Question 20 You remind me of Charlton Heston

Hi Seed,

I feel like saying EL SEED!!!

.

Sorry!

I know you aren't Charlton Heston.

I just wanted to ask if you'd ever been dumped?

How did you feel and deal with it yourself?

Thanks

Dumbo x

Dear Dumbo x

Thank you for the wonderful compliment.

Being compared to a film legend is quite an honor and I will take your compliment to be referring to my features which are “carved in stone.”

Do I really resemble Michelangelo, Ben-Hur and Moses?

(insert hysterical laughter)

The officials have decided to go upstairs on this one for a video review and have come to the conclusion that maybe your Chuck comparison isn’t necessarily a complimentary one.

Examining the facts, it has been concluded that despite Mr. Heston’s strong leading man attributes he does have a downside.

What possible downsides could you possibly be talking about, El Seed?

Interesting query Dumbo X, for instance the whole Alzheimer’s thing, I’m not sure if I’m too keen on that. Also, do we all need to be armed? I know it is a right (in the USA), but c’mon, how many stupid people do we want carrying guns? For God’s sake, look at the VP, he couldn’t distinguish the difference between a “man” and “water fowl” and he is the second in command.

The problem is who gets to define stupid?

I’m also not sure if I’m too excited about making it into several celebrity death pools.

http://www.bigsigh.com/death.cfm

“Seed you’re being a little too sensitive, just accept the damn compliment.”

I’ve just been informed by a 'big weenie' of a friend that I’m acting like a baby and need to look at the positives and in this case that being the inquisitor has compared me to one of Hollywood’s true leading men. Chuck’s career has spanned over 60 years and he has over 126 film credits under his gun-belt.

Julius Caesar, Wuthering Heights, The Private War of Major Benson, The Seeds of Hate, The Ten Commandments, Ben-Hur, Debbie Does Dallas, El Cid, Alf, Planet of The Apes, Queer as Folk and Earthquake just to name a few. What an honor to be mentioned in the same breath.

In fact, the reference to “El Cid”, magnificent!

“Although generally regarded as 'good but not great', I consider 'El Cid' to be the best film ever made.”

-egrorian - Glasgow Scotland.

Hey look, if “egrorian” from Scotland can make a statement like that, what does it say about me?

Bear with me as I take you off on a little journey. It appears as if Dumbo X is comparing me to one of the true silver screen icons. A man who has transcended time. A man who may arguably be misusing his celebrity to push antiquated rights. Nonetheless, a man who most would consider a sex symbol. A man who has with the exception of losing his mind, aged gracefully. A virginal man. A man…….

.

Seeing that our friend from Scotland believes that Charles acted in the “Greatest Movie” ever. If one was to extrapolate a meaning from such a statement, it may be that Charlie is one of the greatest actors of all times and if that’s the case that would make me, by default of course, potentially one of greatest actors in the world as well.

To carry it even further back to 1994 or there about, I was at my gym working out one day. On this particular day I was working my massive thighs, the day before I had worked my “guns of fading glory” to the point of redemption rendering hoisting my arms to eat as futile.

I had just finished a monster set of squats (the weight bar only) and was sitting on the bench quivering when I was approached and asked if I would like to participate in some 2-on-2 basketball.

Of course I would, I just worked legs and my arms though pumped were useless so playing basketball with complete strangers seemed to make perfect sense. Who cares if I embarrass myself on the court. A couple of the players looked a bit familiar, however, I couldn’t trip the code and come up with how I recognized them.

We hit the court and it was time for introductions.

“Dumbo X” you’d never guess who one of the players was?”

“Charlton Heston?”

“WRONG.”

“Hi, I’m David Duchovny.”

That’s right, I was going to be playing some b’ball with David Duchovny, how fucking cool!

The thing is, it was right at the start of the X-files and I really didn’t know who he was.

“Hi, I’m D. B. Sweeney. How’s it going?”

I did know who D. B. was, as I’m sure I had seen him in some stuff.

Needless to say I was stoked. I was playing with celebrities. The teams were formed D.B. and I vs. Mulder and the other guy.

Drive, shoot, pass, steal and taking it to the hole. The competition was fierce. The “guns of fading glory,” both intimidated and responded to the challenge allowing me to go downtown and hit the odd big shot.

These Hollywood pretty boys took the game seriously and no prisoners. They charged and drove through the lane with reckless abandon. A little too reckless as Mulder would find out as I bruised his ego and looks with a fierce elbow to protect my ground.

“Fox” took it in stride and the game continued and when victory was within our grasp, I stood in the corner clearing the court for my man D.B. to drive on his man “non descript actor,” and drive he did and sweet victory was ours.

By the way I was standing off on the side trying not to vomit.

"Why the story Seed? Why now?", you may be asking.

After I regained my composure and came down from my physical high and I was able to apply some significant form of sense to the victory, I went out and bought a magazine. Details.

Duchovny was on the cover. Apparently this whole X-files thing was on the verge of taking off. David was going to become a huge international star.

I read the article. Mulder grew up in NYC. Mulder was a great High School athlete. NYC is one of the biggest cities in the World. Mulder was (as mentioned in the article) one of the top basketball players in the city.

I know what you may be thinking: What the fuck does that have to do with Charlton Heston?

Hold on, if Fox Mulder was one of the best b’ball players in NYC (biggest cities in the world) and I beat him. I guess that makes me one of the greatest basketball players in the World.

That’s how it relates to Charlton Heston, not only was I compared to an actor in some Scottish guy's favorite movies, I beat another true celebrity at his game, which ultimately means: I’m one of the greatest acting basketball playing champions of our time.

Now do you see my point?

Who would dump that?

To answer your question?

I’ve been dumped 3 times and each and every time it sucked the big one.

Ultimately the reasons for the dumpings really don’t matter, it was my heart, soul and survival that quickly became paramount.

What being dumped did for me was help me to realize how fragile the matters of the heart are. You see I’m leading man handsome (snicker, snicker, snicker), ambitious, some would say funny, caring and compassionate.

When I fell in love I allowed myself to become vulnerable, I think that is the way it is supposed to be. I allowed myself to fall under the charms of another human being. I allowed myself to fight through conditions in an attempt to find truly unconditional love. I left myself open for hurt.

Dumped 1

My first time as the one dumped, I was caught totally off guard. I was told the usual “lies” that are often part of the program that are told in an attempt to protect feelings and mask the feelings of guilt the dumpster has for their actions.

I became stupid afterwards. I went into a self-help frenzy. I bought book after book. I solicited the advice of others. I expressed my need to be friends. I expressed that we had been through so much together. I gave unconditional gifts meant to indicate my undying love and friendship. Cards, flowers, rapid weight loss (thanks depression) and phone calls. I tried to “win” my love back.

“If only I could say I love you from the right angle, surely everything will be ok.”

“If we could only spend some more time together you’ll see the light and come back.”

What a load of crap and a massive waste of time. And to top it off, how manipulitave of me.

In all reality I was becoming pathetic.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m so insecure. I’m so needy. I have no business being in a relationship. If I keep going down this path of despair I’m going to become a flawed lover incapable of loving myself."

I even attempted to end it all. On one sorrow-filled night I held my head under water in my bathtub. Fortunately my logical hand was paying attention and stopped my ridiculous attempt.

I was thinking how could I possibly go on without my “love”. I had forgotten that I was happy before she came into my life.

My behavior pushed my ex further and further away. Her guilt quickly turned to: “Go away leave me alone" and "What’s wrong with you?”

In time sanity prevailed and I finally accepted that I was no longer wanted. I came to the conclusion that keeping in touch was pointless.

Being friends for that matter was pointless.

How much would I have to hate myself to subject myself to:

• So you’re dating again?
• I can’t believe you’re fucking………
• That restaurant, song, movie or ___ used to be ours.

A lot. That’s the answer. I find that only a painfully few accept the fact that when you’re dumped it is without question best to cut all ties, get your ex out of your head and begin the long journey back to becoming desirable.

Or, you can desperately try to prove me wrong.

Better yet, change, because you’ve been told you’re not good enough the way you are. That's the ticket, try to change yourself to suit the requirements of someone who NO LONGER WANTS to be with you.

A Seed Moment of Pathetic Embarrassment

During the despair of Dumped 1, in a painfully weak moment I did a narration of the absolutely beautiful and hopelessly romantic Children’s book Off To Sea: A Romance by Richard Stine.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0941807010/qid=1143748953/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-0997645-8293614?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

I did the narration complete with the Extreme song, More Than Words playing in the background. Amazingly after viewing the tape “my love” came running back to me and we’ve been living together happily ever after. She must’ve been thinking that if Seed is so in love with me that he would take the time to throw together this amazing tape full of love and commitment, how could I ever love anyone else?

I’m just fortunate my lame attempt "to end it all” was before this incident, if it wasn’t, my logical hand may have just continued to flip channels.

Gail, I’m sincerely sorry. It’s not vitally important to me now, but, I hope you’ve forgiven me for sending you the tape.

End of ASMOPEA

INTERMISSION

- - - take this time to grab a tasty treat from one of our concessions - - -

Dumped 2

FUCKING SUCKED.

Monday Morning March 2nd

The alarm goes off:

“Honey, we’re done.”

“Why?”

“I’m just not as happy as I could be.”

“Oh.”

“It’s not you, I just need to change some things.”

“But you just moved in.”

“I’ve got to go to work now. I think we’ll be great friends.”

Four hours pass and upon return from work:

“Yeah honey, we’re still done.”

“Oh.”

“I really love you. You’re an amazing guy.”

“What should we do about living together?”

“You’re an amazing guy, I’d like to keep living with you.”

.

Anger, dismay, disbelief, hunger, denial, despair, hurt, anger, confusion, loss, more hurt and endless bouts of uncontrollable crying ensued. Not initially. Initially, I figured my sweetie was on 'crack' and that once the toxins dissipated reason would prevail and bliss would return to our home.

I couldn’t be more wrong. Though I never saw it coming, when the pink slip of love is issued there really is no turning back.

In this instance, everything quickly was thrown into a land of despair and I’m amazed I ever escaped from it.

Friday March 6th

After four days of hurt and frustration:

“Don’t touch me we’re not dating anymore. We’re just friends now.”

“But I love you. You’re making a mistake…… Blah, blah, fucking blah.”

I had to get out of the place so I went to Choices Market. While there I ran into a 21 year old friend. He told me his life sucked. I hugged him. He went home and hung himself. His last words to me were, "My life sucks."

I cried some more and reached out to my ex for support. She went on a date.

I knew that I had to ask her move out, unfortunately, I couldn't find the strength and I didn't want to lose anything else.

Tuesday March 10th

I didn’t come straight home after work, home was no longer home for me. I went out for a few drinks and ran into another friend, a 28 year old restaurant manager. We used to hate each other because one of his quests was to score with my ex. I hated him for that. However, I respected his honesty, he didn’t pretend to be my friend.

Strangely because of his honesty we became friends. On this night he took me aside and told me that he must tell me something:

“I’m dying of cancer.”

Fuck. What’s going on? Why was trauma lining up at my door?

I took this news home with me and cried some more. I needed a hug. I was pushed away.

“We’re no longer dating. I do love you though.”

I think I may have been lied to.

Later I found out my dying friend had succeeded in his quest.

Trying to be compassionate while hate is in your peripheral is incredibly difficult at best.

Thursday March 19th

Ring, ring, ring………

“Hello.”

My aunt was on the line. She was my closest remaning relative. I have 3 older brothers and 3 older sisters and unfortunately I watched my parents die a year and a half apart 17 years prior.

“I’m cutting your sisters out of my will.”

“Why?” Knowing full well that I was not going to enjoy the answer.

“Because they haven’t shown me respect and I feel that they’ve neglected me. I took care of them. One of them had a 'secret child' and I raised that baby for two years, without even a single thank you.”

Tears were starting to form again, “Why are you telling me this?”

With absolute confidence and a soul-scarring calmness, “Because I’m going to be leaving, I’m going to rest with my 'true love' Roy soon. I love you and wanted to talk to you before I go into the hospital. I’m going to miss you.”

Roy had passed away a couple of years ago.

By this time the tears were uncontrollable, I was weeping and I was certain the despair would never end. I wanted to be strong, I couldn’t summon the strength needed, guilt had crept in, I felt like my emotions weren’t important. I wanted to supress them and be strong for my Aunt. I felt like I was failing her in that moment. She was at ease with her mortality, unfortunately I wasn't and I couldn’t contain my tears.

“I love you too. I don’t want this to be true.”

We talked on a few occasions following this this horrific day and in reality this was our goodbye. She died just over a month later.

Three days after her death the phone rang again, this time my sisters were on the line, my last uncle died unexpectedly in his sleep the night before. I was now officially emotionally spent.

As for my ex, I needed hugs. They didn’t come. She was in the process of replacing me and that was the only thing that mattered. In hindsight, we really shouldn’t have been still living together. It was becoming an unbearable festering toxic broth, destined for eruption.

April - August

Heartache and blind stupidity continued. I was too fucking weak to throw her out. I was on a program of need. Totally acceptable considering the extreme circumstances. Despite the current crises not being my ex’s doing, compassion wasn’t a strong suit. I was supposed to be getting over things.

"If you want to be friends you have to get used to me dating others."

How stupid was I to expose myself to this?

Even our mutual friends thought: I had changed.

Great friends don't you think?

Throw together in a big pot, a breakup, 4 deaths, infidelity, friend and family alienation all within a 2-month time period, stir it all up and see what comes out the other end, let alone survives to come out the other end.

No shit I had changed.

As if this wasn’t enough trauma for a lifetime, life’s bizarreness meter wasn’t done rising and I was faced with news of more infidelity, lies, disrespect, causing absolute and total despair, resulting in sleepless, tear-filled nights. I had cried on 97 consecutive days.

To top it all off I found out by accident that my whole life was an illusion, a monumental lie. Maybe I’ll share that story with you later. I think I’ve shared enough for now.

Our living situation became out of control and ended abruptly when some strong words were exchanged, photos were destroyed and we both crossed the lines of repair.

My ex had to leave immediately. No more pretend friendship.

Despite being over for quite some time this was the conclusion of an incredibly heated and passionate relationship. A relationship in which I was sure was “the one.”

I wasn’t and it wasn’t my fault. In reality it wasn’t even in my control.

Dumped 3

After some time had passed and my esteem was intact again, I fell in love. Dumped 2 had lasted exactly 16 months. Dumped 3 was a couple of days shy of the 16 month mark when the hammer fell and it came to an abrupt end.

Once again, I went through a gamut of emotions. Once again, I was destroyed. Once again, I had left myself vulnerable. Once again, I was lost.

This had been my most fulfilling relationship thus far. My new ex had given so much to me and shown so much love and support. I was allowed to chase after my dreams. Never was there a question of my ambition. My love supported me both emotionally and financially. I likely would’ve starved without the support.

Certainly, my drive and commitment to my craft would more than repay the investment.

Once again, I didn’t see it coming. It came though - at a bad time.

A Seed Insight

,

There is no “good time” to be dumped or to dump. There may be times when the dumper is trying to inflict more pain on the dumped, in an attempt to stamp a selfish reminder on the act (i.e.: birthdays, Valentines Day, Christmas, August 22nd and other special occasions). However, if you are unhappy in your relationship and have soul-searched and come to the conclusion the end is near, just end it, don’t prolong the suffering. If you do "end it," just be cognizant of the calendar and the impact it may burden the person your dumping with.

If you’re not cognizant: Aren’t you a selfish……?

The no “good time” formula also applies to death. The only difference I don’t think “dying*” can be selfish.

*suicide excluded.

End of Seed insight

Of course it was a bad time, I thought my solo journey through life was finally over. Unfortunately it wasn’t. My ambition came with a price. My ex needed stability and my dreams weren’t providing it. The end wasn’t due to a lack of love, it was more a product of different needs.

In a sense this loss hurt the most.

I accepted that I was loved. Without question, my ex understood who I was and what was needed to ensure continued happiness. I wasn’t in a position to provide what was needed so instead of asking me to change, the decision was made to let me live my own life.

I respect that and it does show a tremendous love - for both of us.

I still make mistakes. I make the odd call. I know that: It’s too early for the calls, because nothing has changed and until it has there can be no possible rewind on the relationship.

I do have a fondness for each of my past loves and I will always have a place in my heart for each one of them.

Dumped Synopsis

.

“Dumped 3” without question hurt the most as I was loved on an “almost” unconditional level. I wish it would have survived the tests of time. I really hate waking up alone. I’d love if we reconnected, however, if that is my sole goal, it will never happen.

The key element to the broken heart is “almost” unconditional. Almost isn’t enough.

I came to terms with things by realizing almost isn't enough. Like everyone else I’m scared and scarred. I may even be a tad bit bitter and jaded. I don’t think that I am.

Thanks for your question. This stuff is incredibly personal to share and I hope you appreciate that by doing so I’m trying to help and at least offer some fresh perspective.

My experiences may mirror the experiences of others, conversely there is a uniqueness to them and collectively I couldn’t imagine three such dramatically different scenarios.

Once the clouds had cleared and the sun began to shine again on my life I came to understand that I have no control over the emotions and love decisions of others. My past loves made their decisions for reasons that made perfect sense to them and it is not my place to question those decisions. In fact, questioning to me is offensive and a sign of not respecting their wishes.

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Being dumped sucks. Being desperate and needy sucks even more. If you're too desperate and needy you have absolutely no business being in a relationship. It won’t work. Learn to love yourself first. Towel optional!

I’d like to say that it gets easier each time. It doesn’t. That’s a good thing. For me that is a sign that I'm not chasing the same relationship over and over again. Each relationship has good & bad and happy & sad moments. The process of falling in love, becoming vulnerable and allowing myself to hurt, has hopefully brought me closer to that one beautiful relationship - my last intimate one. Towels mandatory!

I’ve learned a lot from these relationships, probably the most important and difficult lesson is that if your relationship ends, break all contact*. It is vital for your future development. It may be a difficult rule to follow, however, I do guarantee that it is the only thing that makes sense and is necessary if you want to recover from the heartache. The day the love hammer falls is the day that the friendship comes to an end. Unless of course you want to fill your life with friends who either don’t want you in their lives or no longer love you.

You may kid yourself and try to hold on desperately to an ex. As long as your ex is still single you may be able to continue seeing them keeping the illusion of getting back together alive. That is as long as your ex is single. If you don't break all ties and go out and fix yourself guess what? Once your ex starts a new relationship you'll get to go over the heartache of being dumped all over again. There are only rare exceptions to this rule.

Also difficult to accept is the fact that when people break up there is always a reason for it or several reasons for that matter. Regardless of who is to blame or if monumental changes have to be made the relationship is failing and the only possible way to salvage it (which in all likelihood isn't possible), is to leave the situation, do a self inventory and change yourself if you feel change is in order. Basically change on your own schedule and of your own accord.

As always I encourage discussion and debate on this topic. Some may argue that all that is required to save the relationship is some open communication. "We must express what we need from one another."

I say: "What a load of crap."

Yes, communication in a relationship is vital. Mature loving people understand that. I'm just saying that if someone is uttering, "I'm breaking up with you" or any of its countless other versions, its way too late for communication and the decision has already been made. Even if the one who has been "dumped" delivers some compelling post break-up "communication," buying themselves a little time by upping the guilt quotient on the "dumper." The victory will likely be short lived. Communication in relationships starts early, if you and your lover are not communicating: Do you really have a relationship? Now c'mon people, quit being so friggen needy. It didn't work for me.

Do people really end relationships because the toothpaste tube is squeezed in the middle?

"Yes."

I've just been told the answer is yes so let me reword the question: Would you want to live your life with someone who was willing to throw away a relationship because you squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle?

If your answer is "yes", good luck.

Hold on a second, you're not off the hook yet. If your lover has "communicated" to you that it drives them crazy (squeezing in the middle), quit being such a baby and grow up. Your other option is to send me a question when your lover dumps your sorry ass.

Therfore, I'm sticking to my guns: If your relationship is at the point of break up, you've in all likelihood missed the communication boat. Carrying it a step futher, if you're in a relationship of any duration (more than a year), and you're having trouble finding words to share with each other or you aren't comfortable talking to one another, then maybe, just maybe, you're with the wrong person. There is a big difference between comfortable silence and awkwardness.

Once again, debate if you must. My opinion is open for change. However, I think it may be time that we collectively as a society quit trying to force ourselves on those we supposedly love. Are we all too blind to see that a 50% divorce rate represents failure and creates a plethora of other problems for future generations to try to fix?

In my estimation only about 25% of those who marry have made the right decision. The ones who've found their "true love" and over time their love has grown and shown "staying power".

Sure they have challenges, maybe even significant rough patches, but for the most part they look inward first, communicate and realize that their love for one another is always paramount. Squeezing toothpaste is never an issue.

The rest of us are making counsellors and lawyers wealthy. I'd even go as far as saying that most of us don't know what "love" is and that we continually go around and chase after unsustainable "love highs." Then once we "crash" we start to look for flaws in our lovers and for a way out. We've all done it. It's time to stop. It's also time to stop as difficult as it may be, to trying to hold onto people who no longer want to be with you.

Instead go out and date. As many people as you need to. Don't have an agenda. Communicate. Work on yourself at all times. Listen. If you find the love waning look inwards first. If you decide that you "love" but are "not in love" exit stage right and don't look back. At least not till a significant amount of time passes.

If you are the dumper

Stick to your guns and break all contact. It is imperative that you do this if you love the person you've just devastated. If you don't your really being a selfish ____?

Give it just an ounce of thought: You've just trashed someone's heart and soul and they really need to find a way to come to terms with what has just happened. If you linger around, go to movies, dinner and try to "remain" friends with them, then you're in all reality fucking with their fragile hearts and stripping away their esteem. Quit being so selfish. They love you. They can't live without you. We get it and that's why you have to let them go.

What's that? You like the attention? That's what I figured.

Even if you have a tremendous fondness for the one you just dumped get away. If you don't you are showing zero respect and you're just leading them on. Regardless of how well they seem to be taking things continued contact fills their fragile minds with hope and prolongs the healing process.

One last thing: If you really want to continue spending time with your ex because they are so wonderful, loving, caring and on and friggen on, I have a suggestion for you: Go take a good hard look at yourself in a mirror and do a a self inventory.

When you're done with that inventory ask yourself: Why am I being so damn selfish and needy?

If you come to the conclusion that you still want to see your newly dumped ex, then I suggest change yourself and get back together. If they even want you back.

If you don't want to change or get back together and if they don't want you back, hug each other, say goodbye, get back to living and chalk this relationship off as bringing you one step closer to your last intimate relationship. If that's what you're looking for to begin with.

Don't let your ego cloud your mind, you've just dumped someone it's not your place to help pick up the pieces.

If you are the one dumped

I know it's hard but quit lying to yourself:

• He/she was not the love of your life.
• You will be able to live without your ex.
• If you can't live without your ex, may I suggest getting some serious help. You've got much bigger problems.
• You don't want to be "just friends."
• Quit doing things for your ex.
• It wasn't a perfect relationship.
• The song, restaurant, movie and whatever doesn't belong to you.
• Spending more time together will do little good.
• Love letters don't show love, they show manipulation and neediness. If you write too many of them welcome to the land of pathetic. If you continue to write them welcome to the land of restraining order.
• They are not the most beautiful/handsome person in the world.
• You may have been "through so much together," but did you ever take the time to think that "being through so much" is painfully tiring and may be the reason for the breakup.

Don't forget to give yourself some credit:

• If the sex was really that good: weren't you a part of it?
• You'll likely grow from the traumatic experience and in time move onto better more loving relationships.
• Your ex will likely continue to pursue short lived "love highs" and they won't grow until they're one day dumped themselves.
• If the "core" of you is strong, meaning: you're a well-rounded person who is ambitious, caring and loving, being dumped doesn't change that fact.
• You deserve to loved unconditionally.

And:

• Quit trying to hold on to something that no longer exists.
• Remember you loved this person and they are likely feeling a truck load of guilt for hurting you.
• Trust that they don't want to hurt.
• Understand that when "love" is involved it really doesn't matter what side of the coin you fall on, breaking-up sucks bat-dung and it is going to hurt.
• The dumper likely has dealt with the break up long before the dumped clues in or accepts the relationships demise.
• They've likely talked to friends, family, their pets and even strangers, wrestling with their decision and whether it is the right one or not.

It's now up to both parties to limit the pain and suffering. The best way is to avoid all contact if possible. In fact it may be imperative.

If you "really did love**" each other, now is the time to show it: let them walk away. If you don't, you don't really love them and perhaps you don't even love yourself.

Fortunately he/she were not the love of your life.

Let's all quit using the word "love" so freely. It really screws people up.

**Here's the thing: if you didn't love one another and you've been dumped and you are desperately trying to hold on to your lost love, you've got much bigger problems to deal with and I suggest getting some help to sort them out before you even consider another relationship.

If you follow these suggestions, maybe, just maybe, sometime down the road a new friendship can form with and old love interest. It’s unlikely, however, the only way it can possibly happen is if you both go away and change.

*There are a few exceptions to the break contact rule:

When children are involved.

• Business issues.
• Financial issues.
• Property issues.
• All of the above, plus…….
  

I’ve got one question for you: Who would possibly dump a Duchovny beating, Hestonesque looking passionate and ambitious man like moi?

Sorry one more question: Why do so many of us want to be with with people who no longer want us?

The question is rhetorical.

Remember you asked……

the seed

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 3

Hey Seed,

Quick follow up on Mr. X:

His "wife" is still trying to decide who she "truly" wants. She phones Doc. India and gets text messages on her cell and e-mails regularly. She has little or no contact with Mr. X (just "mail came for you..." and the like).

Mr. X told me during a long walk that he still loves her and can't just flip the switch and turn that off. He says that when you love you must not expect anything in return. And he says, although he feels disrespected and treated "as though she threw him out of the life boat and pulled Doc in" and deeply hurt, he still could forgive her (he wishes he could react aggressively and flip out about it, but he says that this just won't happen with him in this case).

He then said: "Then they could 'work on their problems' and 'solve' them together."

He says that he is a person who thinks things through and then presents his finished concept of how things should be. He says Mrs. X is the type of person who is proactive is a person who takes action and doesn't think about things so long. Mrs. X says that he lacks "drive". An important part of his love for her is that he accepts her "as she is" and he believes that she must learn to accept him "as he is".

I didn't say anything. I just listened to him. I wanted to slap him. When he was done I just asked one question: "She did know who you were before you got married?" (they were together for seven years).

That was the end of the conversation.

Do you have any advice for this situation? I am afraid there is nothing anyone can say or do to help him.

Best regards,

FIN

Dear FIN

You’ve done the best you can - now laugh. No, that’s the wrong advice. You have one responsibility here - if you’re a good friend - listen till exhaustion.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t give the odd bit of insight, from your perspective of course, on what a colossal waste of time your friends anguish is. ‘Cause it really is a waste of time.

The only thing you can really do now is be there for Mr. X. Maybe for Mrs. X too, if she is infinitely hot. But, if you are hanging for your shot, you suck as a friend. Really you do.

“Advice for this situation?”

That was your question. That illustrates to me that you don’t suck as a friend. Actually since you’ve been part and parcel to the novel on the life & times of Mr. X., I’m pretty sure that your intentions are pure. Mine aren’t. That is if she is really is as hot and insecure as the previous dialogue and banter indicates.

“Look, look, no really look over there! The sky is falling. Head’s up.”

SMASH!!!!!!

Thankfully, I was wearing a hardhat and steel toed boots or I might of expired.

The sky was really falling, for the third instance in the last 9 months a crane operator lost control of his crane. I’ve never lost control of my crane. Have you?

Sorry, I lied, there was that brief period where my crane……..

Back to the crane and the first time the rigging fell. Much like bungee jumping without the recoil, the crane operator lost his two-thousand pound rigging from twenty-three stories:

SMASH

A week later:

SMASH

The operators job ($75 per hour) came to an abrupt end. Apparently the ground dwelling members of the construction fraternity don’t take lightly to gear falling from the sky. I guess the boots and hat aren’t sufficient protection. Time to up the standards.

Back to the dilemma. Actually the second “back” in a short period of time. Actually again, when you "spank" some insight into the equation, you will realize that is the problem to begin with: Mrs. X’s love of being on her back. Her insecurities have led her to believe that she deserves to be fucking worshipped. She somehow has elevated herself to a status where when standing on her self aggrandized pedestal, very few have the combination to look up her skirt. Somehow she has developed a false sense of entitlement.

In reality, she deserves little, in fact, guy or gal, it doesn’t matter, if you are entertaining the genital drippings of several suitors at the same time, one descriptive word for you comes to mind: POPULAR.

Well maybe that’s not the right word: SLUT.

I’m not suggesting that Mrs. X is a slut.

• an offensive term for a woman thought to be sexually promiscuous.
• an offensive term for a woman who charges for engaging in sexual activities.
• an offensive term for a woman who is regarded as not concerned about conventional standards of domestic cleanliness (dated).

I’m offended now - my research led me to a land demeaning to women. Men can be sluts too. In fact, for a short period of time, back in my University days I may have been a…….

The point is: did a guy come up with the terminology?

I don’t think SLUT is gender specific. So in that spirit, let's put brackets around the (wo) and accept responsibility for our indiscretions.

If you’re single, without obligations or commitments, go ahead, swing for the fences, fiddle in the trenches -- enjoy your sexuality. Explore - explore - explore!

Just be a (wo)man about it and don’t hurt others. For fuck's sake we’re fragile. Our upbringing has ensured that. Once we accept our shortcomings, and only when we’ve accepted them, can we possibly venture out into “love pastures”. I think that may be the fatal flaw of life.

Life screws us up. Hell - heaven - hell - heaven - hell - living hell - ah living heaven.

Much better.

We’re individuals thrust into society’s homogenized adaptation of living.

-

We’re being conditioned to conform to conformity. Basically: to buy shit.

And, the thing is, no "shit" can possibly be perfect.

At the end of the day, and it all, we’re individuals. In all likelihood our pooh smells.

Mrs. X is “trying” to decide who she “truly” wants -- what a bitch.

Mr. X, I feel for you, I felt for you, I’ve gushed at your heartache, but, but, but, but you’re quickly becoming a poster child for the blind.

If you continue down the path your on, the only way we’ll be able to understand you is if we touch the bumps on your tongue.

Listen to yourself: “Freeze frame” “Freeze frame”.

Out eighties. Out J. Geils.

Now let’s try again: picked up your mail lately?

Text, emails, phone calls, sounds like the page is turning and your not on next. The problem is you want to be. You fucking pine to be. You’ve convinced yourself that, that is the only thing that makes logical sense. Quit lawyering.

You think that you have “shared so much together”.

You think “we can’t throw away such a good thing”.

So your agenda has become to force, force, force………

We can "work" on things together. We’re meant to be. I believe in you baby. I really believe in you baby.

PUKE

The thing is: thinking is messy and never leads to the land of Dr. Moreau.

What I mean is the only way to find a solution is to stop thinking. Sounds nuts right?

It isn’t. If you become consumed with something, anything, the best way to salvation is to put it aside. To stop looking at it. If you don’t - you’ll obsess. You’ll risk becoming what you’ve been obsessing about. Conformity. I know it’s confusing. I drink beer.

Working for Mrs. X. is: looking hot, the second that changes she may have to evolve. The choice is not hers to make. Fortunately, probably non PC, her value will shrink as her age increases. Her sexy, saucy, seductive and sultry ways will rapidly turn from fox to cougar and the suitor holding the bag when that happens will be chewed up and spat out, likely left to raise a unwanted love child as part of the program.

I hope I’m wrong.

Spot apologizing Seed.

Sorry.

Stop apologizing Seed.

This chapter's conclusion:

Love is fucking stupid. That is when it is wrong. People who love each other make the odd mistake, but they don’t drag one another through crap. It is not supposed to be so hard.

Mrs. X. is flawed. Those who love her need to step aside and let her sort out her life. She’ll probably miss the “sort out” boat and continue to “use” until she grows claws and fangs and she joins the "I’m a bitch/cougar parade" with lipstick on her teeth.

With the sales pitch: “Love me. I used to be hot.”

She’ll probably live a life full of luxury and emptiness.

Working on the relationship for her simply means: not getting caught. That is, until she upgrades.

Face reality the current version of Mrs. X or "Trash Gold Digging Love Tramp" if you prefer: is flawed and likely not capable of love. If you continue your delusional pursuit guess what? Before you know it you’ll become a flawed lover as well. Good only to the desperate, needy and flawed. Breaking free really is your only option. Ask yourself this question:

Why are you leaving your future in the hands of a liar and a cheater? You do understand that is what your doing?

Now wake up and use your brain. You made it through law school - do you want to make it through life - happy.

A Seed Insight

Quit being stupid. Seriously, I mean it people. We all do it. It creates scintillating drama on a regular basis. We all think our situation is different. We all take the love indiscretions of our mates so damn personally internalizing our heartache with the delusion that they really didn’t mean to hurt us. How could they, we are such fantastic men and women that surely their trashy behavior must be a mistake. We over-romanticize our relationships. We have illusions of perfection. We forgive.

Though we don’t admit it, our mind tricks us into believing in some way the straying is really due to our own shortcomings. This strips away our esteem.

If we continue down this road, we’ll eventually become bitter, jaded and broken. The further down Blithering Lane we go results in our baggage handlers growing increasingly tired of our refusal to accept the crystal clear reality of the situation and one by one you’ll find them falling by the wayside. If the stupidity continues for too long the handlers will all be gone and the carry on baggage of life will exceed weight restrictions and long bouts of expensive therapy may be the only respite to the dismay.

As hard as this is to accept: cheaters while in the form of a cheater don’t deserve our love. It’s not our fault that they cheat. They cheat because they aren’t capable of loving. Argue this point till your blue in the face if you want. I know that cheaters will. Their character is at stake.

Claim it is human nature to stray. Claim it is forgivable. Claim that people make mistakes. Sometimes we have to, to protect our hearts. Sometimes being in love really sucks. Fuck - claim that it is not a big deal. Maybe I’m the delusional one. Maybe it is no big deal.

SMACK

Wake up, Seed. Wake up, World. It is. Accept it if you want. Work on your relationships if you think that you can’t live without the cheater. Forgive them. Maybe you are the exception. I hope that you are. But it is more likely that you're not and your acceptance of betrayal shouts out: I deserve to be treated like shit! Is that what you want?

Fortunately for Mr. X there are no kids involved. That would cloud issues more and make Mrs. X even a bigger selfish slut. He really needs to step aside. He needs to forgive her and realize it wasn’t his fault. He really needs to learn to find a way to cope, to cherish the good and pursue something richer and more fulfilling for his future. He needs to accept that the current version of Mrs. X doesn’t meet the criteria.

It’s time to reduce the divorce rate. It is time to reduce the number of needy children running around from broken homes.

QUIT TRYING TO STAY IN MESSED UP RELATIONSHIPS. MOST OF THE TIME IF A RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES A LOT OF WORK, IF INFIDELITY IS INVOLVED, IF YOU ARE NOT SURE, IF YOU ARE NOT SURE AND IF YOU ARE NOT SURE, TAKE A DEEP BREATH. LOOK AT YOURSELF FIRST AND IF YOU DON’T THINK THE SPARK AND MAGIC WILL RETURN - PART COMPANY. IT’S NOT WORTH IT AND YOUR LOVE INTEREST IS NOT ‘THE ONE“.

SERIOUSLY! THIS WAY COUNSELORS AND DIVORCE LAWYERS CAN HAVE A BIT OF A BREAK FROM THEIR HECTIC SCHEDULES DUE TO LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR BEST INTERESTS (tongue firmly in cheek). UNLESS OF COURSE YOU’RE THE ONE EXCEPTION AND YOUR CHEATING MATE REALLY DID MAKE A MISTAKE. AND, THEY TRIPPED AND CHEATED BY ACCIDENT. AND, THEY DO TRULY (see brackets above) LOVE YOU.

YOU’RE NOT. THE EXCEPTION THAT IS.

end insight.

The problem is our neediness makes us vulnerable and that vulnerability leads to neediness which in turn results in babies. And the world turns…….

"FIN" all you can do is listen. I suggest while wearing headphones (I-pod people you may advertise here), until Mr. X bores, becomes bitter and jaded or……….

Finally, love is great, priceless if you will, if you find it you’ll know. If you do hold on.

However, without respect there can be no love and if you’re disrespected let it go -- or, make a shirt with WELCOME on the front and lie down.

Remember you asked

the seed

(to be continued)

Her cheatin’ heart/Seed’s Rebuttal

Look at this drivel:

This was one of the featured articles on the MSN homepage:.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=3187&menuid=6&TrackingID=516163&BannerID=558930

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It really is time for Ask Seed to rise to the forefront.

Seed would like to ask you, the Ask Seed readers, to help us to build awareness and a “cult” following.

We may not always be right, however, we promise to entertain and give some food for thought.

In my opinion, the advice given in the above article is marginal at best. I know that we are all entitled to our opinions, however, I’m tired of people accepting mediocrity and trying to fit square pegs into round holes.

The point: if you’re willing to stray, to hurt the ones you supposedly “love”, you really have no business being in a relationship. If you can’t keep it in your pants, and I can’t stress this loud enough:

SEED PSA

You’re not with the love of your life. If you were, you wouldn‘t be willing to throw it all away for a romp with a co-worker named Pepe.

If society followed this formula, we’d have fewer bad marriages, less divorce and not as many needy children running around searching for love. Eventually repeating the cycle for all time to come.

Cheatees, it’s time to accept the fact: CHEATER’S DON’T LOVE YOU. They can’t. They’re flawed lovers. I know it sucks to hear this and it is even harder to accept. Their selfishness (neediness) clouds their minds to the point that they only think of themselves. (There may be “exceptions” - I just haven’t met one yet).

Put your ego aside, I know it hurts and we need to believe that we’re good people. “PP,“ your girl didn’t trip, she cheated and now she wants you to buy her performance. I’m not buying it.

If you want to be a doormat - take her back and tattoo "WELCOME" across your chest.

To read more on Seed’s take on cheating click on the following link to the article:

No excuse for all that

http://seedenterprises.blogspot.com/2005/08/weve-been-published-again.html

If you are interested in reading more of Seed & Euro Seed’s views on: Love, life and relationships, pick up a copy of their book: Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular).

For details visit: www.seedenterprises.com

End PSA

Photo commentary:

.

If you can’t poke fun at yourself and desperately try to hold on to your fleeting youth (insert unstoppable laughter), then can I ask you an uncomplicated question: What fun is life?

The above picture is intended to do just that. It is also intended to make you think: "could it really be gig…?”

Admit it: you're wondering. You may also find yourself wondering: “Where did the light come from?”

Back to the rebuttal:

The "bitch" cheated and immediately came clean so she can (pause) "cheat" again? How noble of her.

(If it was a guy doing the cheating: “bastard.”)

Sorry takes time. You can’t be grunting in the throes of passion one moment and hours later be apologizing for those grunts.

The only way for “PP” and “Bitch” to ever have a chance is if he dumps her. That’s probably what she wants him to do. Her performance, though good, was likely a test of his backbone, and if he buys into it, sure they’ll get back together, but it is only a matter of time before he’s kicked to the curb.

I envision it now: “I apologized, why do you keep bringing it up. If you can’t accept my apology and forgive me, I can’t be with you. Goodbye.”

He’ll end up being the bad guy.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: nobody wants to be with a pushover.

I don’t know, when I’m really in love and I don’t want to lose my lover, I go out and bang a co-worker in a weak, needy moment. Sounds like another “tripping accident“. Don’t buy it. Cheating is not an accident, tripping is. Unless that tripping is on magic mushrooms or other hallucinogenic substances. In that case -- not an accident.

One of my cheating ex’s had me so concerned that they’d hurt themselves that in my neediness, I actually bought the performance.

Guess what?

“What?”

I didn’t mean that literally.

Later, I counted the notches on the bedpost.

Sure, people can change, but c’mon, she hadn’t even washed away the co-worker's DNA and she’s already pleading her case. “Bitch” may not be strong enough. She could at least shower before she “comes” clean.

It’s like Osama coming clean immediately after a terrorist strike and then asking us to forgive him.

“'Death to America!!!!' Umm, sorry….. Oops, I made a mistake. Please forgive me.”

Nice performance, he thought she might hurt herself. Why? Because he is such a stud and she loves him so much that she banged a co-worker. I did a web search, banging co-workers is just easy, meaningless sex.

How pathetic. If he buys the BS.

If he does, PP’s ego must be in the stratosphere.

And to top it off, the advice suggests the possibility of working on it 100%. Sounds like he's going to be asked to change to meet her needs. And if he does, she'll promise not to stray. Once again, how noble of her.

(Insert salivating counselors.)

Anyway, I don‘t normally get my feathers ruffled by other columnists, however, I think it is time to stop the proliferation of "telling the broken-hearted what we think they want or need to hear."

‘Cause, guess what?

“What?”

Stop taking me literally. I don’t think the broken-hearted truly want to hear: “what we think they want to hear.” If someone asks you for your opinion I believe we have a responsibility not to mince words. I believe in this case the advice does exactly that: mince words.

“Rebuild the foundation.” You can’t rebuild what doesn’t exist.

Props for telling “PP” to put your feelings first. Yet, remember this “PP“, you didn’t stray, you’ve got nothing to work on. At least not in this particular instance. Don’t allow anyone to hint that this was your fault in any way. Working on it 100% comes precariously close to suggesting that you have some responsibility in this infidelity.

Bleeding hearts may be screaming:

• What if he wasn’t giving her enough attention?
• What if he wasn’t caring enough?
• What if he was abusive?
• What if the last gift he gave her really sucked?
• What if he wasn’t good enough in bed?
• What if he doesn’t earn enough?
• What if he……..?

All crap.

If any of these are reality in a relationship --- get out of the relationship before you drop your gear. Have the courage to walk away.

What’s that?

Oh yeah, you’re a cheater. Translation: a coward. Probably: a liar. Why would we expect more?

One last thought: Why do we encourage this abusive, mediocre behavior? She didn't make a mistake. She knew what she was doing and now she can't even handle the guilt, so she decided to really hurt the one she "supposedly" loves: by "coming clean".

North America - hell - the World: don’t accept infidelity!

There is no excuse. Feel free to argue and debate this point. I’m ripe for my opinion to be changed.

While arguing, I ask you to do one thing. Listen to those who argue that there are “exceptions” to the rule, the ones who claim that there are times when cheating may be acceptable, listen closely: could they be……..

If “PP” is stupid enough to take her back, I suggest: wear condoms.

Regards,

.

Seed

.
Lindsay Wincherauk (aka: the seed) is co-author of the critically acclaimed book: Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular).

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Though he hasn’t played with Janet Jackson or the Digable Planets -- he has with himself -- sometimes twice in the same day.

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As mentioned earlier, we’d like to solicit your help in finding a “cult” following for Ask Seed. We’d really dig any help you can with helping us to achieve that goal.

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For more information visit: http://www.seedenterprises.com/ and click on the “Ask Seed” link.

Question 19 The origins of seed…..

Hello Fans!

I’m not absolutely certain if you’re fans or not, however, I just want to extend you a friendly hello.

It would be really cool if you were fans - I promise to keep my ego in check.

Hopefully you’ve enjoyed: The Infinite Saga of Mr. X: Part 1 & 2. We promise to deliver Part 3 in the near future.

In the meantime we’ve decided to field a question regarding the origins of Seed’s nickname. Complete with a riveting story of suspense and violence. Scroll down to be entertained.

We also hope you’ve been enjoying the Photography & Art Work.

We’ve yet to announce a winner in our first contest. Check our website for contest details, just click on http://www.seedenterprises.com/ .

To help you along here are some clues:

1. It’s the countries' border crossing.
2. Look at a map.
3. Sitges and Paris.

Good luck!

Remember: you don’t have to send your address with your answer - we’ll request it if you’re the winner.

Question 19 The origins of seed…..

Why the seed?

I've only been to 3 countries. I haven't written any books, but I have written some pretty witty stuff in cards to my friends. I have been in 5 weddings, and I have 5 godchildren. I am fluent in two languages, but I know dirty words in a couple more.

Again...Why the seed?

Judi

Dear Judi

Construction Turf War

*Warning - Warning - Warning - Warning*

The following dialogue may be considered to be highly offensive. It is a profanity-laced ditty. The events detailed are 100% true with no embellishment at all. The story is not for the faint of heart and I recommend not reading it if you are offended by the F-Bomb, because it literally is in the story every couple of words.

The story is definitely NOT suitable for children.

F-bomb meter - 50.

Continue reading at your own risk. You’ve been warned.

The story was too fascinating to overlook as one simply could not write stuff this juicy.

Enjoy!

---------------

The Setting

The loading dock of a high-end furniture store on a dark, damp, overcast Thursday afternoon. Light drizzle was falling. A biting chill accompanied the constant breeze.

(this was not the day)

The loading dock had been rendered useless, as a luxury condo development was being erected behind the furniture store. The developer had closed off the road and was in the process of turning it into part of the development and a city street. Thus, no access for the delivery drivers. Creating a situation of frustration, as heavy pieces of furniture were now being hauled to the store from a block away. Which, by the way, really, really sucks.

The Cast

Me (the seed).

Devilishly handsome. Virile. Sexy in a saucy way. A combination of George Clooney, pre-nuts Tom Cruise, Mark Harmon and the Domino Pizza Noid. A true leading man. In this instance relegated to a bystander. An observer of the human condition.

Much more on Seed and his whimsy self later.

Construction Dude 1

Rugged, rough, gruff and unpolished. About 6’ 3”. 35 years of age. Packing all the tools of the trade. In the neighborhood of 200 lbs. Fit not fat. His voice was not angelic, instead, a bit like Kim Carnes with a notch or two of more edge to it. I’m positive that he’s smoked his fair share of Export A’s and when done with his fags, he likely eats the filters washing them down with scotch. He has definitely maimed before. Without question, he has been behind bars.

At one time he may have been a Momma’s boy; that is, until he buried her.

Construction Dude 2

Dude Number 1’s protégé. Silent and worshipping. 30 years old. Fantasizes about Dude 1’s tools. Around 5’ 11” when not on his knees. Fortunately he has knee pads. Would like to star in Brokeback Condo - Erecting High-rise. He just can’t quit Dude 1.

Delivery Driver 1

Stupid. Give him a chance and he’ll show you. Vocabulary limited. 6’ 2”, Persian and slight in stature, maybe 175 lbs. Confrontational to a fault. Basically doesn’t give a damn. Around 37, on his current program of angst he probably won’t make it to 40. Really annoying.

Delivery Driver 2

5’7, 160 lbs. Silent, however, he packs a verbal punch. May have an opportunity for an acting award. Despite his slight stature, he has a smooth calm convincing tone to his dialogue. Out of nowhere he becomes the star of this Off-Broadway production. Will be cast in the leading role in future productions. Brilliantly funny.

Site Superintendent - Kidder

Nuts. Very entertaining. Did I say nuts? About 5’ 7”, 220 lbs. Shaved head. Pointy Goatee. “Pointy birds, pointy birds, anoint my head anoity noity, I love those pointy birds.” Walks sort of like a penguin. Did I say very entertaining and nuts? He is of South African, Middle Eastern, Russian, Scottish, Irish, Norwegian, Thai and Egyptian descent. Or something like that. He explained it once and I found myself confused. His voice somewhat gruff with a cool Isaac Hayes quality to it only with a fresh South African professor feel to it. Starts sentences often with: “Sir, you must understand…."

A true character.

Act 1

Action….

I really just want to put this day behind me and close this chapter of my life. Moving furniture really sucks. I’ve been slugging away at it for 9 months now and constant exhaustion has become part of life’s equation for quite some time. The JOB recently entered the almost unbearable stage with the closure of the roadway and loading dock, as we were now being forced to haul oversized, overstuffed furniture from a block away. Don’t buy the propaganda, moving sofa beds really does lick rats' asses. And, not the upscale, sultry, sexy rats of Yaletown, but, instead the festering, diseased-laden rats of the Downtown Eastside.

I just want the last 4 hours of this day to end so I can bid farewell to my co-workers and hoist a few pints symbolizing the end of helping my friends move. I’ve actually been practicing: “No.”

The question: “Can you help me move?”

The rain was spitting down. I’ve got 4 chairs to saran wrap for delivery and 4 hours to kill and then: freedom. “Please no big deliveries. Please. Please. Pretty Please.”

A delivery truck has ignored the cordoned off street and started to back into the dock. “Damn it. Please don’t let the truck be for us. Please. Please. Please. Pretty Please.”

Construction Dude 1

(Ferociousness in his tone).

“Fuck! Hey you fucking idiots! You can’t park your fucking truck there! Move your fucking truck right fucking now morons!! Didn’t you see the fucking street is fucking cordoned off? You can’t fucking park there. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck………

Construction Dude 2

Attached to Dude 1’s hip pocket. Gazing into his eyes with a glimmer of love in his heart. Mystified by Dude 1’s intellectual dialogue. Thinks: “Where did I leave my knee pads?”

Delivery Driver 1

(Hands thrown in the air. Waves them around like he just don’t care).

“Fuck you! Fuck you! I’ve got to do this fucking delivery. How are we supposed to fucking deliver shit?"

Construction Dude 1.

“The fucking road is closed fuckhead. You can’t fucking be here.”

Delivery Driver 1

(Unfazed).

“We’re going to deliver this shit. You can’t fucking stop us. We need 5 fucking minutes.”

Delivery Driver 2

Silently exits truck and with Driver 1 picks up his end of a bed headboard and starts carrying it towards me.

Hello. What happened to hello? Is profanity the new way to greet people? It seems a tad aggressive.

“Hey, you can’t park there.” Or: “The road is closed off for now.”

Who am I kidding? A “fuck” tirade is way more civilized and pleasant. When you give it a little thought: “Hello” is really rude and vulgar.

So much for breezing through the end of my furniture career. So, what did I do? Nothing, I just listened. No fucking way was I going to get involved with this crew. Saran wrapping a chair had somehow become blissful and safe. I quickly deduced that taking the roll of Switzerland was the most prudent path. Could someone please bring me a soda and some popcorn, cause, if Act 2 is anything like Act 1, this stuff is gold. Reality is truly greater than fiction. All you have to do is watch and listen. Gems popping up from every direction.

Act 2

Action…….

Construction Dude 1.

(Anger intensified and somewhat more refined. How fun was that to type? REFINED):

“You lying piece of fucking shit. You said 5 fucking minutes. Fucking fuck! No really fucking fuck. Get your fucking piece of fucking shit fucking truck out of here right fucking now. Fuck."

Construction Dude 2.

Speechless, love gaze intensified, putting on his knee pads and complete with a tear forming in the corner of his eye. He drifts off into daydream land: "One day. One day we’ll cement our love. Dude 1 is a goddess. He’s so gentle. So dreamy. So latherable. One day he’ll be mine."

Construction Dude 1.

“Get your fucking truck out of here right fucking now!”

Moves closer to the delivery drivers. Invades their space, so to speak.

“I’m serious. Move your fucking truck now. Get your fucking truck and your $10 dollar an hour, pansy-assed fucking jobs out of here right the fuck now. I fucking mean it. You and your pansy assed jobs. We’ve got $150 per hour fucking machines that we need to get in here. RIGHT FUCKING NOW."

Good, it seems to be calming down. The combatants seem to have found tranquility and I’m certain they’ll be hanging out and laughing later. Really, don’t you think? I think I’ll saran wrap this chair for a wee bit longer. I love saran wrapping chairs. Where’s my popcorn?

I feel a plot twist coming. I can’t wait.

Delivery Driver 2

(Absolute confidence in his calm tone. No fear. No hesitation. Simply a beautiful delivery. Complete with Construction Dude 1 and Dude 2 glued to Dude 1’s ass. Surprise. Surprise. Dude 1 and 2 are now only a few feet from Driver 2):

“The only person I know who makes $10 an hour is your fucking cunt whore wife when she’s blowing me and other guys.”

Did I hear him correctly?

How cool is this? On my last day I’m going to witness a murder. "Fuck" just isn’t going to cut it anymore. Strangely, I’m not afraid. This certainly must be part of the play. More saran wrap for the chair. Where’s my popcorn? Somebody will be dying today. There is no other option. $10 per hour, seems cheap - I wonder if she’s hot? Hmmm. Maybe I’ll ask Dude 1 for her number when he’s being put into the police car.

Construction Dude 1

Words were eluding him now. Even "fuck" was absent. Temple veins were throbbing. Quite freaky actually. I was sure they were going to explode. The special effects crew were doing a stellar job. Seriously, pulse, pulse, pulse……PULSE. Explosion on the horizon.

He started to lunge towards Driver 2 reaching for the appropriate death-inflicting tool.

Dude 2 was also reaching for his tool. Thoughts of prison showers were dancing in his mind.

Confirming my earlier thoughts: Someone will be dying shortly.

Delivery Driver 2

(Either this guy has the biggest balls on the planet or he is the stupidest man ever born. With the same calmness in his voice. Placing his hands in his pockets. Construction Dude 1 is now only arms length away):

“What are you going to do about it: BITCH.”

The confrontation ended. Death averted. Somehow Driver 2 had found the combination for survival and his words defused the situation. Could Dude 1 really be a "bitch"? Did he suddenly realize that this 5’ 7” driver may actually be certifiable? The whole event was a thing of beauty. One can’t make shit like this up.

The participants were free to retreat back to their lives to likely boast of their fierce bravado. “I just about kicked his fucking ass. Those guys were lucky I didn’t kill them. They didn’t stand a fucking chance.”

The point: what a pathetic display of manhood. I was embarrassed for guys. Highly entertained, but embarrassed. I wonder if his wife is hot - $10 is very tempting.

The Aftermath

Enter Kidder

“Sir, you must understand that these guys are violent. Sir, most of them have done time. You see, the government encourages developers to hire criminals by giving them subsidies. The more violent the crime - the bigger the government grant. Some of these guys have murdered their wives. You don’t want to mess with them. If they sense weakness, they assume fag and they think fags have no right to live.”

Poor Dude 2.

Seed

“I must tell you, that was very entertaining, Dude 1 surprisingly didn’t fulfill his role and kill.”

“Did you script that scene? It was great.”

Kidder

“Sir, you must understand that I’ve got to keep my eyes on 500 of these hooligans. Often I’m required to mop up spilled blood and cover up violence. Criminal construction workers and the rich gay men who move into these developments are a toxic broth. Sir, you must understand, it is my job to hide the splatters of blood. We’re just lucky that sanity prevailed here today.”

Exit Kidder, penguin strides and all.

What a brilliant character he is. He always finds a way to bring a smile to my face. Not that I condone violence. I don’t. I’m just not sure that his stories hold water. They can’t: can they?

I once mentioned to Kidder that I saw him on the street at 2:30 am with a lady friend to which he replied:

“Sir, you must understand, several people on this planet would like to see me dead. If you ever see me on the street, stay clear, or you may become the victim of residual violence. Sir, you must understand, if you approach me and you are not hit by a stray bullet, I’ll likely take you out myself as my defenses are always up away from the site. Sir, you must understand, it’s nothing personal.”

Why the Seed?

To tell you the truth - I don’t really know.

Aren’t you relieved that I’ve chosen to tell you the truth as opposed to lying through my teeth.

Aren’t you even more relieved that I have teeth. I know I am. However, for some strange reason I periodically worry about them.

I’m going to assume that when you asked the question you were referring to how my nickname came to be.

I’m thrilled that you read the About the Authors information from my first book: Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories. Hopefully my life experiences have provided you with a touch of insight, laughter and snippets of where my wisdom comes from.

As for the nickname: I wasn’t the one who “coined” it. A dear friend Vern Balogh came up with it. Therefore, he is the only one who knows of its origins. All I know is that I like it and that it stuck. Since approximately 1986 I’ve been known as the Seed.

Vern on the other hand is lucky one of his nicknames didn’t stick. For awhile he was known as Vemmy J. Babah. Though catchy - it was unwanted. Regardless, of how it is said, Vemmy J. doesn’t have a sweet ring to it. The origin of his unwarranted name was the product of a typo on his Red Cross safety card. I know when being administered first-aid, if the attendant introduced himself as "Mr. Babah" I’d likely pee myself.

As for Seed - I can only speculate. I'd like it to remain a bit of a mystery. Allowing the readers to form their own opinions and conclusions. By reading little vignettes from my life and absorbing some of my hopefully sage advice and wisdom you’ll be able to speculate on my character and formulate your own verdict.

As for the speculation.

Well, perhaps it has something to do with sexual prowess and virility.

“One time at band camp……..”

Or maybe, it has a more of a horticultural feel.

“Planting the Seed.”

Wait - that may be sexual as well.

Could time and age be part of the mystery?

“Seeds of time.”

If it was, that would certainly be "way cool". Screaming of infinite wisdom and astonishing pleasure.

“Astonishing pleasure - what does that have to do with wisdom and time?”

Nothing really, I really just wanted to illustrate a point and that point is: 95% of all massages leads to sex.

“Ok - I’m having a tough time following you. Why are we talking about massage? I thought we were talking about your nickname and time. Weren’t we? And, what the hell does Construction Turf War have to do with your nickname?”

Again: nothing. It was simply a "way cool" story. Don’t you think? Well don’t you? As for the nickname: I don’t know. I do like it though.

If you really need to find out, ask Vemmy J. Babah.

Remember you asked

the seed

There you have it. Another installment of Ask Seed. We hope we’ve made you think and that we’ve brought a smile to your face.

We’d love to hear from you. Feel free to drop us a line at askseed@hotmail.com or by commenting below.

Don’t forget to enter our contest.

Most important: Treat the ones you love like gold and all others with kindness.

Let’s all do our part to make the world a better place!

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 2

Additional Details

Hey Express Seed,

You rock - thank you for the insightful and quick answer!

A good friend of mine once told me that "no unsolicited advice" is one of the most important maxims regarding conversations with friends and acquaintances.

I totally agree with your conclusions (especially at the end that it is "out of his hands").

He went to India fearing the worst. Arrived. His wife denied any cheating whatsoever. Wife later breaks down, admits spending tons of time with Dr. India and "only kissing" him. Has "fallen in love" with him. Mr. X says "fuck". What can he do? He is presented with the cold, hard facts.

He loves her, she say she loves him (Mr. X), but as he (I think rightly) points out, after eight years now together, "comfort" can sometimes be mistaken for "love". They spent the first few days together. Doc India sent her "15 text messages" on her cell every day. Regardless of where Mr. and Mrs. X were, she was "somewhere else". That was enough for Mr. X. He made it clear that this could not go on....

Character points for Mr. X: He says he loves her, he wants to share his "life journey" with her BUT only if she honestly loves him, as in the case of love it must go both ways. He doesn't want to spend his life with a woman, whom he loves, yet who pines after other men and isn't happy.

He did not get angry, did not yell or swear. Mr. X said: "You must decide."

She said: "I can't decide now."

They had planned a vacation to Goa (great beaches) for rest and relaxation together.

http://www.goa-beach.com/

She said: "Go alone."

He said: "Fine."

He went to Goa on his own, got the flu and was torn by anguish. She stayed in Delhi, hung with Dr. India and fucked him.

Mr. X came back. Found out she had sex with the other guy and said: "Fuck." Once again, what can he do? Moved into a different hotel.

His wife didn't call and he had time just to sit and think. When the day came, where they were supposed to fly back together, she still didn't call. She couldn't be reached.

He went to the airport. He looked everywhere. Of course she wasn't there. He then called her on her cell. No, she wouldn't be flying back today. She is staying for a few days. She does not know if she "loves" Dr. India, she has "fallen" for him. He is an assistant at Harvard, will become Professor there in 30 years. Blah blah blah. He has "more drive" than Mr. X.

A bit of the inadequacy trip again.....

Mr. X says he will not wait in India for her and will not be "second fiddle". He says "later" and flies home.

She follows three days later. One call - she still doesn't know where she stands. If he (Mr. X) expects her to "fight for him" and their relationship, well she can't right now and does not want to. He replies it must be reciprocal.

She is going away for "2 weeks" to clear her head.

Mr. X says, even if they do get back together, this episode will always there. At least in the back of his mind.

He truly loves her. "Love must be reciprocal," he repeats.

It is indeed no longer in his hands.

Thanks Again,

A Friend in Need

P.S. He has remained very strong throughout this episode, for which he accredits his belief in God. He is not a religious nut, just someone with his beliefs. Religious or not, he has behaved remarkably well. Of course, you are right when you say he will not want to hear some things.

He is definitely scarred by the events - who wouldn't be? This is noticeable in his mantra-like sayings: "Every second marriage ends in divorce, every second couple cheats on one another. If we didn't cheat on each other and never ever thought of doing so, then we would have never lived honestly."

Fine. I would like to think that if I marry, cheating isn't normal. But maybe, sadly, he is right.
-

In any case, a fucked-up situation.

You’re Welcome Friend in Need

The flock of Seeds here at Seed Headquarters genuinely appreciate every question and rebuttal we receive. Without them, we would be spewing out opinions to a host of imaginary people created in less than lucid intervals.

-

Therefore, we can’t thank you enough for having faith in us and giving us a opportunity to step into your lives and to offer some perspective taken from our lives.

Why do we do this?

Because:

1. We care.
2. We want to make you laugh.
3. We want to make you think.
4. We want to make a difference.
5. We want to change perspective.
6. We want to hone our comedic and writing skills.
7. We want a pony.
8. Thinking helps to slow down Alzheimer's.
9. We would like to make a reasonable living for ourselves.
10. We care.

There you have it - it really is that straightforward.

“FIN”, as I said I really do feel for your friend. What a ghastly position to be in. Mr. X’s loving wife traveled down a marital road that can only lead to one place: Marital Purgatory. Actually, maybe two places, the other: A Marital Holding ground somewhere between purgatory and endless counseling sessions.

I imagine it going something like this (Seed's hands placed on his chin with an inquisitive look in his eyes, looking up to the heavens):

Counselor Money Bags: “Mrs. X: why did you feel the need to stray?”

Mrs. X (fake tears due to being caught): “I don’t know.”

Counselor Money Bags: “It is ok - you can open up, no judgment here.”

Mrs. X (now weeping): I was weak. I felt trapped. The excitement was missing from our marriage (assuming no responsibility for the waning excitement). Dr. India is so interesting and charismatic. I really love Mr. X but I don’t know anymore what I want. I feel trapped. I’m an Attention Wh... Life is so complicated right now. I had a flat tire. There was a flood. I’m a bitch. A plane crash. I was carjacked. I tripped. Dr. India tripped and fell on top of me. It wasn’t my fault."

Mr. X: Silence.

Mrs. X (intensifying the performance): I really love you. I don’t want to lose you. (tears flowing freely - I’m sensing an Oscar). I just don’t know anymore Snookums. I really don’t want to hurt you. I’m a bad person. Forgive me. I really love you. This is all my fault.

Counselor Money Bags: “I feel we made tremendous progress. I think additional counseling will really help you guys get in touch with your feelings and help you to communicate and let each other know what you need. Don’t you think so?”

Mrs. X (out of a feeling of guilt): “I think so too.”

Counselor Money Bags: “Great then - I think 10 more sessions will do the trick. You can make your blank cheque out to……”

Mr. X (only in his mind): "Get fucking Dr. India to pay for the counseling, cheating bitch...."

Mr. X (reality): (Silently reaches for a pen. )

I feel counseling is a lot like police work. Honorable, but often too late, the crime has already been committed and now it is time to aid the suffering by helping them pick up the broken pieces of their devastated lives.

It is a growth business - a great place to be if you can stomach all of the friggen heartache. Big money lies ahead for this industry thanks to society, divorce, a lack of morals and values and generations of children coming from broken homes.

Meaning: learn for yourself or from the TV, mom and dad are too busy.

Divorced parents = divorced children. At least, most of the time.

And, with a bunch of kids running around from broken homes the whole ball game has entered one continuous loop. If it continues long enough, welcome to a world of: “suppressed emotions - destroyed esteem - and deteriorating moral fibre.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no sexual Saint, I just came to the conclusion early that hurting others because of selfish neediness and the quest for the “money shot” isn’t worth it - that is, putting one's soul at stake.

I know I’m a foolish, hopeless romantic. And a virgin. One day, I hope I trip.

Continuing with the rant: in my opinion counseling is a sport for the individual. It is something to enter into before you commit to any relationship. Or, if you find yourself in a relationship and have the urge to stray, to smoke crack, to swim with sharks, to wear socks with sandals, to masturbate on Japanese tourists, to………

It definitely has its place. It definitely can help us all deal with the issues that have been thrust upon us by parental and societal shortcomings. In fact: I believe that it would be best if all High School and Post Secondary students were required to take counseling sessions every year to meet graduation requirements. I’m serious.

I also feel that everyone who is heading down the marriage path needs to enter into individual sessions before a marriage certificate is issued.

What I’m saying is: Get your house order. Embark on major renovations if you have to. Just don’t fuck someone else up by your neediness.

Is this at all possible? Who’d pay for it? My socks are dirty.

Probably not - dare to dream. I don’t know - dare to dream. Quit wearing sandals with your socks. I don’t understand why you hate socks so much?

Enough of the off-topic, but, strangely topical banter. Back to the meat.

Go-go music really makes us dance
Do the pony puts us in a trance
Do the Watusi just give us a chance
That's when we fall in line

We got the beat
We got the beat
We got the beat
Yeah!
We got the beat

Get out of my head Go Gos.

Depositions and Diagnosis

Mrs. X

Mrs. X cheated - the reason ultimately doesn’t matter. That makes her a cheater. To make matters worse, for whatever reason, maybe guilt - more likely selfishness, when caught - she chose to lie. That makes her a liar and a cheater. She may “have loved" Mr. X and may actually have a fondness in her heart for him, but the love in all likelihood had turned to comfort quite some time ago.

Her mistake: she entered into marriage with someone whom she no longer “truly” loved. She probably knew she had a great thing, nonetheless, the spark had been slowly flickering out and by agreeing to marriage she not only lied to herself, but, in reality she set up Mr. X for failure and heartache.

Despite her combination of beauty and intelligence it seems that she neglected evolving as a person and when the opportunity arose to up her social standing she thought only of herself. In my estimation regardless of the good times of the past, she destroyed all of it by being a calculating, manipulative, attention seeking and cowardly black widow.

In time the Karma Gods and……..

The dream police, they live inside of my head.
The dream police, they come to me in my bed.
The dream police, they're coming to arrest me, oh no.
You know that talk is cheap, and those rumors ain't nice.
And when I fall asleep I don't think I'll survive the night, the night.

'cause they're waiting for me.
They're looking for me.
Ev'ry single night they're driving me insane.
Those men inside my brain.

…….the dream police will take care of her deception.

Dr. India

Smart, ambitious and driven. In today’s consumer driven world he definitely would be considered a great catch. With Harvard in his future - WOW! How fucking impressive. I’m jealous. Hell, I think I want him. Taking him to an even more lofty pedestal - “more interesting”.
-
What a load of complete and utter bullshit. The guy is a predator. He uses his credentials to mask his shortcomings. Those being: he is the lowest of the low, praying on the vulnerable and the easy to impress. For those who by some strange belief, believe that they are entitled to “more interesting”, ambitious and rich men.

A three-month stint in his environment quickly provides him with fresh victims, screw that, Mrs. X is a willing participant and in this case a shallow, cowardly bitch (once again, remember if it was a guy doing the cheating he’d be a "shallow, cowardly bastard").

Like I said, his intellect and credentials are impressive. That means you can add conniving and premeditated to his Curriculum Vitae. This jerk understands the human psyche. It’s part of his education. He knows the words, understands body language and knows exactly what to say to pique interest. He is a slime ball and I would guess he has no intentions of throwing his ego- driven life and career by the wayside for someone he can “fuck” in less than three months - showing no regard for his target's husband.

What’s he got to lose? After all, his quests are nothing more than notches in his headboard and he understands even if he runs into one with character and morals, another one is waiting just around the bedpost.

By the way, “more interesting” really only requires the ability to listen and the occasional big word.

“Slime balls” - there are tons of men and women on this planet who are too scared to face the world alone so they enter into relationships and marriages hoping to be saved - only to find mediocrity. Then, instead of facing reality, they decide that they aren’t getting the attention that they think they deserve, so they stray and then try to convince anyone who’ll listen that: “they weren’t getting what they deserve from their relationship.”

What they truly deserve is: a big swift kick in the junk.

The problem is they probably don't have any. So, I guess we’ll have to kick them in the barren patch where their junk would be.

Mr. X

Smart, ambitious and driven. In today’s consumer driven world he definitely would be considered a great catch.

To top it off, he has remained true to his love, maybe somewhat blind and maybe a little too romantic. He may also be guilty of settling for comfort. There is no question of his love, however, he put blinders on and only regarded her enthralling beauty.

Luckily, he’ll survive. He’ll end up coming out of this stronger, wiser and unfortunately a bit jaded.

He’s likely to screw up significantly for a while. He’s likely to profess his love. He’s likely going to give her another chance. Eight years is a lot to wash down the drain. He’ll likely blame himself for not being attentive enough to her needs. When Dr. India reveals his true colors Mrs. X may come running back to him and if he is weak he’ll let her in.

She’ll beg, cry, profess her love, say she is so, so sorry and will never stray again. She’ll be convincing.

Mr. X is too smart to buy her performance. At least I hope he is.
-
I wasn’t when faced with a similar situation.

“I love you.” “I’ll never do it again.” “I’m so sorry.” “I…….” This was music to my ears.

My ex meanwhile had her fingers crossed and was thinking: “Buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it ……. Whew! all this acting has left me tired, I had better lie down. Who are you? Why are you on top of me? You’re not my boyfriend. Ohhh well. Next!”

I bought it and was cheated on again and again.

And, in the end: we still broke up.

The Jury’s Out - The Treatment.

This question brought sadness to my heart.

What has happened to our world?

Hell, cheating is not supposed to be accepted. Really it isn’t. Divorce is not supposed to be part of the equation. We’re not supposed to enter into marriage's supposedly sacred institution lightly.

Unfortunately we do. Soaring divorce rates, broken families and troubled, needy kids have become the norm not the exception. There is even talk of “Starter Marriages” in North America. Didn’t that used to be called dating?

Don’t fucking accept it people!

Date, yes. As many people as you need to figure it out. If you find the spark to be waning don’t be a selfish coward, it is ok to walk away. Don’t cheat. Don’t lie. Don’t fuck up the people you “supposedly” love. They don’t deserve it.

And, most important, don’t leave a bunch of kids to try to figure out your selfish mess.

Mr. X is incredibly smart, but unfortunately he seems to be naive and perhaps inexperienced in matters of love - it scares me that he thinks that cheating and divorce may be ok.

I’ll stick to my guns: the only reason ever to walk down the aisle is if you “truly” love someone.

In my estimation: approximately 25% of today’s marriages.

How do you know if it's true love?

That’s for you to decide.

Maybe the penalty for divorce should be sterilization. Just kidding. Or am I?

All I know is if that was the case, getting married would take on a whole different meaning.

All I know is we are getting it wrong way too often and we need to find a way to change course.

The Verdicts

Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

The people involved are supposedly some of our intellectually blessed - the higher echelons of society.

Doctors - smart. Lawyers - smart. Boxers - not so smart. Briefs - comfortable.

Mrs. X is the worst offender in this case. She cowardly entered into marriage out of comfort and convenience. She forgot to take off the “Open for business” sign. She showed zero regard for the feelings of the one she supposedly “loves.” And, she tormented him with her aggressive praises for Dr. India in an attempt to elevate her ridiculous sense of entitlement.

Her sentence. She won’t get it until her looks fail her. Just like she’s turned into a devious user - she’s being used at the same time. She is a prisoner of materialism, status and the opinions of others. Her shallowness will leave her empty and one day hopefully she’ll understand that her actions have tremendous impact on others. She won’t and that’s too bad. What a waste: beauty and intellect what an incredible combination. Too bad evolution is not part of the equation.

Dr. India. Who fucking cares. Hopefully one day he ends up in an unfulfilling arranged marriage. Actually I take that back - I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. This dickhead, though he never cheated, knew exactly what he was doing.

His sentence. It doesn’t matter: he doesn’t have balls.

Mr. X. He’s also guilty. Naivety is his misdemeanor. Maybe he wasn’t needy, however, he wasn’t totally honest with himself. Seven years and you didn’t realize the spark was gone. C’mon Mr. X, you’re smarter than that. I think you probably got caught up in the illusion of being the perfect couple and ignored the fact that the relationship may have run its course.

His sentence. Tears. Learning and picking up the pieces. You may take her back. Don’t. Maybe after time has passed. How much time. Maybe a year. Maybe two. Just not right away. If you make that mistake, realize nothing will change and you can visit this heartache again down the road. I know I did. And you know what: It really fucking sucks.

The upside. You’ll grow. She will not. You don’t have kids. You don’t have kids. You don’t have kids.

Summing it all up. Please world, don’t accept cheating and divorce. Date, have sex, break up, make-up, juggle, swim and dream. Just don’t inflict unwarranted pain on those you love. People do make mistakes and sure "true love" is not always as it seems. If you find your relationship spiraling down the drain. Stop take a deep breath, hug each other, hold each other, cry, yell and most important, soul search and allow some time to pass before you enter into a new relationship. Unless of course you want the exact same relationship again with someone new.

If you don’t look inward first: shame on you.

I’m just about done. Thanks for reading I hope you’ve found something good in our answer. I’m just really pissed at the way we treat each other and think some change is in order. Keeping marginal relationships together has become a phenomena fueled by daytime talk shows. It is big - big business. Even when infidelity is involved, counselors and talk show gurus flex their intellects and instruct people to communicate. Telling their “ratings” guinea pigs that mistakes are made and that you can work through anything.

I say fuck that. You can’t work through anything and by doing so we keep trying to force pieces together that have either run their course or have no business being together in the first place. The continuation of this process manifests itself in a bunch of marginal passionless relationships that serve a purpose of going through the motions and becoming members of the worlds consumption sheep. Welcome to Needyville.

As for Mr. & Mrs. X. people do change, however, not if they don’t have to.

Mr. X if you do make the mistake and take her back: make sure you wear a condom - hell - wear two.

As for me: I wonder if I can get the Dream Police to do the Watusi?

Remember you asked

express seed

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(to be continued)