Question 25 DA first love bites

Dear Seed,

I'm dying of a broken heart.

I met him at church. I’m the kind of girl who has a hard time trusting guys. Before I met Cody, I had never really dated, I was Seventeen. It’s not like my parents wouldn’t let me; it’s that I wouldn’t let myself. I was always scared that I would just get hurt or that I would just get used.
Well, when I met Cody, all of that changed.

I first met him when we were in the Oasis room. He and several of his friends were sitting behind my cousin and me. They were talking about the movie Faces of Death. I turned around to make a comment about the really gross part with the monkey.

Anyway, he talked to my cousin and told her to put in a good word for him. When she told me that, I got really excited because he was such a good Christian.

So later that week after we exchanged numbers threw my cousin. He called and we went out to Pizza Hut, we both had a great time. After that we went out a few more times, then he asked me out.

I don’t know why I was so stupid, but I said yes. He just made me feel so happy, loved and protected.

It was during those few dates that I found out that he was a Virgin. I was raped, so I couldn’t really say anything, I just told him no when he asked.

It was right after that, I can remember the very second I fell in love with him, this part of my heart grew.

He was the sweetest person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. He held my hand; bought me flowers said everything I wanted to hear. He told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Took me out on amazing dates. He was the first guy to ever take me out on a date, or hold my hand.

We were together for nine months. We saw each other every day. I told him everything, even that I was raped.

He bought me a ring, and told me to promise that I would love him forever. I knew I would, so I promised.

I forgot about all of my friends, and just became closer, and closer to Cody, until he was my entire world.

It made me so happy how I made him so happy. He was my best friend, and during the nine months I made a mistake. We started having sex. It meant so much to me, but we were both Christian, so I felt guilty. Sex took me away from god, but got me closer to Cody.

Cody was my everything.

Then the fights started. I hadn’t spent any time with my friends. My friends would ask me if I wanted to hang out, so I would make plans with them. When I would tell Cody that I was going to go out with my friends, he would get mad. He would say things like “you never spend time with me.”

I spent literally every day with him; I loved spending all my time with him.

But he would feel so bad that I wanted to spend time with my friends. Like on the verge of tears. I would call my friends and tell them some lie, and spend the day with Cody.

That went fine until my best friend’s 18th birthday party.

I told Cody months ahead of time that I was FOR SURE going to go to her birthday party.

He got really hurt because he wasn’t invited. I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t anything against him, It was just that Jen and I were going to do this.

Well he told me that I could go if I didn’t drink.

I drank, and on October 30th. He broke up with me. He told me that on that first drink, I broke up with him.

I didn’t think any of this would end up this way. He told me that he would love me forever.

Then he started with the stupid bull shit line; “I want to be your friend".

Ugh. No

He ignored my phone calls, never came over.

A couple of days after we broke up he asked me to come over.

I cried, he wouldn't kiss me, he wouldn’t hold me, and he didn’t even want to look at me.

I don’t know what I did to him to hurt him THAT bad, but I wish I never would have.

If I knew that going to that party meant so much to him, I would have stayed home. I feel so depressed, and all I can seem to do is cry. I wish I still had Cody, I want to spend the rest of my life with him!

Please write back with hope!

Regards,

Dismantled Lover

Dear DL

When I first read your question I couldn’t help but think: This is far too easy.

You’ve set me up to dismantle you and to rip into every aspect of your young love, rendering you a broken fool. Then, I read it again and I couldn’t help but feel for you. Not sorry for you, but instead you’ve got some serious issues to deal with and I wish you all the best trying to come to terms with who you are and what your future has in store for you. I think this may be a very important time in your life and the decisions you make now may impact all of your future relationships.

I can’t even imagine the damage being raped has caused you. It must be horrific. No wonder you have trouble trusting guys. Regardless of your fragile state I am not going to hold back on my opinions of what I think you need to do? Remember, they are just that, my opinions.

My first recommendation, if you haven’t already - go to a counselor. It is important that you find someone you feel comfortable around and that you feel that you can open up to. You need to find someone who will mostly listen to you and allow you to talk through your pain. If you go to a counselor and you don’t feel comfortable - find another counselor. I’m going to guess the last thing you need right now is someone judging you.

Secondly, what the hell are you dating for at seventeen? Let me expand: Seventeen is for fun. Seventeen is for letting your hair down and having fun with your friends. Seventeen is for having crushes on boys and puppy love. Seventeen is a time for you to change your mind a million times and like Dan one moment and Steve the next. Seventeen is a time to think you’ve figured all out only to find out at forty you really knew squat. Seventeen is a time for pillow fights.

I’m a little troubled that considering what has happened to you that your parents would allow you to date. I hope by "dating" they mean just hanging out with guys and going to the mall....

“DL”, you’ve got your whole life to be saddled down with love. You have your whole life to enter into power struggles about what you need from a boyfriend and lover. No relationship that starts at 17 has any hope in hell of surviving what life is going to dish out to you in the next fifty years. At 17, 18, 19, 20, 21... You know squat. Doesn’t mean you're not smart. Just means when it comes to life and its struggles you’re just beginning your journey (rape aside).

I know that the youth of society when they read the last paragraph are going to cite examples of relationships that started young and survived. Some may even try to shower me with their superior intelligence. All I have to say to you : PISS OFF.

Hell, how intelligent can you possibly be? You showered me with intelligence. Water is the only true cleanser.

Next, stay away from monkeys.

I also suggest staying away from guys named Cody. The name Cody doesn’t scream long term. While on the subject, neither does: Britney, Chad or Tiffany. I’m sure there are many other names that fall into this category, I’m just not seeing maturity being part of the equation when you are given youthful names. I could be wrong. Wait, Mrs. Spears (-Federline) is proving my point.

“DL”, you may be a wee bit choked at me for this: What the heck does being a good Christian have to do with anything? Wow, I said heck instead of hell. If it is imperative for you to be with a Christian that is fine, but, and this is a big but, isn’t it far more important that he is a good person?

Christians for centuries have come in all sorts: good, bad, fat, ugly, beautiful, crack heads, murders, rapists, thieves, lawyers, used car salesmen and so on and so on. I get a little frustrated with you saying that he was a good Christian. I don’t even know what that is supposed to mean.

I worked with a “good Christian” who was the most self-centered, judgmental bastard I’ve ever met. He thought that all he had to do was try to recruit others to the cause and that made him a good person. He reeked of insincerity.

“DL”, date Christians if that is what you need to do. Please don’t imply that good Christians are inherently better than “GOOD PEOPLE”. Maybe some day if you give a good person a chance you may start to view the world a little bit differently and with an open heart and mind.

Just some food for thought.

Speaking of food: avoid Pizza Hut for a while.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: No guy is the sweetest guy in the world. Except for me of course. We may do sweet things. We may genuinely be looking out for your best interests. We may want to take care of you. We may have wonderful qualities that make us keepers. However, we all have our flaws and dysfunctions.

Seventeen is a dangerous time for guys. Peer pressure: the media, erections and a whole host of other hormonal changes are taking place that drives each and every one of us - Christian or not - to want to score. I don’t care how sweet Cody is, if the hormones were firing on all cylinders he’d have told you anything to get busy with you. Doesn’t mean he didn’t mean it in “the moment” however, after “the moment” passed and his quest was complete everything about life changes. He probably was trying to figure out what just happened. And, is it rude if I shower up right away?

Look, you’re banging on yourself pretty hard for having sex. I’ll let you in on another little secret: (I apologize in advance for the profanity) Everybody has fucking sex. It is part of life. It is beautiful. It at times is naughty and at others a wee bit kinky. It runs a whole gamut of exploration. Western culture has made us so ridiculously uptight about sex. Having it doesn’t change your core. Having it to win love or manipulate, well, that is an entirely different subject. Having sex is nothing more than having sex. Cut yourself some slack. You can’t go through life persecuting yourself for things that are simply part of life.

It’s time for me to summarize.

“DL”, you’re way too young to even consider a long term relationship. It will never work. More important, it will never work until you deal with what has happened to you. You must see someone and work that out. If you don’t you will put way too much pressure on your intimate relationships. Relationships don’t usually survive massive amounts of pressure. It is unfair of you to ask for someone to save you from the big, bad, scary world. That is something that you’ll have to do yourself.

“Sweetie”, you need to forgive yourself for all the things that you're judging yourself about. You’re human. What happened to you wasn’t your fault.

Having sex with someone you care about is natural. Feeling guilty because you had sex is also natural.

As for Cody. He’s done. He doesn’t know what he wants yet. And, to give you a hard time because you had a drink - how did he become the one who gets to pass judgment? Hey what the hell are you drinking for anyway? Aren’t you under age?

You didn’t hurt him at all. You cared about him and shared an important time of your life with him. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable. Remember, Cody is young too and he is sorting through his own shit. Everything is happening so fast and the whole world is changing around you guys. He is likely trying to figure out what he wants and the drinking is a lame excuse to just cast you aside. Perhaps the current version of Cody shuns drinking and will not allow it in his life (for now).

Finally, losing your first love really sucks. We get wrapped up in how we’ll never survive or find someone so wonderful ever again. It can consume us leading to tears and despair. The hard truth, for whatever reason you and Cody are not meant to be. Not right now at least. I repeat that you and Cody are not meant to be. You need to find a way to come to terms with that. If you don’t you’ll tarnish the memory of your first love and I know you are way too smart to do that.

In time the heartache will pass. It always does. In the meantime look after yourself. Try to be happy. Lie about it if you must. Tell people you’re doing great. Eventually the lie will become reality and you will have forgotten why you pined for Cody so much in the first place.

Most important, get some help to deal with your other issues - I know that in the future you want to become a beautiful, caring, vibrant, women whose independence will become one of your greatest character traits. Like said: if someone becomes your "everything" - your relationship doesn’t stand a chance long term. You must be able to stand on your own and “DL” at the present moment you don’t seem capable of doing that.

As for hope. You’re a wicked individual. You’re young. Once you conquer your demons “true love” will find you when you least expect it. Cody wasn’t it.

Smile, have a blast with your friends and remember to:

BE HAPPY!

Remember you asked

the seed

.

Remember to check out our website: www.seedenterprises.com .

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 4

Hello Friends!

Mr. X won’t go away my friends. He seems to enjoy languishing in a land of pain.

I have traveled far beyond feeling sorry for him. In fact, I’m having trouble keeping up with his ongoing saga. To date I have 8 installments. Mr. X is plain and simply just goofy.

Fun, that is the first time I used ‘goofy’ in my writings.

To bring you up to snuff here you may click on the links below. Not only will you find sagacious advice - you’ll find fun and funky artwork and photography. So sit back, relax and enjoy.

Don’t forget to check out http://www.seedenterprises.com/ and also feel free to fire your questions to the crew here at Seed Headquarters at askseed@hotmail.com . We promise to help lighten the loads of life. At least we promise to make you guffaw.

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 1

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006/03/question-18-infinite-saga-of-mr-x-part.html

My favorite picture in this post: Perfection.

This was a very tough call.

F Bomb meter: 4.

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 2

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006/03/question-18-infinite-saga-of-mr-x-part_17.html

My favorite picture in this post: Mirror.

F Bomb meter: 13.

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 3

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006/03/question-18-infinite-saga-of-mr-x-part_29.html

My favorite picture in this post: Mr. Popularity.

F Bomb meter: 5.

Question 18 The Infinite Saga of Mr. X - Part 4

Talked to Mr. X quite a bit last week. Mrs. X can't decide who she wants right now. "The decision will have to wait..... "

I don't think she is capable of "making a decision", because she is unsure of what she wants. However, I believe the fact that she can't decide in favor of Mr. X and their "marriage" is a clear decision against him.

Mr. X stated: "The relationship is over, but the marriage is not. Maybe she will decide in a few months or maybe at the end of the year, so living together now is not an option."

In any case, he is looking for a new apartment.

He also told me a bit of the "advice" from other people he had received. A priest he knows advised him: "You must fight for your relationship". A friend said he should "get revenge" on Mrs. X by sleeping with other women.

If there is any piece of "advice" that I truly hate then it is this one. What a load of crap.... What or who is he supposed to fight for? A woman who cheated on him? A woman who let him fly thousands of miles to visit her and then disrespect him by sending him away and sleeping with someone else? A person who isn't sure if she wants to be with him and shows him that by entertaining a relationship with someone else? Should he fight for a relationship which has absolutely no foundation, just a history of seven years?

Mrs. X gave the following reply, when Mr. X shared this tidbit of fantastic advice with her: "Oh, thank God you didn't 'fight' for me - that would only have driven me farther away...."

As for sleeping with other women: it is no longer cheating, as sex without a relationship is just sex. I don't think it would be good to jump into a new relationship, but maybe he should just start living for himself (and if that includes rebound sex then good for him).

I conveyed the advice you have given and listened as much as I could. I emphasized that if he feels that he needs to change, then only for himself and not because his cheating wife thinks he has to become more interesting, to have more drive, to become taller, funnier or younger.

Hopefully he will seize his chance to live and figure some things out for himself and not just "wait for a decision from Mrs. X". She stopped wearing her ring at least a month and a half ago and is considering moving to Boston to be with Doc India.....

That is the last segment for a while.

Best regards,

FIN

Dear FIN

Where the hell is my greeting?

No: Dear Seed?

No: Hey Seed?

No: Hey Wise Man who provides the world with generous helpings of brilliant bordering on genius advice complete with groundbreaking snippets of insight and comedic gems?

No: Hey Fucker.

“FIN,” that hurts. It really, really hurts. Are you starting to take me for granted? Are you trying to decide between my and another help guru? If you are I won’t wait. I won’t stick around. I deserve to be treated with respect. I deserve to be Number 1.

If you can’t live up to that, then I want you to get the fuck out of my kitchen. Now. I mean it.

What the hell are you doing in my kitchen anyway?

FIN has never been in my kitchen. Nor will he ever be. Maybe one day - who knows? I’m just thinking it is very unlikely. Not that FIN wouldn’t be a good friend to have. I think he would. He listens to his dumb assed lawyer friend Mr. X. That must certainly be a difficult task. The point: if FIN ever enters my kitchen without my permission, I’ll call the cops and whoop his ass.

You got that FIN?

I thought so.

“FIN,” I’ve thrown on my sagacious thinking cap and I’ve come up with an answer for you to relay to Mr. X.
.

An official seed apology
before he makes what some might feel
is an offensive comment
that borders on tasteless
but needs to be said.

Sorry.

End of:
An official seed apology
before he makes what some might feel
is an offensive comment
that borders on tasteless
but needs to be said.

Mrs. X is nothing more than a Dish Rag Whore.

She is using Mr. X up and playing him for the willing fool that he has become. Are lawyers stupid?

“FIN,” she knows exactly what she wants and it isn’t him. Sure since she’s been mopping up counter messes for such a long time now that she’s become festering and a tad smelly I might add, that all she really wants from any man is validation. She is consumed with her own lofty sense of self worth.

As I keep reading over Mr. X perplexing bouts of logic, “the relationship is over, but the marriage isn’t”, he may be the most mentally challenged lawyer ever. The marriage not being over is nothing more than column fodder. I didn’t want to say this, but FUCK: Open your eyes fool. What the fuck is a marriage without a relationship? A fucking useless piece of paper that other lawyers can sift through and make a few bucks from.

The longer he holds onto this illusion that she is going to suffer some form of irreparable brain trauma that will have her running back to him through meadows with open arms only to run right past him into the arms of next: HE IS ROYALLY SCREWED. And not in a hot fashionable way involving a hot royal vixen. But instead, a bend over and prepare for a battering ram to…

I also must say, nice advice from the peanut gallery. What the hell is fighting for the relationship? Wow Priest, is he supposed to pull Doc India or whomever else meets the height requirements to ride Mrs. X and, and, scream:

“Mrs. X I love you I don’t care if you are being…”

“Oh, Oh, I’m going to cum.”

Does his Priest friend truly believe seeing Doc India’s money shot is going to help Mr. X build esteem. The point: you can fight all you want for something that is DONE, it won’t do you any good. Even if you fucking succeed and WIN back her heart and love, what a ridiculously tarnished and marginal marriage.

C’mon people, repeat after me:

WE DON'T NEED TO SAVE EVERY FUCKED UP RELATIONSHIP.

As for the other friend. What grade is he in? Any friend who suggests revenge needs to be inflicted with pain from the battering ram. Seriously, no wonder Mr. X is struggling with emotional issues, excluding you “FIN”, he’s hanging with morons.

I hope his moronic friend one day experiences a crab infestation. Better yet, gets to spend some intimate time with the Dish Rag.

You’re absolutely right, there is no relationship and nothing left to fight for. All he can do is retreat to whatever he can and start to repair himself. I hate banging on him so hard and I know he won’t listen. There are at least 4 more installments on their way.

“FIN,” I think part of the program needs to be you not always being available to listen to his schlep. Be his friend but take it off the menu every now and then. It is only fair to you and it may be the only way for him to figure out how fucking ridiculous he’s being.

I’ve tried desperately to save relationships with people who “didn’t know what they wanted right now”, translation, they didn’t want me and my efforts eventually lead to the land of pathetic broken loser. Fortunately it was only temporary and the L on my forehead wasn‘t permanent.

I’m going to leave you “FIN” with a new feature:

A Seed Question to Provide Relationship Clarity

In this case questions to ponder:

What is the point of trying to save broken relationships?

What is the point of saving a relationship with someone who has disrespected you and cheated on you along with dragging your heart through the ringer?

Can anything good come from giving up your confidence, pride and esteem?

Will desperation make you a better person?

Will being needy help you win back someone who doesn’t want you?

Can Doc India and others continue to “do” her?

Will you have wonderful kids who grow up in a loving environment if you get back together with DISH RAG?

Why would you even entertain the idea of getting back together with someone who is a flawed lover?

Don’t you deserve better?

end of seed question

“Fin,” Mr. X needs to ask himself some hard questions. Fortunately for him she doesn’t want to be with him.

That may be the only thing that saves this sad fucking chap from totally blowing out his fragile heart.

None of his dilemma has anything to do with love. It may have for a brief moment, but, for most of this journey all it is about is: selfishness, neediness, ego and some strange sense of entitlement.

I firmly believe that Mr. X has crossed the line and become a selfish prick. If he asks the questions above he’d realize that his relationship is long gone. I believe that he has asked himself those questions and many more.

His over inflated EGO and his competitive nature has created a situation where he is trying to WIN.

I’m just not sure what he is trying to win.

It makes absolutely no sense.

I know from experience. I’ve tried.

Victory doesn’t exist.

Remember you asked

the seed

(to be continued)

Question 24 Where do I find your &#&#! book?

Seed

Where do I find your fuckin book? I've looked everywhere and my feet are sore. Resentment is growing in me at an astounding pace while questions swirl around in my tiny mind - is it Seed's fault, is he holding back the book - or is it that halfwit of a publisher who is busy with the season's latest drivel to drive the suburban meat into a pre-holiday shopping frenzy?

Answer me dammit!

Andy a frustrated reader

Dear Frustrated Reader,

My dear lost soul. You are in the Excited States (USA) right?

All you have to do to pick up a copy of the book is go to our website http://www.seedenterprises.com/ and click on one of the many links and order it on line.

We prefer you go to AuthorHouse because we make a bit higher percentage from them, however, it may cost you a bit more. If you don’t want to go to AuthorHouse you may go to the Barnes & Noble link and order it through them or go into one of their stores and have them order it for you. I don’t think it will be on store shelves for a few more months. These are the best options for the time being.

I don’t want you to “over resent” that would be bad. However, a sufficient amount of resentment is good as it will provide you with the right level of angst to increase the reading enjoyment. As for the half-wit publisher, when you combine their wit with my wit that = 1 - wit and that is a lot of damn wit. That is all for now, just go out and buy the book.

We appreciate your support.

Remember You Asked.…

the seed

BONUS MATERIAL

Question 6 Get off your lazy ass…. A rebuttal to some follow-up dialogue. In a sense a rebuttal to the rebuttals follow-up. I’m confused…

The seed question and answer factory always tries to break new ground. We try new things. We take risks. We put ourselves out there. Most important, we communicate.

The above question was misplaced in the Question Hopper, therefore, it took us a while to answer and post it. Hence, “pre-holiday frenzy“. In an effort to live up to our guarantee of answering every question we were not deterred and still took the time to reply.

There is no big holiday on the horizon. Wait, I stand corrected, seed’s birthday is in July. That must be what Dear Frustrated Reader was referring to.

The “breaking of new ground” we’re referring to, we’ve decided to share some bonus dialogue we shared with the inquisitor Concerned Pal who was so gracious to ask Question 6 Get off your lazy ass…

And, if that wasn’t enough, we have the lazy assed ones rebuttal to the scathing words of his Concerned Pal. To refresh your memory simply visit the link below.

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2005_04_01_askseed_archive.html

Enjoy the dialogue. And be sure to fire your queries to askseed@hotmail.com

If your hitting the stores for the big July holiday, seed would like….

Hello Seed,

My replies to your queries are in-lined below.

Respectfully

Concerned Pal

Hello A Concerned Pal

Did you view my answer to your question on our website?

Yes, I’ve viewed your answer to my question on your website.

Perhaps a better question would be did your answer help me any?

1. Was it of any value?
2. Did I gain anything from the entire experience?

Happily I can answer in the affirmative.

My friend has moved on to bigger and better things (after he was beaten soundly about the head with a lead pipe at his ‘hockey’ game). He has now become a ‘land baron’ and is reaping riches tenfold.

OK, OK, so maybe all he is doing is sitting by the pool reading this email – at least he’s got style!!!

He should have tried out for the Olympic hockey team with that bum knee of his since the putzes they sent couldn’t get their collective fecal matter together.

I think you need a monthly discourse added to your column where you publish an interaction with someone not peering through the same beer colored glasses buddy boy!

Also, we're having a contest where one lucky winner will win a signed copy of Seed's Sketchy Relationship Theories. For details visit our website at www.seedenterprises.com .

If I visit will I also win an all expenses trip to a vacation trailer park in Arizona? I’ve got your book dude, I need a vacation!

All we ask of you is that you tell all of your friends.

Let just use that term loosely shall we.

Ok we ask one other thing - explore the site a bit - there is tons of original photography and art on the site.

Nice updated site – keep up the good work!!

We do kindly ask you to tell all of your friends as we do want to keep offering up heaping servings of fresh comedy, controversy and perspective. To do so your help spreading the word is greatly appreciated.

Yes – With the help of a secret source I regale all my friends with stories of two shmoes that used to live by the Plaza 500 on the west side of Vancouver – trust me, word is getting around about you two!!!

A Concerned Pal

Cheers

seed

Don’t worry if some of the dialogue didn’t make sense. We struggled to attach meaning to it ourselves. The main thing is Concerned Pal is friggen funny and we appreciate his efforts to purchase and help us promote.

.

Did you notice. We listened more than we talked.

As corny as this sounds. We actually want to make a wee bit of a difference.

Remember, say no to Global Warming.

Question 23 Selfish Narcissistic Bastard 'Mon'

Dear Seed

How did you get your name?

How did that come about?
.

.

It's an interesting choice, and I can think of several meanings to it; but really, what motivated you to call yourself seed?

BTW, I do like your articles. They are genuine, authentic, and speak the truth.

Nobody is immune from heartache...for me, my life feels like it is over at 48. My husband, with whom I have been with since 21 (27 years), messed with my head so badly over the past 2 years, played me and other women, strung us all along, using us...finally I found out the truth and let them know about him...divorce is coming. Everything is falling apart, my life, my job...

Don't know how I am going to make it, but life is still better than the alternative.. but I am not a young chick anymore. It's not that easy.

Take care of yourself, thank your for the articles, a man's perspective. Men aren't really that different from women, we are all human, with a need for love.

Rebuilding Esteem

R E Correspondence

Seed,

I read on your articles on the "Dumpdumped.com" website.

You write differently than most 'self-help' gurus.. you don't BS us..

Although, I hope this fellow is doing better now, it's been awhile since he posted on your blog. Your words were "tough love"...it's hard to hear the truth, but lies are worse, lies are what got us into this mess in the first place, our lies to ourselves, and their lies to us.. lies, lies, lies.......

truth is painful sometimes. truth is that I don't know how well I well come out of this at all. He hurt me very badly, very.. and I almost let him get away with it..

Yes, I let his girlfriends know what he was doing to all of us. Why shouldn't he feel some of the pain that he caused all of us?

Especially me, his loving devoted wife of 23 years...

Yes, I have my share of problems, but I am not going to take the blame of the failed relationship.. But you are right when you say there probably wasn't any love remaining on his part. That died a long time ago, because you don't hurt people you love like that.. that is not love. I am tired now, to tired to write anymore. All that there is left to do is pick myself up out of the ashes and carry on.

You never said how you came upon your name.

What do your friends call you?

Rebuilding Esteem

Dear Rebuilding Esteem

I hope you don’t mind I took the liberty to give you a catchy name to protect your privacy. Rebuilding Esteem, pretty sweet don’t you think?

Actually, its one lame assed effort on my part, which took place during a massive brain fart. Regardless of the odiferous odor emanating from my ears I’m sticking with it.

Time for a pat on the back

“Seed, you know what we should do today?”

“What Wes? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.”

“I think the three of us, should take your credit card and rent motor cycles and head out into the Jamaican back country. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“But Wes, I’m afraid of motor cycles and I’ve never rode one before? And, to top it off Greg is only 4’ 11”.”

Our annoying friend Greg was actually 4’ 11”. Take a wild stab what nickname we gave him? If you guessed Shorty, you’d be dead on. Pretty neat huh, not to mention original.

In moments of intense maturity we used to share witty banter at his expense.

“Pat do you want to go to the pub for a wee bit?”

“I’d love to but I’m a little short on cash this week.”

“Haven’t seen Greg in awhile, have you?”

“Seed he’s standing behind that chair.”

And, my personal favorite: “Jump”.

Man were we assholes. Funny ones though.

Back to Jamaica now ‘mon’.

“Ok, lets do it. Should we head back to the hotel since I’m only wearing these short shorts and flip flops.”

“Oh no Seed, that’s standard issue for motorcycle riding in Jamaica.”

“Ok”.

We hit the open road, heading south from Negril. Wind was rushing through my flowing locks. The heat and humidity of Jamaica was making my body glisten with anticipation. What the fuck glistening with anticipation actually means eludes me.

Over hills, past seascapes, dodging carnivorous pot holes, I was getting the hang of riding this hog.

Pit stop, some tasty Jerk Chicken and a couple of Ting’s. Delicious!

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Satiated it was time to head back to Negril for some fun and frolic.

Wes opened throttle and blasted to the front. The "Gigantor" was closely behind him.

I was struggling to keep pace. I flashed to words of reassurance Wes had dropped on me earlier.

“Don’t worry, we’ll go at your pace and take it easy.”

Liar.

Afraid of being left behind I did my best to try and keep up. I didn’t want to be stranded when night came to be devoured by roaming packs of Spliff yielding Rastafarians.

THUD.

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Dead center of a pothole at 40 miles per hour.

.

I’m about to be ejected over the handle bars. I think: Go over handle bar - very - very bad.

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So, I pushed down and picked another option. I fell sideways and started a 50 yard slide on the asphalt - complete with bike between my legs.

It really didn’t feel very nice.

Once again - Wes lied - flip flops and shorts aren’t standard bike gear.

I quickly sprung to my feet and thru my hands in the air and shouted, “I’m ok”.

I was shouting to myself Wes and Kareem were long gone. I looked behind me and went over a quick check list. Bike - check. Sandal - check. Another sandal - check. Hat - check. Skin - check. Pack of salivating Rastafarians - check.

My hand seemed different. All of the white tape I was wearing seems to have peeled off. Wait - I wasn’t wearing white tape - better look at my palm.

Silly me - it wasn’t white tape at all - it was my skin. OUCH!

Why’s my little toe dangling?

Magically Wes and “What you talking about Willis,” returned.

“Wes the sandals didn’t protect me.”

“That’s odd.”

All he could offer was that’s odd.

I was magically transported to a small village clinic. In the waiting room Wes placed my flip flops on my toe dangled feet. The nurse put a fan in front of me and every few minutes someone would come and empty the blood from my sandals.

Finally, “Hello doc, fix me.”

“I’m Dr. Babs, I got my degree from the University of Nigeria. For $100 US I’ll fix you up good, a little cleansing and a shot or two of Demerol and maybe the odd stitch and you’ll be on your way.”

“I only have $60 Canadian on me.”

“We’ll do the best we can. Hey nurse you know that batch of purple stuff we’ve got. You want to grab it for me. And, oh yeah what’s in those vials next to the Demerol.”

“I’m not sure Babs.”

“Anyway grab a couple.”

“The ones next to your Ganga?”

Babs fixed me up real good.

.

Apparently the purple stuff (see picture above) hasn’t been used in North America for decades. The vials made me hallucinate. On our way home I had a couple of day pit-stop in a Seattle hospital to save my foot. Hospitals in Seattle are very expensive when your trip mate “the gnome” buys trip cancellation insurance instead of medical insurance on the day of departure. Seriously, while we were at the airport buying our tickets he bought flight cancellation insurance.

What did I learn. Being patted on the back by Jamaican pavement isn’t fun.

That and, say no to global warming.

That brings us to the reason for the pat on the back. You see I used the word odiferous for the first time in my life. It just popped into my head and I threw it into this article. I decided damn that’s one fly word and I’m going to leave it in even if I’m misusing. I looked it up. My usage was correct.

Kudos to me.

end of pat on the back

As for my nick name. A wise man once said to me:

“OUCH”.

He had just stubbed his toe.

He also said to me:

“Seed, you’re so old that in the beginning of time there was only you and dirt and since dirt can’t speak we’ll have to take your word that you’re younger than dirt.”

This wise man coined: The Seed.

If you’d like to learn more about my origins flashback to;

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006/03/question-19-origins-of-seed.html

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Thanks for your kind words on my (our) articles. I (we) truly appreciate it.

For the most part we speak from the heart and experience. I (we) once you sift through some of my at time nonsensical ramblings and the short vignettes taken from my life, I (we) do try to offer some sincere and at times blunt suggestions to help people rebuild.

We just figure no matter how “fucked up” things can get - it’s vitally important to find a way to laugh. We believe that with absolute certainty and passion.

Thanks again for your kind words.

“RE”, your situation licks. It bites the big one. I can’t imagine the pain having someone who you’ve spent 27 years with can inflict. Selfish Narcissistic Bastard. Regardless of the details he deserves to catch something festering that reduces him to a whimpering Troglodyte.

“RE”, as much as that’s what he deserves, you can’t spend a second wishing for bad things to happen to him. As hard as it is to face, now is your time. You’ve got to exile him from your mind, which will take every ounce of strength and take this time to learn to love yourself. It’s up to your friends and others who care to do the “voodoo thing” for you.

It’s also important to not worry about the other women at all. In my estimation she’s no better than your ex.

BTW, 48 isn’t old. You still are a young chick. In fact, I’ve read somewhere that 48 is the new 24. I may have made it up myself, but, that doesn’t matter, its time for you to step out and explore new things. New foods, new exercise, new………

You can do it.

Age really is nothing more than a state of mind and the odd wrinkle. We really don’t need to listen to others and what society deems as normal for certain stages of life. I’ve got a hunch that societies program may be failing and it’s time for us to individually adjust the formula.

Sweetie, it’s also very important to learn how to lie. Meaning: limit the number of people you express your heartache to. A counselor - who will just listen. At most a couple of dear friends. To everyone else “I’m doing great”. Eventually, you’ll start to believe your lie and when that happens magically it will no longer be a fib.

As for Been Dumped: it provides a great place for people to go so they can realize that they’re not alone. That others have gone through similar traumas. The only thing I’m leery of: I don’t think it is wise to spend too much time talking to people who are consumed with despair. I think it can perpetuate the misery. Sad stories suck and eventually all blend together stripping away individuality. Don’t allow that to happen to you. Don’t be defined by what this Bastard has done. It won’t do you any good.

Another wise man shared with me his views on operas of the likes of Wagner. He also shared thoughts of some of the worlds great philosophers. He expressed that they all claim that life is tragic and the world for the most part will not end on a high note. He stated these gifted individuals have carried the burden of pain with them throughout their lives.

I’m not quite so fatalistic. I have however, pulled my head out of the sand and I’m not so sure I like the current path civilization is on. Frankly, it scares me.

Hence, the importance of laughter and living life to the fullest. While talking to this individual a bright light went on: It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if the world lives on to infinity. It doesn’t matter if it blows up in a million years, a thousand years or tomorrow for that matter.

What does matter is that we take each day and embrace it. Both the good and the bad. The crap and the caviar. Maybe not caviar - instead, the Hagan Daz.

It’s important to realize that we’re responsible for our own “moments” and we must try to make them brilliant. If someone like Selfish Narcissistic Bastard hurts and disrespects you. Fuck him. You deserve better. The pain is inevitable, however, it must be kicked to the curb as quickly as possible.

“RE”, make your new moments memorable. You’re going to be fine. I’ve got a hunch and just like my hunch about odiferous was right. I’m sure this one will be as well.

My friends call me Lindsay or Seed.

Remember you asked

the seed

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P.S. Don't forget to say no to global warming. Go for a walk. Burn the SUV. Eat organic.

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P.P.S. Visit our website www.seedenterprises.com . If you are interested in signing The Seed Posse to a lucrative recording contract: We're listening. Now speak.