Question 22 Quarterback controversy

Dear Seed,

Is it true that your brother Don was a better QB?

Regards

Hank

Dear Hank

Good question.

You’ve kind of caught me off guard with this one “Hank”. Most questions we receive here at Seed Corporate Headquarters pertain to matters of the heart, with the odd one touching on my personal experiences.

I guess my previous athletic endeavors would fall into the category of personal. I must admit that I’m a little leery of being drawn into glory day banter. Don’t want to come across like Al Bundy - if you know what I mean?

What’s that Boss:

I had a friend was a big baseball playerback in high school

He could throw that speedball by you

Make you look like a fool boy

Saw him the other night at this roadside bar

I was walking in, he was walking out

We went back inside sat down had a few drinks

but all he kept talking about was

.

Glory days well they'll pass you by

Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye

Glory days, glory days

I’ve been that guy before - I don’t want to be him again. We’re in the present now and I think it’s important to live more for the moment than to relive past accomplishments.

Just a second, the last sentence is now officially in the past, fuck, for that matter the word, word is now in the past. So is past and is. Meaning is, is in the past now right along with - with.

Regardless of my desire to be present and future based in my approach to life since we promise to answer each and every question that is sent our way I’ll attempt to give your query a shot “Hank”. I can’t wait to see what the future has in store and what type of informative answer I can come up with.

Was my Brother Don a better quarterback than me?

Let’s examine the facts - shall we?

• Don is eight years older than me. Meaning: he wore a leather helmet.
• Don played 4 years High School and held all of our city’s passing records.
• I played 1 year Pop Warner - winning the City Championship.
• I played 1 year High School - winning the City Championship and the Provincial Championship.
• Don played several years for the Saskatoon Hilltops.
• I played 1 year for the Saskatoon Hilltops - wining the National Championship.
• I played 2 years for the Edmonton Wildcats.
• Don played 2 years for the U of S Huskies.
• I played 2 years for the U of S Huskies.

• Don scored umpteen co-eds because of his athletic prowess.*
• I’m a gentlemen and would never tell. One day I hope to lose my virginity.
• I once slept in the same bed with sisters from Chicago.
• Don dated a girl who lived in Minneapolis.
• The first picture I took with my digital camera was of a flower.
• The second was of my……..
• I was born in July.
• Don was born in November.
• July is warmer than November.
• Don’s built a tremendous career for himself and has a wonderful wife and son.
• Some say that I’m funny. At least funny looking.
• The fastest I’ve ever driven an automobile was 220 km per hour on the Autobahn.
• The fastest Don ever drove my car was 225 km per hour on the road to Prince Albert.
• And lastly, Don was the first player to don white cleats in Saskatoon.

Statistically speaking one might build a strong case for Don. As for me I once arrived 45 minutes late for a philosophy exam and tried to convince the Prof., “time wasn’t relative”.

Speaking of losing virginity. I’m going to put a GPS device on mine so if I do lose it I’ll be able to find it again.

The above picture is a shot of the longest touchdown pass in Canadian Junior Football History. The play started on our 2 yard line and Gord Boldstad caught the ball on the other teams 50 yard line and he high-tailed it to the end zone. The play covered 108 yards in total. Kind of makes you wonder: Why the hell didn’t the tennis players in the background turn to watch history in the making? What’s that Bruce -- yeah I know -- I kind of got caught up in the moment.

Glory days well they'll ….

Cut me some slack Mr. Springsteen. Who the hell are you to bang on me for reminiscing? All you seem to be doing is throwing one of your old hits in my face to make me feel bad. You get where I’m going, “old hits”. Now go away.

To celebrate our tremendous accomplishment Gord, myself and another teammate “Meat Puppet”, headed out on the town for a night of mature fun. What did we do you ask? We helped break a guy out of a parking garage. We went to a clerk less 7/11 and started an assembly line and loaded treats into my car. It was weird the 7/11 wasn’t staffed, it was three in the morning. I’m sure they changed there honor system of payment after that night. And, finally, everyone needs golf hole pins, so we went to a very posh golf course and borrowed a few. Translation: we were idiots.

“FORE!”

“Hank”, I think the above data should be sufficient and allow us to venture to answer your question.

I don’t have a brother Don.

Remember you asked

the seed

* In fairness to Don, he never boasted about scoring co-eds. It was just assumed - how could he not have with the white cleats and all.

Now go to our website and buy a copy of our book. Just click on http://www.seedenterprises.com/ , you wont be disappointed.

Tootles.

Come back soon.

Question 21 What’s the 411?

Part 1

Dear Seed

how can i find a lost friend, i met him on the net, he is from south carolina.

Lost & Looking

Part 2

Dear Seed

i got a question can ya help me find somebody?

Lost & Looking

Dear Lost & Looking

That is one pickle you’ve gotten yourself into. I’d also like to add - what a fantastic question.

Before I offer you up some sagacious advice from the minds of the Seed’s I’d like to introduce a new feature.

Signs of the times

Volume 1 Sign 1

Pretty catchy title don’t you think?

I often embark on daunting treks around my city and the surrounding areas in search of the answers.

“Three.”

I’ve just been informed the answer is three and I know longer need to search. If only I knew what the question was it would all make sense. Hey, wait a minute, I said the answers, implying many questions, therefore, unless the answer to each and every one of the questions is three ---- well, just quit yanking my chain.

I need to keep walking, I’m sure there is more to digest before I kick it. I do have a slight dose of a “save the world” complex. I figure Mr. Iran and Mr. Bush aren’t going to do it for us. When I come to think of it, I’d like to ask the big guy upstairs a question:

“Hey big guy, I’ve been led to believe, basically I’ve been told that you have a grand scheme of how this whole earth and the ‘after life’ thing is going to play out. I guess I’m cool with that. What I’m having trouble absorbing is how does Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and G.W.B play into this whole ‘master plan.’ You and your crew are just funning us a bit right?”

“It’s ok if you pull the plug on your social sciences project, we get it, we need to change a few things and maybe get back to being a little less selfish and a little bit nicer. We’ll try. And if we promise to try can you pull the plug on these yahoos and put some more reasonable people in charge.”

Back to the “Signs of the times.” Here is: Volume 1 Sign 1. Enjoy!

For some strange reason every time I pass this sign I almost pee myself. I find it hilarious. Are there some assumed options to the pricing scale? Disturbing when you think about it. And, damn it, why do seniors get a special deal on porn? Once again the thought of seniors spewing their detritus from arousal on the chairs in front of them. Ewe gross.

I think seniors should actually have to pay more in this instance. Just think about what the excitement may do to them. “Clear.”

“Hey is that Paul Reubins in row 3?”

End of this installment of Signs of the times

“Lost & Looking,” your question is so complex that we’ve brought in some big hitters to help us decipher the cryptic code within. We figured that international rap sensation out of St. Louis, Nelly, may be able to shed some insight.

I like Nelly. I’ve sung along to many a Nelly song, not really paying much attention to what he was feeding me. Each time momentarily I’d flick a switch and disregard his deep yet simplistic message.

After all it’s Nelly, he’d never lead us astray. He’s got a gazillion pairs of sneakers. We all need a gazillion "of," not only sneakers, but of anything. He’s got a posse, how fucking cool is that? And, get this, the mayor of St. Louis gave him “the key” to the city for his outstanding humanitarian efforts.

I love his lyrics. I practiced and practiced. “Cindy talks Nelly listens. Nelly talks Cindy listens. I want to……..”

I was even getting pretty good. Every second word I’d insert what I thought I was hearing. My desire to be just like Nelly and help spread the word was growing infectiously. The rap word that is, not just Nelly’s, I decided to look up the real lyrics. Wow fantastic!

Take it away Nelly.

Hey yo, now that I'm a fly guy, and I fly high

Niggaz wanna know why, why I fly by

But yo it's all good, Range Rover all wood

Do me like you should - fuck me good, suck me good

We be no stud niggaz, wishin you was niggaz

Poppin like we drug dealers, sippin Crissy, bubb' mackin

Honey in the club, me in the Benz

Icy grip, tellin me to leave wit you and your friends

So if shorty wanna... knock, we knockin to this

And if shorty wanna... rock, we rockin to this

And if shorty wanna... pop, we poppin the Crist'

Shorty wanna see the ice, then I ice the wrist

City talk, Nelly listen; Nelly talk, city listen

When I fuck fly bitches; when I walk pay attention

See the ice and the glist'; niggaz starin or they diss

Honies lookin all they wish - come on boo, gimme kiss

-nelly (ride wit me)

Funny, he wasn’t just talking to Cindy. Do I feel like an idiot. Nelly has his pulse on what the whole city wants. Mayor St. Louie, did you realize Nelly fucks “fly bitches?”

You should’ve, he asked you to pay attention. I’m so confused - what are you supposed to be paying attention to: his walking?

Is it ok to call people “fly bitches?”

I’ve spent quite a bit of time with some Air Canada flight attendants, maybe I’ll ask them.

After some more painstaking analysis I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not supposed to get Nelly. I don’t think I’m even supposed to get rap. I think the only ones who can truly understand it are ass-less suburban kids who want to become gangsta niggaz. Whatever the hell that is.

Man it’s “hot in hear,” I hope some “fly bitches” drop by and we can take off all our clothes. That’d be fun. Problem is honey’s in the club and I’m in my Benz. Rappers what the fuck are you trying to tell us? Don’t bother answering, just skip to the bank and cash your huge bad assed mother jamming cheques, there’s a sale at the Foot Locker. One gazillion and one……….

Before you check out Nelly (rappers in general). Your plan worked. You’re bad asses and you’ve got rich off “dumb.” Now could you do us a favor and change the message?

That’s what I thought. Too bad.

Sorry “Lost & Looking,” Nelly didn’t offer up any help. I guess I’ll tackle your question solo.

First, it’s someone.

Ok now that we’ve got that minor correction out of the way, I must say that I’m glad you asked the question in two different ways as the question was so complex it really did need that second line to clarify.

Ah the internet. What a wonderful gateway to the world. I think someday it may be big.

Much as you clarified your question, I’m going to do the same with my reply. I’m also going to practice being succinct and to the point.

You’re crazy.

That was fun. Let’s break down the question a little tiny bit.

“You met him on the net.”

For all of you cyber junkies out there please take light of this: you haven’t met anyone. Online is a fantasy world where people can portray themselves anyway they like. They can lie. Just in case you didn’t listen to that. THEY CAN LIE. About everything. And, so can you.

You must understand that it is not real and I’m guessing a large portion of the time the “meeting” is never meant to be as it will reveal both parties deceptions. You must understand that by now.

Your “lost friend” could be responsible for the street art above.

“Lost & Looking,” basically all of you out in cyber land for that matter, the people you meet online aren’t really friends, they can’t be, you may think that they are and you can get wrapped up in the security of the keyboard. It can become exciting and intoxicating. It represents societies laziness and a easy way to meet people from the safety of your own home.

Online most people stretch reality. We become smarter, taller and funnier. Dicks grow, chests firm and stomachs flatten. When the truth be told and we meet, most of us become shorter, dumber, duller and our endowments shrivel. Fit becomes fat. That’s just the way it is.

“When a man tells a story, sometimes he tells it straight thru. Won’t be very complicated, but it won’t be very interesting either.”

The internet allows us all to become “Big Fish.”

Sure, there are pluses. And sure, maybe you’ll find love and your soul mate through your web searches. Just don’t let the charms of cyber land consume you at the expense of your “real” flesh and blood friends. They’re the ones that truly matter. If out of desperation or neediness or whatever else lame excuse you find yourself retreating to the screen instead of interacting in the old more personal face to face way, I suggest: You’ve got a problem brewing on your hands and that problem will eventually lead to solitude.

A Seed PSA

If you happen to get swept away in a whirlwind online romance and decide that it is time to finally meet. Always meet in a social setting. A restaurant. A crowded coffee shop. Make sure that you meet somewhere that you’re familiar with and just like hikers are supposed to report their plans and time of return, make sure a “real” friend knows your schedule and that you will be calling them later to dish the goods on your date.

Avoid meeting in a bar or anywhere that you are not familiar with.

My words may ring out like an overprotective parent, all I’m suggesting is be smart and use some common sense. Remember there are a lot of “pretenders” out there that want to “fuck fly bitches” and cyber land makes it easy for them to do their shopping.

End Seed PSA

“Lost & Looking,” to answer your question: NO.

We can’t and will not help you find someone. We don’t know who the hell you are. The fact that you’ve lost a “close” friend suggests that you may be a bit desperate and frankly, that scares us.

Is your social calendar and social circle so void of inhabitants that one day you were sitting at home and went: “Geez I wonder what Pepe is up to? We were such amazing friends that I don’t even know his last name or anything else for that matter, but I’d love to hook up with him because we’re a match made in…….”

The thing is if you truly were “close” friends I’d guess you’d know you’re friends name an you could simply call 411.

So, my suggestion to you: go outside, play and hang with your flesh friends. You do have real friends now, don’t you?

This question turned out to be about the freedom of expression and speech. How the hell did that happen?

Whether you’re a bird, porn loving self pleasuring senior, a bad assed rapper or some lunatic with a penchant for drawing pictures of bombs, our culture ensures our right to speak our minds.

I’m not sure whether or not the rappers and the bomb drawing lunatics haven’t crossed the lines of decorum and entered some dangerous locales. In fact I think they may be precariously close.

Can’t we all just get along?

“City talks, Seedy listens. Seedy talks………”

One last thought: Just say no to global warming.

.

Come on boo, give me a kiss.

Remember you asked

the seed

P.S. Remember to visit and explore our website http://www.seedenterprises.com/ .

Question 11 “At work, seemed, ended up falling in love, but…..” : Rebuttal

The following is a rebuttal or follow up to a previous installment of Ask Seed. To read the original Q & A simply click on the link below and scroll down to Question 11. Word of warning: this Q & A borders on novel length. So grab a six pack or a box of wine.

http://askseed.blogspot.com/2006_01_01_askseed_archive.html

Hi Seed,

Firstly thank you so much for taking time to read over my life story and replying back really quick. It took me forever to write so I know it must of taken you even longer to read then analyze, so thank you it means a great deal. I will be definitely recommend to my friends to check out the site and the book (they’re not as crazy as me though!)

I have read your answer like 3 times over and must say its brilliant!

The humour made it a great read and easy to understand your point of views and how you’re trying to get them across.

Novel hey?

Well I guess you would be happy to hear, that was the short version of it!

I have tried writing to a few internet columns and they always seem to reply back with “Not enough information, how can we asses the situation if you don’t tell us vital things”

So when I saw you ad I thought what they heck I’ll try it! I just wanted to go over a few things that you said:

I totally understand where your coming from, and I have come a long way since this has happened. If this was last year I would have been asking you how to win her back etc but throughout the year I have learnt to deal with certain aspects. I guess what’s happened as you superbly put it I’m split – half of me wants to move on and the other thinks I’m back in town why not rekindle the love.

You asked if I asked others for advice?

I have asked many people, friends and family BUT they usually tell me what I need to hear like she will come back when she realizes and stuff like that, other friends who say “she did that to you? I’m going to make her pay by spreading all these rumours.”

I cant be doing with stuff like that. I needed someone to drop it like its hot so to speak and you did that.

And what I meant by serious was that it started off like a little office romance, my first time and her first time. Over the months when her moving date was edging near our feelings grew very strong and we didn’t want to stop seeing each other plus her university was only 20 minutes away and we had a chance at finally being free. You mentioned insecurities and jealousy well your spot on there. But, I wasn’t always like that, it was stuff she did during our first year that made me really insecure (stuff like flirting with other guys blatantly, telling me not to make it on top when her bro and sister was around although she was all over other guys!)

It even got really, really bad with one incident (I spare you the detail but if you want to know I’ll ‘tell you.. too see if I was right) where I thought fuck it and fuck you its over, but again she pleaded and apologized. So my trust was hurt which caused me to think like this (if she is doing this in front of my face what will she do when I’m not there) the trust takes ages to build but it can very easy to break.

You see Seed where I come from Asian (and by Asian I mean Indian/Pakistani) girls are notoriously known for screwing around with guys heads, its very hard to find a decent girl. With her I thought she was decent…and the more I look at it know and how you pointed it out “she said them things about her family and marriage to keep me around” it seems she wasn’t and that pisses me off more then anything because I hate fake people…by the time I started to realize this I was deeply in love with her. I always had a feeling and I remember even telling her a few times and she would just deny it.

About me feeling aggrieved about her not showing the same love? Again I never used to feel that, for me I just tried to be the best bf I could have been and gave my love from all directions, never asked for anything. I only felt it towards the end, when I did thinking of my own and thought I’m just giving, giving, giving and not receiving much. And finally!! After about 3 months after our break up it was a wreck like I told you but I slapped myself up and enjoyed being single, and boy did I enjoy it. It was only when I stopped caring and calling that she gave a damn, like her birthday for example – now I know if I would of texted her on her birthday would I have received a call back or a text?

HELL NO which prompted her to call me and sneakily slip into the conversation that it was her birthday last week. And still I didn’t say happy birthday! I was over her and didn’t want anything to do with a girl that messed me about for 2 years. I even got a text on my birthday the month after! It was only till I moved home and seeing everything again really got to me. I think in London it was my place, new mates, new memories and back here all my memories are of her…which made me think ok lets see how she’s doing. It was an interesting theory about changing my phone number…I might just do that so I can eliminate any hope from the “drunk TWL.”

I do understand that relationships end, and you ex doesn’t owe you shit.. but if you want to continue them as mates like she did after we broke up. She can’t just call and have chit chat without hurting my feelings…imagine how I felt…my first love broke my heart left me without any answers and refused to speak then 3 months ltr she calls, the first thing I’m going to think is “oh yeah here are my answers”

All I wanted after that was for us to end in a nice way (if there is such a thing) so if we ever meet again or talk were both not thinking and bring up bad memories and as you said “You’ll come to a place where you cherish the fond memories you had and smile. “

My last question! Why do people still play relationship mind games after they broke up?

I had people telling me “oh if she calls its sign she wants you back so ask her to meet up” and people saying “if she ever calls act like your busy and hang up” and “tell her to piss off” then when the day comes that she calls you saying to your self “oh shit what should I do” you end up getting confused and mixed between all 3 and sounding like an idiot over the phone!

I’m liking your no contact policy, numbers and email address have been deleted … should stop the urge if I feel like calling!

Thanks again Seed!

Troubled With Love

P.S Thanks for the confidentiality!

I will look over the website for the changes that you mentioned

You're Welcome TWL

Let her go.

Let her go, learn from this relationship and find a way to get past it - and I hate saying this - but, move on.

Have you bought a copy of my book yet?

.

It’s something to recommend to all of your friends. Euro Seed and I really appreciate that. However, we like to see action. Buy it. You’ll love it. You’ll laugh. You’ll swear. You’ll do a little dance. You’ll make a little love. You’ll get down tonight. Get down tonight.

What more do you want from a book?

It’s the least you can do for us after we’ve taken the time to read your life issues and provide you with our swarthy response. Complete with a teeny weensy bit of comedy.

After you’ve gone to http://www.seedenterprises.com/ and picked up your copy of Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular), could you please head to your local watering hole and tell all of the “bar regulars” about this whack fly book you’ve just purchased.

Finally, once you’ve consumed the book, we’d love it if you visited amazon.com or Barnes & Noble and wrote a review.

Thanks.

-

Your Plight

-
Others have replied back with: “not enough information”.

That’s pretty lame. You wrote a 10-page question. Did you send your query to monkeys?

Half of you wants to rekindle the love. Wow! That reeks of desperation. You’re young. This girl is not the one for you. At least not now. You can’t rekindle something that is no longer there.

Think about it. You broke up and went through a whole gamut of emotions. You felt like you weren’t treated fairly. “TWL”, you got your heart trashed by a first young love. You spent a lot of the first question screaming out to me that she wasn’t living up to your expectations and you state stuff like “she didn’t have the decency to call you” and clear the air.

Maybe the monkeys that you sent the question to realized that you weren’t open to listening to their advice and avoided answering the question.

A Moment of Seed Sarcasm

If the candle's wick has burnt out, you can’t rekindle it. What you’re trying to do is impossible. Even if you were to “win” your love back it would be shortlived, as dude, this love is done.

What I suggest is that you keep pushing it, until it turns into hatred. And then push some more just to cement the fact. Once the cement has solidified, continue to cry out to your ex, just so everyone around you knows that you’ve become certifiable.

If you succeed with your efforts to reach Nutsville (because of a girl that doesn‘t want you I might add), ask other girls out and tell them over and over again about how your past love trashed your heart.

Because “TWL”, studies have shown that new love interests really, really, really dig being showered with how pathetically we love our past loves. They like to know that no matter what, no matter how much they’re into you (snicker - snicker - snicker), that they’ll never be good enough for you. Seriously, girls love projects. They love when we scream out someone else’s name during orgasmic moments. It helps to build esteem.

I do love the part of you that is so stunned and matter-of-fact: “I’m back in town why not rekindle the love.”

Go bang your head against a wall for a bit.

By the way, that’s how the USA ended up in Iraq. One of GWB’s aides asked: "George do you think we should invade Iraq?"

His response: “Why not?”

End of Seed Sarcasm

I’m going to be blunt and short with the rest of my answer.

Quit asking your friends and family.

"She’ll come back when she realizes?"

What the fuck does that even mean? Realizes what? That you’re a great guy? That she is so desperate that there is not another human in this world of seven billion that could possibly make her happy? That she likes to have sex with monkeys?

“TWL”, we’re all great guys. Especially those of us that don’t spiral down in desperation just because someone doesn’t want us anymore. In fact it is imperative that you realize this. If you spend your youth “pining” for somebody who doesn’t want you, then good luck to you. You’ll just extend your bitterness into your thirties and you’ll end up a loser at the end of a bar crying about how much you love someone who is married to someone else and has three children.

As for your friends who suggest “spreading rumours”: They’re idiots and they really suck as friends.

“I really love Suzy, but she broke my heart.”

“Don’t worry pal, I’ll show her. I’ll spread around town that she’s a Crack Whore.”

After all nothing screams love like spreading rumours.

I suggest dumping your friends who suggest shit like that. Or, drive them to pre-school.

If you allow it to happen you’re nothing more than a big, smelly asshole.

By the way, she didn’t do anything to you. We allow things to happen to us both good and bad. If you felt she was disrespecting you, you have one choice and that is get away from her.

I don’t understand why you’d want to be with someone who “does negative things to you.”

-
Answer that please?

Actually don’t, I already know that you’ll tell me how beautiful she is and how in the good moments it's……….

“TWL”, you may be wondering why I hit on this stuff after you said in your question "you can’t keep doing stuff like that."

Well, it’s because I don’t believe you. The fact that you mentioned it suggests that you’re simply asking from a whack of different angles until you receive what you want to hear.

You speak of trust and love. I don’t agree with your statement that trust takes ages to build. I think that we inherently trust others until they give us a reason not to.

If you’re going through life being wary of others welcome to the land of Paranoia. The plus side to reaching Paranoia for you is that you’ll have done it without the normal substance abuse that usually shares the cart of life with it.

Kudos to you.

You’re right though that trust can quickly be destroyed

“Jim, you said you’d pick me up in twenty minutes. Where the fuck have you been?”

“I told you that I’d be there at 6:20 and it’s only 6:21 cut me some slack.”

“Fucker, you told me on Tuesday, this is Friday……..”

Guess what, I don’t trust Jim anymore.

I’m feeling another moment of sarcasm coming on. Screw it. Going through life expecting people to build your trust.... Who the hell are you that makes it imperative for people to show that they are worthy?

Gandhi.

Actually I’m pretty sure Gandhi looked for the good in people.

Sounds like you’re looking for faults....

You’ve got some growing up to do and some issues to get past. You’re madly in love with someone who treated you badly and who you think is a fake person. Why are you so miserably insecure? Don’t you deserve happiness?

I don’t care what culture you’re from. People screw up other people all of the time. In all cultures. It’s a product of the times. We’re all becoming “Stupid Girls” and “Stupid Boys”. Marketing and rampant consumerism is a big part of this transition. You don’t have to play along. Quit looking for a “decent girl” and allow yourself to live and be happy.

You’ll know when you’ve found that girl. It may be in a year or maybe even ten. I do know this for absolute certainty, if you are needy or try to force yourself into a relationship because you feel that you can’t survive on your own or due to societal or family pressure, enjoy your marginal life with your marginal wife and your lovely children that you can teach that being marginal is the way to be. That way they can repeat the cycle with their children and their children and………

“What’s that Euro Seed?”

“Seed, that’s what most of us are doing now. If we’re lucky we can up the divorce rate to 70% soon.”

“That’d be really cool. That way we can all be self-absorbed, needy and broken lost souls.”

“Yeah, but what do most people do when they’re depressed?"

“I don’t know Seed. What?”

“Shop. We try to alleviate our despair by consuming.”

Pan to a board room on Madison Avenue where you’ll find a room full of Ad Executives, Counselors and Lawyers.

Sinister laughter fills the room.

“Our plan seems to be working to perfection.”

“Yes, yes…. If we can keep the world marginalized, numbed with anti-depressants and offer them sexy ad campaigns for: EVERYTHING. The world will be ours. Look at all of our minions shop.”

“Shall we start our ad campaign for……… in Iraq now?”

“Why not?”

Every one in the room casually saunters over to the window looking down on the hordes of frenzied shoppers. Smiles adorn each and every face.

(The following bit was brought to you by The Seed Players. The Seed Players are available for all of your special occasions. T-shirts are available for purchase. Buy. Buy. Buy. You need them……..)

Finally

Look, I’m certain you won’t listen to this advice. I hope you do. You’re young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. If you don’t put this somewhere where you can cope with it you’ll be absolutely useless to yourself and anyone else for that matter.

Why do people do shitty things to others and pay attention to them when they’re not receiving attention themselves?

Insecurities. Dysfunctions. Control. Neediness. Guilt. Remorse. More control. Selfishness. Low self-esteem. To punish themselves. They’re feeling pain and want to know that you are too. They are marginal people. And immature. And they’re plain and simple shitty people.

Did you see "They want you back" as one of the options?

They don’t. If they did they would simply take you aside and tell you how much they love you. They would ask you if you want to get back together. If someone is only paying attention to you when they don’t receive attention themselves, well they’re “Attention Whores” and you are likely just a pawn in their game.

Why the fuck would you want to be friends with someone like that?

So you can share lovely stories about who she’s getting busy with?

Do you hate yourself that much?

You can care about and even have feelings of love for lost significant others, but to try to hold on to this illusion of friendship is just simply ludicrous. I know people argue this whole "friends with ex" issue till they’re blue in the face. There may even be the occasional “EXCEPTION” to the rule.

Far more often there is no point in continuing the misery of a failed relationship. You broke up for a reason (or for a variety of reasons) and to try to build a friendship with someone who doesn’t want you and worse yet plays games with your heart afterwards is just PLAIN STUPID.

“TWL”, as much as it sucks, your relationship is done and if the information you gave me is true, love was likely never part of the equation.

My suggestion: Stop talking about her. Forgive her for "hurting you". Hell, forgive yourself for letting her hurt you.

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Put away your fucking anger. Stop trying to convince people that she did you wrong. Quit hanging out with immature morons.

Don’t even consider another relationship until you get this last one off of the stage.

Twenty-one days has a nice ring to it. If you can go twenty-one days without mentioning her name, maybe then you can date someone else.

Last thing:

BE HAPPY!

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Remember you asked

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the seed