A Rebuttal To Question 6 I like my lazy ass.......

Dear Ask Seed,

I would like to respond to a very inspirational letter and response that was recently directed to you sometime before Christmas. A "Concerned Pal" who was in need of helping his unemployed friend wrote it. The unspoken bond of love and affection that the "Concerned Pal" was expressing was one that no one could miss-read, and everyone wishes that they had. It was truly a beautiful out-pouring of emotion, and one that inspired me... as I am sure that it inspired everyone that had the opportunity to read it.

You see, I too was at a crossroads... I too was working at a rink bar... I too had been relatively unemployed for a period of time... I too was looking for a change of life that would support my personal skills set... and it was wonderful to hear you put that "Concerned Pal" in his place, even though his intentions were filled with nothing more than concern and love... He truly needed to "Not judge this man until he has sat a hour on his ass". Who is this weenie that seems to find it very easy to judge the position of others? I picture him as some kind of nerd or computer geek or something of that nature. Even with the mixed emotions of wanting to have a friend that has such concern for ones self, and also having some level of contempt for the "Concerned Pal" as he truly seems to be someone who has his life mapped out for him and has no understanding for those of us who are still trying to answer the question of "What do I want t be when I grow up?.... I was still able to take home some kind of inspiration from this letter, and make some changes to my life.

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I have recently taken some employment... but not just a job... a career move... I have made a 180-degree move from my previous 20 years in one industry, and am trying to make a go of applying my learned experience and expertise in business management in a completely new work environment... Funny though, I am still not bringing home a steady paycheck, and I am still working for that rink bar... GREAT... now I am getting really depressed... Where is the inspiration that I began this letter with... here it is the middle of the night, and I am sitting up awake writing you this stinking letter as I am unable to sleep due to mixed up sleeping schedules with my new "career" and my continuing night job of bartending at the damn rink... I should be in bed getting some sleep so that I can apply myself to me new "career" in the morning, yet here I am, depressed by my new found "inspiration"... Who was this clown that went under the name of "Concerned Pal" anyways?... who gives him any right to judge, and also inflict his opinions on the rest of us through the "Ask Seed" depression hotline???

Maybe I will have to drink heavily now to put my misery to sleep... I believe that there is a bottle of something around that I can polish off so as to get some feeling of completion and accomplishment! Thanks again for pushing me closer to the breaking point of depression you "Concerned Geek"... do me a favor Seed, if you ever see this "Concerned Pal", just give him a swift kick in the balls for me so that maybe he will have to sit for an hour on my ass.

Sincerely, Bitter and Depressed (definitely uninspired!) Drunk.

Question 6 Get off your lazy ass.......

Hey Seed:

I have a friend that is currently unemployed yet insists that he is gainfully employed because he bartends at a local rink when not playing 'hockey'. How do I tell him to get off his lazy ass and get a job?

A Concerned Pal

Dear Concerned Pal:

You definitely pose an interesting question. Hmmm - How do you tell your “friend” to get of his lazy ass and get a job? First off ask yourself this - Can an ass be lazy? The last time I checked isn’t the ass just a small or in some instances a big part of a much bigger package. When you look at the geography that the ass actually occupies it is somewhere near the bodies equator, with the nerve center being a long way a way - way up north in fact. It is a fact - whether I made it up or not that the farther north you live, the more intelligence you must have to ensure survival. Very few people stub their heads. So when one thinks about it a lot of other parts of the body would likely have to be lazy long before the ass itself could become lazy. Also being near the equator, I don’t know if you have ever been to the Southern States, Caribbean, Central America or Mexico. If you have you will notice that the general pace of things is much slower as you must conserve energy due to the heat.

In this instance just consider the Asses neighbor to the west or east depending on the way you are standing. That is right, the second and what some theorists consider the more powerful of brains THE DICK. Much like some of the governments of the countries near the equator, THE DICK sometimes acts much like a Dictator. Pleasure profits and fast living are his sole goal and no cost is too great. This dictator will basically probe all avenues of pleasure even if the tolls are great for the other parts of a persons geographical make up. So I ask of you to cut the ass a little bit of slack. It really is fighting for survival.

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This picture has nothing to do with the question or answer.

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I just love it. It is that simple. Enjoy!

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Of course all original Seed Images are for sale.

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As for your question; Why is it your responsibility to come down on your friend and tell him to get to work? Before you could even approach this issue you would have to find out why he is unemployed to begin with. Things such as age play a very critical role in his employment picture. When someone is in their late teens and early 20s any job will do. You have your whole life to decide where you are going with life and unless you decide to go to University and pursue a specific career path, which I might add guarantees nothing, most people try a few things in an effort to eliminate the things that don’t fit their personality or skills set. Or things which they simply just hate. I am sure you could list a few things that would make you think about slitting your wrists. Having said that I am going to assume your friend is not in his early 20s he is more likely in his early 30s to mid 30s.

Now if that estimate is correct, a whole different set of criteria is involved. I am going to also assume that he hasn’t been unemployed for his whole life or he would not likely be your friend. Unless you two share a crack pipe and this is a common occurrence kicking each others ass so one of you could afford to pick up the next hits. Since you emailed me, I am going to guess that is not the case. Before you can help him you need to look at what caused his unemployment. Did he own his own business and suddenly found himself out of it for some reason? Has he all of a sudden found that his options are shrinking because of his age and the Foot Locker career path is no longer a good option for having a roof over his head when he gets a bit older?

When you are older getting a job is not that easy. Good friends don’t tell each other to get jobs. Instead they try to encourage each other to look for and find the things in life that make them the most happy. Would you want a miserable friend living a marginal life - as a friend? UNEMPLOYMENT REMEMBER CAN BE VERY TRAUMATIC. Assuming that you are not paying his bills, it is really not your responsibility to tell him what to do. Unless of course, he is spending his time bitching to you about how shitty life is and bringing you down. Remember what you did when your parents “told” you what to do. Your friend will likely do the same thing, with added resentment, until you are no longer friends. I remember once when I was fired from a job for not sleeping with the boss, one of my friends would circle jobs in the paper for me. Guess what he is no longer a friend.

Wow I bet you never expected an answer this long. If your friend is truly a friend remember he may be having some esteem issues as the next decision is important to him and he likely needs encouragement more than to be bitched at. Who knows since he plays hockey if the NHL labor dispute continues long enough, maybe next year he can be hired as a Scab Player.

In conclusion. I don’t think you can tell him to get off his lazy ass and get a job. Think about it if his ass reached the status of lazy, it may be a cushy ass, which in turn will make it harder for him to get off of it. Like a wise man once said.

“Don’t judge a man until you have sat for an hour on his ass.”

At least that is how I remember the quote.

I encourage you to pick yourself up a copy of:

Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories
A Guide to the Perils of Dating
(How Not To Become A Bar Regular)

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Not only will it provide you with valuable relationship advice, but it may also unlock some secrets to living life to the fullest and having a blast along the way. At least it will make you fall out of your seat with laughter from time to time.

Available at http://www.seedenterprises.com/ or order at your favorite bookstore by quoting ISBN1420800302.

Remember You Asked.…

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-the seed

Question 5 I'm not a slut.......

Oh My God Seed:

I am not a slut. Yet I have a real problem. I am honestly a LA 10, but for some reason I lose my inhibitions with even a sniff of alcohol. If I partake I find myself lowering my standards to the point that I put myself in questionable situations. In fact the other morning I woke up and to my dismay I found myself lying next to a man. I think. Whatever it was - was an abomination - something or someone which whom I would generally berate.

This has changed my perspective on a lot of things. This particular man, I think his name was Porky turned out to be another lost soul. Do you have any suggestions for me? Am I a slut?

Help Me Please

Helen.

Dear Helen:

It seems like you have quite a dilemma on your hands. On one hand you seem as if you like to party but have some serious problems with the after effects. On the other hand it sounds like you get yourself into some precarious positions when you go down the party highway. Since I feel for your situation and I don’t want to lead you astray or fill your head with my male perspective on the situation I have decided to hand this question over to Female Seed. Take it away FS.

Helen, while it seems like you have a dilemma, lets take a moment to analyze the facts. First of all, are you sure you are an LA 10? In reality you may be an LA 2, or at least have an IQ of 2 if you keep drinking with losers. Also consider that perhaps you are not really lowering your standards, but raising them. Maybe losing your inhibitions with alcohol is just an excuse to explain why you end up in questionable situations with pudgy abominations – people who may be your LA equals! And let’s take a moment to consider what exactly is a slut anyway. A hem length? According to the dictionary a slut is “a woman adulterer”. Are you married? Or just ending up in bed with married men? Another definition of slut is a “dirty or untidy woman”. Who cares if you wear a bit of your dinner or if your LA hairdo gets a little mussed over a drink. What’s so wrong with being a slut anyway?

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(This image and many more are available at :)

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www.seedenterprises.com

On a more serious note, perhaps you are attracted to lost souls – or abominations – because deep down you have a fear of commitment. You may need to sedate yourself with alcohol to pick up an ugly man, but it is much easier to blow him off the next day. Why bother with the pretty boys – they will just hog the bathroom (a sacred space that true LA 10s don’t like to share with anybody). Since you seem to identify with LA and all it stands for, perhaps you should consider drinking Red Bull. It is after all the beverage of choice by most real and aspiring “LA 10s” and since it is not alcoholic you will retain some sense of decorum, especially when being hit on by the Porkys of this world. You may get a little hyper, but you won’t have to worry about Porky anymore because he won’t be able to keep up with you. If however you insist on imbibing alcohol, then perhaps you should heed some advice that my father once gave me: “Before you go out on the town make sure you drink a large glass of milk to coat your stomach and a big piece of bread to soak up the alcohol – that way you won’t get too drunk.” He no doubt told me this because he wanted me to be able to keep my wits about me so that horny young men could not get me drunk and take advantage of me. Little did he know I had a hollow leg and could actually drink many of my prospective suitors under the table!

My final words of advice: If you can’t handle Red Bull, are lactose intolerant, won’t eat bread cause you are watching your carbs, then I recommend that you lay off the liquid courage when getting ready, bring along a chaperone, wear a chastity belt and give Porky a chance. He may be a nice guy!

Remember You Asked.…

-female seed.