. As for his Mother, she hung in the shadows, reminding him constantly of the hurt he brought her by being born.

Oblivious to meaning, this young man started playing for attention. “Look at me” he’d shout. Nobody was looking. “I’m over here” he’d bellow. The room was empty… he didn’t know better.
.

A voice echoed above him… “You’ll never amount to much. Your brothers are better than you.” The voice was on a continuous loop. He was still only five. The boy knew no better… he just took it all in and tried to remain unaffected. He failed… just like his mother told him he would.

The boy sauntered, strolled, and then strutted through life, confused, but not knowing better. He developed personality and wit. Scored a helping of popularity. Walked head held high, directionless.

As his journey continued he experienced stints of success with everything he touched, sports, school, friendship, he’d shout out…“LOOK OVER HERE. LOOK AT ME. I’M doing good, aren’t I?” His family had left the room. His voice echoed, silently.

“Dad please quit smoking. Mom you, too. Why did you have me at your ages? Hold me. Come to my games.”

They quit… but they didn’t hold him or go to his games, they were too tired.

Sickness visited… first Dad. On and off for ten years. Cancer paid a visit. Over five years of hospital visits were on his agenda, everyday, as the youngest of seven, the hospital became his second home, his responsibility as the rest of the family had long moved away. He was still only a teenager at the time.

Up and down the roller coaster went. The hospital visits were excruciating. His twenty-fifth birthday came, he remembered the doctor, “He’s alive” and celebrated anyway. The following day he took is Mother and one of his older Brothers to the hospital… his father was fading.

Upon arrival they were escorted to his Fathers room and the moment his Mothers hand touched his Fathers, his Dads eyes went vacant --- and life left his fathers body. A memory he captured. He wanted to collapse, his role was to fake strong.

Less than a year later the shadows cast by his Mother became darker. Cancer again. Another year of hospital visits and forced talk. It destroyed him. Two weeks before Christmas, a bright patch, Mom was sent home… things were looking up. They weren’t.

On the steps of his home, on the way back to the hospital, she looked at him with painful eyes, and said, “I’m never going be home again, am I?” He lied.

Four days later he watched her die. He wanted to crumble. The shadow didn’t lift. He went out that night with friends. His family rolled into town.

When he returned home the next morning, his oldest sister who had just arrived, hugged him, and said, “Mom’s gone.” Next, she broke the embrace, removed the emotion, and asked him to stay elsewhere as they needed his room for the relatives… she had just come in from out of town, she didn’t live in the house, he did. He obliged, anyway.

Years past, eighteen to be precise. He’d gone through life with moments of success, garnered some popularity, developed a rapier like wit, with good, yet subjective looks, he had the odd love dalliance, all without direction. Although obligation was removed --- something was missing.

Then he found love. True?

It was questionable, however, he was swallowed by content.

The love was fleeting, “We’re done…” was uttered. “… you’re a great guy, I want to continue living with you.”

Blindly, he allowed it.

The end of love put into motion a series of events. Over a period of two months: a friend uttered: “My life sucks.” He hugged is friend. His friend repeated those words, walked away, and hung himself.

Another friend was paid a visit by Cancer.

His closest relative, Aunt Priscilla, called, and told him: “I may be dying.”

Less than a month later, she died. He asked for hugs from his ex, he was met with, “I’m moving on.”

He needed to open the door and kick… he needed hugs. Friends said, “You don’t seem to be as fun as you used to be, you’ve changed.”

Relatives turned away, because he wouldn’t come watch his Aunt die.

Three days after his Aunts death, his sisters called, his last remaining Uncle passed away, unexpectedly, the night before. He cried. He’d been crying everyday… He could literally cry on a dime, so to speak.

Misery, misery, misery…relentless.

It was time for him to escape. Europe?

Yes.

As he walked to the Passport Office the shadow had expanded and even on the brightest day the shadow was exterminating hope. “You need a new Birth Certificate before we can issue you a passport.” He was told.

“How long?”

“It’ll only take a couple of days.”

Two weeks later and a call to vital stats. “I need my Birth Certificate… What do you mean my records don’t match yours? What do you need?”

Without emotion, blank, a plain white sheet, the civil servant queried: “Could you phone your parents and ask them who your real parents are?”

Tears blasting. “What?”

.

When he told his Brothers/Sisters that he knew the truth and was beginning to understand things about his... the phone was hung up and they haven't spoken to him since... it's been over three years and counting.

Fast-forward, shadow still lingering, Mom and Dad came back to life. Dad --- a stranger. Mom --- devastating.

Reality revealed: The man, still a boy in many ways, had become an outsider in his life and as for family, he was no longer a card carrying member. He’d been left on his own to sort it all out, assign meaning, and learn to cope.

Fast-forward some more, flip charts now being used to understand who’s what? Brothers --- now Uncles. Sisters ---- now Aunts… and flip, flip, flip… Anyway, a Niece --- now a Cousin, recently informed him his mother, still in the shadows, is dying. She still won’t admit to being his Mother. Scars run deep.

As for his father: he spoke to him for the first time two years ago. Can you imagine saying, “Hi” to your Father for the first time eighteen years after you watched him take his last breath?
.

I can’t.

Present day: He’s going to be meeting his now seventy-two year old father for the first time in the near future… and he still has to come to terms with his Mother’s pending (second) death.

The boy, has to remain strong, if not, it’ll be nothing more than a tragic sad story immersed in misery. If that’s the case, what a waste…

The boy… his story above only scratches the surface. It’s time to press play!

.

Side bar: during the journey, in his adult life, he’s had thirteen surgeries which all required a general anesthetic and hospital stays. And amazingly, the surgeries are only a side bar to his life. So is his blind eye, a side bar, that is.

end of experience sharing.

Why share?

Although not a competition, life has been unrelenting, therefore, I share because I’ve developed a tremendous understanding of, exception. Everybody has a unique journey and I know that the broken hearted want to scream out: I’m different. Look at me. Understand. He did this. She did that. I need the pain. I have children. My life has lost… and on and on and on, forever more.

My having life together is nothing more than an illusion created by need. I have to keep up the façade if I want to help others, if not, we can just focus on the crap and never move toward happy. We all risk being trapped and defined by one traumatic event. I am. I don’t want to be. So, I resist. I don’t want it to be the last story I tell, on a continuous loop. Futile?

I hope not.

As for support from?

My support from “us”: Comes in sharing, and trying to bring the odd smile to… it’s sincere. I don’t understand a lot of individual situations entirely, I can’t, I have no reference. Such as: I’m not a woman, I don’t have children, my husband never left me, etcetera, etcetera…

But I do posses and ample amount of experience, life and otherwise, actually, just life, I’m not so sure what otherwise would entail?

And from life I’ve come to one conclusion: Regardless of whatever garbage is dished your way, it will do you absolutely no good to wallow… you may linger for a bit, but that’s it… if you can’t get unstuck by yourself, seek out the help of a professional. And most important, realize, whatever trauma has come your way, it likely wasn’t your fault, and if by chance it was, quit trying to erase your guilt by a vein attempt at winning back what you cast to the side.

Wallowing in misery is a trap, if you wallow a day, a week, a year or forever more, the end result at the end will be the same --- you can never return to where you’ve come from so ultimately: there is no point in wallowing for too long.

“But you don’t understand…”

If your sticking to that: GOOD LUCK! I hope you prove to be the exception.

Skeptical, I’m here because, as corny as this sounds, “Here” came to me.

Lastly, my heart has been broken on numerous occasions, I just choose to patch it, cope with the pain and store it somewhere in the cupboard, next to the Peanut Butter, as a reminder of life, and then I venture out into the world, smile, and try to share my smile with others.

At the end of the day the only one who can truly help me is: ME.

Others can share the warmth of an embrace and the brightness of hope emanating from their eyes.

Embrace life and try to be happy.

Heartache has a place --- just don’t let it linger. Never ending pain, ridiculous, like Peanut Butter, pain needs to expire.

.

Remember you asked

the seed

P.S. Skeptical, the answer is not directed to your experiences… I’m just incapable of not rambling. I hope you enjoyed!

Question 28 The Sixth Sense

Question 28 The Sixth Sense

Hi Seed

Good morning,

Do you believe in the sixth sense? I do. You know, when you get a feeling and you know it is more than fact.

scary monster
artistic credit: Christian, 4 years old, who was at the next table in a restaurant.

Here is what I want to ask you.

There is someone that I have had a relationship with since July. Only through the internet. We have both agreed that we more than like each other and love is part of our vocabulary now. He has left on holiday for a week. We said our goodbyes on Wednesday evening and he told me sweet nothings and that we would be together and chat on December 3rd when he returns.

Thursday (Thanksgiving) afternoon I go to friends and have dinner. I return home at around 6pm. So I get my comfies on and go to my office to check email. Of course I know there will not be any from "HIM" but you know......wishful thinking. Just as I get ready to turn off my computer I decide to come here @ been dumped. My heart dropped................"HE" was here. He was here one half hour after he arrived to an international country where he is on holiday.

Seed..........remember I told you about the sixth sense?

What I am feeling right now makes me sick to my stomach. What is your take on this?

This is where I met him. We no longer chat here. We chat in AOL.

Regards,

I see many, many things. No, really, I do. Everywhere. They’re following me.

Dear I see things. Many things.

Good morning to you, too. Or shall I say: good late afternoon many months later. Sorry about that --- life has been relentless, I’d like to say consistent, but that would be a lie.

Do I believe in the Sixth Sense?

Before I share my views on having an extra ability to observe on a different plane, level of awareness, a land of funky movie music, let’s back step for a moment: what are the first Five Senses?

“Kitties, extra terrestrials, eye lasers, stronger orgasms and extendable penises.”

No. Who the hell are you? And, what’ve you been smoking?

.

.
The first Five: touch (petting kitties), sight (the ability to recognize creepy aliens, and shoot lasers out of your eyes), hearing (what?), smell, and taste. The Sixth, is something more, something that allows us to perceive the unperceivable without the aid of the original Six.

Extrapolating a bit more:

From the pages screen of Wickepedia my computer!

Extra-Sensory Perception (ESP) is defined as ability to acquire information by paranormal means independent of any known physical senses or deduction from previous experience. The term was coined by Duke University researcher J. B. Rhine to denote psychic abilities such as telepathy, precognition and clairvoyance. ESP is also sometimes casually referred to as a sixth sense. The term implies sources of information currently unexplained by science.

Types of ESP

Many different, or seemingly different, types of ESP have been described:

1. Clairvoyance and remote viewing, the Paranormal perception of people, places or events by means other than the normal senses.
2. Precognition, or retrocognition, the perception of other times via. This is usually considered to be the same as clairvoyance, except that the perception travels through time.
3. Abilities such as Aura reading and medical intuition, the perception of aspects of others which most people cannot perceive.
4. psychometry, clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience, clairalience and clairgustance, the perception of aspects of things which most people cannot perceive, by means other than the normal senses.
5. Telepathy, the ability to sense communications from and/or communicate with people by means other than the normal senses.
6. Out-of-body experiences (also called spirit walking and astral projection), when used to perceive environments by means other than the normal senses.
7. Mediumship, the ability to communicate with the spirits of persons or animals who have died. Mediumship may also include other paranormal abilities.
8. The scientific study of paranormal phenomena such as ESP is called parapsychology, and includes other phenomena such as and reincarnation, near-death experiences, and psychokinesis. It is highly controversial whether ESP abilities exists, and if so which abilities are real.

--- the above education has been brought to you courtesy of Wickepedia.
.

Thanks Wickepedia!

Normally I would’ve come up with my own original ramble, however, I was feeling a bit off, you see, recently, moments ago, online, while doing some research on chat rooms, I was called… a slut, actually… you look like a slut was the exact statement. I don’t. Do I?

Can men look like sluts?

Yes you say… well, then, I must defend myself to the utmost, my Sixth, Seventh, all the way to my Twelfth, yet to be discovered sense, are all indicating without impunity, that, no, I just dress well, and sometimes my… personality shines through. I have a pretty sizeable personality… if the right strength reading or magnifying glasses are used.

As for Sixth Sense --- hell yes. Grab a seat and a gin… as I was educating (see above) and rambling (see above)… you know, my chat line research, you see (again), I hadn’t read your question, yet, except for the first couple of lines, and somehow, magically, I started a diatribe on chatting online. And, then, more magic added, I read the rest of your question and came to your experiences on online romance… hence, my Sixth Sense was kicking into gear at a heightened level, so high that falling could be fatal. Hence (again), I think without impunity, this proves the existence of extra neato’ cool stuff going on, at least, in my overstuffed head…and personality filled pants if the right angle is used.

Hold on… oh my… I think I’m having an out-of-body experience… no, false alarm, I just stood up too fast.

Composure collected, it’s time for me to use some of my clairgustance to tackle your dilemma. I understand that since your dilemma was on the dilemma table last year, not this, you might have already come to a conclusion on what this bastards actions, actually meant.

Mmm… your situation seems to taste a little of chicken.

Okay, maybe clairgustance is not the right sense to use… I’ll just wing my opinion, instead, with some help from a little clairaudience --- those wonderful ‘little voices’ in my… I’m now getting comfy in my ‘channeling’ chair with my ‘channeling’ tonics… give me a second…putting on my ‘channeling’ undies… grabbed the remote… okay, here I go.

Forewarning:

Be forewarned that the following are the opinions of me, when I’m in my comfy chair, wearing my comfy undies, and the opinions of: select entities, realms, deities, spirit guides, and Oprah. The opinions do not, or are not to be confused with the opinions of mere mortals who are not in touch with themselves, or Skippy (an expelled spirit guide who periodically likes to fuck with people). No illicit or illegal substances were used in getting in touch with my personality or other realms.

end of forewarning.

As an at times lost and intrepid soul, I often use myself as a case study to gain reference to how the world is operating. After some painstaking stroking, key, that is, it has become time to be blunt, if not brutally honest, a relationship since July --- only online --- love is now part of the vocabulary --- sweet nothings, I’m sorry to say this guy is likely an ass, perhaps even worse, I can’t judge that. If I had to --- I’d have to say I see borderline predator. I assure you it doesn’t give me pleasure typing that opinion.

Why do I think that way, you may ask?

My spirit guides have told me that, and:

1. He dropped a line and was phishing for ____ on a website (been dumped) where lost souls go to heal, share heartbreak, and hopefully be extended an olive branch. This fucker knows you’re vulnerable and plays upon that with his sweet nothings, therefore, I can’t emphasize lowlife fucker enough.
2. And, this may sting a little. I suggest getting some ointment. Sweetie, you had nothing --- for five months. The virtual world doesn’t really exist. Like said, you were vulnerable and this man was aware of that and played you. Virtual is easy. Virtual is dangerous. Probably more so than the flesh world. Your new flame can hide behind his keyboard and pretend to be anyone he likes. If he happens to have a proficiency with words he can even pull off charming. Virtual is full of promises --- that are never kept, and that is likely a good thing. You disagree… let me explain: If we meet in person in a matter of minutes we can determine, use all Sixth Senses to determine whether or not we have a future and potential for intimacy. That doesn’t mean we’ll act on that potential, it just means we can see the possibilities. Maybe friendship is the best path for us to take --- to be decided over, coffee, dinner, and maybe drinks if we feel safe and comfortable enough. Translation: have determined that each of us are not some sort of deranged… The virtual world, well, that is a whole other ballgame. I do research by chatting in space, like many. Most I’ve encountered are trolling for sex, however, as they troll, they lie repeatedly about who they are and what they have to offer, and about, basically anything they can to make them seem desirable. The blessing of virtual: it usually fizzles out at the potential meeting point as all of the lies come to the stage and therefore, meeting is usually the last desire of those who linger there looking for pray and validation. As said, a good thing. Where it can get tricky: If the phisher is so delusional that, “It’s not a lie if you believe it yourself, Jerry” --- and still chooses to meet, hoping for desperation and a romp in the hay, nothing more. And frankly, if someone is so delusional to still meet when he’s five foot three, Chinese, portly, and missing a limb, when he told you that he’s a six foot tall, firefighter, and a strapping footballer… he’s dangerous. (the above scenario happened to a friend).
3. Extending on the limitations of virtual: Virtual can be a great tool for an initial contact, a hello, perhaps, a place to drum up some commonality. Again, nothing more. The longer virtual remains fleshless, the likelihood of it being nothing more than a fantasy increases exponentially. Translation: If I meet someone online and the sparks begin to fly, we’ve got to meet sooner than later, as later will only result in a let down. It’s easier to share information online and the longer the parties involved hide behind insecurity, past heartache, and keystrokes, the more likelihood that one of them will share too much and the other will be fuelled with information to play a mean game with one quest in mind, sex.
4. I want you to sit down and hold your hands, that’s right, your own hands, it’s nearly impossible to lie to yourself when your holding your own hands. At least that’s what my father who’s come back to life has told me (long story). Get into your comfy clothes if you wish. Good! There is a one-in-a-billion chance that Prince Virtual Charming, is a good man. More than likely he hasn’t evolved much past pubescence, and needs to stroke his fragile ego by pretending to be something he’s not. Sweetie, you got lucky that his true colors shown through. A product of virtual is the game --- nothing more. It doesn’t matter whether it is a dating site or a friendship site, the goal for most is conquests, how many friends/lovers one can amass is some sort of sign of superiority. It’s been created by the Facebook/Myspace phenomena, and we’ve all bought in and are turning into obedient little “bah” sheep. Love and friendship used to go through a process over a period of time where rejection, though it hurt, was often a product of growing in different directions. Now, click --- friendship, click --- romance. Click, click --- rejection, rejection… and again the pieces of broken hearts are scattered around for all to see. In my opinion: virtual serves a purpose, barely, and in reality is a by product of a broken society where love and friendship has lost value with each stroke.

And now for the Olive Branch!

.

Warning: The first part of the branch may be a bit prickly.

As long as you’re spending time sharing your hurt with others you’re not really ready to extend your heart, you may still be too needy, with some things to work through, put in a tolerable place to only be visited on the rare occasion when they’re manageable. Or get some counseling --- if the struggle to happy again is too arduous to handle on your own.

Pricks removed, Senses firing on all cylinders, and, in summation, and, in my humble opinion of course:

• Sixth Sense --- I believe.
• Your Relationship --- nothing more than keystrokes, idle chatter, with the odd touch of tenderness thrown in, by him, as a game. I’m sorry to say, Sweetie, his intentions lacked purity.
• Wishful Thinking --- you’re better than that level of neediness, and, you deserve more.
• Virtual Prince Charming --- nothing more than an ephemeral illusion. Take the kind words he shared as a reflection of your character, but understand his lack thereof, character that is, and erase him from your mind. The Virtual World is nothing more than a playground for the insecure and predators, that is if the relationship is based upon keystrokes. Argue if you must --- I guarantee that most sites are (been dumped excluded) are sites that pray on the human condition and the more people who buy in --- the richer the entrepreneurs who start them get… Virtual will certainly be diagnosed as another addiction soon, if it hasn’t already been.
• Meeting --- IF! It won’t be for intimacy or romance, for the guy, it will be solely for sex. If we’re honest, that’s the end goal of all of our romantic dalliances, and, that’s okay. Sex is good. However, there are only a handful of guys, globally, who are using chat rooms or dating sites for anything else. If they tell you differently --- they’re lying. Think about it for a moment: for guys, it’s a candy shop, a war of attrition, without the investment of the flesh world. No dinners. No coffees. No desserts. Virtual is a place for lowlifes to hone the skill of manipulation with the goal of reaching fornication. And, any long-term virtual relationship, again, for the guy, is effortless. String along as many targets as possible and each one who falls for their deceptive charms… poof… you’re gone. After a quick romp of course --- and your heartache continues. Ask yourself: why wouldn’t the first meeting be about sex? You’ve just shared your whole life in six months with someone you “DON’T KNOW” what are you going to do on the first “flesh” date, tell your story again. Virtual risks ending relationships before they even start as it is much easier to type ones life than it is to speak it. And who wants to know the whole story of anyone else, anyway? Not before the relationship starts at least. Virtual is not the start unless your setting up a coffee date. If that doesn’t happen in the first few chats, run… and don’t look back!
• Last Word --- share what you’ve learned with others. However, don’t linger too long where most are wallowing in misery… a short visit is okay, too long will only delay the coping. Step out, grab a coffee, and open your heart to the real world again.

The road to friendship, the coffee shop, and human interaction has taken a dramatic turn. It may be smoother --- no need to change a flat. Unless your hard drive crashes and you’re forced to go to the store.

At least the boys/girls at GM and Ford, used elbow grease to create yesterdays, Impalas, and Gremlins. And sure, huge profits eventually came their way. But not without a ton of sweat.

Today’s road to friendship starts with a few keystrokes and is paved with instant gold.

Ask yourself: How many friends do you need to neglect at once?

It used to take months, even years, to build friendships and then discard those who didn’t fit. It’s now, in the virtual world, instantaneous, with old friends reappearing --- only to be discarded for a second time. Perhaps, there was a reason they were called “old” friends?

As for romance: it makes me ill also that people prey on the heartbroken, only to perpetuate the hurt.

I see many, many things. No, really, I do. Everywhere. They’re following me: Take solace, you have a strong, real, beating heart, and you deserve much better than virtual. You may not agree with all that I’ve shared, that’s okay, my intentions are pure. Just remember one last thing.

Be Happy!

You deserve to be.

Remember you asked

the seed

Question 27 when life issues a relentless barrage of crap

Hi Seed

I have just read the first chapter of your book and it had indeed made me want to read more.

You have had a very difficult time of it. How do you keep positive if bad things continually keep happening to you though?

I really struggle with this. The last two years I have lost all my family because my mother didn’t like my ex (and I mean all of them turned against me, so haven’t spoken to mother or siblings for over a year - no going back now, they were incredibly nasty) and husband then buggers off and loads of other shitty stuff in between.

So on my own now with two kids, trying my best to build up friendships so we are not totally alone. It’s like believing in god and loosing faith when so much bad happens. I’ve lost faith in human nature cause thought all these people actually loved me.

How did you move from all your adversity to being healthy in mind and soul again?

I just don’t know myself anymore and escape along day to day.

lost & alone

Dear l & l

Warning!

The following answer has some poop references and is not for the squeamish.

Thanks for the kind words on EuroSeed's and my first book: Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (how not to become a bar regular). We really appreciate it. We’ve got a simple suggestion for you if you’d like to chow down on more of the book. We’ll simplify it for you:

1. Go to your computer.
2. If it is not on --- turn it on.
3. Visit www.seedenterprises.com
4. Select one of the many book vendor links.
5. Click.
6. Buy the book.
7. Enjoy.

Oh yeah, once fully satiated with our wisdom and comedy --- tell others. Thank you!

Freshly plugged, now it’s time for your query.

How do I stay positive?

I don’t.

Life can be friggen tough… change that, life is friggen tough. It can, at times, knock the crap right out of you. It can beat you down and leave you broken. Fortunately, most of the time when it knocks the crap out of me I’ve been stocked up with toilet paper. Usually the one with the little white kitties on the packaging. I find that particular pooh paper to sooth my burning ass and I can wipe away most of the unwanted garbage and try to move forward with life. At times I get up and some more excrement has decided to make its appearance. Poke its little head out. When that happens, another couple of wipes, a pause to make sure I’m done, and then I get on with my day. As I walk away from the waste depository I pray that there is no lingering burning sensation.

At times I retreat to the bathroom with no need to sit down and have long drawn out discussions with my mirror.

“Why me? Why did they do this to me? What is wrong with me? I don’t want to live anymore. I’m a useless human being.”

I cry a little. Sometimes, a lot. The mirror mimics me. And I continue:

“Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?” I insert a whole shit load of negative dialogue persecuting myself. I consider the options: teaching them by hurting myself or ripping my esteem apart with negative dialogue. When I’m exhausted and beaten down --- I smack myself and wear the baggage on my sleeves for a bit.

But suddenly, a light goes on: "Don’t want to burden others." So I suppress my emotions and retreat to a very bad mental place. Once I’m firmly cemented in misery --- I’ve achieved my ultimate goal: I’m now useless to everyone and have deemed myself to be a tragic sad story and I’m now unlovable.

Then the “Academy” comes to my house and gives me an award for the saddest most tragic story ever. Armed with “The Award” the clouds of misery lift and I move into a million dollar killer pad, beautiful people surround me, my posse showers me with constant love and affection and I forget the crap that knocked me down to begin with.

I’m nearing my self imposed word limit… screw it… I’m gonna go over the limit.

Cool, I’ve got a big screen TV in every room. Wicked, David Hasselhoff is on and watching his misery will certainly make me feel better about myself. Fuck, it didn’t. I’m more sad now. What the hell is wrong with us people? We feed off of the train wrecks of others. Shame on us all. That’s okay, I’ll numb myself with Facebook/Myspace, I’ve now got hundreds of friends, they all love me.

Slow down Seed, where are you taking us?

Nowhere really. Just sharing some social commentary on how messed up the world really is. Did you know you can make the Facebook fuckers rich by sending virtual “Balloon Animals” to all of your new pretend Facebook friends?

“Wow! Someone sent me a Virtual Balloon Animal: they really love me!”

And as quickly as your new “friend” loved you, they’re gone, they’ve found more interesting friends and it’s now time to go to the virtual mirror and berate and destroy esteem some more.

I ramble more: in today’s world we’re all so busy, it is vitally important to play out full friendships and relationships as fast as we can… three days max, wouldn’t want to miss a better opportunity, we’re all entitled, after all. In the meantime: let’s extinguish the life of as many creatures as possible. Go humans go… the race is on, shit, do we want to make it to the finish line?

Let’s flip channels and see which celebrity is crashing and burning now!

Back to the two of us. The point: I don’t really have a choice. Misery sucks. Surrounding myself with misery sucks. Crying for too long sucks. I’ve taken my challenges and put them, not forgotten, but put them in a place where I can cope. I’ve for the most part: I have tried to just smile. I lie a lot. I tell people I’m doing fine --- even when I’m not. Eventually the lies stop being lies and I feel better. I try to confide in only a few close friends and even when I do that, I try to be cognizant that they have their trials and tribulations and I don’t want to dump too much on them.

If it gets too heavy to handle: I cover my mirror and go talk to my doctor or someone qualified and removed from my misery and dump all of it on them. Not all --- cause they’re trying to be happy, too.

“L & a,” I’m confused by your question, “your ex” wasn’t liked so your family disowned you. Confusion intensifies: after they dumped you, your hubby left as well. This begs me to ask a couple of questions:

1. What the fuck was your ex still doing in your life if you’ve got a husband and kids?
   

The second question escapes me. As for your family, I don’t know all the details of the demise, so, assuming that you’re a good person, I hate to tell you, families can suck and let us all down.

Now before you enter Martyr Royalty and discard all of those who are supposed to love you unconditionally, ask yourself if their dislike for your ex was because they truly loved you and didn’t want to see a festering bad character in your life?

Bluntly, it’s your ex, he didn’t want you anymore, if he issued the pink slip, what the fuck is he hanging around for now? To make you feel worse? I know: “we’ve been through so much together and we really love each other.”

At what expense?

Seems to be the expense of your family and maybe even your marriage.

Yes, your family sucks. But look in the mirror and be truthful with yourself. And before you flush them down the toilet --- it’s your family, sit down with them, ask them why? I’m certain the answers may surprise you and they likely didn’t want to see you get hurt. They just sucked in the delivery of their message.

As for your ex, sorry to say, unless he had a brain aneurysm, and all emotional attachments, on both parts, including sexual, are gone, and you’ve determined that life is more important than petty emotions: He’s got no business hanging around in your life. Your responsibility was to your family first, husband and kids, after that, your extended families. After that, just be a kind person and don’t be too hard on yourself. And, smile.

Winding it all down. Call your mother and just listen. Don’t get defensive. Don’t tell her how much she hurt you, but do tell her you love her. Evolve yourself --- realize your family may have a ways to go. Don’t condemn them for that, unless you want to really be a martyr and keep screaming: “Poor Me.”

If by chance your family is a tragic unsalvageable mess: I’m sorry for you. That’s a tough place to find yourself and maybe it’s best if you uncover your mirror, add a few more mirrors, get extensive counseling and cry every now and then. I’m guessing they’re not.

As for your husband: of course I don’t know the details, but you must discard your ex and let your husband know that you’ve done so. Maybe he was tired of playing second fiddle. He was supposed to be number one.

Now the real tough love: The longer you go “Poor Me,” the more alone you’ll become. People, especially, new people, aren’t interested in the crap. Not initially at least. People like smiling and laughing and happiness. Misery will make them turn the other way. Do you want to be alone?

Hence, a little lie to yourself until your so bored with your misery may be the ticket.

And, pardon the expletive, fuck, you’ve got two kids, you're not alone, they are your priority. As for their friends, they’re kids, they’ll make their own. Just hug them and let them know you love them. Hell, two kids should be enough to fill your time with happiness, it has to be, if it’s not, you’re just being selfish. You’ve already got two exes do you want to up the count? Cause while you're needy, that is the only possibility. All you need to be thinking about is their happiness, your happiness in the future and you have no business even considering dating until your kids are at least into their mid to late teens.

Disagree if you’d like, but unless you’re an exception to the drama of mixing families, good luck.

Now go smile and hug your kids and tell them you love them. Maybe even tell them that you’re sorry.
>
And, be happy.

remember you asked…

the seed

P.S. Turn off the TV.

Reply to Question 27 when life issues a relentless barrage of crap

To the Seed

I actually think your advice is a load of rubbish.

This is on a number of counts.

1. My husband and ex were one and the same person, I havent been messing behind my husbands back with an ex at all. He went off with another woman and left me with a one year old baby and 9 year old son to care for alone, because he told me later, he felt that he needed to feel attractive for someone else again. Was a middle aged man thing!!
2. As for my family, I made many approaches to them but to be rebuffed. My mother eventually did apologise after about two years. Sad thing she died just months later. Sometimes there is just nothing you can do unless the other parties concerned change their stance. Until then you can not do right for wrong. So all parties knew my circumstances but for their selfish reasons took the decision to just leave me alone with my kids.
3. I live for my kids and they have got me through this difficult period. I have absolutely nothing to apologise to them for, so dont know what you mean here. I have made them a comfortable home, got them into good schools and they are happy. They have regular contact with their father whom I am now on good terms with. I have only just turned 40 however, and i disagree that until im in my fifites when my youngest will be in her late teens that I must live like a nun and have no life of my own, no dating or anything. My mother devoted all her life to her kids, after my father died when she was in her 50s she never had another relationship. Her kids grew up, moved away, and in the end she said shed made a mistake. Her last couple of decades were lonely ones and she wished she had a life with someone else. She had had the opportunity to date again on a few occassions.
4. I think that you may not have children yourself, because to say this comment is so ignorant of real life. Mixed families may be difficult, but do actually work sometimes! Also what about my children's father. He has now finished with the woman he went off with. Should he also abstain from dating again until our children are in there late teens? He may not have custody, but he does have the children every alternate weekend and in the holidays.
5. I think your style of 'hard hitting' advice is a bit naff to be honest, and I originally wrote to you well over a year ago, and now just recieved your reply today. It is now totally irrelavent to me now. I have always been a cheerful easy going type of person, and yes that does help when making friends of which now I have many without the hindrance of a sometimes boorish husband. I dont think the photographs have helped either. I just think your reply has been a load of pretentious, showy bullshit and why you bothered emailing it to me today I will never know!!

Somehow I doubt my reply will get onto your blog.

From a very dissatisfied customer.

Stay tuned for the reply!

Coming soon… maybe even today.

If so: that’ll cut over a year off our reply time.

Don’t get too excited if we haven’t gotten to your question yet… life is kind of happening all around me/us and we do the best we can. As always, if you're in any serious emotional trouble, seek professional help. All we can do is offer opinion and comedy based on our own experiences and the experiences of those we know.

.

And come on, no matter what, the children come first. Life sucks at times and even if it crumbles around you, YES, regardless of what anyone else says, and it may be unfortunate, your life must be put on hold until such time that they are old enough and developed enough to understand. If people start chasing romance when they have small children, they are SELFISH, period.

.

Statistics prove this. Life proves this. 51% of first marriages end in divorce. It is nearing 80% for second marriages, guess who pays the price?

.

The kids first. Secondly, society. Just have a look around.

.

The previous few paragraphs are just opinion. They are general statements and not directed only at the reply. If they spark continued dialogue: great! If they make people give it some thought: great!

..

If you don't agree: good luck for your children.

Reply the reply to Question 27 just keep reading… i hope it’s good!

Dear very dissatisfied nonpaying customer

51% of first marriages end in divorce. It is nearing 80% for second marriages, guess who pays the price?

But you know what, you come first, not the kids, not the world, you.

I’m going to end my bout of sarcasm now.

First up: based on your original question “VDNC,” what other answer could I possibly have given?

Secondly, I’m going to try not to stray too far into defensive mode.

Third, why the hell are you defensive?

Fourth, read the Ask Seed disclaimer.

And, I prefer “Hogwash” to “Rubbish.”

I’m sorry that it took so long to get back to you, you do know that we do this for no charge and sincerely do want to help people. In that spirit let’s review the advice we gave.

Hmm… flashback to yesterday, I thought based on your question you had an ex hanging around and your life came crashing down in flames. Probably a fair assumption based on the wording of your question. Therefore let’s see, based on those parameters it was suggested:

That life can be tough, unfair and cruel at times. Some very deep personal information was shared. With a hint of comedy, I might add. I know some may not find it to be comedy, that’s okay. Comedy happens to be part of the coping mechanism and since there are around seven billion of us on this rock, we may find different things to be funny.

To continue: it was conveyed that hopefully we all can find a place where the pain doesn’t destroy us. It’s part of life and that there are sad stories and the odd uplifting one where we survive and learn to come to terms with the pain and keep living. Hopefully, not broken and more so, able to function and smile from time to time.

There was some advice to seek help if you can’t cope. To not to dump all of your heartache on those who care about you. To realize that they also have challenges. Over and over it was suggested to try, try, try… to do the best you can and be happy.

There was some commentary on how tragic the world is at times and how we devour the tragedies of others (David Hasselhoff).

And, based on your ex and husband being two entirely different people, it was suggested: you’re family may have your best interests at heart and to not give up on them, yet.

And lastly, put your children first and try to be happy.

And this was all suggested: based on the wording of the question and with a sincere attempt to offer sage advice, while sharing very personal information.

Read your question again. What advice would you have given?

So how were the suggestions greeted?

“Your advice is rubbish.”

Wow… “VDNC,” why are you being so aggressive and bitter?

Now to address each of your points. It really is hard not to be sarcastic --- so bear with me if I show the odd weak moment.

• My husband and ex were the same person, I haven’t been messing….

I’m going to only say these two things once, it is to be implied from this point forward for the rest of this reply. “Based on your original question” and “In my opinion.” Which by the way is taken from life experience.

Having said that, the answer would have taken on a slightly different tone with the knowledge of two becoming one. Something along these lines, your ex husband is a “bastard” for leaving you and your kids in such a horrible situation. Of course I don’t know the full details of your relationship and what had transpired before it all fell apart.

And without question, that sucks for you, and unfortunately, for the kids. Once kids enter the equation it all becomes complicated. If he left you based on mid-life crisis and totally out of the blue, I up the “bastard” quotient. Guys can be, pardon me, selfish pricks. Unfortunately, that is a product of a fast moving society that missed the boat on love, in my estimation, for the most part.

Remember when I answer it may be your question, however, the answer is directed to all readers. It is no longer just about you. If you take something positive away from it: great. If not: we tried to help and the effort is sincere. Meaning: some of the answer isn’t exactly your situation. Like the following:

Most people marry at twenty-seven for guys and twenty-three for woman. I think due to inflation it is around thirty and twenty-five now. Then we all follow the path of the past, kids, picket fence, a move to suburbia for economic reasons and we live happily ever after.

Until life happens. Death, job change, age, divorce, etc… And, it gets messy. Woman are traditionally in charge of raising the kids, often with little appreciation. Guys are in charge of bringing home the bacon, often with little appreciation. Or due to the new economic world, both work and leave the kids at home, all with little appreciation. And the kids begin to pay the price. Society as well.

And, life gets messier. Here is where “bastard” comes in. After life happens… guys start to make more money. Their wife puts on a few pounds and is exhausted all the time. Special moments start slipping away. The office becomes a comfortable place and, bang, they fuck up their families and the lives of others, including their own by thinking the grass is greener.

Who ultimately pays?

The kids of course. And, society. And all those left behind to pick up the pieces.

If your first thought was: “me”. Go to your mirror now and have a heart to heart.

As for the wording of your reply: he seems to have followed the flawed plan to perfection.

And, “bastard” really kicks in when he tells you he needed to feel validated. Why the bleep did he feel he needed to hurt you by sharing that with you?

Cause he is selfish. In my… The grass is not greener and leaving two children behind… I’ll hold off on my words… way to go society… let’s keep repeating history.

Of course this is all assuming you had no role in the demise of the relationship.

• As for my family, I made…

I don’t understand what you're trying to say. Made approaches?

There must be a reason they didn’t approve of your ex? Did they approve of him when he was your husband?

If the disapproval comes after the split up: your family was on your side and they wanted the best for you. After breakups I’ve always loved when my friends have done the hating for me --- it gave me time to heal.

If the disapproval came before: that is pretty marginal, they are supposed to support and love. Unless of course there is a reasonable reason for the disapproval, ie: drug addict, abusive, drunk, amongst countless other things. Then, again: it is because they love you.

Maybe their lack of support was delivered in the wrong way, but it seems that they may have had good instincts. He left you. Hurt you badly. And he left his kids.

And from my experience, “change their stance,” sounds like a load of crap. Why do people continually try to win their family and intimate relationships? It can’t be done.

Sounds like no one will listen to each other and all they want to do is force their judgment down each others throats. Everybody is too busy trying to be right. What a waste of life. And if they don’t win ---- each retreats to their respective corners crosses their arms and live miserably missing all that is important in life. Trust me: I’ve known firsthand.

Your mother was willing to miss her grandkids' life… wow! How tragic. And regrettably, not reversible. It’s a shame that she apologized and then passed away. Again, sorry to say: how tragic. If you ever read our book, or my first memoir, you’ll understand I’ve got way too much of an understanding on this topic.

“VDNC,” I’m going to venture a guess that you’re not selfishness free in this equation… If I’m wrong --- tell me I’m rubbish.

• I live for my kids…

I’m going to guess you’ve picked the wrong words for part of this. “They have got me through…” You’re the adult here. You were supposed to help them get through their heartache. Sure, they give you something other than yourself to think about, that is probably what you meant, cause, if you are leaning on a one and nine year old to help you through tough times… again I’ll spare the words.

It’s great that you’re on good terms with their father. It’s for the kids. It’s great that you’ve built a solid home and got them into good schools. That’s fantastic, especially with all the crap you’ve been dealing with, but, and I know that you’ll disagree with this, YES, your kids come first. They are your life now. When I said mid to late teens, that is probably the case, but you’ll have to decide when it is okay for them to see mommy replace daddy. You’ll have to decide when they can mix with other kids from another broken marriage. Kids are fragile --- you know that. You were one and you still seem to be, fragile that is. Life sees to that. We all are.

What’s wrong with all of us?

Look, your mother and you both screwed up, for whatever reason. And she tells you she made a mistake by not dating while she raised her children. That was really nice. Up till I made a mistake devoting the life to my kids… great. After, I’m sorry for you.

Again, your kids come first. Life is sometimes not fair. It is your choice how you impact their lives. Don’t be a nun, but don’t keep the cycle going. We may be getting it wrong.

Sounds like your mother became lonely of her own choice. Cutting out her grandchildren. (Insert expletive). Sounds a little like you want to repeat the cycle.

I know, “rubbish”.

• I think you may not have children…

I don’t. But I see kids from broken homes everyday. Let’s see: They do drugs. They feel entitled. They feel hopeless and lost. They stab each other. They.... Shall I go on? Sure, why not? They run around screaming for someone to love them. And, at the end of it all they repeat what mommy and daddy did, over and over and over again. Next we all load up on therapy and antidepressants and start accepting it as “just the way the world is.”

Wow, could we all fail any more miserably than that? I don’t need my own kids to see the tragedy. I do, however, have godchildren and if anything was to happen to their parents, my life would change and I’d assume my role fully. I wouldn’t subject the kids to anymore confusion than they’re already going through. Certain aspects of my life if they weren’t already in place, would be put on hold.

People who choose not to have kids for whatever reason, are the only ones who don’t screw up their nonexistent kids lives. Too abstract?

Again, kids come first. Always.

Unfortunately, it is different for guys, unfair, but different. Should your ex abstain? Yes. But isn’t his lack of abstaining the reason for the mess to begin with? The unfair comes in because he is no longer the primary caregiver, and therefore, not around the kids all of the time…

As for the mixed families, sure, a few have worked, but for every few that work, thousands and thousands fail miserably. They have this tendency to complicate things beyond all belief, and again, mess up the kids involved.

I know: “There was a lady who smoked three packs a day and lived to a hundred.”

There were also a billion people who’ve smoked, who died at fifty. We can all justify if we try hard enough.

• I think your style of ‘hard hitting’… I don’t think the photographs…

The beauty of being able to write this column is because I’m removed from the situation and I am not concerned about holding back my opinions. What’s the point of that? We’ve got Dr. Phil for trying to salvage marginal relationships and coddling.

I don’t like the way a lot of the things about how we treat each other. It really sucks. And, it sucks big time to get hurt. Having said that, it’s part of life. I don’t know every detail of everyone who writes in, therefore, it is impossible to hit on every aspect of every question. And frankly, if you're on a ledge, I’m not qualified to talk you down. This column is about entertainment and it offers opinions, life experience and hopefully an olive branch.

Sorry for taking so long to reply. Like said, life has been ongoing.

As for this being irrelevant to you: from your statements, I think it likely is. It sounds like your family has this, like most, need to feel they are right, including you, or it’s off to the corner to miss each other's life. Your mother did it. You’ve done it. And when it was virtually too late, you tried to make up. How tragic.

My family has been part of the same program --- on a much more bizarre level, and guess what? I’m the kid in the equation. Long story. I’ve forgiven. They’re still in the corner. We’ve missed each other lives. It sucks.

Speaking for the kids of the world --- I get to wear the pain daily.

Sorry to say, you seem to be bitter. I hope I’m wrong. But you even took shots at the photographs. They’re just photos from a walk and now that I look at them, based upon my interpretation of the original question, sure, China Town may not have any relevance, the others on the other hand, do. And, they’re just photographs.

I leave you with this, my mantra for living:

Live everyday to the fullest. Smile. Hug each other. Nurture and treat your family and friends like gold, even if they haven’t evolved yet. Be kind to all others. Try to avoid confrontation. If you screw up don’t be too hard on yourself. And, be happy.

If that’s showy bullshit --- I guess I’m not bitter, jaded and cynical enough, yet.

no reply goes without a response

the seed

P.S.: The time and effort to answer and respond comes with no remuneration and is a product of sincerely giving a shit about people and the world. If you’re unsatisfied with our responses --- keep searching for someone to tell you what you want to hear.

P.P.S.: I’m sticking to my guns on this one, if you have kids and your marriage and life comes crumbling down, they come first. You’ll have to decide for yourself when they are old enough not to be damaged by your needs. If you don’t care and want to subject them to new potential “mothers and fathers” is there any other term than "selfish"?

The formula isn’t working let’s quit screwing up the future!

Now go hug your children and tell them you love them.

“Hogwash!”

one last postscript

Somehow I doubt my reply will get onto your blog.

Did I miss something? Did you win our conversation? Why wouldn’t I post your reply?

I was just trying to help, offer opinion, entertain… I didn’t realize that a “cheerful easy going type of person,” would be so focused on being right. I’m also not sure why’d they’d ask a question and would be upset if the answer isn’t to their liking?

Lastly, I’m not sure why a “cheerful easy going type of person,” would feel the need to state that fact.

Now for the big finish.

Be happy!

asked & answered

ask seed: table of contents

.

See an Ask Seed question title that peeks your interest. Simply click on its link at the bottom of the left hand column and be whisked away to its home page. Questions about: boobs, the seed, shaving, and life in general. Something for everyone... even you!

As always, enjoy the unrelated photo journey we’ve posted for your visual stimulation.
.

updated frequently…

We’re baaacccckkkk!

After an extended summer, fall and part of winter hiatus, Ask Seed is returning and we promise to be both: New & Improved.

• We promise to provide you with the same valuable Ask Seed insight and comedy.
• We promise to continue to be hard-hitting and relevant.
• We promise to continue to provide you with original Ask Seed photography and art work.
• And most of all, we promise to leave you wanting more.

We’ve recently posted all of the Ask Seed questions that we’ve received to date. Allowing you to see where your question is in the question & answer queue. Once you know where you are --- you’ll be able to decide if you have enough time to run to the fridge for a snack and a drink.

So friends, all we need from you: sit back, unbuckle your belt, take off your bra and pull out your life, love and relationship queries and send them to Seed Headquarters at askseed@hotmail.com and we will get to your heartache in due time.

Oh yeah, we almost forgot, tell all of your friends!

We’ll try to answer at least one question per week. More if Ask Seed turns into a viable money making venture.

As if that is not enough, if you’d like to take a stab at being a guest Seed and answer one of the questions simply do the following.

1. Come up with a catchy Seed moniker, ie: Female Seed, Gay Seed or even Ghoulish Seed.
2. Answer the question using the following steps. 1) “take the piss” out of the question. Translation: have some fun and test out your comedic chops. 2) relate your answer to personal experiences. Translation: if the question is about albino transvestites, share your albino transvestite experiences. 3) and most important, offer some sage advice. Translation: the questions are from real people, with real concerns, therefore, show some gentle loving care. Let’s make the world a better place. Remember: your gentle loving care can be in the form of: stern laughter inducing advice.
3. Now the tough part. In the effort to streamline Ask Seed --- we ask you to do it less than 600 words. Even The Seed is going to adhere to the new word restrictions --- we’ve promised to reduce and streamline the off tangent ramblings of the past. With new more precise ramblings in the future. Which happens to be: “in the moment.”

Doesn’t sound too difficult now, does it?

So what are you waiting for?

Ask away.

And when you do…

remember you asked

partially nude seed

P.S. Ask Seed answers have never been tested on animals or plants. We tried once to test one on my cat, but she hid under the couch. Don’t worry the cat has been sacked. If the response to Ask Seed continues to be overwhelming and we pick one of your answers for publication --- a prize will be rewarded. Prizes to be determined at a later date.

P.S.S.LMNOP. Visit our website at www.seedenterprises.com .

P…S. Put your clothes back on --- it’s cold out for Christ’s sake!

Last note: Below, yeah down there, under these words, do a little scrolling and you’ll find: Question 26... What you waiting for? --- get reading.

Question 26: looking for answers in all the wrong places

Dear Seed

you still here?

.

.

here

Mind you why do people still stay on here for a long time after they've got over being dumped?

At the moment I find it a bit depressing and want to move on, but, its addictive.

Is this being sad?

The cyber world is wierd, hav just spoken to guy who is all jockey and whackey on site, but wasn't this way when actually tried to be jockey on chat site.

So nothing really is better than good old fashioned face to face relationships is it?

Dumbo x

Note: Dumbo x, is referring to the website: www.beendumped.com where the heartbroken congregate to share their stories and pain. Seed does not correct the grammar and spelling of the questioners, hell, he sometimes doesn’t edit the answers. At least not initially.

Dear Dx

Where’s here?

If you’re referring to my office in my living room, right now, as I type this, yes. Other than that, no. Unless of course, I’m there and that there is what you’re referring to as, here.

Senseless rambling? Yes.

Why do people hang out on a tragedy filled, aching heart website, which caters to the beaten down and depressed?

Simple answer: because misery begets misery. Because, unfortunately, people like to wallow. Happiness is friggen tough. Depression is easy. Happiness takes work. Depression comes from opening your eyes and looking out at the world. You don’t have to look far, or read much, to be stomped into mulch.

Listen. Listen carefully. A wise old man on a park bench once told me; after I asked the question: What matters? He stoically stated: “That’s simple, people matter, unfortunately I think we’ve lost sight of that.”

What does this have to do with your query? Everything. We’ve all been dumped at some time in our lives. Pardon the language, it fucking sucks. However, it’s a growing experience. If you allow it to be.

This website and others like it, provide an excellent service, they allow the heartbroken to share stories and realize that they’re not alone. Here’s the problem: visiting them needs to be short. Really short. If you haven’t been hit on the head a gazillion times with bricks, it really shouldn’t take too long to realize: lingering agony over being dumped by someone, isn’t worth the time. If you choose to spend your time rehashing heartache and pretending that you had the greatest relationship --- ever, and you didn’t see the end coming, leaving you reeling and spinning out of control in a tear-filled downward spiral, welcome to a pathetic life.

.

alive

Look, these websites serve a purpose, their intention is usually pure and if they help to pull one person off a depressive ledge, then they’ve provided a priceless olive branch. In my opinion: too long of a visit is dangerous to mental health. As much as I don’t believe the statements: get over or move on, I believe it is vitally important to avoid lingering. To quit looking for angles. By angles, I mean: someone who’ll agree with your sad story and allow your wounds to keep festering, leaving you in a depressive state. You’re right, depression is addictive, it’s much easier to stay down than to rise to the stars. Hanging out with other lost souls will eventually become a necessary fix. You’re highs will come from misery. And, heaven forbid, you meet someone on one of these sites, my god, a match made out of need. Good luck.

I’m sure the one exception to the previous statement will scream, “We met on the site and we’ve found true love.” Sorry to tell you, you’re living an illusion, and when it all comes crumbling down… you can tell another sad story.

Bold statement: not really, think about it, if you meet someone while sharing sadness, how could it possibly end in anything but more sadness? You forgot to take the time to recover. Neediness is not attractive and will eventually become weary.

Radical suggestion:

Visit these sites. Read a couple of stories. Realize that they all share the same common threads and eventually become painfully boring. Understand that most people are screwed up. Choose not to be that way, well, to at least try. Decide that, the (insert your own expletive) who dumped you, is not worth anymore time. Cope. Quit listening to sad songs. LIVE. Tell everyone you ‘meat’, “I’m doing great.” Even if you’re lying. Practice smiling. Don’t allow anyone to share sad stories with you, at least limit them, until you’re in a better head space. Rebound. Stay away from the websites after you’ve had your fill of tragedy. Do this quickly. Don’t, I repeat, don’t, date anyone from these sites, that doesn’t mean, never, don’t date anyone while they are hanging out on these sites. Maybe in the future, after they’ve been away from the sites for a long, long time. As far as dating goes, don’t date anyone, anywhere, as long as you feel the need to go to these websites. Trust me, you’re too needy, and next, will end up being a repeat of, last. Be brutally honest with yourself.

Lastly, take care of yourself. Surround yourself with ‘shiny, happy people’. Treat those you love like gold. Everyone else, with respect. Avoid confrontation. Smile. Treat the earth with kindness. Reach for the stars. Lock misery out and throw away the key. Cry. Cope. Learn. Smile again and again. And when the time is right, drop your guard, and let love in again.

Oh yeah! Yes, face-to-face, is much better. Online is full of smoke and mirrors. Emailing allows editing. Chat isn’t much better, however, it’ll strip away wit if one’s witless. And really, stay away from any clown who’s banging on you while you’re down. Needy wouldn’t be the term I’d use to describe a jester like that. He’s nothing more than a …

Bye for now.

Be happy!

remember you asked

seed

Moments of Appreciation

As much as Ask Seed is a place for us to practice our comedic chops, we do really care about people, the world and life in general. In that spirit, we try to avoid mincing words and once we get through our need to spill random thoughts, we sincerely try to give the best suggestions to your problems by sharing some of our experiences. We truly hope that our words help in some way. Even if that is the odd chuckle.

Every now and then we receive a message thanking us for our efforts. The thank you messages mean the world to us. The following is a message we received from our answer to Question 23 Selfish Narcissistic Bastard ‘Mon’. To read the original tidbits of advice just follow the link below.

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006/05/question-23-selfish-narcissistic.html

We’ll even whisk you away to the tropics for a few moments in the sunshine.

Thank you Seed!!!

You are so right about the title, "Selfish narcissistic bastard" perfect description of my soon to be former husband and me.

"Rebuilding self-esteem". Excellent, and again, right on.

Thank you for understanding. Your very insightful, no wonder you write and take photos.

Guess what he did to me just last month?

Robbed my house, yes, broken in, smashed the back window, stole everything I loved. Now I am so out of here, taking my dog with cat before they end up dead, and moving far, far away from here, perhaps changing my name.

You can now add sociopath to narcissistic bastard.

If you pray, pray for me, that God keeps me safe until I am move.

Beautiful pictures of tulips, those are my favorite flowers. Perhaps I am a bulb, a tulip bulb....soon to be blossoming in the sun.

I am planning on moving to So Cal, perhaps Laguna Beach, somewhere warm near the water.

Thanks again.

Rebuilding Esteem

You’re Welcome!

Online love can be heaven or hell
by the seed

To continue on with the feel good theme, as you may or may not know Seed is a regular contributor to a Daily Commuter paper: 24 Hours Vancouver (readership 169,000). His articles have ranged from Dating to Chronic Drug Abuse to Speed Racing all the way back to Dating.

Let’s just say that he has a lot to say and somehow manages to hold it together for long enough stints to share his somewhat lucid thoughts to help ease the pain of the daily commute.

His most recent article: Online love can be heaven or hell, appeared in the June 1st edition. To read the article just follow the link below.

http://vancouver.24hrs.ca/Lifestyle/2006/06/01/1609038-sun.html

You like?

It’s good to have you back. Seed is only allowed 450 words and if you’ve been a regular reader of Ask Seed, I’m sure you understand how difficult the word restriction is on him. He has trouble saying hello in 450 words.

Hello, Bonjour, Olla, Ketchup, Poutine, Yummy…

Since this post is all about “giving the crew at seed enterprises a little sugar,” we’re happy to say we received some. The following is a reader comment that was published in the paper the day after the article. We like. Kind words make us happy.

I LAUGHED SO HARD while reading Lindsay Wincherauk’s column on the train today (24 hours, June 1). It is so right on the mark! Having experienced both the heaven and the hell of internet dating. I know exactly what Lindsay’s talking about. Thanks Lindsay!

-Kerstin Katzmann, via email.

If you’re wondering who this Lindsay guy may be - rumor has it - he may be the seed. It is however just a rumor.

Thanks Kerstin.

Now for a touch of Seed Levity

The following is an artists rendition (projection) on what Seed’s personal ad may look like if he was in the market for love.

Moniker

The Love Curator

The artist, Louis, believes this is likely the most recent picture seed would have in his collection. Louis also believes the photo is a strong indication of how the seed likely dresses today. Pretty damn snazzy.

Orientation

In the woods I like to use a compass. In the city I pretty much know my way around. When you give it some thought it’s not that tough, you’ve got A and B. If you want to get from A to B you walk in a straight line. Buildings may get in your way. If that happens, you have a couple of choices. If it’s a business, like a Shopping Mall, you can enter and continue walking in that straight line. If it is somebody’s home - I walk around it. And, if it is water, I usually use a bridge.

See, it’s not that difficult.

Profession

Fly girl, no that’s not it. Fly guy, no again. Aspiring author, entrepreneur, comic, photographer, krumper and curator.

Height/Weight

I’m a lot taller when I’m standing. I’m also taller when I’m surrounded by midgets, which is very rare. I seem to be a little taller than most people. How do I know? I cut my the top of my head shaving my head and nobody has commented on the cuts. As for weight. I’ll weight as long as it takes to find someone who I really like and want to kiss. That is: if they meet my Height/Weight and non-troll like requirements.

Dreams

Usually when I’m sleeping. Sometimes when I’m drinking - I’m not sure if those qualify as dreams. I sometimes dream when I’ve been out in the hot sun for 12 hours without water.

As for corny dreams: I actually want to make people smile and perhaps even make bit of a difference. Don’t you?

Looking for

I don’t mind nudity. Consensual of course. I’m not really a big fan of mass nudity though - that sort of creeps me out. I think people should save their naughty bits for the appropriate moments and not be so free with them. Everybody may be beautiful in some way, often though its not on the outside and if that’s the case keep it inside and show only those who love you. They’ll look once they’ve discovered your inner beauty. Before then you may blow the deal.

I’m honestly not looking. If I was, hmm, let me see, you’d have to be alive, that’s important. I’d like you to be pretty, to me. Which really has a wide range. I’d like you to be fit. I’d like you to be passionate about life. Most important, I’d like a connection that leads us to a land where our quiet moments are just as precious as all others and we reach a point where we know we’re better off together.

If I was looking: I wouldn’t be looking for someone who wants me to save them. You can save me if you’d like. Especially if I was drowning or in some other precarious situation. If you can’t swim - I suggest getting someone to help you. Actually, to help me. I’m the one in trouble.

I guess in summation. I’d want someone who points at me, laughs and then we just make things better together.

Followed by: nudity.

Important Seed Announcement

The preceding was a Mock Up of what renowned international artist Louis felt a seed personal ad may look like. In no way is any of the ad based upon reality, or, real stuff period for that matter. Seed would like to assure you that other than the odd naked stint, he can neither confirm or deny any of the subject matter that Louis subjected you to.

Seed also would like to stress that no testing was done on humans and that due to his bold rendition and the liberties he has taken with Seed's heart - Louis has been SACKED.

end isa

Now for a dash of serious

Seed (Lindsay) really is an aspiring author. His first book: Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular) has garnered media attention and has received some outstanding reviews. For more information on the book visit: http://www.seedenterprieses.com/ .

Seed and Seed Enterprises would now like to move the "aspiring" up to the next level. Currently we have a second and third book virtually completed - these two books are being prepared for future publication. Having said that, Seed is now completing a fourth book that he feels has incredible potential to have an amazing print run. He also feels that it would translate well to the Big Screen or the Boob Tube for that matter. Let’s just say the upside is unlimited.

As for the book - it is a true story - it is hilarious - it will evoke every emotion imaginable - it will blow the readers away - it truly is a story of perseverance.

In that spirit, we’d entertain discussing its potential with agents/publishers/media and you. If you are a member any of these groups we’d love to hear from you.

Send us a shout out to: theseedvan@hotmail.com

Why would you take the step to explore?

Because Seed is passionate about what he is doing and he feels he has an important message to share. He also has a snippet of talent.

Once again: Thank you for all of your kind words. We do truly appreciate them.