question 30: ewooo

question 30: ewooooo

Dear Seed

Hi, what an interesting life you have led...

i thought mine was a little bit different not the usual 2.4 children married for 20 yrs plus.. but would trade mine for yours any day...Wow i do envy you...

the people the places you have visited and known...can you tell me one thing though please...how do you afford to live...what pays your rent??.

..ok maybe your books now but in the beginning how did you do it??..

what came first ...the books or the travailing?...

Sorry for hassling you...

Lov Rx

Dear Lov Rx

Quit hassling me… I’m trying to relax here. I’ve got a plane to catch. I’m training to become a midwife. Baseballs on the tube. Locusts… I tripped. Aliens have invaded. I can’t find a clean towel. Just leave me alone… how dare you interrupt my Saturday morning --- more than a year after you’ve asked the question?

“Seed?”

“Yes.”

“Just because you’re answering the query now doesn’t mean what you’re doing now is relevant, fool.”

“But…”

“No buts. No buts.”

Okay, where was I, illustrating, that’s where, I was illustrating the fact that I’ve put myself out there, and since I’ve done this unprovoked, “Inquisitor”, you’re not bugging (hassling) me at all. I’m more than happy to ramble for you.

Do you want to know what is bugging me?

TALK RADIO! That’s right, talk radio, more precisely, any talk radio that has to do with sports. Scotty Rintoul, do you actually listen to how self-absorbed and ridiculous you sound?

I’ll wait for your answer.

A word to the wise… who cares if he plays harder, skates faster, blah, blah, fucking blah… it’s just sports, and at the end of the day, life goes on. Shouldn’t we be more worried about the perils of the planet and the rate of extinction that we’re all facing today… "no," you don’t think so, "Scotty," you think we’re better served by being distracted by you, and million dollar --- highly overpaid athletes. I know, I know… they're only earning what the market will bear. Well, I say, “Sheep of the World,” it is time for us all to pull our heads out of the sand and collapse the fucking market.

I suggest: biting your tongue as I rant a little more: Sports, celebrity, and unchecked capitalism, although natural to man, isn’t to mother nature, and unfortunately, we’re too dumb to see what is coming down the pike. I’m not apocalyptic, however, headline: EXPERTS SAY THE NUMBERS OF GEESE ARE A PROBLEM AND IT IS NECESSARY TO DO A CULL.

Mother Nature says: A GLOBAL POPULATION OF 7... 8... 9 BILLION IS FAR TOO TAXING ON ME, THEREFORE, CULL, CULL, CULL, FUCKING CULL.

But we’re humans, we’re not part of nature.

We’re above all other creatures… we think, we’re logical…

True, true… but we’re logically working towards extinction and we’re even using catch phrases to make it sexy: CARBON FOOTPRINT, SHOCK & AWE… it’s easier to sell us, The Sheep, if we… sex it up a bit.

In the end… naturally, we’ll destroy ourselves… cause, collectively, we’re all trainable lemmings who’ve bought into crap. We dump millions and millions of gallons of water on fires trying to save million dollar homes in places that we had no business over-building, while at the same time, Atlanta, runs dry, and will soon become uninhabitable?

Apparently, without water ---- living gets tougher.

We’ve placed homes above people, why?

Cause the fires are far sexier than a drought --- and sexier sells advertising. And, because action shots of a drought are initially far less spectacular, with the emphasis on initially.

And another thing, further off topic I might add, Joe Leary (talk radio host), yes, Joe Leary, when you are claiming to be as smart as fifth graders, I’d think a little bit about the wording of your statements: “I think I’m smarter than most fifth graders, I consider myself very well appraised* of things…”

“Rx,” sweetie, if you’re a girl, hell, even if you’re a man, anyway, my life isn’t for trade, it’s mine and you can’t have it… what’s so challenging, boring, undervalued, unappeasable in your life that you would even consider dumping if for mine?

Mine is not all glamour. It seems like I’m a jetsetter --- all an illusion created by over-consuming spicy foods and malt liquor.

Embrace your life, it’s yours, the crap, the gems, the tenderness and the additional crap. Survive it. Kiss it. Hug it. And most important, laugh at it. You may ask where am I going with this?

A query shrouded in vagueness, receives a reply that is also vague.

As for envy… STOP THAT… envy is a large portion of the fuck the world equation of mankind. We envy, which creates: wants, which creates: artificial need, which creates: competition, over the stupidest things I might add, ask Mr. Rintoul, which in-turn creates: the number one element of our destruction: unchecked radical religious factions greed, resulting in a widening gap between the haves and the have-nots. The Hiltons and the Rx’s. The Spears and me. The pro athlete and the fan. And we eat it up cause we’ve been conditioned. We’ve all become extensions of greed and our out-of-control pursuit of wealth. We’ve all become walking talking conduits of the marketing campaigns.

Don’t believe me?

Go for a walk. Listen carefully to conversations… do you hear it?

“I love your shirt, where’d you get it?” “You must go to… it’s fabulous.” “Grab me a coke.” “How much did you get that for?” “This restaurant is fantastic, you must go.” “Must buy.” “Got a good deal.” Blah, blah, fucking blah…

Past how are you, I estimate at least eighty-percent of conversation pertains to what’s really important, stuff… you’ve just been served a dash of sarcasm.

My challenge to you: stop the envy parade and try to focus on: I love you, I care about… just for one day… bet you can’t!

“Rx,” get your ass on the dance floor…

Sorry about that, Eve is playing in the background and I was distracted.

If you’ve read this far, you’re probably not too envious anymore.

“You’re nuts, Seed.”

“How’d you get your fingers on my keyboard? I prefer, burdened.”

Finally, a stab at answering your question: The people, the places?.. How do I afford it?

I haven’t traveled that much, and the traveling I’ve done has been over the course of my life. It’s not as extreme as you make it out to be and as a matter of fact, I haven’t been anywhere in the last four years, unless the store counts. Please tell me it counts… I’m going stir crazy here.

Afford it?

I can’t afford not to. I’m sticking with the one life to live formula, so in that spirit, if traveling leaves me in an impecunious state, so be it. If I can't afford food --- I’ll chow down on our heavily flavored polluted air, breathing must have a caloric value, don’t you think?

Maybe that is why a starving Globe is becoming deliciously obese… irony lives.

The people?

I’m just open to conversation, both absurd, abstract, wacky, occasionally deep, all finished off with a slice of cantaloupe. People are here to be talked to, if not… what good are we?.. oh yeah, worker bees and well conditioned consumers.

How do I afford to live --- and what who pays your rent?

Living, well the other option is dying, therefore, whether I’m in the gutter or a flame engulfed home of the rich and famous, I afford what I can because I’m not ready to die yet.

As for paying my rent: Harry Potter, I wrote the Harry Potter books.

“No you didn’t.”

Okay, I need you to go out and buy, I don’t know, a billion copies of my our first book… go… now. I pay my rent, not through the sale of my books, although one day I hope that is the case. I do whatever I have to do to stay indoors, and at times it has been a struggle, to say the least.

“Rx,” life is about living and embracing it, we’ve all been ushered, in my opinion, down the wrong paths for a long time now, that’s why so many people have tons of stuff, but aren’t happy and think they want something else. A different life. More stuff. Whatever. I feel we’ve all been distracted by crap and we’ve for the most part bought into the distraction, causing us all to spiral upward in the quest for wealth and spiral downward in the destruction of our souls.

Translation: we’re just doing what man has naturally been conditioned to do. In a sense: fuck each other over, most of the time with a smile smirk on our face. I’ve reached the point where I don’t want to buy anymore, and I definitely don’t want to do what the others do. It may not save the world, but it will certainly make my journey on this rock more pleasurable.

By the way, where’d did you get your shoes, I love them?

One last thought: embrace life, live it, and be good to others. All others, cause if Atlanta is out of water… others may be migrating to your neighborhood soon, on a global scale.… Joe Leary has just been appraised of that.

remember you asked

the seed

*Appraised --- I’ve changed my mind… Joe, it’s far too easy and I’ve been, for many years, undervalued.

Up next: Another installment in the deliciously, salaciously, intoxicating world of Mr. X.

Cranking it up again!

Here we go again...

...after a lengthy hiatus, Ask Seed, is about to get its motor running again and tackle your life dilemmas. We apologize profusely for our absence and promise not to ever disappear again. We also promise to answer each and everyone of your questions in the order we’ve received them.

.

So, tag along with us and prepare yourself to be riveted and inspired by our insipid ramblings.

.

If you’ve been wondering: Where’ve you been Seed’s?
.

Well, we’ve been:

1. Cleaning.
2. Doing the laundry.
3. Choking the chicken.
4. Loping the mule.
5. One of us had some sex.
6. The dishes had piled up and it was time to do something about it.
7. Evicting thieving flat mates.
8. Mastur…
9. Cooking turkeys.
10. Counseling ninjas.
11. Euro Seed believed he could fly…
12. And, last, but not least, napping.

But none of that matters, cause, we’re back. To slowly bring you back up to speed, won’t you join us on a photo journey (below, scroll way down, keep going, to the bottom of the page)?

Well, won’t you?

It’s good to be back! :)

Cool Slideshows

the question queue

the question queue

think

During our rest and our corresponding search for a towel, the questions kept coming. And to be honest: we dropped the ball. We’ve managed to pick up the said ball and we’ll blasting our way carefully through the list of questions below. We’ll be doing this in the order they come in. This will allow you, the questioner, to know when you’re on deck. It will also allow you to peruse the life dilemmas of other wearied souls and to see if your heartache may be addressed before we reach your query.

Read, enjoy, ponder, or fire a question our way at askseed@hotmail.com and we promise to eventually fire back our thoughts.

Note: the questions have not been edited in any way: Grammar, spelling or punctuation. We’ve decided to leave them true to form.

Note #2. The sequel: We’re working on a table of contents. Once done, it will allow you to follow quick links to all of the questions and answers.

skewed

question: 31 a & b

A

Hi Seed,

i'm (42) together with my girlfried (38) with her 9 year old son for exactly one year now.

We really had a great time together so far. Regarding our age and the fact that we do not live together until now i've talked to her about making plans for our future together (including living togehter and have a child together - which she wants by herself too btw). She lives together with her sister and their little son as well with her parents in a semidetached house and even thinking of moving from there (even a few miles) and move together causes her "panic attacks".

laser eyes of death set on target: check.

After beeing skiing together last weekend she told me that she needs to be alone this evening.

The next day i wrote her an SMS and she mailed me that she doesn't feel good and finally on monday she mailed me that "she doesn't know what's going on and she feels comfortable to be alone with her son this time". And yesterday the last mail i've got said "i can't have a relationship with you for the moment, i enjoy being alone with my son for the moment".

So what can i do or how shall i behave respectively to win her back - cause she really means a lot to me!

Thx in advance

Regards,

Being pushed away

B

Hello Seed,

Hello, my name is Fr___ and i'm 42 years old.

Since 1 year i've a girl friend who is 38 and has a nine year old son from a former relationship which lasted for 10 years but which has not been the real deal.

She runs a business by her own often until late in the night and therefoe has only few time left for me and her son (which she feels quite guilty of - and who is therefore spoilt sometimes).

She lives by her own in a semi-detached house with her sister (and their little son) and her parents - everyone in a separate flat but all together in one place. We had a really good realtionship so far and she told me from time to time that she loves me and needs me and is happy to have me.

At the beginning of our relationship it lasted about 3 months that we finally got together cause i've not been sure about my feelings towards her at that time. And she had been after me like the hell :-) But in between she really means a lot to me (which i've told her also sometimes) and therefore i've put some plans on the table concerning our future (moving together and maybe have a child in 1 to 2 years which has also been a proposal by herself too). But somehow she gets really scared by the thought of eventually leaving her home and move together with me (although it would only be a few kilometres from her home). She says that she's never been away and therefore is really scared of that.

In the public and in her business she really plays the cool woman but i know that in reality she is quit different from that (which i prefer btw). In the meantime i'm the one how visits her at home (to not leave her child alone - which i really understand) or i visit her in her business (a resaturant btw). It's only me right now who runs after her otherwise we wouldn't meet at all.

Last saturday she wanted to go skiing - which she did sometimes so far - and i went with her and her girlfriend and her and her sister's son although i haven't been skiing for over 10 years just to accompany her (but it was quit funny for met too).

When we got home i thought we could spend the evening together but she told me she needs to be alone with her son. The next day i asked her to bring her son and come with me for a sleig ride - but she won't. Now she told me that she's not able to have a realtionship with me right now and want's to stay alone with her son and she feels sorry about that.

So please: What wnt wrong and what can i do to get her back on track because she really means a lot to me?

Thx in advance

Being pushed away

Question 32 family loved served up deep dish

Hey Seed,

I would like to ask your opinion on something.

I have some serious family problems (background info needs to be added).

The newest is that "they" are going to fly my brother to Germany and leave him on my doorstep.

The funny thing about that is that a "judge" called my Dad on the same day and threatened to "ship him to Labrador" if my Dad didn't send money "for food". Maybe they will clone my brother and send one to each place. That would be the best solution.

I guess I'll be getting a new roommate soon. First, they were gong to throw him onto the street. Then pick him up, shower him, "give him new shoes" (apparently, they have hungry dogs in Manitoba) and then pay for his flight to Germany. Sounds logical.

pretty

In any case, I tried talking to my Mom. But there is absolutely no point. She appears to believe everything these fuckheads tell her. Now she explains that "she is to blame" because she wasn't "in court" when the "judge asked everyone in the room, whether they had something to say in David's defense". I think she really believes that. I find that scary.

She gave me a name of a "doctor" who is "treating" D and who is "looking out for him". I sent an e-mail to the Manitoba College of Physicians and they had no record of him. Surprise, surprise. I checked their database for doctors and there is no record of his name or similarly-spelled names. Once again, quelle surprise.

I have been thinking about writing an e-mail to the fraud department/detectives of the RCMP. At least, I checked out their website but didn't send the mail yet. Finally, my question:

Do you think I should pursue this or should I just let it go?

I find it absolutely appalling what my brother and his "colleagues" have done to my parents and the fact that they've cheated them out of thousands of dollars.

On the other hand, my Mother is "absolutely convinced" that my brother "has nothing to do with this". I see that differently. The conviction on the stamp thing was also, of course, not D's fault. My Mom is to blame, because "she got him the wrong lawyer". They are so fucking mentally ill. And another funny thing is that my Dad, in the words of my Mother senile ("he's losing it"), makes the most sane impression from the both of them.

I am convinced he is part of the scam. If I pursue it, chances are my mother will hate me for it and my brother will end up in more shit. But I think he deserves that.

I would appreciate your opinion because I don't know what I should do.

Thanks

EQS

Question 33 cup size dilemma

Dear Seed -

.

Please explain:

I went out with someone for two years. When we first got together he was still getting over his ex, I only found out that later on.

From the start it was about my appearance ie: not sexy enough not wearing short skirt.

endowed

Then boob s not big enough Etc…

Money issue. My ex ‘s company not doing well so was helping him financially a lot.

A month ago after leaving me to go off with his mum and bro to far east for a friends wedding (was not asked to come) he returned to saw for one night whereby he brought back a pearl necklace which I have returned.

He dumps me on phone next day cause I was not making him happy, not sexy enough no boob job not staying much at his so he can see what it is like to live with me before he asks me to marry him .

I get an email a few days later asking me to confirm if I want to stay friends?

Which I declined,

Please help me understand what to do?

Lost in the east.

Ps. he is still in touch with his ex whom he dated for about 6-month. I am his longest relationship.

Thank you

Question 34 my husband wanted a innie…

Dear Seed

I am a single parent in turmoil. I have been on my own now for 10 years I have had the occasional short term relationships, but the past always comes back to haunt me.

prettier

I was married for 5 years, 4 years into my marriage I found out my husband was a transsexual (he wanted to be a woman). He told me whenever we had sex he imagined that he was the woman and what he was doing was being done to him. By the time we had separated I was left feeling worthless infeminate failure plus a whole load of other emotions.

As a consequence of the way he left me feeling, as soon as someone showed me the slightest bit of attention I went for it no matter how inappropriate it was. I ended up having an affair with my sister’s boyfriend.

I really want to get back into dating again and have a good relationship but I worry that this will make them run a mile plus when should I tell them. Too soon and they will head for the hills to late and they will think I have deceived them. I could go on but I think this should give you an idea of my problem.

Can u please help?

Not equipped properly for hubby’s desires.

Question 16 Bosom blues continuing banter…

Hey CSD

Just wanted to ask you a couple of questions:

How did you hear about Ask Seed?

Where in the World are you?

Seed

Hello seed,

I heard about Ask Seed from Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories. He mentioned the website a couple of times. ;)

I live in Edmonton, Alberta. Canadian girl through and through.

I sent a little pic of myself in the hopes to see what the fuck the seed looks like.

I’ve read your whole book; I think I have the right.

“I'm individually optimistic, yet, globally pessimistic.”

– that’s so good, it’s my new favourite quote.

Take care

CSD

Hello

I haven't forgotten about you. I will have a riveting answer for you shortly. Life has been hectic. TV appearance - newspaper articles (mine) - etc, etc.

I promise I will get back with an answer soon.

Seed

Hey seed,

Well, well, aren’t you the busy beaver? That’s great – keep selling yourself, your a great product. I’ve already booked a date for surgery. (Jan. 17) but I still pine for this promised riveting answer. Get back to me whenever you can.

I wish you a very merry non-denominational type holiday.

Fuck that- MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

CSD

ps. which paper do you right for?

Question 35 questioning faith

Hello Seed,

Did u ever believes or thinks of faiths at all? do u think the person gives too much to the person they loved to deserved to be abandon at all?.

decisions

I had asked u these questions because I had experienced in an bad break-up situation with my ex-boyfriend around last month ago I was upset emotionally also cannot believed he changed his heart to me so fast he gives me happiness and hopes for one year then he had change his heart in loving me I did my best to him but, he never appreciates me of what I had given to him he haven't admired of who I am too I feel disappointed to him before I dunno what to do but, now I know what to do in my life now I had recently your read your book called "Seed's Sketchy Relationships Theories A Guide To The Perils of Dating" I agree some of the saying in this book and I do really start liking of this book too.

Anyway, that's about it do hope u can answer my questions and can give me some good advices that I haven't know about take care.

Bye!!

Heart huts bad

Question 36 stray dog

Dear Seed ,

My husband and I married for 20 years and has a very nice 16 years daughter whom we both love very much. 2 years ago, he started to form a very close friendship (just short of sleeping together) with a lady friend whom he shared artistic creativity in the same work environment. I found out 12 months after their relationship through his e-mail and confronted him straight away.

prison art

He was very honest about it and said both of them have already talked about not getting any closer to each other because they both want to stay with their marriage. I panicked and changed my routine, spending more time with him, arranging camping and fishing trips which we both like.

However, I felt he was getting a little more distance all the time. I started to feel anxious and worry about what is in his mind, also worry about this lady friend is still working in the same locations and that they still had frequent contact and sharing professionally as they clearly wanted to stay that way. All he could tell me was he felt disconnected with me and that we should give each other time and there was absolutely nothing going on between him and her.

He came home every day after work as usual but we were getting more and more silence to each other especially when I wanted to talk about us I burst into tears and he could not talk to me.

Another 6 months gone, there were more tears and silence but I still did not know what was exactly going on. He mentioned a few times that he wanted to stay on his own for a while, I asked him not to, I was so scare to lose him, and I moved to another room instead, thinking giving each other some space might help. Eventually he went to counseling, I though this might cast a little light to our situation - but he was doing it sort his own mind out and had no intention to mend our relationship. Counseling has helped him to tell me the truth that he has always felt strongly for her and her for him and that they did try to pull away from each other but failed, and that the physical side is very little but mentally they are so connected that he could not get her out of his mind.

really?

I just couldn't believe and accept that he can just leave me after being together for 26 years, and I've never stopped loving him - I thought I was a lucky woman, has my career, lovely daughter and a husband that I love. Asked what was wrong with our relationship, he said " we are very different people you know ", " you relate to the environment very different to me", " you're not interested in language and make the same mistake all the time and it start to annoy me " etc.

To be honest, after 20 years of marriage although love him very much, we had probably got a bit slack in making an effort to make our life more exciting - however, I thought if there is problem, you work on it and build stronger relationship - our marriage has never had that chance because he choose to a more stimulating connection. He couldn't tell me for a long time because he knew it would hurt me very much, but once he decided to leave me he got quite cold.
He finally moved out to his work space 3 weeks ago - my life has just collapsed in front of me. I'm struggling at work and have no desire for anything. I'm 46 years old and am so scare to join all the woman I know that are still alone after their marriage break up. I have always hope that he may come back home, that hope has been shattered when he told me he does not love me any more, although he care a lot about me (great!).

He has been keeping very close contact with our daughter and spend time with her and take her to after school activities . I went to see my daughter's concert with him last week and I was glad we did that for her. I still love him and miss him very much but I'm resisting seeing him alone - we are just doing the family thing.

Tomorrow he will come to have a meal with us and my daughter is baking a cake for his birthday.

I know he is going away next weekend, 99% sure going with her (forgot to mention she has just broke up with her husband of 16 years, so she is totally available now that my husband is separated).

To try not to think about that is the hardest thing in the world. I've enrolled art course and doing some physical activities to try to kill time, but the pain is not going away, the hole in my heart seems getting bigger.

Please help me get out of it.

Ling Ling

Question 37 just plain drunk

Dear Seed

welcome to hell

I have come up with the exception to your but. I love him but he has an alcohol problem which he keeps going back to. It makes him incredibly selfish and despite changing myself to the point that i might be an alien it does not make any difference.

what would you advise?

fed up

Question 38 a bit of an odd question

Dear Ask Seed,

I am a teenager from England in desperate need of some advice. This is a SERIOUS question Can you help me???

It's just.....about 4 years ago now my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. I still am finding it difficult to come to terms with ....and I have a few questions that I really need help with.

sip

It's just I feel like I need to say goodbye out loud or write a poem or a letter and read it out to her...but I feel like I need to be at her grave (she was cremated...do cremated people have graves) or just where she was cremated. But if i say goodbye to her at the crematorium people will stare at me won't they?? What can I do? How can I say goodbye to her? My mum wouldn't let me go to her funeral....I really wish I had been allowed to go as I needed to say goobye. Do you have any ideas obout how I could say goodbye to her??

Also this might sound like a bit of an odd question but: I missed practiacally all of my secondary education due to circumstances in my life...therefore I don't really understand about religion.

My question is: What does The Bible/Christianity say Heaven is like? Also (you may think this is a stupid question but...) do they give a good all-round general education in Religion in school (sorry if this is an obvious question...i just needed to be sure of how much I have missed).

Please help!!!!!!!! Also are the ashes of the cremated buried at a crematorium or scattered...if scattered then where e.g. a friend told me rose bushes :( ????

Also (this is probably going to sound like a VERY strange question) but when Grandma was around she used to buy me lots of videos (especially Disney type ones) and I just wondered (i know i'm too old for them really but.....) would it have been insulting to her memory if I'd continued to watch this type of film after her death. Also....she bought me a lot of model horses/toys. What is the right thing to do with these? should I keep them or throw them away? After her death I stopped playing with them ...would it have been insulting to her memory to have continued playing with them after her death??? i just needed to ask. Please could you offer me any advice as I still REALLY miss her and feel like I can't move on. just i just don't know what to do anymore.

Also:

we had made so many plans of stuff we'd do together and i had made so many dreams of things i'd do in the future (with her by my side). but now she's dead i just don't know what to do.

Should I carry on with these dreams/plans/ambitions i'd made when she was alive and had planned to do together, .......or should i give up on them now she's dead and find some new dreams instead. Do you t hink it would be insulting to her memory to just carry on with these dreams.......only now without her? Do you think she'd be offended?

What should I do? i just don't know what the right thing to do is. Is the right thing to do to give up on all these dreams/plans that we had planned to do TOGETHER now that she's dead????

can you offer me any advice please? Pleas could you reply

From Lost in the Queens England

PLEASE HELP!!!!

Question 39 slippery slope

Dear Seed,

I am very confused at the moment- I love my boyfriend but two years ago he was convicted of a sex offense. Even writing these words hurts me. I never believed he would go to prison for it but he did.

He told me he was innocent. He was caught with under age porn only five but it was enough to get six months prison sentence and 7 years on the register and three years probation, I was totally in love with him and stood by him against everybody advice.

nature fights back

It hurt me a lot, when he went to prison he left me with all his debts and problems and I felt so isolated and alone I had no 'one to turn too. Everyone judged me including myself. Work found out and I had to leave my job. I was 24 years old with over 60000 pound worth of debts to contend with and expensive rent and then trying to visit miles away from my home. I kept this going and stood by him.

Then he came home and I fell apart. I couldn't cope any more and went into a massive depression, I had been raped when I was 15 and had just had an abortion when I met my partner and all this came back, I couldn't cope with his crime people kept telling me I couldn't trust this man, once a sex offender always a sex offender. Who could I trust. We started arguing every day. He promised he would fight for a mis-carriage of justice but he didn't I felt cheated.

I can't get over what has happened I feel let down by him and the police and every body. I feel I can't trust any one he promised to get this re assessed at court. He was convicted for being reckless while down loading images. So why not fight this. He says has wants to forget about this, but I can't.

We can't just have children now social services will guarantee to get involve wand have there say, he has lost countless jobs over this and I can't get close to anyone else incase they find out. I feel dirty and alone an outcast. I feel shame and get stressed out every month when he has to go to probation. For some reason I am convinced they might try and take him away again. I am scared of the kind of depression I have felt in the past and what it might make me do.

I feel dependent on him and don't think I could cope alone, I have tried counselling and she gave up on me in the end, she wanted me to leave him, but I can't do that, no 'one understands.

I love him more than he loves me I know this for a fact, he is more educated than me and earns more money, so he has more confidence.

But he is the kindest person I have ever met. Its a nightmare situation because if it wasn't for this we would be so happy, yes skint but I don't care about that so much, I care about this conviction and our chance to have children.

I am scared for the future I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall some times I just want to scream.

I am 25 and I have high blood pressure for two years now. what should I do how can I make him listen to me?

Please don't reveal my name?

messed up girl.

Question 40 uprooting

Hi seed team,

So, I have a question for you all. I don't know how controversial it is, but it's something I'd value an outside opinion on.

My fiancee and I have known each other for about 2 years, and have been dating for 1 year. 6 months of that have been long distance, she moved here from the east coast (of the USA) to be together. So naturally, there is a lot of adjusting, settling in, and becoming comfortable to be done, and for both of us.

back at you

Fortunately we talk a lot, and we talk about everything together. She's very shy, and very quiet by nature. We love each other to bits, and I can't imagine not being together; she feels the same. I do worry sometimes, though, about her getting used to living here and not really knowing people and having friends of her own. It's been a stressful time, especially in the beginning. Naturally, being from the states, she is unable to work until we're married and have completed our paperwork, and I know this affects how she feels about really feeling settled and rooted here.

I'm a bit of a worrier, and I think I'm worrying now. Whenever we've discussed her feelings about living here and settling in, and making her own friends and social network she is less worried than I. She gets on well with my friends, and my parents, but they have commented that they are not sure how she feels about them - if she's comfortable and enjoys being around them. I know she does, and she says so, but it's true that she is pretty quiet around them, just as she's pretty quiet with my friends too. I don't like to bering it up too much, or make too big a deal of it - the last thing I want to do is make her feel awkward or somehow guilty, but I would not mind a fresh opinion, I think!

Thanks!

J.

taking you home

Remember: If you’d like us to take a shot at your life dilemmas, send your queries to askseed@hotmail.com. Bye for now. Say no to global warming. And, racism. And, while you’re at it: be good to each other.

many hugs

seed enterprises